Videos

Pole Dancing for Jesus. I Have Seen It All

A couple of weeks ago, when I talked bout how someone needs to come get Juanita Bynum and her keyboard Holy Ghost stomping, one of my commenters (named Jazz) asked if I had heard of the gospel pole dancer. I had not, so I asked her to drop a link or it didn’t happen. She ain’t disappoint. She introduced me to:

*planks on an altar* I have seen it all. I have. I can take to my bed now and rest. This man is working his pole to gospel music! As he glorifies HIS name by sliding down a phallic metal structure. Y’ALL BETTER GIVE GLORY TO YOUR CHRIST THROUGH… *pause* POLE DANCE! -__- Apparently, praise dancing in flowing white clothes while a fan blows at the annual bazaar just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Oh and let’s not mention that homeboy’s Youtube name is MrPhatLips. (o__o)

Jesus, WE ALL need your glory because this life is just… WHAT IS THIS LIFE ABOUT?!? I understand that worship comes in all forms but using that pole like your name is Thunder Thighs Timmy ain’t my FIRST idea of how it’s ‘posed to go. Jesus’ holy side-eye might be activated once again.

Lemme not front though, and give props where they’re due. Homeboy worked that pole like he was getting cash for being brash. His upper body strength is really enviable. He OWNED that pole, like Qwa directors own their perms. He worked that like his VIP ticket into Heaven depended on it.

He slid down that pole with so much control, that I wanted him to go audition for the U.S. gymnastics team.

And I may or may not have tried to study what he did. Not like I wanna repeat it in the privacy of my husband’s boudoir one day or nothing. I was just watching it closely. For a friend. O_O

But umm… whatcha’ll think of MrPhatLips (O_o) and his Pole Dance for Jesus?

P.S. My homie Michael of The Cynical Ones posted an entry on the gospel remix of “No Hands.” Please go take a peek. It is ALL of the mess it sounds like.

Random sidenote: Check out my first piece with Clutch Magazine called “The Quarterlife Crisis is Real.” Heyyyyyyy!!!

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42 Comments

  1. September 12, 2011 at 7:34 am — Reply

    I worked the pole, but like you I have seen it all. He could give a class or two quite as it’s kept. LOL

  2. B_Keps
    September 12, 2011 at 8:05 am — Reply

    Luvvie…
    It’s too early in the day. I can’t process this man’s fancy pole working skills backed up by the finest of gospel music. I’m mad I watched the whole thing. I’m also #jellis cuz I’ll probably never have this upper body strength. But that’s not the point. I don’t know how to feel about this… I need to go lay my burdens down.

    • September 12, 2011 at 9:15 am — Reply

      “…I need to go lay my burdens down.”
      Hee heee hee! Don’t we all?

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:05 am — Reply

      Right??? I couldn’t help but watch the whole thing to see if he had more tricks. But yeah, it is indeed too early for this. In fact, it could be 10pm and it’s STILL too early for this.

  3. Constance
    September 12, 2011 at 8:07 am — Reply

    My eyes will probably never recover from the intense side-eye I gave this video. I just…have no words…

    And the comments on the vid… People talking bout as long as he’s using his talent for Jesus… But… He is on a pole! Smh

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:04 am — Reply

      I guess folks worship in their own ways. O________O

  4. Serenity
    September 12, 2011 at 8:12 am — Reply

    Wow… When this trend catches on, they will install poles in churches for the Praise Pole Dancers to work. I bet attendance and offering will go up then!

    • September 12, 2011 at 9:16 am — Reply

      You know you WRONG! But you probably right! HAA HAA!

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:04 am — Reply

      People gon be tithing for titties. iCan’t. I CANNOT!

  5. Kay
    September 12, 2011 at 8:48 am — Reply

    Let me say this, if you can’t perform your “art” at church in front of the congregation, just stop….

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:04 am — Reply

      Then a lotta folks won’t be able to perform at the church talent show.

  6. MObetta
    September 12, 2011 at 8:52 am — Reply

    Soooo…we just ain’t gonna talk about the pole was installed in his mama’s living room #doe?

    • September 12, 2011 at 9:18 am — Reply

      Riiight! We ain’t go mention that she even let him put it there! Ma’am, Mama?

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:03 am — Reply

      LOL I mean, he throws mama a coupla coins every month.

  7. September 12, 2011 at 9:12 am — Reply

    Eeehh.. I’m feeling some kinda way about this :-/

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:03 am — Reply

      Girl… you got the right to lol

  8. September 12, 2011 at 9:17 am — Reply

    We couldn’t do it with Christmas…Can we please just let some stuff just stay “secular”

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:03 am — Reply

      Folks can’t just let things be. I blame Mary Mary and their Holy “Blame it on the Jesus” song. Or whatever it’s called.

  9. Alana
    September 12, 2011 at 9:19 am — Reply

    so many questions before I can start this ministry myself! Do u have to be 18 to join this ministry? My church has 20 foot ceilings, is there a pole available? do they collect ministry offerings in a garter? So many unanswered questions.

    • Kim
      September 12, 2011 at 9:49 am — Reply

      LMBO!! Ma’am you just won the internet. Go on accept your prize!

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:02 am — Reply

      This ministry prolly requires you to show ID at the door. And you know there’s a holy pole somewhere that’s 20 feet tall.

    • Jazz
      September 15, 2011 at 11:55 pm — Reply

      D.E.A.D at your comment

  10. lexi
    September 12, 2011 at 9:36 am — Reply

    my aunt will be upset she was not up to date on her praise dancing skills. Lawd i did’nt know we do this now for the chuuuch lol lawdy lawdy *fans self*…..soooo ummm is it wrong to see if he taught classes at pole dance 411? lol. my future husband will thank him graciously.lmao im getting off luvvie. I Cant with you this morning! lol

    • September 12, 2011 at 11:01 am — Reply

      LMAO!!! Man listen… he SHOULD hold a class. All’em Ushers would take it too. Tell your aunt she ain’t the only one not up to date. We were ALL missing out on the praise pole dance. O_O

  11. September 12, 2011 at 11:44 am — Reply

    …. I had to come out the shadows–yet again for this
    -Sprinkles Holy Water over Laptop-
    I rebuke this entire video in the name of #JAYSUS.

    NAWWWW. I’m all for praising the lord.
    This is just too much… I need a nap -__-

  12. Jocelyn
    September 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm — Reply

    I.simply.cannot. I am on the verge of throwing my laptop out of my 10th floor office window. What that what? My soul is confused. His skills were impeccable but that’s the song he chose to dance to?

  13. Afrochick
    September 12, 2011 at 7:29 pm — Reply

    I just have on words for this. I need go and find me some holy wine and forget I ever saw this.

  14. minacakes
    September 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm — Reply

    So I’m going to go against the grain here. I actually don’t think it’s bad. When I saw the title I thought this would be about those former sKrippers who found Jesus and are now trying to teach other women and kids to “exercise” using the pole in what looks eerily similar to their former routines. This looks like some the of the gymnastic performances I’ve seen done with ribbons (hanging from a structure like a “flexible” pole). Very Cirque de Soleil-ish.

    It’s getting side eye b/c I’m guessing he’s labeled himself as pole dancing for Jesus? If you love Jesus and want to glorify him in your work that’s fine. The check out lady isn’t bagging groceries for Jesus. There’s a difference. Oh and that pole in the living room…..um yeah….NO.

    • September 12, 2011 at 10:15 pm — Reply

      I couldn’t help but admire his technique….his toes STAYED pointed!

    • Getoveryourselves
      October 18, 2011 at 4:10 pm — Reply

      I completely agree with minacakes. The first thing this reminded me of was that Cirque-de-Soleil hanging ribbon stuff ( mind you, you can tell he is a beginner since he’s not very smooth). Nothing raunchy about this performance to me. I think the hanging ribbon and the pole dancing are both beautiful and acrobatic. Yeah, the world and society has corrupted “the pole”, but it doesn’t take away from his art. I’m sure the same people who are giving the side eye, would not return their Cirque-de-Soleil tickets if the ribbons were replaced with poles. The same performances would be done on both. He definitely wasn’t poppin’ and splittin’ like a stripper sooo why is this unacceptable as praise? Ugh, some people and their self righteousness make me sick. He got his praise in, did you?

  15. bpurpleb001
    September 12, 2011 at 8:58 pm — Reply

    I couldnt even watch the whole thing I was laughing so hard. I did send the link to Rene Syler who had just posted a tweet saying she had seen it all. I simply had to prove her wrong. LOL

  16. September 12, 2011 at 10:27 pm — Reply

    On second viewing, I’m not impressed. I think he’s using a cheater pole.

  17. September 13, 2011 at 2:15 am — Reply

    So you can pole dance to praise the Lord? *writes apology letter to the Basketball Wives*

  18. Akua
    September 13, 2011 at 4:02 am — Reply

    iCan’t. I am still stuck on the fact that he has a pole in his living room…and he was working it like the rent was due…for Jesus. *insert slow blink here* Does this mean we need to start praying babies on the pole as long as they are on the pole for the LAWD?

  19. September 13, 2011 at 9:00 am — Reply

    I’ve seen it all. I really have. And I thought my so-called “redeemed from homosexuality” God Brother’s “Flagging” was hella ghei (lord I should send you the link..)…this is just..repugnant on another level. Look here..if you wanna twirl..prance…flag…slide down a pole in the name of Jesus..at least get paid for it at Magic City during the Gos-spell Brunch hour. That is all I’m saying

  20. September 13, 2011 at 10:12 am — Reply

    This is too much to be looking at before my morning yogurt!

    Is nothing sacred anymore? I am not a bible thumping…go to people’s home on Saturday mornings, trying to recruit kind of gal. Nor do I recite bible scriptures to random strangers probably, cuz I don’t know any by heart and no I don’t attend church regularly nor do I make the hypocratic journey on Easter, New Years, or Christmas. I am more a of sprititual person and so this video hass been officially placed in the “Hot Mess files!

    First of all there is a stripper pole in a well appointed living room of what appears to be a lovely home. Hmmm… maybe that’s his workout regime? O_o. Do you not see the hair hat circa 1990 Janet Jackson braids on this dude? What the hell?! This is why I want to quit the internet all the time! This is some real fuckery. The world is going to hell in a hand basket!

    I need a jar of Nutella and a spoon STAT!!

  21. September 13, 2011 at 10:20 am — Reply

    CORRECTED COMMENT DAMN TOUCH SCREEN AND LACK OF SPELL CHECK ON MY PHONE!!! O_o

    This is too much to be looking at before my morning yogurt!
    Is nothing sacred anymore? I am not a bible thumping…go to people’s home on Saturday mornings, trying to recruit kind of gal. Nor do I recite bible scriptures to random strangers probably, because I don’t know any by heart and no I don’t attend church regularly nor do I make the hypocritical journey on Easter, New Years, or Christmas and other key holidays. I am more a spiritual person and so this video has been officially placed in the “Hot Mess files!
    First of all there is a stripper pole in a well appointed living room of what appears to be a lovely home. Hmmm… maybe that’s his workout regime? O_o. Do you not see the hair hat circa 1990 Janet Jackson braids on this dude? What the hell?! This is why I want to quit the internet all the time! This is some real fuckery. The world is going to hell in a hand basket!
    I need a jar of Nutella and a spoon STAT!!

  22. phatlips
    September 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm — Reply

    DISCLAIMER: That person IS NOT ME!!

    NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SCREEN NAME FOR COMMENTS!!

    UGH!!! See what ratchetness does when it goes unchecked? It affects the innocent!

  23. Jazz
    September 15, 2011 at 11:59 pm — Reply

    I was waiting on this , and you did not disappoint. I still dont know how to feel about this video. He is incredibly talented though

  24. locdnthought
    September 17, 2011 at 6:50 am — Reply

    After days of processing I only have 2 questions…1) Bishop Long is that you behind the camera???? 2)Sooo is it required to pole dance for the lord in a dimly lit room doe?

  25. me
    December 28, 2011 at 8:15 am — Reply

    Pole dancing does not have to be sexual. It is a great form of exercide and there are international pole dancing competitions.

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