Pole Dancing for Jesus. I Have Seen It All

[ 42 ] September 12, 2011 |

A couple of weeks ago, when I talked bout how someone needs to come get Juanita Bynum and her keyboard Holy Ghost stomping, one of my commenters (named Jazz) asked if I had heard of the gospel pole dancer. I had not, so I asked her to drop a link or it didn’t happen. She ain’t disappoint. She introduced me to:

*planks on an altar* I have seen it all. I have. I can take to my bed now and rest. This man is working his pole to gospel music! As he glorifies HIS name by sliding down a phallic metal structure. Y’ALL BETTER GIVE GLORY TO YOUR CHRIST THROUGH… *pause* POLE DANCE! -__- Apparently, praise dancing in flowing white clothes while a fan blows at the annual bazaar just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Oh and let’s not mention that homeboy’s Youtube name is MrPhatLips. (o__o)

Jesus, WE ALL need your glory because this life is just… WHAT IS THIS LIFE ABOUT?!? I understand that worship comes in all forms but using that pole like your name is Thunder Thighs Timmy ain’t my FIRST idea of how it’s ‘posed to go. Jesus’ holy side-eye might be activated once again.

Lemme not front though, and give props where they’re due. Homeboy worked that pole like he was getting cash for being brash. His upper body strength is really enviable. He OWNED that pole, like Qwa directors own their perms. He worked that like his VIP ticket into Heaven depended on it.

He slid down that pole with so much control, that I wanted him to go audition for the U.S. gymnastics team.

And I may or may not have tried to study what he did. Not like I wanna repeat it in the privacy of my husband’s boudoir one day or nothing. I was just watching it closely. For a friend. O_O

But umm… whatcha’ll think of MrPhatLips (O_o) and his Pole Dance for Jesus?

P.S. My homie Michael of The Cynical Ones posted an entry on the gospel remix of “No Hands.” Please go take a peek. It is ALL of the mess it sounds like.

Random sidenote: Check out my first piece with Clutch Magazine called “The Quarterlife Crisis is Real.” Heyyyyyyy!!!

Giveaway Winner
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I chose the winner by telling someone close to me to pick a number beween 1 and 50. They picked 23. That is the winner of my blog giveaway. The 23rd person who commented is: Tiffany of Life Requires More Chocolate! Tiffany, email me at [email protected] so I can send your GAP jeans certificate! :-D

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Comments (42)

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  1. I worked the pole, but like you I have seen it all. He could give a class or two quite as it’s kept. LOL

  2. B_Keps says:

    Luvvie…
    It’s too early in the day. I can’t process this man’s fancy pole working skills backed up by the finest of gospel music. I’m mad I watched the whole thing. I’m also #jellis cuz I’ll probably never have this upper body strength. But that’s not the point. I don’t know how to feel about this… I need to go lay my burdens down.

  3. Constance says:

    My eyes will probably never recover from the intense side-eye I gave this video. I just…have no words…

    And the comments on the vid… People talking bout as long as he’s using his talent for Jesus… But… He is on a pole! Smh

  4. Serenity says:

    Wow… When this trend catches on, they will install poles in churches for the Praise Pole Dancers to work. I bet attendance and offering will go up then!

  5. Kay says:

    Let me say this, if you can’t perform your “art” at church in front of the congregation, just stop….

  6. MObetta says:

    Soooo…we just ain’t gonna talk about the pole was installed in his mama’s living room #doe?

  7. Fabdogooder says:

    Eeehh.. I’m feeling some kinda way about this :-/

  8. BrothaTech says:

    We couldn’t do it with Christmas…Can we please just let some stuff just stay “secular”

  9. Alana says:

    so many questions before I can start this ministry myself! Do u have to be 18 to join this ministry? My church has 20 foot ceilings, is there a pole available? do they collect ministry offerings in a garter? So many unanswered questions.

  10. lexi says:

    my aunt will be upset she was not up to date on her praise dancing skills. Lawd i did’nt know we do this now for the chuuuch lol lawdy lawdy *fans self*…..soooo ummm is it wrong to see if he taught classes at pole dance 411? lol. my future husband will thank him graciously.lmao im getting off luvvie. I Cant with you this morning! lol

    • Luvvie says:

      LMAO!!! Man listen… he SHOULD hold a class. All’em Ushers would take it too. Tell your aunt she ain’t the only one not up to date. We were ALL missing out on the praise pole dance. O_O

  11. Krista says:

    …. I had to come out the shadows–yet again for this
    -Sprinkles Holy Water over Laptop-
    I rebuke this entire video in the name of #JAYSUS.

    NAWWWW. I’m all for praising the lord.
    This is just too much… I need a nap -__-

  12. Jocelyn says:

    I.simply.cannot. I am on the verge of throwing my laptop out of my 10th floor office window. What that what? My soul is confused. His skills were impeccable but that’s the song he chose to dance to?

  13. Afrochick says:

    I just have on words for this. I need go and find me some holy wine and forget I ever saw this.

  14. minacakes says:

    So I’m going to go against the grain here. I actually don’t think it’s bad. When I saw the title I thought this would be about those former sKrippers who found Jesus and are now trying to teach other women and kids to “exercise” using the pole in what looks eerily similar to their former routines. This looks like some the of the gymnastic performances I’ve seen done with ribbons (hanging from a structure like a “flexible” pole). Very Cirque de Soleil-ish.

    It’s getting side eye b/c I’m guessing he’s labeled himself as pole dancing for Jesus? If you love Jesus and want to glorify him in your work that’s fine. The check out lady isn’t bagging groceries for Jesus. There’s a difference. Oh and that pole in the living room…..um yeah….NO.

    • Silk! says:

      I couldn’t help but admire his technique….his toes STAYED pointed!

    • Getoveryourselves says:

      I completely agree with minacakes. The first thing this reminded me of was that Cirque-de-Soleil hanging ribbon stuff ( mind you, you can tell he is a beginner since he’s not very smooth). Nothing raunchy about this performance to me. I think the hanging ribbon and the pole dancing are both beautiful and acrobatic. Yeah, the world and society has corrupted “the pole”, but it doesn’t take away from his art. I’m sure the same people who are giving the side eye, would not return their Cirque-de-Soleil tickets if the ribbons were replaced with poles. The same performances would be done on both. He definitely wasn’t poppin’ and splittin’ like a stripper sooo why is this unacceptable as praise? Ugh, some people and their self righteousness make me sick. He got his praise in, did you?

  15. bpurpleb001 says:

    I couldnt even watch the whole thing I was laughing so hard. I did send the link to Rene Syler who had just posted a tweet saying she had seen it all. I simply had to prove her wrong. LOL

  16. Silk! says:

    On second viewing, I’m not impressed. I think he’s using a cheater pole.

  17. So you can pole dance to praise the Lord? *writes apology letter to the Basketball Wives*

  18. Akua says:

    iCan’t. I am still stuck on the fact that he has a pole in his living room…and he was working it like the rent was due…for Jesus. *insert slow blink here* Does this mean we need to start praying babies on the pole as long as they are on the pole for the LAWD?

  19. I’ve seen it all. I really have. And I thought my so-called “redeemed from homosexuality” God Brother’s “Flagging” was hella ghei (lord I should send you the link..)…this is just..repugnant on another level. Look here..if you wanna twirl..prance…flag…slide down a pole in the name of Jesus..at least get paid for it at Magic City during the Gos-spell Brunch hour. That is all I’m saying

  20. DivaKattGurl says:

    This is too much to be looking at before my morning yogurt!

    Is nothing sacred anymore? I am not a bible thumping…go to people’s home on Saturday mornings, trying to recruit kind of gal. Nor do I recite bible scriptures to random strangers probably, cuz I don’t know any by heart and no I don’t attend church regularly nor do I make the hypocratic journey on Easter, New Years, or Christmas. I am more a of sprititual person and so this video hass been officially placed in the “Hot Mess files!

    First of all there is a stripper pole in a well appointed living room of what appears to be a lovely home. Hmmm… maybe that’s his workout regime? O_o. Do you not see the hair hat circa 1990 Janet Jackson braids on this dude? What the hell?! This is why I want to quit the internet all the time! This is some real fuckery. The world is going to hell in a hand basket!

    I need a jar of Nutella and a spoon STAT!!

  21. DivaKattGurl says:

    CORRECTED COMMENT DAMN TOUCH SCREEN AND LACK OF SPELL CHECK ON MY PHONE!!! O_o

    This is too much to be looking at before my morning yogurt!
    Is nothing sacred anymore? I am not a bible thumping…go to people’s home on Saturday mornings, trying to recruit kind of gal. Nor do I recite bible scriptures to random strangers probably, because I don’t know any by heart and no I don’t attend church regularly nor do I make the hypocritical journey on Easter, New Years, or Christmas and other key holidays. I am more a spiritual person and so this video has been officially placed in the “Hot Mess files!
    First of all there is a stripper pole in a well appointed living room of what appears to be a lovely home. Hmmm… maybe that’s his workout regime? O_o. Do you not see the hair hat circa 1990 Janet Jackson braids on this dude? What the hell?! This is why I want to quit the internet all the time! This is some real fuckery. The world is going to hell in a hand basket!
    I need a jar of Nutella and a spoon STAT!!

  22. phatlips says:

    DISCLAIMER: That person IS NOT ME!!

    NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SCREEN NAME FOR COMMENTS!!

    UGH!!! See what ratchetness does when it goes unchecked? It affects the innocent!

  23. Jazz says:

    I was waiting on this , and you did not disappoint. I still dont know how to feel about this video. He is incredibly talented though

  24. locdnthought says:

    After days of processing I only have 2 questions…1) Bishop Long is that you behind the camera???? 2)Sooo is it required to pole dance for the lord in a dimly lit room doe?

  25. me says:

    Pole dancing does not have to be sexual. It is a great form of exercide and there are international pole dancing competitions.

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