Famous folksLetter

Dear Khia, Beyonce Copied You? Girl…

Khia said Beyonce bit “My Neck, My Back” for her new video for “Party.” This is why she’s earned this sternly-worded letter.

Dear Khia,

Khia

No Ma'am.

You came out with “My Neck, My Back” in 2002 and that has been your claim to fame. You’re holding on TIGHT to it, I see, since you haven’t done much since.

The only similarities that your video and Beyonce’s “Party” have is the fact that they’re both centered around pool parties. THAT IS IT. Nothing more. Lemme find out you invented pool parties. LEMME FIND OUT.

Queen Yawnce ain’t bite you, Khia. Why would she? She has a hit song come out once a month while you have one once a decade. Last time you had a hit, gas was still $2 a gallon. Girl… please take a firm seat. Just SAT.

I’d rather go to a pool party Beyonce throws anyway. At least the people at hers won’t have gunshot wounds and rusty gold teef. Plus, some of the men won’t try to rob me. Bey’s pool party will have important folks like Jay-Z and Gwyneth Paltrow. Your pool party’s VIP is Lil Boosie and Amil (who took the afternoon off at her job as General Manager of the local Piggly Wiggly). No one gives a damb bout your party, Khia. Not no one.

You know what? You’re smart to have done this. You got what you want. We’re talking about you. Attention whoredom using the name of Beyonce was smart. But don’t get it twisted. You’re getting publicity but it doesn’t mean anything. I doubt your BlackPlanet page gon get more hits. We’ll laugh at you now and forget until the next time you say something dumb. Soooo next week? Yes.

I wish someone would give you a job. I’ll ask the producers of “Bad Girls Club” if they’re looking for standby or waitlisted folks for their next season. If you had a hobby that took up your time, you wouldn’t be up to such foolery. Your petty is showing, Khia. Kindly tuck it back in.

I want to take up carpentry to I can create new seats for you to have. Like a Chariot for Z-Listers. Or as my girl Veronica Marche said, a Throne of Irrelevance. The Land of Abandoned People is looking for you to occupy this sofa {\_ _ _/}. Answer their call.

Meanwhile, Bey’s somewhere counting her monies while all you got to count is your Twitter followers. Ma’am, she wins.

What does Beyonce think about all of this?

WELP!

Yours in Side-Eyedom,









#Shourrout to @ATFierce for sending me that gif. It is everything.


45 Comments

  1. October 25, 2011 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    LOL….this was indeed the highlight of my *dismal* work day!!! I laughed so hard while reading this….then I thought…who’s Khia??

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:41 pm — Reply

      LOL. Glad I could help!

      • Traci
        October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am — Reply

        Imma need her to focus WAY more on staying out of jail than she is on fabricating BS so people will have to google her to even know who she is!

  2. October 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm — Reply

    It pains me that I felt compelled to dignify this mess with a response. Then I realized that you said it all. Woosah.

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm — Reply

      I do it for the peoples’ blood pressure.

  3. October 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm — Reply

    That .gif will forever be EVERYTHING. When I seent it on Tumblr, I hit the reblog button so goddamn fast. Whew.

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm — Reply

      Yes ma’am! That gif still makes my life right.

  4. divateacher08
    October 25, 2011 at 7:19 pm — Reply

    Khia is the reason why we can’t have nice things in 2011, because we are still living in 2002. I thought that song was older than that like 1999 or 2000….

    • October 26, 2011 at 8:11 am — Reply

      Makes you wanna kick over a chair, huh?

      • October 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm — Reply

        Sure in the heck does!

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm — Reply

      Man, that song is older than kids in the 5th grade. She needs to chill.

  5. Cheekie
    October 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm — Reply

    That gif!!

    And Khia? Sir. I’mma need you to rest yo neck and yo back and have the most comfy of seats. So you can stay there, forever.

    I’m mad she hopping on the “Bey bit my style” train and she is the LEAST likely to be bitten for anything. If anything, folks would copy the OPPOSITE of everything Khia stands for. Which, remember, I just said she needs to be sitting. Sit, Khia.

    • divateacher08
      October 25, 2011 at 7:40 pm — Reply

      Khia is the poster child for what NOT to do to have longevity…

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm — Reply

      “Sir. I’mma need you to rest yo neck and yo back and have the most comfy of seats. So you can stay there, forever.”

      You called her “sir.” That alone made this comment everything to me.

  6. MrsRich
    October 25, 2011 at 7:27 pm — Reply

    LOVE!!!!!!!! KHIA is the decay of western society…She need not utter Bey’s name

    • October 25, 2011 at 10:35 pm — Reply

      DECAY is such a choice word. It comed to mind whenever I see her teefus.

  7. MrsRich
    October 25, 2011 at 7:28 pm — Reply

    LOVE!!!!!!!! KHIA is the decay of western society…She need not utter Bey’s name

    “Your petty is showing, Khia. Kindly tuck it back in.”

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:38 pm — Reply

      Pretty gahtdamb murch!

  8. October 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm — Reply

    Khia needs to go right ahead and #OccupyASeat or five…
    Am I the only one who remembers when she went on that vh1 next female rapper show and got kicked off for cheating? #womp

    Do the world a favor, Khia…shut the hell up.

    • Ellis C. Taja
      October 25, 2011 at 11:12 pm — Reply

      OMFG!Yes I remember,she got kicked off because she already had a record deal and got dropped!

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:37 pm — Reply

      #OccupyASeat. COME ON, SOMEBODY!!!!

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:37 pm — Reply

      ooo and yes I remember that show. Khia just be losing.

  9. adwoa
    October 25, 2011 at 11:34 pm — Reply

    ooh – don’t forget the k-wang #doe! khia is still kind of a big deal to anyone who has love for the special brand of ratchet that tampa florida has to offer. she represents the finest of the combination pizza-fried chicken-gun-and-jewelry-pawn-shops my hometown has to offer.

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:36 pm — Reply

      ROTF!!! She represents the hoodrattedness that would never die. She’s the Matron Saint of Hoodrats, in fact.

  10. October 26, 2011 at 5:54 am — Reply

    What an awesome GIF at the end of the article! I think it sums it up quite nicely.

    Khia means irrelevancy in some lost tribal culture. Or it means broke-down piece-o-crap car. Either way, she is a non-F’ing factor.

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:35 pm — Reply

      “Khia means irrelevancy in some lost tribal culture.” YESSSSSS, LAWD! Sure in the heck does!

  11. mzinspiredmind
    October 26, 2011 at 8:02 am — Reply

    *sigh* Khia, Khia, Khia. iCan’t w/ her. Chile please, you wish Beyonce(or anyone else for that matter) would bite ANYTHING about you! SMDH! Luvvie, I am at work bout to choke from laughing so hard at this post!

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:35 pm — Reply

      Girl Khia just makes my side-eye go in overdrive. That chile don’t know how to act. Ever.

  12. AS
    October 26, 2011 at 10:53 am — Reply

    Khia, please act as if you are in a game of musical chairs and run to the nearest seat. You are so behind in the race that you actually think you’re leading. Girl, bye!

    Luvvie, I demand to know the source of your gifs. You have the best gifs here and on dumbesttweets. Hook me up! I love shading people through gifs.

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:33 pm — Reply

      LMAOOO @ the game of musical chairs. YESSSSS!!!! My gifs? I find them on Tumblr. That place is the land of ratchet ass gifs. I LIVE for them!

  13. Erin
    October 26, 2011 at 1:27 pm — Reply

    Who?

    • October 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm — Reply

      Right. (-__-)

  14. LB
    October 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Excellent Awesomeleynessis,
    I’s a bit miffed at this. ‘Cause I have drooled fer her since …
    wow … is it really 2002? That one grainy video by now… kinda like the cast.

    And I mad ‘cause I actually got INVITED to the pool party. Not the one in the vid, but the most recent one. I’ll admit it was because they couldn’t get Jamie Kennedy to come, but I did my best imitation of the imitation. Things was pretty cool. Plenty of Red Rocket an’ Old English. Some ruff an’ ashy hottie’s; if ya hit it, ya got a free trip to the clinic! Only a few altercations really. Until someone fell through the rotted-out deck around the above-ground 8 X 8 pool an’ poked a hole in it. Then a few “Dem Gun Sounds” – cred to Waka Flocka Flame – happened. Whitey-boy dived for cover, so I can’t really say who shot who first. But someone did do a good rendition of Brandy’s brother Ray-J’s recent rant.

    Only prob is I can’t get that taste out my mouth now …

  15. October 27, 2011 at 1:33 am — Reply

    Forget Bod Girls Club – she was on a show about the next female rap star on vh1 about 2 years ago. She got kicked off because her ‘freestyle’ was one of her songs. I fully endorse #OccupyASeat for her

  16. Junetta Dunn
    October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am — Reply

    Dang…you talked so bad to Khia in your blog, I’m afraid she might need to be put on suicide watch….I feel bad for her….maybe she needs a role model or a hug…..

  17. Sisily
    October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am — Reply

    really- she is a nobody! It was a party song. KHIA get your skills up lol

  18. October 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm — Reply

    I am sittin here Crackinthefuckup!!!! I know thats right! Letter well written!

  19. October 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm — Reply

    *furrows brows* son. SON.

    Now, for all intents and purposes, I don’t eff with either of these ladies like that. be that as it may, I saw the Party video and thought, “this resembles the backyard party scene in ‘Don’t Be a Menace…’ moreso than Khia’s vintage joint, albeit with brighter clothes/star power/smiles”. As such, she is overdue for a house call from Dhalsim and Plastic Man for this third-degree AGGRAVATED REACHING. *sigh* fugg the lights, ma’am–have ALL OF THE SEATS. I refuse to abide such garden (basement) apartment ratchetness; i have standards.

    PS: that J. Cole guy sucks, the gif is mad hilarious.

  20. Jose Enrique Avila 1984
    February 26, 2012 at 2:17 am — Reply

    She had her 15 seconds of fame in 2002. S%@# her time has been up because that f%@#ing song “My Neck, My Back was nastier than sin itself. I was in 12th Grade this song came out in the spring of 2002. It was so degrading to here girls in the hallway singing that song. At lease Beyoncé wasn’t asking some man to lick her p%@# and her c%@#. She did Miss Rap Supreme in 2008 and got her a%@ eliminated for performing “Respect Me” and verbally attacked Miss Cherry because Miss Cherry calls her a one hit wonder despite the fact that she teamed up w/ Janet Jackson on “So Excited” back in 2006 but didn’t appear in the video. Khia needs to be shot on sight. Khia attacks Lil’ Kim on this record called “Fix Ur Face” but I know that Khia was looking in her mirror when she wrote that S%@#.

  21. March 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm — Reply

    AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I have got to stop coming to this blog. My white co-workers are going to think I’ve lost my damn mind, cracking up in the middle of the day (and sometimes in the middle of a meeting!) with nary an explanation other than “you wouldn’t understand.”

    highlight of this post? the question of whether or not beyonce gives an eff. Autotune has made me hate technology… you may have turned me back into a believer! lol

  22. [...] Dear Khia, Beyonce Copied you? Girl… [...]

  23. T Fultze
    September 19, 2012 at 11:53 am — Reply

    idk wat im more mad about, the fact that she would really try n say Bey was bitin off her or that she still has yet to shave, pluck or wax them bushy ass mutha effin eye brows…… she gets the stale faces of all stale faces -______-

  24. June 6, 2013 at 5:05 pm — Reply

    The show that Khia was eliminated off of was called “Miss Rap Supreme,” on VH1. Anyway, I’m a former ghostwriter, former underground Gospel singer in a former underground Gospel group and I’ll burn Khia! Music coming soon!

  25. Daniel Lopez
    November 3, 2013 at 11:48 am — Reply

    Khia needs to sit her ass down.

  26. Kio
    June 5, 2014 at 2:53 pm — Reply

    Just found this post… but I still laughed heartily at the foolishness contained therein…

    Also, who’s Amil?

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