According to TMZ.com, the neighborhood gossip who is rarely wrong, Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce, 72 days after getting married. This is an obvious choice for a sternly-worded letter.
Dear Kim Kardashian,
You really just filed for divorce two and a half months after you said “I do.” This is the wedding that was hyped up like the gahtdamb SuperBowl and the ish cost just about as much at $10 million. You e’em wore 3 Vera Wang dresses and all’at. We all thought you needed more people but we let you cook anyway. But whatevs.
Wedding pictures came out and it didn’t help that the magazine cover only had you on it. You ain’t e’em bother to put Kris on with you. He was clearly a “non-mufucking factor,” word to Evelyn “Boo Boo” Lozada.
And then, story came out a coupla days ago saying that E! coordinated the whole you getting married thing. And Kris Humphries was the 2nd choice because the first dude they approached didn’t want to do reality tv. And the sham was outted. And then you file for divorce today. Ma’am, you’re rude, because you’re basically confirming that it was all a stunt.
For one, your soon-to-be ex-husband Kris humphries never curled all the way over, anyway. There’s something about him that just ain’t all there. Plus, he has about as much personality as a chewed cashew. Y’all had about as much sexual chemistry as Snow White had with them dwarves. It was awkward at best. But 72 days? I didn’t e’em think you’d give up so quickly. And I know you not returning all them gifts you got. If I were a guest who brought you something nice, I’d be pissed right now.
The following things last longer than your marriage did:
- That boring ass sex tape (or so I heard. From a friend. O_O)
- The pain after a papercut
- A cold sore
- The aftertaste of diet Coke
As if you weren’t already trilfing. Then I saw this tweet:
Your level of triflingness is a bit much, even for you. You wonder why you get slandered so much all the time. You give us no other choice but to give you perpetual side-eyes. Maybe if you went and got a discernible talent, you wouldn’t resort to foolishness like this to get attention and remain relevant. Go learn a skill or a trade. And wearing painted on bandage dresses to show off the ass you may or may not have bought is neither. Also, talking with the voice of a 5-year old is also not a talent. In fact, just stop that altogether because it’s not cute. You’re too grown to sound like my little niece. Even Paris Hilton dropped that raggelly baby voice she used to use.
In all of this though, I put some blame on your mama. All I want for Christmas is that one day, Kris Jenner, will stop pimping you and your siblings out in the name of brand management. And for y’all to get off her teat and go do your own thing. I think Khloe will be the first one to chuck her the deuces. I like Khloe the best. The rest of y’all? NAWL.
Anywho, your attention whoredom is showing. Kindly tuck it in, Kim!
TMZ got a copy of the divorce papers Kim filed today. They be on it!