Parents, Quit Naming Your Kids Stupidly

[ 640 ] November 15, 2011 |

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Starbucks, and I looked at my cashier’s name tag. It said “Money Jones.” Well, I don’t remember her last name because I was too fixated on the “Money” part as her first name. I was judging her parents HELLA hard. Did they name her “Money” because they wanted the universe to give her lots of it? I mean, I don’t know her background, but that plan has yet to work out too well because she’s working at Starbucks. I’m a jerk, I know. But I’m saying… I bought something from “Money” with a $5 bill, which means, she prolly ain’t wealthy. Her name just asks for unfulfilled potential.

But it got me thinking. Why do parents name their kids foolishly? What’s their motives behind some of these monikers they bestow on their kids? I don’t understand what makes you look at your child and give them some uglass name with bad spelling or logic.

Stupid nametag

Well, maybe the kids with terrible names really gave their mothers a hard time during labor. And this is their lifetime punishment. That is the only thing I can come up with.

But seriously. Parents needs to stop naming their kids after concepts, cars, designers or things they wished they had. Look at this list of Mormon names! People gotta saddown, man! I bet there’s a baby “Louboutin.” Except it’s spelled Loo’bootawn cuz his mama wanted them for her birthday and all she got was pregnant. I also bet there’s someone somewhere named “Prejudice.” There’s gotta be. The world is just illogical enough for this person to exist. Oh. And naming kids after spices also gets the side-eye. I GUARANTEE there’s someone named Paprika in these streets. Or MaggiCubes.

I couldn’t work at a hospital or school. I’d pull parents aside CONSTANTLY to ask them “But WHY?!?” I’m pretty sure I’d get fired by day 2.

There are so many reasons why stupid names aren’t great to have. Well, besides the fact that they’re foolish.

* Most of them look ugly on paper. Especially when they have random apostrophes. An apostrophe is supposed to take the place of a missing letter. A kid named Mi’chelin makes no sense. Is it an h missing there? And if folks think apostrophes in names are classy, I’d like them to know they couldn’t be more wrong.

dumb-names2

* Your kid will be teased relentlessly in school. Kids are cruel. They already pick on you for the slightest things. Let your name be ridiculous and they’d make rhymes out of it all day long.

* It’ll just be that much harder for them to get a job. Someone named Le”’Spaices’nique, who is just as qualified as a Jennifer might not get hired because their name sounds like an extended sneeze. And Pilot Inspektor is lucky he has famous parents otherwise folks might wonder why he’s spending his life going by two separate occupations. A name that’s so extra makes it that much harder for people to take you seriously. And we already know life isn’t fair.

Well, there IS a successful executive whose name is Marijuana Pepsi Sawyer. She’s proven that an interesting (to say the least) name doesn’t have to hold you back. But I bet she’s had to work 10 times as hard as others to prove she belongs.

Anywho, I took it to Twitter and folks graced me with names they’ve heard:

RT @allmine19: Names I’ve seen @ work: Numbers’, Perphect, Sanctuary, Shanationality

But… Shanationality? WHY?

RT @burtyful: i know someone whose first name is Amillion middle name M’onay (pronounced Money) yes. really O_O

I want to dropkick their mama in the throat.

iCan't Pocahontas gif

RT @mylahmusic: I saw a kid whose name is Zac’Aree. -_- (Prays his mom isn’t on Twitter)

Sooo Zachary was just too normal, huh?

RT @_loveeechild: I met someone, first name, Tupac. Middle, Shakur. Last, Lopez. -__-

Tupac Shakur Lopez. Oh.

RT @goodtwinbadtwin: my mom used 2 work with a man whose grandson’s name was Zero.

People don’t want their kids to win.

RT @imdrw: All Master P’s kids’ names: Percy, Vercy, Intylyana, Tytyana, Itali, Hercy, Mercy, Veno, and Cymphonique & Diamond.

This rich hoodrat here…. Intylyana sounds like a drug and Cymphonique sounds like a hood orchestra. Why did he do this???

RT @tanlite: In school I knew a kid named “QAZYAWQ”, but it was pronounced as “Quest”. I couldn’t even make that up if I tried.

“My name is Nicole but it’s spelled Sarah.” Wtf, parents?? Stop this dumb shit.

RT @ysl_ron: Im still disturbed at this front desk clerk named “Cliche”. I snatched my keys out of her hand…

As you should have.

RT @renisharenewed: I had a 6th grade student in Philly whose name was pronounced “Day-Ja” but spelled “Daiijaiyia”. I almost quit my job.

I wouldn’t blame you if you had. What in the hell??? And I bet that little girl had a hell of a time learning to spell her name in preschool.

RT @arieldeneypr: My cousin name is Moshunik….we dont go out together lol

I don’t blame you.

RT @CoCoGoddess12: my nephew goes to school with a girl named “R’Cowna” (you say the first two letters then “Owna”) O___o

Ron Swanson Face gif

RT @yosaiwurd: my nephew used to go to school w/a little boy named Opium. And the kids learned their letters using their classmates names…so of course my neph knows “O is for Opium.”

I just… BUT WHY?!?

RT @goldentoken525: My coworker knew someone who named her girl Chlamydia bc she honestly thought it was a pretty & didn’t know otherwise

O_______________O

RT @_LoveeeChild: “MA’KARIA ETERNITY Z’MOSIA.” this. is. a. real. name. i has a sad now.

Seriously. WHAT THE HELL???

RT @NotAllSweetness: I had a nurse friend who talked a lady out of naming her baby meconium. She’d heard a doctor say it & thought it was pretty. and I grew up with a girl named Leukemia. Smh

Sweet 5 lb 7 oz Baby Jesus. Help your children.

RT @LabanKing: I just met this woman who’s LEGAL first name is “Holy Ghost”. She said her grandma named her. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Yeah, NAWL. iQuit.

I do think folks need supervision. There should be an advisory board or something that approves names when they’re tapdancing on foolishness. They coulda come in handy for this couple who named their kid “Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii.” A judge took her away until they come up with a new name for her because the 9-year-old was so embarrassed by her name that she wouldn’t e’em tell her friends what it was. But they’re in New Zealand so…

Anywho, I’m done for real. Folks ain’t gon make my blood pressha go sky high because they wanna name their children based on the scrabble tiles they get. Foolishness.

What are the worst names y’all have seen?

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Comments (640)

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  1. Tara says:

    I worked with someone whose name was Nineteen Sixty-four. Her parents named her after the year she was born. O________________O I swore I was receiving spam when she sent me an e-mail. She has a colleague who named herself Friday Knight.

  2. Sweetie083 says:

    I know someone who named their child Z’aahniyah Arri’yanah Mary. As if the Mary was going to make up for the ridiculous first 2 names. Why not make the first name Mary so the child can hide the other 2 names if she wants to.

    • Luvvie says:

      LMAOOO @ the Mary at the end. NAWL LADY! You’re still a fool for the other names. Lawd…

    • Carla says:

      What kills me is the fact that those are the folks who wanna look at you all sideways because you have to ask them how to spell that. Ummmm, I learned STANDARD ENGLISH when I was in school so forgive me for not being fluent in fuckedupname-ese. As a librarian, I have seen the following:

      Stlouisblue – I love my hometown too but uhhhh, naw
      Alpacino – the actor, for real
      TheQuita – not just a random La or Sha Quita
      Sirluv, MyLuv, Sexalene – siblings

  3. Binky says:

    I used to work at a store that personalized piggy banks. I’ve seen it all and from all walks of life. From George for a little gir,l to a boy named Cedar (and they wanted a tree on the bank, how cute -_-). Working there also made me despise the name Nevaeh and everyone that thinks spelling Heaven backwards is the most creative shit in the world.

    Plus I personally know people who have named their kids TayTayanna, Omunique, and Castle *hopes they don’t read this post*

  4. Jazz says:

    Jahessye. ( saw this in this weeks jet)
    Courmarion.

    I’ll be back later

  5. oinonio says:

    In Germany there actually IS a law declaring names (1) it must reflect the sex of the child, and (2) it must not endanger the ‘well-being of the child.’ But a case can be appealed.

    • Luvvie says:

      Those Germans might be on to something.

    • Meghan says:

      In Canada, too. I knew a couple there who wanted to name their son “Flocon” (which means snowflake in French) because he was born in a blizzard, but the government told them basically that he’d be forever tormented by other children and they’d have to try again. Regaining their senses, they named him Nate.

  6. Serenity says:

    Y’all just hurt my feelings! I am a 5%er and so is my God/man. We gave our children righteous names that reflect our lifestyle. We named our children Savior Almighty (boy)and Beautiful Reality (girl). LEGALLY. It’s our Culture. I used to work in a middle school and a child’s name there was Heineken Jackson. If is people can name him that, we can name our children what we want.

    Peace

  7. RozB says:

    I feel bad for children who are named after cars or liquor.

    Mercedes
    Porsche (Porsha, Porchay, etc.)
    Alize
    Rose (Ro-zay)
    Margarita
    Tequila
    Jack, middle name Daniels

    Also any name that may unnecessarily end with -quay, -qua, -shay, -sha, -quan, -qwan, -ique

  8. Jaclyn says:

    When I worked in retail, I did the hiring. And I hate to say it, but if I couldn’t figure out how to pronounce a name when I was looking at someone’s application, I didn’t call them.

    • Luvvie says:

      I don’t blame you one bit.

    • adebelle says:

      See, this irritates me because I’m Nigerian with a typical Yoruba name. Many who aren’t Nigerian or West African can’t pronounce it and for that I’m overlooked for employment.

      • Luvvie says:

        I’m Nigerian too. I’ll talk about the Foreign name struggle some other time, Adebelle. But I DO understand!

      • M says:

        There is a BIG difference between a traditional Yoruba name and these hoodrat names. HUGE. I may mispronounce it until I get it right in my head but as long as you don’t hold my effort against me we good. On the other hand I just can’t with these other names….#wallslides & then flings self off of first floor balcony

        • Jazz says:

          RIGHT!! Nigerian names at least LOOK like they make some sense. I may butcher your name, but blame it on my head. Now a name like Teriyonte ( true life, I really know this little boy) or Aquadawnneesshaa’ay Im not even gonna try

      • Ings says:

        (LATE posting) I would NOT overlook you. There is a difference between cultural and meaningful and (as Luvvie would say) “Ratchet”.

        I will call you and apologize for mispronouncing your name as opposed to snickering because your name is “QAZYAWQ” pronounce Quest (wtf??)

        • Lin says:

          “QAZYAWQ” – I read that as “crazy havoc”, or rather “cwazy ‘avoc” like a 3-year-old.

          There is a forum called “Baby’s Named A Bad, Bad Thing” – look it up!

          And, sorry I reply to some other’s comment – I couldn’t find the proper place to comment to Luvvie’s post.

      • Oro says:

        Include a small (very small) section on your resume describing the pronunciation and etymology of your name. Interesting AND informative.

  9. sara says:

    As a nurse, I’ve seen a variety of ignorant names.
    Last week, I had a client come in with a baby named “Amazing Are’Money”….. Pronounced Amazing Are Money….. O_O
    AND I’ve had kids come in with names so long they dont even fit on their social security cards. Some people don’t deserve to have offspring….

  10. sara says:

    As a nurse, I’ve seen a variety of ignorant names.
    Last week, I had a client come in with a baby named “Amazing Are’Money”….. Pronounced Amazing Are Money….. O_O
    AND I’ve had kids come in with names so long they dont even fit on their social security cards. Some people don’t deserve to have offspring…. I pray for them daily.

  11. Nina says:

    My mom is a teacher. We find the BEST names in her class. There was a girl named Sha-Diamond. Her sister is Sparkle. Her little brothers (twins), are Gold and Silk. The only option their mother left those boys is to drop it like its hot in some big dudes face.
    There was also another set of kids named, bruce, bruce-ia, bruce-shaun, bruce-shay, and bruce-anny.

    • Luvvie says:

      This whole thing makes me wanna go find their mama and dropkick her in the throat. Is that bad? Naming your little boys “Gold” and “Silk.” But ma’am!

      • Nina says:

        Nope, not wrong at all…I’ve wanted to hi-five a few parents in the face with 2 x 4, but I digress. I almost forgot my favorite. “Baby Boy”, last name was Williams. Apparently his mother forgot to put a real name on his birth certificate. I’ve seen quite a few teachers look at his mother cross-eyed at parent teacher conferences.

    • CaliGirlED says:

      Let me guess, either the father’s name is Bruce or a guy named Bruce broke the mother’s heart back in her day! Stop the madness!!!

    • Christi says:

      A good friend of mine was a preschool teacher here in Knoxville, and had a family of little people with the names Troy, LaTroya, Troyena and something else along that line… because being a family of little people in the South isn’t bad enough…

  12. Jen says:

    I work at a university so I see lots of foolishness…

    Dawynrico, Pariah, and most recently Ice’Land Armani……I don’t get it. I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure that just because someone has your kid’s name, it doesn’t make them any less special. Hell, my name is Jennifer, you know how many of those are in the world?! But not a one is like me! Bottom line is that these children will not be children forever and they have to become a part of society. Parents are setting them up for failure and it’s sad. And no matter how much you say it shouldn’t matter what their name is and blah, blah, blah it don’t change the fact that ridiculous names get passed on when they have the same experience as someone else. No matter the reason, you’re setting the kid up for failure, period. GO. SIT. DOWN.

    • Luvvie says:

      Absolutely. These parents are really not thinking of the effect these names will have on their kids and it’s selfish of them. The world is shallow. Your name definitely matters since it’s the FIRST impression you make on people. People are having folks think their kid are hoodrats on first introduction. WOMP.

      • Looweez says:

        Not to mention medical dictionaries (I’m a nurse). Someone here mentioned a mother who thought the word “Meconium” sounded pretty for a name, meconium is the blackish tarry-looking poo that a newborn must first get rid of, hopefully before s/he is born).

        I’ve known two girls named Melena (black, extremely smelly poo composed of broken down blood that indicates an internal bleed in a patient). Nice, hey?

        • Tamika says:

          Actually, if meconium is passed before birth, it could be inhaled by the baby as he/she is doing “practice breaths” and lead to infection. Meconium is generally passed after birth unless there is stress to the baby or mother. ***pediatrics experience x8 years***

    • Leo the Yardie Chick says:

      ‘Pariah’? Lawd…..dictionaries should be mandatory reading, I swear.

  13. Lisa says:

    Boy: Awesome Spectacular

  14. Britt says:

    In my field, I come across some pretty horrible names too. Some examples are: Waltavia, Twomillion, Howshanderia, Tyyonna, Kharmarja, Kim-Ron (which I assume is a combo of the parents names) Regzharia, and Ferrari

  15. Kell says:

    There is a chick running around here and her name is…..wait for it…..Abcde. (pronounced Ab-suh-dee). But, it’s A-B-C-D-E. I hate people who think they are creative, but are really just stupid.

  16. Stacy says:

    My sister had a kid in her class named Question.

  17. conmon says:

    My friend went to school with a girl named La’Fellatio.
    She goes by LaLa though. But still…La’Fellatio? O_O

    I know a girl. I can’t remember exactly how to spell it, but it’s something like…Charri’quassera’rachelle. And I think that’s only half of it. There’s about 2 more sections or so. The first part of her sister’s name is Jon’quinita.

    I couldn’t work in the hospital either. I would get fired the first day. When it’s time to fill out the birth certificate forms, ain’t no way in hell I’d write down My’Ky’El (pronounced Michael). I’d kindly tell the mother that I’m leaving and not coming back until she picks something else.

    • Luvvie says:

      La’Fellatio. WHO ALLOWED THAT?!? Your name cannot mean “My mama has an affinity for blowjobs.” Now I’m mad.

      And the other foolishness? Y’all got my blood pressha up.

  18. Rai says:

    Keyjetta (not sure of the spelling, but it’s pronounced like that, so um…yeah)

    Carkeisha (I’m not lying)

  19. AmbitiousBrown says:

    My sister is a nurse of a postpartum unit and I do research and program evaluation for a school system (which means I often access our complete student database), so some of the names we both come across on the daily are just…

    Every year I do a contest amongst my closest friends asking for pronounciations of several names. This year’s entrants were:

    1. Xyenastacia
    2. KeVaughne’a
    3. Ko’Ajah
    4. Aun’Jey
    5. Asiasy’rai

    I must say, compared to some of the names listed above, my names seem almost normal. SMH.

  20. Elle says:

    My top two are Hard Times, Jr. (his daddy wanted to pass the torture on) and Romikkiwanda Lashealteamea (last name forgotten.

  21. asante says:

    lets see… i’ve encountered,

    Syphillis
    Fe’male (pronounced Fee-MA-lay)
    Kwy’DreQuis (he was 6 and couldn’t say his own name… called himself “Kwy”)
    Le’Prince (mom’s name was Princess. -__-)
    Don’Quavious
    Quantanishia
    and 3 *different* Dartrayvious’ (within a 6 month period. seriously.)

    poor. poor children. *sigh*
    poor children.

    • Luvvie says:

      Wait. Someone named their child “Syphilis?” AND THEY WERE ALLOWED TO?!?

    • Jazz says:

      And I thought my mom telling me about a client she had named Vagina (Vag-in-nay-ah) was bad

    • Mira J says:

      I know someone name Fe’Male …Pronouced Fuh-Molly

      • Lilybet says:

        Why wouldn’t you just call yourself Molly? I can understand why kids don’t feel they can change their names, but if you’re all grown up, why are you carrying a name that makes you look like the child of idiots?

      • milaxx says:

        Oh I met one too. While working in the pediatric ER in Camden. I went to bring back the patient. Thinking the registrar had screwed up because the chart said, Smith, Female. I asked how to pronounce the name thinking I’m playing it off. Mom replies. “Fa – mah – lay”
        Up until that point I thought it was an urban myth. She literally named her child Female Smith.

    • Mark the Pilgrim says:

      My girlfriend went to school with a girl called Candida, which is the medical name for thrush. Also we knew a Meconium, which is the medical name for the excretion the baby consumes in the womb.

      • Marcus says:

        Actually, Candida is a legit name, believe it or not. Rather old-school, but legit nonetheless. It’s Latin for “white,” and it was also the title character in a play written by George Bernard Shaw. The association with the medical disease is unfortunate, though.

  22. Key says:

    I went to High School with a girl named Monsherrie Amor. Yes. pronounced like the Stevie Wonder Song My Cherie Amor.

    le sigh.

  23. SheWhoReads says:

    Might be a hood booger too since I can just about guess the pronunciation of many of these names?

    #CousinsLivedInTheProjects

  24. Cheekie says:

    *facepalms all these children’s lives*

    “RT @CoCoGoddess12: my nephew goes to school with a girl named “R’Cowna” (you say the first two letters then “Owna”) O___o

    Soo Arcona? Why didn’t they just… Ok.”

    Naw, it’s worse! It’s Arr-Cee-owna. *falls out*

  25. Silk! says:

    Funniest name ever: Fartisha. Name of a hair model I saw in a magazine. My family still thinks I made it up.

    On a side note, y’ever notice how effed up football player’s names are? I often miss entire plays because I’m stuck on the name of the player who made the hit. D’Brickashaw? WUTDA? (Okay, you’re named after a priest who has an affair, but c’mon–phonetic spellings of French names are not your friend). And why use 50-11 letters to spell John/Juan? Jukwquannne ain’t right, people.

  26. Mia says:

    my cousin in law’s name is Rhakhiyyhea…I thought that was bad. But after reading this post. She’s lucky it’s only difficult to spell

    • Luvvie says:

      So is it pronounced “Rakiyah?” Why did her parents add all the extra???

      • Fave new word = UGLASS says:

        Ok, I have long hated my real name Mykemia Jakeya (Dad = Michael, Mom = Jackie).My daughter’s middle name is Rikyia (same as above) but her first name is Jacqueline. She went by Rikyia until she got to 6th grade and was like, “I’m tired of people messing up my name, Imma be Jackie from now on.” God bless my mom for making me name the baby after her.

      • Ria says:

        My best friend spells her daughter’s name: Zakkiiyyah. She must have been studdering when she wrote that on the birth certificate!

  27. Silk! says:

    And I left out my continued consternation with the name Plaxico. Sounds like a drug.

    “Side effects may include yawning, spontaneous bullet eruptions and blurred vision.”

  28. m lauren says:

    I used to work for a company that worked with those online/BET commercial schools… the names.. we had a email going around so we could update it w/ crazy names!!! Every now and then I find the little post-it w/ all these names written on it.. I will treasure it til the day I die lol

    I will never forget: Miltoneisha and Howaniqua

    I also grew up w/ a LisaStarchild

  29. Twink says:

    Shateed…but spelled Shithead.

  30. Ashley says:

    My uncle has some Coptic neighbors who legally named their kids Black Power, Black I Am and Black Madonna. The next kid, if a boy, will be Black Jesus.

    I actually thought my uncle was joking around until we were visiting one day when the kids were over, and those are really their names.

    I kinda like them as in-your-face statements (TAKE THAT!), but feel bad for the kids in terms of getting jobs and if they don’t want to stay with that church as adults.

    • Copt says:

      Sorry, but Copts are native Egyptians who are Orthodox Coptic Christians. The Coptic church. They always give very traditional Christian names. No chance their priests would baptize babies with names like those.

  31. Lez says:

    I had to post these… At the Bally’s on 87th street (yes calling him all the way out) there’s a manager that works there named Beautiful and his (yes a male) twin brothers name is either Passionate or Sophisticated… I cant remember which one… not that one is better than the other, but ummm… yeah…

  32. Lez says:

    Ohhhh… and my cousins girlfriends name is Hyawanitha.

  33. Ashley says:

    Also – a friend whose name is Quira. Pronounced like Keer-a, not Kye-ra.

    Fine, right? Not a big deal, easily figured out and pronounced.

    Except it’s actually spelled Quara. Because the records people couldn’t read her mom’s handwriting, and typed it up that way. And mom never challenged them. She wanted her daughter to be named Quira and let her stay Quara. Pronounced Quira.

    • Tan says:

      Not a big deal. My uncle is Malcolm minus an L but his son is a Jr with the L. My grandmother spelled it wrong and that’s how it stayed but that was the 50s.

    • Me says:

      I know a Qwana (Ga-wanna) the lady typed a Q and not a G. Mom never changed the way it was supposed to be spelled BUTTTT kept the original pronouncation lol

  34. Katchin05 says:

    I grew up with a girl named Washaneika, who we used to call her Wash Your Sneakers. My friend’s litte cousins were (female) Galaxy, and (male) Amazing. In high school, there was a girl named La Fonda – in Spanish class our teacher told us it meant “the bar”.

  35. People I know (or have met) personally:

    - The’Artist (dead. serious.)
    - Pre’chayous
    - Herminia
    - Queia (pronounced “Kia”… o_O)

  36. Brandi says:

    One of my grandmother’s teachers in high school was named Old Know Gray. Apparently when she was born her father exclaimed “Oh no it’s a girl!” Had I not actually seen the yearbook and this lady’s obituary I wouldn’t have believed it. Guess that’s what was popping in GA in the 1920′s.

  37. Daaeck says:

    I tutored a 2nd grade class in an after school program during undergrad. My student name was Jesus Lord S—-, and we called him GeeGee for short because no one wanted to call him Jesus (he was NOT Hispanic, he was black) and his younger special education brother name was God S—-. Need less to say God and Jesus was BAD AS HECK….

    LBS

    • Luvvie says:

      LAWD!!! That’s blasphemous AND stupid. iCan’t deal.

      • Traci says:

        It almost seems like some folks are trying to make a reservation in advance for hell!

      • Ivett says:

        Luv vie…….I actually met a child named “the messiah” and he was biracial adopted by a black family that did not change his name……needless to say I would always cringe when I wanted to address him….so I resorted to calling hi hey kid….ughh

  38. Nikki says:

    My little sister went to school with a girl whose mother’s name was Blondiva (pronounced Blond Diva). But the worst thing about it was that she had named her daughter the same thing; like she was harassed enough when she was young, she had to subject her daughter to it as well. The little girl is 23 now and on her 18th birthday she had her name changed.

  39. Katchin05 says:

    OH! How could I forget my very own cousin, Teacola.
    We used to ask her if she was thirsty all the time.

  40. Jaime says:

    Sajata
    Suncelaree’ (Sun Celery)
    Pajama (Pad Jah Ma)
    Starleshia

  41. tiffanyo. says:

    Grew with up 2 people who have kids now. One named her daughter SoBeyond (first name) You (middle name) Jones (last name) The other classmate named her son Jaiquavious

  42. Talie c says:

    Names I’ve come across at work: Potential, Kwanshaiylynne …For why???

    My question is, why is it that people with crazy names like Marijuana Pepsi don’t change their names once they turn 18…but people with regular names wanna change their name to something stupid like ocho-cinco? I don’t get it.

    PS…Luvvie, how am I supposed to secretly read your blog at work when the ads on your page have audio that are putting me on blast? lol

  43. Shellie says:

    I’ve baby sat Faqradeen pronounced (FA-KRA-DEEN) but at 5 years old he was called Bubba -_-

    Also, Imoya – spelled & pronounced like the liquor

    When I was small I was friends with twins: Spring & Summer.

    Encountered a: Jehovah – he was 10 years old*sigh*

  44. Amanda says:

    I knew a couple who named their daughter Jezebel… They thought it was “pretty”

  45. amokiyah says:

    i’m a social worker for kids so i see a WHOLE LOT of foolishness. examples: cash money, sir sparticus (these two children are in the same family), cencere (sincere for those of you who are busy and don’t have time for riddles), infamous jackson (luckily granny changed his name once she adopted him). oh and of course heaven/neveah which i have no idea who told people that was cute. in the past, i had a family of three boys whose names had TWENTY ONE letters @ least in each, i can’t totally remember but two were something like this: gioravannilechartreuse….., and milamelodoneat…., and i could on and on and on, but i won’t lol.

  46. Traci says:

    There is a black woman who works at my job with the first name of Nearly and last name White so yes ladies and gentlemen we have a woman named Nearly White and the poor darling is an older woman so she has been stuck with this moniker for years! Also know someone who named her daughter La’Cagia, went to school with someone named Souphob and another co-worker named Majosebelle!

  47. Traci says:

    I almost forgot, I also have a coworker named Shandelere and she HATES it!

  48. Mikimu says:

    I am so amazed by this foolishness that I had to start keeping a list:
    Shatashawa, Donceletta, Quashimah, Shauntarius, Zacardi, Quaneek, Tanjanique, Bonquesha (real person…I swear), Raneequa, Quanteeesha, Shazella, Scotton (last name Cotton), and the mother of all F-ery Jermajesty (son of Jermaine Jackson).

  49. Lee says:

    Mircle (When I asked the mom if it was a family name she explained that it was “Miracle without the a”.) How the devil are you going to look at me like I’m crazy when you’ve violated every rule of phonics known to man.

    Shadynasty (pronounced Sha-dynasty, but upon further inspection is simply Shady Nasty.)

    Lee’Keith (pronounced La-Keith) The mother spells it for you l-e-e wait for it “high comma” k-e-i-t-h. I was so confused. I finally had to ask, “Do you mean an apostrophe?” Once again I was looked at like I was the slow one. WTH.

  50. LC says:

    Orangatariqua…not kidding. It was a birth listed in the Baton Rouge paper about 10 years ago. You just don’t forget a name like that.

  51. Raquel says:

    A teacher friend of mine told me about twins names Oranjello and Lemonjello…after the Jello flavors.True.

    • Engneer1 says:

      They live in Louisville, Mississippi. I met the teacher who proved it with her official school roll.
      She also had a Female (Fee-mall-ay) and Latrina.

      • Erin says:

        They’ve either relocated or there is another set, because I know 3 people (who don’t know each other) who have seen those names in California. A court clerk, a probation officer, and a D.A. Apparently they are troubled.

      • Natasha says:

        There’s also a set in NC. I saw the court docket to prove it.

        • Jess says:

          I believe it. I live in NC. My sister was shopping and headed into a dressing area at the same time as 2 ladies with kids. She ended up in the room between them. Suddenly she hears one woman’s voice yell out “Paris! London! India! Sit down now!” and then the other yelled at her kids, Marvelous and Celebrity, to get off the floor.. She said she felt like she was in the “stupid name Twilight Zone”.

  52. Raquel says:

    A teacher friend of mine told me about twins names Oranjello and Lemonjello…after the Jello flavors. True.

  53. naturalista88 says:

    Reading (or attempting to anyways) these names make me happy my parents gave me the most boring name ever; I’m sure my life would be full of struggle & wall slides right now if my name was “QAZYAWQ” or some sh*t like that.

  54. Jessika says:

    This are the names I have encountered that made me wanna know what they mama was smoking when she named them:

    Denali (that is a truck tho!)
    O’rongello & L’mongello (twin boys smh)
    Tomasina
    Shunewa
    Mocha (real first name..of a white girl)
    Chardonnay

    That it all iquit!

    • Liz says:

      A friend’s granddaughter name is Nautica…lol..it took me a long time to even remember her name..

    • Dani says:

      Tomasina is a female form of Thomas in Romance languages.
      So if the family was, let’s say Italian I don’t see a problem.

      • Lilybet says:

        Thomasina is not unheard of in Britain either. It’s a real name, with a long history. Female version of Thomas.

        • Lin says:

          Same in Scandinavia, it was popular in the great grand parent’s generation, so it’s due for a reappearance on the charts any year now.

  55. Erica says:

    When I worked for a home health care agency there was an Aide named Hermetria. I once asked my coworker how someone can look at their sweet baby girl and think “hermetria”. The coworkers name was Carmalinda now that I think of it. :) I also know a man named Kim. He has a brother named Nikki and a sister named George. NO. LIE.

  56. Glam_azon says:

    QuantiAsia, Latterean (pronounced Latter Rain), Daydreamonnah, LaKobe, Milkoshlia…all kids from my best friend’s kindergarten class.

  57. Nicki says:

    My sister has a friend who named their daughter Cherish Me because their last name is Daily. So her name reads Cherish Me Daily. I was like so we are naming our kids sentences now?

  58. Jocy says:

    I just… This is why we can’t succeed as a people. *chucks laptop out of office window*

  59. Meow says:

    My goodness, I totally agree! The concept names get on my nerves (like Faith, Hope, Love, etc.), it’s just so lofty and ridiculous, and comes off as very obnoxious. Just because the precious baby may represent these one word concepts to you doesn’t mean they should be named after it. I think a lot of these people give their children weird, out there, lofty names just to be “unique” and so the child can be “different” from those kids with the usual names.

    • Mira J says:

      I know someone who named their kids Heaven and Praise…

    • Alexis says:

      I second that, and it happens everywhere, here’s an example from where i live (Venezuela)

      Milagros (Miracles)
      Flor (Flower)
      Luz (Light)
      Esperanza (Hope)
      Dolores (Pains/Aches.. as in “Pain in the ass” or “stomach ache”)
      Socorro (which literally means… wait for it.. HELP)
      And the list can go on and on and on… -__-

  60. Jennifer says:

    Shout out to all the “Jennifer’s” in the world. Our parents have good sense so we have the good jobs!

  61. ThisisTip says:

    Ok I almost died reading the post. So I skipped the comments unless til I get of work. (I need my job.) anyway I hope these measure up:

    I known a Queen Elizabeth, Snowy, Itsy, BenJetta and Lashondria Vontressis, and recently met a Chiajunna (Key-Uh-wan-na)

    My sister comes across names all day and she sends me the crazy ones. Here are a few:
    Rockquetta
    Donquavious cash
    Chauntavious Shekitia
    Lashelton Lamonte
    Shaquannor
    Dawndrenia
    Kashena Kanesha
    Windsella

    • Mira J says:

      I had students named

      Infinidee ( she told me how to spell her name “You know, like the car but spelled with a d-e-e at the end)

      Ty’Anthony (Said he was named after his two uncles)
      A’Malik
      Rockevious

      • Luvvie says:

        “Like the car…”

        We’re losing as a people. We really are.

        • reina says:

          That reminds me… my son’s K & 1st grade classes. There was A’miracle. So maybe she was just that, a miracle, but no one told you to give her that as her lifelong name. I admit, I had a child at 18 and gave her a name I thought was beautiful & not TOO different.. D’Auni (pronounced Dee On Ee). I knew a girl in HS with the name but spelled D’Yani. My daughter loves and is very proud of her name.

          There was a pt (I wk at a doctor office) and her p’arents thought it fit to name her Alexis spelled ALEXXUS. Honestly? Reach for the stars, name her Maserati or something. Not a Lexxus.

      • TIRA says:

        Two “uncles” my ass. His momma knows she was living foul and the baby may be ty’s or Anthony’s so she said F it.

    • Don’t remember the NBA player’s name right now and I don’t feel like googling it, but he just found out about a daughter he had named Queen Elizabeth

  62. ThisisTip says:

    Ok I almost died reading the post. So I skipped the comments unless til I get of work. (I need my job.) anyway I hope these measure up:

    I known a Queen Elizabeth, Snowy, Itsy, BenJetta and Lashondria Vontressia, and recently met a Chiajunna (Key-Uh-wan-na)

    My sister comes across names all day and she sends me the crazy ones. Here are a few:
    Rockquetta
    Donquavious Cash
    Chauntavious Shekitia
    Lashelton Lamonte
    Shaquannor
    Dawndrenia
    Kashena Kanesha
    Windsella
    Martelli

  63. Mika says:

    When I came across this blog I knew I had to chime in. I work in a high school, so you know I’ve seen it all. My favorite has been NoNam’e…multiple caps, punctuation, and pronounced No-nah-may even though it’s clearly No Name. So your parents couldn’t come up with a name huh?

  64. anon says:

    I know a girl named yessanessa vanessa juliet. i swear fore god I didn’t make that up. juliet is her middle name!

  65. Ashley says:

    Oh, I forgot, there was a little girl named Metallica in the paper once.

  66. Najah says:

    Ok so my kids grandmothers works in a high school and she had a girl student named Asshole..pronouced Asholey. AND there is a set of twins named Lemonjello and Orangejello..YUP its just sad

  67. Louise says:

    I know a little girl named “BabyJewel”

  68. LuckBALady says:

    Miquaysha
    Malisha
    Michola
    they are all related but that’s obvious isn’t it?

  69. Kate says:

    For the record, there’s a law in New Zealand that says whatever you name your child has to be approved by them…so if you try to name your kid Adolf Hitler Roberts, that noise is getting turned down. We need to import that Kiwi logic stateside.

    As for the names I’ve seen/heard, and man I wish I was lying:

    Shithead (Pronounced She-thead)
    Asshole (Pronounced A-shole-ay)
    Abcdefg (Ab-se-de-fayge)

    Fail. Pure fail.

    • Danielle says:

      and they just blocked Lucifer from the Kiwi registry cause a couple people tried to named their kids that

    • Lilybet says:

      The NZers are very smart.

      Over the past 12 years, New Zealand’s Department of Internal Affairs has banned nearly 80 names deemed unacceptable to the government.

      In looking out for the welfare of Kiwi kids, the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages has prohibited parents from naming their newborn babies things like “Justice,” “Lucifer,” “Mafia No Fear,” “Anal,” and “A.J.”

      According to the registrar, names are considered unacceptable if they might “cause offense to a reasonable person,” are “unreasonably long” or “resemble an official title and rank.”

      Which explains why Princess, Prince, King, and Christ have all been placed on the prohibited list (though it doesn’t do much to explain why parents picked those names to begin with).

      As CNN points out, New Zealand is not the only country that nixes weird names: Sweden and Iceland do too.

      In the US, a child named “Adolf Hitler” was removed from his New Jersey home in 2009 along with his sister Aryan Nation.

      In New Zealand, a similar incident occurred when a local family court ordered a 9-year-old girl be placed in court guardianship because her parents named her “Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii.”

      Below is a complete list of names that have ended up on the no-no registry since 2001, along with the number of times they’ve come up since:

      Justice:62

      King:31

      Princess:28

      Prince:27

      Royal:25

      Duke:10

      Major:9

      Bishop:9

      Majesty:7

      J:6

      Lucifer:6

      using brackets around middle names:4

      Knight:4

      Lady:3

      using back slash between names:8

      Judge:3

      Royale:2

      Messiah:2

      T:2

      I:2

      Queen:2

      II:2

      Sir:2

      III:2

      Jr:2

      E:2

      V:2

      Justus:2

      Master:2

      Constable:1

      Queen Victoria:1

      Regal:1

      Emperor:1

      Christ:1

      Juztice:1

      3rd:1

      C J :1

      G:1

      Roman numerals III:1

      General:1

      Saint:1

      Lord:1

      . (full stop):1

      89:1

      Eminence:1

      M:1

      VI:1

      Mafia No Fear:1

      2nd:1

      Majesti:1

      Rogue:1

      4real:1

      * (star symbol):1

      5th:1

      S P:1

      C:1

      Sargent:1

      Honour:1

      D:1

      Minister:1

      MJ:1

      Chief:1

      Mr:1

      V8:1

      President:1

      MC:1

      Anal:1

      A.J:1

      Baron:1

      L B:1

      H-Q:1

      Queen V:1

  70. Thisistip says:

    I really hate purposeful misspellings like
    Genipher
    Tiphanie
    Mikeal
    Christafur
    Erick

    Secondly messing up a purposefully good name with a pre- or suf- fix like Lasylvia or shatiffany

    • Christi says:

      White people are insanely guilty of this. They aren’t creative enough to come up with a truly unique name, so they take a regular name and screw it up for life by adding 14 extra letters. Like Ashleigh. And don’t get me started on the Aiden/Ayden, Braden/Brayden, Caden/Cayden/Kaden/Calen/Kalen, Jaden/Jayden/Jalens of the world.

      • Luvvie says:

        LOL. Those spellings aren’t bad though.

        • DiaShoni says:

          No, but it gets annoying when there are 15 Jadens and each is spelled differently.

          • Marcus says:

            Meh. Those variations usually have some actual historic relevance behind them. Case in point, Sean vs. Shaun vs. Shawn. Sean is Irish, but was then Anglicized to Shaun and Shawn, depending on which English-speaking country you live in.

      • Jess says:

        Aiden/Aidan and a few of those others are just old Irish and Welsh names that people suddenly decided were accetable again. I love the name Aiden, but yeah..Ashleigh..ugh.. Oh, and my favorite butchered name ever – Amy! It’s now Ami, Amee, Aimee, Aymey, Ay-Mee and everything in between. Also, Erick is a perfectly accetable (and older) spelling of Erick. Also, names that reference the sex you had to make the kid – NOT COOL. I knew a girl named Terina in high school. I thought it was kind of a neat name, but it sounded familiar. I asked her about it. Her OWN PARENTS TOLD HER she was so named because she had been conceived in a Ford Torino, so they named her after a car model they can’t even spell :/ Poor, poor girl.

        • Aimee says:

          Aimee Is Actually The Original French Spelling Of The Name, So, No, That One Isn’t Butchered At All. It Means Beloved. Totally Agree With You On The Others Though. (What Is Going On With My Caps??!! Stupid Phone…)

  71. Sydny says:

    At the movie theater, the ticket taker was a male, sweet as can be, named: Simplicious. I asked him if that was his real name. He replied, with lip gloss a poppin..”Yup, my momma gave me this name.”. SMDH!

  72. I'm Just Sayin' says:

    Candida – the fungus that causes a yeast infection
    Alize
    Penisia – Why would you want the word penis in your daughter’s name?

  73. TMaryMack says:

    I know you probably done reading names bu tnow, or done overdosed on fvckery, but I had to add this name:

    Aairyckka’h……. yes, Erica.

  74. Tishia says:

    L-a pronounce…Ladasha! Why lawd?! Why?!

  75. Sweetie083 says:

    I have a cousin (Aubrey) whose wife named their daughters: Autaysia and Autayliyah. They are expecting their 4th child (3rd daughter) and I cannot wait to see what combination of Au will come from this.

    I also have a cousin named Nathan who named his daughters La’Nata and Nata’fa. I didn’t even know those were their full names till I became thier friends on facebook. I’ve been calling them Nata and Tafa respectively all my life.

    I also know a girl named Iya who is expecting a boy with her husband (Andre). They have decided to name their son Iyondre.

    Its not just us though… look at all the celebrity baby names… And I know a couple of the caucasian persuasion whose last name was England, name their adopted asian daughters London and Button. So their names are London England and Button England.

  76. Blazinbrazen says:

    I’m mad son! ((Tell’em why you mad son!!)) I’m mad because my cousin has a reasonable name, but along with his baby’s momma named their daughter Alenadi…grammar be dam-ned!

    Yeah son you’re trying to pronounce it…wait for it, wait for it…AH-LIN-AH-TEE

    Where’s the I’s and T’s? Where son??? …disowned. We need to take the fight to their doorstep cuz it’s black people vs. niggas…and the niggas are winnin’

  77. Matushka says:

    A couple years ago my boy was in kindergarten with a girl named ” Ab’cde”. Yes, for real. Pronounced: ahb-sid-eee. come on, that’s just the alphabet!

    I also grew up in the hood of Queens, and knew: Estacy, Nozema, AppleSoda, and Moses Lord.

  78. Jere Haco says:

    Chja’Love (chick I went to school with, pronounced ‘Shay Love’)

    Iloveashanti (chick my husband went to school with)

    Cadillac Sedan DeVille (student at my friend’s mom’s school, she was the principal)

    Reniquerashawn (Ruh-neek-ruh-shon, friend of a girl I used to mentor)

  79. Thisistip says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHa @ Lee you almost kilt (not killed) me with High comma BWAHAHAHAHAHa

  80. JereHaco says:

    Bee A. Ware (student my mother had)

    Chja’Love (chick I went to school with, pronounced ‘Shay Love’)

    Iloveashanti (chick my husband went to school with)

    Cadillac Sedan DeVille (student at my friend’s mom’s school, she was the principal)

    Reniquerashawn (Ruh-neek-ruh-shon, friend of a girl I used to mentor)

  81. numbah5 says:

    Working at Social Security:

    Le-a, pronounced Le-DASH-ah….

    *drops mike and stanky legs out the room*

  82. Steenabelle says:

    I went to school with a girl named Escalante and a girl named Fallalow (fuh-la-low)

  83. Thisistip says:

    I hard a customer once whose name was Richard Hardest. What’s the nickname for Richard….ummm yeah (and no he was not THAT kind of customer…lol)

  84. Traycee says:

    And these kids get an attitude when you mispronounce their names wrong. How was I supposed to know Pasinese=”Patience”

  85. S says:

    I’m so mad “Ghetto Child” by The Spinners just came on while i was reading these comments. I know of someone named Female (pronounced fe-MAL-ee) because her mom was illiterate, so when the nurses asked her to fill out the birth certificate, she said “just leave whatever’s there.” *logs the hell off*

  86. Nik says:

    Had a neighbor whose children were named, Every Day, and Spring Time. Day and Time were middle names. I’ve know a Monique Moemoney Monet, and a P’Nut Jackson, that’s how it was spelled. So I think maybe I should move.

  87. Mira J says:

    When my brother dated a girl named Spring, I was just like “Who’s calling? Is this a joke?” Then I met someone named Christmas who’s birthday is Christmas day

    • Lin says:

      Natale = Christmas in Italian, and a proper boy’s name.

      There’s also

      Natalino = little Christmas
      Salvatore = saviour
      Pasquale = easterly (as in “relating to Easter”)
      Benvenuto = welcome
      Battista = baptist

      for boys…

  88. W Mc says:

    My 1st cousin named her daughters My’unique and Malaysia. Clearly she was high on something.

    • Jazz says:

      Malaysia isnt too bad … in the grand scheme of things though. Its along the lines of naming your child Brooklyn, Arizona, China etc.

  89. Brandi says:

    My mom’s prom date’s name was Standup Strain III so not only was this man’s name Standup he was the THIRD!!! Help!

  90. KayMac says:

    A guy called my job and his name was Joedice(pronounced like Jodeci)…I had to put this chile on hold so I can LMAO, then pray for him….smdh

  91. vonbadass says:

    We need to institute a “Save the Creativity for the Middle Name” Rule! Remember the olden days when you were embarrassed by your middle name because it was always some aunt or uncle you didn’t really know?

  92. ActingBrandnew says:

    I shook my head recently when I saw a newborn baby girl named Devariyah but that isn’t half as bad as the ones I read on here today! This can’t be life.. lol!!

  93. Goldie B says:

    i babysit for two sisters one named Cinyah pronounced Sin-ni-ya and Eyonah, pronounced E-yon-na…smh

  94. Kris with a K says:

    Working at a supermarket, you tend to see a lot of weird names on credit cards. I’ve seen an Adorable and Precious, along with a La’Chaone (la-sha-one).

  95. ActingBrandnew says:

    Oh and I went to college with a girl named Money… I couldn’t believe that was her government name!

  96. Tori says:

    Most of my family is from New Orleans (hence P. Miller kids names). They ALL have 3-5 syllables per name OR ALL of their kids have the same name! I mean really, I’m tired…one of the obituaries read “LaSheldon died leaving 5 sons LaSheldon, Lasheldon LaMarcus, LaSheldon II, LaShon Sheldon, Sheldon and 1 daughter LaMartinique. NO LIE!

  97. Danielle says:

    OMG… I literally (no BS) wrote a WHOLE book on this last year. It’s called Emily, Jacob and Boniqua: What NOT to name your Child (you can look it up).

    May I borrow this as a repost on my blog (all credit given of course)???–theejbfiles.blogspot.com

    • Luvvie says:

      Hey Danielle! You wrote a book on this? AWESOME!

      You can repost 1 paragraph of this and then link back to my site for them to read the rest. I don’t re-publish my full posts elsewhere anymore. Hope you underdig!

  98. Danielle says:

    And sidenote…I was at Checkers about a month and half ago and the cashier’s name was Ikea

    yeah like the store… smdh

  99. Missy says:

    I am in for real literal TEARS over here and I haven’t even read the comments yet. Who lawdhavemussy.

    I used to live next door to a child named MUTUS. I can only guess at the spelling of that ugly name, but that is what my son told me his name was. Why would you name your son something that sounds like MUCUS?

    I told my son to quit going over there.

  100. RoanntaFari says:

    i used to feel bad about my name… roannta (pronounced row. ann. ta) i got the usual row row row your boat and Rwanda jokes.. but after this list i have realised that people in trinidad are a special kind of sane compared to some of these parents..

  101. Nicole says:

    I know someone who named her girl, Dymond, Safire and Emeral. Is that the jewely that she wishes for!!!

  102. JROC says:

    My middle school teacher always told us about a student he had whos name was NASMOKEEN because the first the the mother saw when she looked up after the babygirl was born was a NON SMOKING sign!

    I also walked into the deli the other day and there was a girl as the register named SAYLAVIE because she was named after the French saying “C’est La Vie”. I wanted soo badly to ask her is she had a brother named Karpaydeum (Carpe Diem) but I could bring myself to do it.

  103. PHATGURLLOVE says:

    I went to school with someone named Happy and her last name was Hussy…smh~ I’m done…

  104. Traci says:

    Reading all of these foul names has reminded me of another one that just made me shake my head! The young ladies name was Varshawn Walsam combining the first and middle names of her paternal and maternal grandfathers! To this I say (with a rolled up newspaper in my hand) NO NO!

  105. First of all I LOVE your post.

    Second, I can’t do better than the names previously mentioned but I recently met a white girl name Ebony and it really annoyed me. Let me just say here that I do love the name but c’mon!

    Third, you have SO many comments…I am totally impressed.

    Signed,
    New Fan

  106. Andrea says:

    Some years ago, here in Italy, I met a lady who called his son “Piovi”…that was such a strange name, so I asked her why she had called his son Piovi…the answer was unbelievable…his son is called Piovi in the name of Pope Pio Six, in roman numerals…Pio VI…..greatest facepalm in my whole life….

  107. KaRoWi says:

    I work in Social Services, and my favorites are Crazetta, Quanteleshia, Omunique, LaStarchia, and Cashmere Unique.

  108. marlenben says:

    I know a woman that named two of her daughters Areya Sonshine (A Ray of Sunshine) and TreasureMe. Fail.

  109. Don’t forget what Lil’ Mo named her daughters: Heaven Love’on and God’Iss Love Stone.

  110. Sean says:

    First Name: D’Finess
    Middle Name: Christian Dior

    You can’t make this stuff up.

  111. Hmmm I see Coonery has no boundaries…

    I heard of a La-a (LaDASHa) YALL AINT FANCY ENOUGH!!

    Oranjello and Lemonjello

    I know a Cliphene (Cliff-feen)

    I also went to school with a Dwaynette

    Oh and Philmyrn… (Mama name was Myrna, daddy name was Phillip.. we called her Precious doe)

    (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

    REGGINS MUST BE STOPPED!!

    • traci says:

      I would be willing to contribute to a fund for a vaccination to eradicate the reggins! Just let me know where to send it!

  112. I got my own damn cousin named D’Lavante (Dee La Vante) Lazharay and Askari Abakari Demini (God rest his soul) but their daddy was TRIPPING when he picked those names.

  113. la mala says:

    former middle school teacher in brooklyn:

    Quantasia
    NicQuashia
    Destinie & Tiphanie (sisters)
    Elshabbar
    Naf-si (she told a co-worker it’s spelled, “N-A-F-subtraction sign-S-I” but it’s pronounced Na-fa-see)
    Din (pronounced Dean)

    now that I work in the legal system, the names have only gotten more interesting

  114. Diamond says:

    I’m a high school teacher and I thought the parents who named their female children some silly variation of the dad’s name (Melvinische, Marvasha, Calvisha, Lamareshia, Miltoneshia, Brushelle, etc.) were bad enough. The names AND comments on here are utterly.effin.ridiculous.

    I think I literally laughed my ass off.

  115. miss.drea says:

    ill get back to my lurkiness… Lee-sha pronounced lee-dash-sha…yes the punctuation mark is pronounced ~_~

  116. Tan says:

    There was a “True Life” some years ago “I Have Embarassing Parent”. The parents were clowns and last name Graham. The girls names were Holly Graham, Candy Graham, and Millie Graham.

  117. Gina says:

    I know a boy named “Khavosieaire”, we went to the same church. o_O

    and I recently saw a girl named “Fashionette” on someones friends list on FB. I asked them if it was real…It was. :/

  118. shellie says:

    My last one: I had a client name Te’amo. Yup. Spanish for “I love you” and NO she wasn’t Spanish, she was black. 0_0

  119. Tainette says:

    I am so glad I waited until I got home to read the comments. I would have gotten nothing done. lolol Oh and btw way my own name is pronounced Tah-net :-/ lolol Where they got that “i” from I still haven’t gotten a straight answer.

  120. Charlotte says:

    I work in a call center for a bank, so I see interesting names (and interesting spellings) all the time.

    One day I talked to a woman named Cheetarah. Yes, like from the Thundercats. I’ve seen parents name their kids things like Princess, Jazzmen (I’ve seen several variations of the name Jasmine, this one was probably the worst), Rainbow, Porche, Champange, and Dior.

    But hands down, the craziest name I’ve seen is from a call my friend took. He talked to a man whose first name is Gooseberry. We laughed about that one for days.

  121. Guest says:

    I went to an IHOP and saw a young lady w/ the name Fendi.

    Reading through the obituaries one day I came across the name Cheetara as a grand-daughter of the deceased

  122. Sarah says:

    My dad was knew a “Latrina” in the Army. The fact that she was in the military made it even better.

    I went to high school with a “Princess”. In elementary school I knew a brother and sister named “Erico” and “Erica”

  123. lullaleah says:

    My name is Leah. It is pronounced Lee-uh. It is constantly mispronounced. Also, religious types usually say, “Like the unloved one in the bible,” when told my name. That’s not hard on a child’s ego.

    I named my daughter Piper Audrey. Before we told the parents our choice, my mom called and told me I better not name my kid “some sheeshee shasha name because she’ll be white.”
    Leave it to my mom to say something hideous BEFORE just asking what we were naming her.

    Oh and I grew up next to a Kiyasha and Nasombi. Their brother’s name was Billy. I always felt that was more a slap in the face than anything else.

  124. Leah Barr says:

    My name is Leah. It is pronounced Lee-uh. It is constantly mispronounced. Also, religious types usually say, “Like the unloved one in the bible,” when told my name. That’s not hard on a child’s ego.

    I named my daughter Piper Audrey. Before we told the parents our choice, my mom called and told me I better not name my kid “some sheeshee shasha name because she’ll be white.”
    Leave it to my mom to say something hideous BEFORE just asking what we were naming her.

    Oh and I grew up next to a Kiyasha and Nasombi. Their brother’s name was Billy. I always felt that was more a slap in the face than anything else.

  125. Gavee says:

    Shamaracle (cuz she [was] a miracle.
    Shacalvary (she was trying to be biblical)
    LaZion (for the longest I thought they were saying “Lil Zion”) <boy
    All siblings.

  126. Gavee says:

    Shamaracle (cos she [was] a miracle.
    Shacalvary (she was trying to be biblical)
    LaZion (for the longest I thought they were saying “Lil Zion”) <boy
    All siblings.

  127. MTHASC says:

    I used to work somewhere where parents had a child named Harley, middle name Davidson. It was actually kind of cute.

    I also met someone years and years ago — as in, she’s probably passed on by now; she was not young then — whose first name was Baby Lulu. Yes. Her parents named her that officially. She kept it her whole life.

    You kind of have to love that.

  128. NiaUmoja says:

    This post was made for me! This is something I H-A-T-E with a passion. Stop making up names, and throwing “high commas” everywhere!

    I went to school with a white girl named Alison Wonerland Pitt. Her siblings are Martini Olive,
    Peaches n’ Cream, and their lil’ bro Harry Arm. Yes. Harry Arm Pitt. . .

    I also knew of a Native American family with the last name Bear. The daddy, Pooh, decided his son needed to be a junior. Don’t feel bad for Pooh Bear; he has a sister named Cinnamon who shares the torture and humiliation.

    I knew an Asian guy named Long Pei Wei. It’s actually pronounced “pay way” but of course everyone said “pee wee.”

    Then there was Trapper Hunter Fisher (white). His parents like the outdoors.

    Summer September (white) Sounded like the store-brand version of Summer’s Eve to me.

    I had to point out the fact that the aforementioned are non-Black, because we always get called out for the the ratched names. Unfortunately, there is a reason:

    Shitonya. Her mama personally combined the words shit, on, and ya because she thought it sent a message to the “haters” to “shit on ya.” Also Shitoya and Shital. Seriously? Your name should not contain the word shit.

    My cousin is a bus driver, and she made the kids on her bus late the first day, when she made TheOne explain her name.

    My sister-in-law told me about a lil’ monster named Precious Diamond Jewel.

    Damione’jazAhnay, my daughter’s classmate in preschool.
    Labia, pronounced la-bee-ah. Just nasty.
    Tyree’Jahnay
    Raymajesty
    Angel Chardonnay
    God’send HisLove. Yes. Just like that.
    Muneekwa
    Mister and Mister Jr.
    Crystal Chanda Lier

  129. sidra says:

    A former teacher of mine named her girls Quintana and Saskia….I don’t get it….

  130. kate says:

    best one i’ve encountered thus far:

    Aqua’Netta

  131. Sue D'Nem says:

    I grew up with a kid named A. He was A. III. His grandfather was Arno Bob* and hated Arno so much he legally dropped the”rno” when he was an adult, named his son A. Bob Jr. who then in turn named his son A. Bob III. (* name has been altered to protect the innocent….. story is true).

    I grew up with a common name (there were 9 Sues on the marching field in high school) and swore I would never do that to MY kid…… but I did. Her middle name is a variation of my dad’s middle name and the most popular name at the time went really well with it so…… Wish I had known some of the really cool names in my family tree before she was born…… She could have had an original name (but not a freakazoid name)….. oh well….. Say Lah Vee!!

  132. the joy says:

    i read EVERY COMMENT!!!

    ok here’s my name. i went to school with a dentista and have a cousin named jaqueta. thats dentist, and jacket, en espanol.

    and i now know a woman named niyawnawh. i think that’s how it’s spelled. it’s pronounced “ny ah na.”

    my fiance has a unique name, but it’s nothing like the ones i read here. i feel like names based on heritage (like your name, luvvie) and family names (except hard times jr), are different than you making names out of the first 7 scrabble tiles.

  133. Anonymous says:

    I know someone with the name Shafaq (pronounced sha-fuck).

  134. Leggy says:

    A cuz just named his bu Justyce.

    Now I’m down with virtue names for girls (Grace, Mercy, Verity, Faith) so I guess I can come at boy’s names in the same vein. But FFS can’t you at least spell it right?

  135. BlackIvory21 says:

    A friend goes to school with a girl named La-a (spelled that way, but pronounced Ladasha).

    Y’all slay me with these names. chile…

  136. amymay says:

    My son has a little friend named Brazil. She came over one day with another little girl (her cousin) who I thought she said was named Olivia. No. The child’s name is Bolivia. Bolivia has a little brother named Peru.

    At this rate, that family will have all of South America accounted for pretty soon.

  137. canuckgirl says:

    I’m still shaking my head at this one:
    Satanaporn
    How can you combine Satan and porn in one name?lol

    Oh, and I went to school with a girl named Cinnamon

  138. Krista says:

    I have cousins named Daykia, Reshawntes and Ashkya.
    Oh, and my middle name is Laurisha (Pronounced as “LOR-Risha”)

    -Sigh- sometimes family just… -___-

  139. Someone on twitter wrote that he met a woman named Holy Ghost. Said she was named by her grandmother

    • Oops – I didn’t read the whole post the 1st time, so I didn’t see you also had the ‘Holy Ghost” one. But I just had to post that my cousin just meat a girl names Leen’Kawzeen (Lean Cuisine)

  140. Elizabeth says:

    I know someone named Treasure Island. Her 12 year old sister named her. Not sure if the middle name is supposed to be Alan or Island. Either way it’s bad.

  141. Shiks says:

    These names! I blame pain meds during delivery.

    My neighbour’s 3 year old had a scratch mark on her face.Being a concerned citizen,I asked;
    Me:Who scratched you?
    Her:Baby Bibiana.
    Me:Whose baby?Is she a baby? Why do you call her that?

    Ffwd a few days later,the neighbour kid introduces me to her friend,Baby Bibiana. Her name is really truly Baby,then Bibiana. Kicker is that was the largest 3 year old I have ever seen. She is HUGE!

  142. TeeNikki says:

    As a teacher, I’ve actually been spared the true foolishness. I’ve had a:

    Brite
    Prosperous
    Excellent
    Wonderful
    Thai’re (Tyree)
    Free
    Baby Hannah (Yes, her first name is Baby Hannah)

    All those are kinda mild compared to the others folks have posted.

    Then my friend hit me with Qua’Tiffany. She said her friend was telling her about some chick with this name and her cousin in the background was like which one??? You mean there’s MORE than 1???

  143. Shan says:

    I’m reading this post ctfu cause I come from a family FULL of wild names and we’re ok with it! Lol

    My moms name is Vendetta! Yep just like that.

    Just a few of the others are:

    Tioe (like T-O, his wife’s name is Kilopatria)
    Terralashay and Quantez (bro and sis)
    Brigretta (there were two of them)
    Delfenita
    Owenita
    Luretha
    Seven Brother (he was the seventh brother)
    Priest

    Oh I could go on all night! Moral of the story is: We’re a great family, amazing succcesful people and the crazy names just add lots of character! Lol gotta love it.

    Let me also add my first name is Shannon but my ENTIRE family’s last name is Shannon so my mom didn’t do too much thinking when I came along & it also causes lots of confusion at family gatherings!

  144. My name is different too..... says:

    Well I need help…can someone tell me how to pronounce Usher’s son’s name??? Naviyd….I’ve tried several ways.

    I have a rare name, but I still don’t think it’s as bad as the following…

    Dejae (boy pronounced D.J.)
    Aasiya (pronounced Asia)
    Divyne (a guy, who named his daughter Divinity)

  145. Ladybugdgs says:

    I’ve taught a Jah’Wah’Kesa, Toi’Jhai, and a whole family of alcohol: Courvoisoier, Tequila, Cristal, and a dog named Remy. As a teacher I see all types of foolishness.

  146. DFL says:

    Two girlfriends of rivaling gang members, thought it would be cute to name their daughters as follows:

    1- Blu’Asia

    2- Bloodesha

    I’m sure you guys can fiqured out what they were trying to accomplish. Those poor little girls didn’t stand a chance!

  147. I used to teach HS English, mostly 9th grade. Here are a few that I remember.

    Shataka
    Dequanne
    Kadedra
    Sequoya
    Miracle Mayo

    Heard stories about an Asshole (As-sho-lay)

    There was a girl who wanted to name her baby Genocide because it sounded pretty.

  148. Jaeda Laurez (@DarthJaeda) says:

    Velveeta.

    And yes, she does look like you think “Velveeta” would look.

    And yes, “her mom just really liked the cheese.”

    x_x

  149. monimba99 says:

    I love just being on Facebook and seeing the names of some of my friends friends (because I don’t have friends with stupid names??) You can see a lot of foolishness on FB. Sometimes I just want to ask my friends…why are you friends with them and is their momma a crackhead???

    Chile boo…

  150. Jozz says:

    Female: Glamourgucci Chambers

    Really…no lie…I died

  151. Melanie says:

    I just thought I’d share these two:
    There’s a girl at the Elementary school I volunteer at named Beyonce (cute…)
    I met a girl at Latin Night a few Friday’s ago named LaBeausha. Yes. She says it’s from 3 different family members. Looking at it now, it’s even uglier written. Womp.

  152. Erin says:

    Yeoj. “Joey” backwards…after his daddy. Pronounced ee-AH-jay.

  153. monimba99 says:

    I forgot that when I used to work in a drug rehab (go figure) one of my clients’ sons name was….
    MyJuronMoDan…Can’t think of the spelling but that’s close…and they called him Mo…He was 18 months at the time and that was 11 years ago. Poor little Tink Tink!

  154. Anna Renee says:

    I knew a white lady who named her son “Jahsala” Jah and Allah together. She wanted him to win in life big time.

  155. khan says:

    Seen on local TV Most Wanted: Trashon

  156. K.M says:

    Written as D’Angelo but pronounced Angelo. His mom insists the D is silent.

  157. Suzy says:

    When we were deciding on a name for our daughter, we had three rules:

    1. No verbs (i.e. Brighten, Chase, etc)
    2. No places (i.e. Brooklyn, Paris, Austin, etc)
    3. No name that sounds good in the following sentence “And LIVE on the main stage at the Beaver Hunt Lounge, it’s __________________”

    Needless to say, we named her Tess Mackenzie :)

  158. NoHoodRatNamesAllowed says:

    I went to school with a girl named Java who insisted that her name was “Jah-vay” not “Jah-vah”. We also had a Manashia,Chapria, a Que’Juana, and a Kajuan.

    On the first day of class our teacher botched a few of the girls names and they got mad so my teacher told them “I don’t why you all get mad because people can’t pronounce your names. Don’t blame me, blame ya mama!”

  159. Trina says:

    I helped a child at my elementary school named Zebulon. I always thought of something like Star Trek when I heard it. Didn’t know it was biblical. At least most people who name their children Biblical names the normal ones like Sarah and Matthew.

  160. Islandista says:

    The worst name I’ve ever heard is Adasha.

    Not so bad right?

    Except it’s spelt A-a.

    Apparently the – (dash) is NOT silent. (-_-)

    So why not Ahyphena? Let’s not get carried away now…

  161. Stephanie says:

    I was sitting in the DMV one day, and for real, this ladie’s name that was broadcasted over the intercom: Jingle Bell Walters.

  162. Satya says:

    I work in an urban school system and the names I come across are ridiculous. Here are my favorites:

    Tshnavia- Pronounced- Sha-nay-vee-uh. (the “T” is silent like Tsunami the mom told me)

    Shajeffreyous- Sha-jeff-re-ous

    La-a: pronounced La- dash- ah ( the mom fussed at me for not knowing that the dash was pronounced O-o)

    These are my top 3… LMAO

  163. Mick says:

    My mother worked at a school with a Cadillac Sedan. His first name is Cadillac and his middle name is Sedan. She was a “surly mother” (of course) and would come to the school and proudly proclaim that she was there to pick up “Cadillac Sedan.”

    He also has a brother named Jaquar. *sad face*

    Too bad that they will both grow up and only afford to drive used busted down hoopties.

  164. Wendy says:

    Thankfully, this name never came to be, but apparently a mom wanted to use Quntella. Pronouncing it like “quint”. It took three of us to convince her that it might not be a good idea the way it’s spelled now.

  165. Rissa says:

    One of my sister’s friends is a first grade teacher and this year she has a student whose name is pronounced “Ab-ka-def” and spelled: Abcdef.
    When I was six, we had a foster baby named “Fleetwood” because her mother wanted a Cadillac for Christmas but instead had the baby.
    And I have a cousin (I hate even admitting this) who named his youngest son Synceer Lee. (Yes, Sincerely).

    And to think when I was in first grade I wanted to change my name to “Ashley” because no one else had my name. These poor kids…

  166. Sara says:

    ILFTP Luuvie! One of my friends used to date a girl named Upholstery. But…I would name my daughter Saffron. I think it’s pretty #sosueme

    I feel like the lawyer HAS to go by Mari and Mari only, lol. Sharing this one on fb! <3!

  167. Trina says:

    I also just remembered a few more. There was a farmer everyone in my hometown knew well and thought a lot of. Turns out his momma had named him Pink and Tiny was just his nickname.

    I recently found something online where a couple planned to name their child Boleslaw and their friends were like “THATS COLESLAW WITH A B!” The woman swore it was a real name so I looked it up:

    GENDER: Masculine
    USAGE: Polish
    PRONOUNCED: baw-LE-swahf
    Meaning & History
    Means “great glory” from the Slavic elements bole “large” and slav “glory”. This was the name of kings of Poland, including Boleslaw the Brave, the first Polish king.
    Related Names
    DIMINUTIVE: Bolek
    FEMININE FORM: Bolesława
    OTHER LANGUAGES: Boleslav (Czech), Boleslav (Russian), Boleslav (Slovak)

  168. BD says:

    I work in a public library and we had a grandmother bring in her two grandson for a library card. There names Grand-Marnier and Hennessy, at least they did not have a crazy spelling I had to find the silver lining. Oh and she called Hennessy, Henny for short.
    I guess she never brought her daughter or son to the library so she is trying to do the right thing now by bringing her grand babies.

    • hill says:

      Did the booze family live in Baltimore. I have heard about these names before. This article was hilarious. I thought my name “Hillery” was bad, and it WAS when I was a kid. But I grew into it and it means “Cheerful”, so now I think it’s awesome……but it sure ain’t a kids name.

  169. Lea says:

    I work at a place where I have to take down Kids’ names a lot.

    Ocean

    Nevaeh (Heaven backwards)

    Neo

    Zillian

  170. Leo the Yardie Chick says:

    Dear People,

    There are unique, uncommon names, and then there are names that are ratchet.

    These here? R-A-T-C-H-E-T!

  171. Kina says:

    Victor… Victoria… Victorianna!!!!

  172. lw says:

    I know 3 sisters named,
    1.T’yestaday
    2.T’day
    3.T’morra

    It’s true…I kid you not.

  173. Kina says:

    I also know a little girl named K’Naste. The K is supposedly silent and the e is pronounced as an I. So her name is pronounced Nasty!!! Someone need to dropkick her mama.

    • Leo the Yardie Chick says:

      I don’t get the point of starting off a name with a supposedly silent letter, especially when you’re making that shyt up yourself.

      • Britt.Britt says:

        My cousin spelled her daughter’s middle name “A’nasti,” pronounced as Honesty. She still gets mad when I ask her where A Nasty is. Her dad, our grandmother and I tried talking her out of it.

  174. Loves2read says:

    I knew someone with the name ‘ABCDE” which is translated to “ABSADEE”. Can someone say “crackhead” momma?

  175. Kris says:

    La-a.

    I first thought “La-ah” Pretty I guess. It’s actually pronounced “La-Dash-Ah” … That’s not a name, that’s a text message or something. Dumb parents.

  176. Lisa says:

    Turquoise Brown – Her father works in the banking industry and is a Kappa). I’d expect Crimson Creme Brown but that’s just me . . .

    Euneek (unique) – His mother is anything but unique so I wasn’t expecting a lot from her.

    And I know 5 kids under the age of 10 with unnecessary “high commas” in their names.

  177. DRB says:

    I went to middle school with a Masequa (Mah-see-qwah) and a Lamicrious (Lah-Mee-Cree-Us)

  178. Sir Fariku says:

    I got no contributions but this post and the resulting comments have me rolling on the floor laughing.

    In my limited experience, Some Nigerian parents do give their kids jacked up names. Our President is called “Goodluck”, I know a “Godswill”, “Godspower”, and no this isnt a translation. these names are in english. #fail ass #fail.

  179. Q. says:

    Cerveza. Honest. Her momma was drinking a botttle of Corona when she was pregnant (sigh) and thought it was a pretty word. May as well name the kid Jack Daniels and get it over with. It makes me sad for the poor child, she never had a chance.

  180. p'bee says:

    love it. this was linked to an australian site, ‘things bogans like’ (a bogan is basically a tacky trashy classless moron) which has a similar list of names from down here: http://thingsboganslike.com/a-bogue-by-any-other-name/
    the superfluous apostrophes are also the inspiration for my monkier.

    • Bpurpleb001 says:

      p’bee I’m having a little trouble with your name. It feels like you’re making fun if my real name which is actually biblical. How are you pronouncing it?

  181. Trini2dbone says:

    I kid you not, in my sorority we were going through scholarship applications and the best two candidates had the following 1st names:

    1. Clitora

    2. Knickerbocker

    It was painful for us to announce the names at the scholarship dinner.

  182. redgal says:

    _nique (pronounced Hyphenique)and Shitanasia (pronounced with “shy” as the first syllable). Our schools have failed us!

  183. bronxgirl1 says:

    This post had me rolling around on my floor laughing.

    Okay the worst names I ever heard are as follows:

    REL which isn’t pronounced the way it looks. It is prounounced the way you spell it. R-E-L as in Arielle. Her mother was pissed when I said REL as if I was supposed to know it Arielle.

    I was walking down the street when I heard a woman screaming to her child “Come over here Tenacious!” Yes, the child’s name is Tenacious.

    In highschool, my religion teacher told us that she used to have a student named EverlastingLoveandHappiness. It was his first name.

  184. This post could go on forever. I forgot the girl at the beauty school named Daddy.

  185. YoFabulous says:

    I work in a hospital and come across some names that, well…
    My standing favorite is “Bootie”. Once I picked myself up off the floor, my next question (to myself of course) was “Why Lord, WHY?!”

  186. Prittikitti says:

    Come on now, how many le-ah’s are really out there, for real? Either somebody lying or this child and her momma are gypsies cuz she’s been in quite a few school systems. Anyway, two names I hear over the P.A. at work: Blonquisha B, I think that’s how you spell it; and Herta Batcha, makes me laugh every time!

  187. D'lovely says:

    I was working at a retail greenhouse when a mother called her daughter. I knew I had to have heard wrong, but she called her again. Yep, it was another “Clitora”. That poor, poor child. Mama should have had another and named her “Filopia”. SMH. Seriously.

  188. Jan says:

    My mom is an elementary school teacher and there was a little girl in her class named Roxanne. Only problem was that it was spelled RockSand!!

  189. Sticky-n-Sweet says:

    Quildarious. Her name is Quillita, I’m guessing Daddy is Darius.

  190. Merenda says:

    IBN….
    Pronounced Eh-Ben

  191. OhSoNattral says:

    I knew a girl who worked in a maternity ward. After a young girl gave birth the nurses helped her fill out the birth certificate. I don’t remember the exact first and last name, but the kicker is the child’s middle name. It is First Name, I’m a Diva *snap*, Last Name. Please note that the snap was a part of the middle name, meaning you are actually supposed to snap your fingers when pronouncing her name. I really wish I was making this up, SMH.

  192. minacakes says:

    Went to school with…

    CUTE identical twins- Billinique & Chamillia
    Delzamonique

  193. Tiffiany says:

    The worst name I’ve ever seen was Emyounike, pronounce “I’m unique.”

  194. Chanel says:

    I hope that all of yall are liars from the pits of hell. I just refuse to believe that there are people in the world who have such base thoughts towards their spawn that they would use any of these names. I cant believe it. I wont.

    But oh wait. I know a gorgeous Filipino girl by the name of Tampon and her older sisters first name is Po, middle name is Tato.

    Welp.

  195. Kim says:

    a young lady by the name of Sensimilla – Its a reference to marijauna…

    I live in Barbados.. we all knew what it meant..

  196. Andrea, Esq. says:

    Two really ridiculous ones I can recall off the top of my head are Bornunique (pronounced just how it’s spelled) and Jahmeyka (pronounced Jamaica, but baby girl is NOT making it out the hood)…Foolishness!

  197. Stephanie says:

    I went to elementary school with this kid who no joke his name was Money Green. I KID YOU NOT! I grew up in South Central LA but dayum! Out of all the apostrophe-name-ridden friends I had, his name had to be the ghetto-est.

  198. LG says:

    Considering that Tupac Amaru was the last Inca king, and Tupac Shakur was actually Tupac Amaru Shakur, Tupac Shakur Lopez might not seem such a weird mix, though it probably went down differently.

    • Lin says:

      Ignorant foreigner here – I actually really honestly cross-my-heart thought Tupac was fancy-trash spelling of Two-Pack…

  199. Anonymous Me says:

    Yall make me feel so bad knowing so many with awful names. Let’s see:
    Larvirshaun- dad’s name is Larry, mom is Virginia, sister is Shaundrell (which is bad by itself)
    Ta’Derrick, Ta’Ashley, and Ta’Brandon are siblings. Why not Thomas, Tyler, and Tiffany if they all had to have names that started with “T”

  200. Jeanine says:

    I know someone who named her children
    Nadayeja Daenicha Saffiya & Danayeja Uanayaja Khadihah

  201. Ms. Williams says:

    My dad worked with this old dude named Pink. I mean OLD DUDE, ’cause he had to be in his 50s when I was a little girl…and I’m 26 right now. I don’t see how he survived ANYTHING in his life with that name, but ol’ dude was one of the best Engineers on the job and taught my dad a lot. Still, he got crap for that name. Pink. Unffh.

  202. jynsalive says:

    there was a kid at my high school named Richard Rape…… so….Dick Rape….his name was Dick Rape.

  203. Christie says:

    I was a counselor at camp and had a girl named Honorreah in my cabin. iCan’t. Named after an STD.

    There is a family and the kids names are: Gorgeous, Special, Awesome (All girls) and their brother is Bodacious. I’m not lying; I couldn’t make it up if I tried!

  204. Latoya says:

    I agree that some parents do go to the extreme with naming their kids ( I knew a girl who’s name was pronounced Sha-tead but spelled Shit’head) but some people blow this name thing out of proportion. All 4 of my children have unique names and they all learned to spell and write their names by age 3 and they love their names and they aren’t picked on for their names:

    Lartayvious (Lar-tay-vious)
    La’Dasia (La-day-sia)
    Latavia (La-ta-via)
    La’Nahryan (La-nah-re-an)

    But I guess it just depends on the way it is spelled and how it is pronounced and the parents intentions.

    • Luvvie says:

      I want the apostrophes to stop. I really do.

      • Latoya says:

        I understand wholeheartedly and to be honest, if I could go back those X amount of years and remove them..I would. But at the time I named my children, I used the apostrophe to seperate the syllable (I know I was young and I thought it would look better than a dash)I just personally hated having 8 other girls in my grade level with the same name as myself so i didn’t want my kids to endure the same thing. But atleast my children love their names and they do know how to spell their names and have not been ridiculed about it…they have actually had other kids say that their names are cool. But again, I understand the frustration and I agree most of this foolery with the names needs to stop.

        • Say what now? says:

          and only out of sheer curiosity and because it would have made more sense I ask, why don’t Lartayvious snd Latavia have the apostrophes for the sake of consistency?

          • Latoya says:

            Bc they were named after specific ppl and therefore they were spelled exactly like who they were named after.

  205. Marcia J. says:

    I dated someone named Tawana…her bestie is named Tequila. A girl at my parent’s church is named HoneyLove. And I work with a girl who’s son is Semaj Jr. Smh.

  206. Laura says:

    As a college prof I have to attempt pronouncing a lot of phonetically unstable names on the first day of class; throw me a bone and don’t give me the stink-eye for not knowing “Datreel” is pronounced “Day-tree-elle” (because NO IT’S NOT).

    I also encountered an “Yves” who, when I said “Oh, your name is Yves, are you French?” replied “It’s pronounced ‘Eavis.’” Again, NO IT’S NOT.

  207. Nay says:

    My sister’s stepson’s mother ( I know, had to go the long around. lol) Named her other children Payne (girl) and Zane (boy). Smh lawdhavmercy.

  208. ladyscellz says:

    I guess i suck….my childrens names are adam, nathanael, ariel, ronald jr, joshua and edward……i tried to think about them as older folk, i tried to think about exactly where they would fit in a corporate workd with a god forsaken ghetto name. I tried to think BIG for them…..isnt that our responsibility as parents. Im sickened by some of these names….makes me wanna take a long walk off a short bridge.

  209. Tamara says:

    I submit a girl from high school named Cherry Raspberry, and a Target cashier named Secrete (but pronounced Secret).

  210. ga says:

    So nobody’s gonna talk about Blue Ivy? ok.

    I worked at high schools, so I came across every weird variety of names you can think of. All the variations of Black names ending in -ah or -a for girls and -quan or -shawn for boys come to mind. One memorable one, SupremeTyson (all one word) is another memorable one.

    • Say what now? says:

      or T.I. and Tiny’s King and Major?

    • HowlingBanshee says:

      I don’t foresee Blue Ivy ever having to fill out a job application, so…
      The way I see it, wealthy celebrities with staying power and good money sense can name their kids Prosperity Diarrhea Herpes-Qwante’ if they want and it won’t matter. The working class don’t have that luxury.

  211. B23 says:

    I’ve been a high school librarian for 15 years. I have had the pleasure of working with students with names such as Nautica, Prescious, and Nawjah (say it out loud.) They were truly lovely, lovely girls. However, I get annoyed when people cop an attitude when society doesn’t get the psychic message that one has a kreatively spelled name. When I write you a hall pass, don’t be mean that I write down Jessica when it’s Jessyca. I had no way of knowing.

  212. LovesLoved says:

    I knew a girl named Lasagna pronounced Lasanna,my son went to school with a boy named Jadakiss and my cousin went to school with a boy named AlPacino DeNiro Lewis…after that I turned in my Black card and submitted myself for the Race Draft

  213. Brianna Leigh says:

    “A Boy Named Sue” doesn’t seem so bad now… I bet if Shel Silverstein were still alive he could write some really great songs about these names too! :D

  214. ThisOneWoman says:

    Growing up we had a family friend named Iguana and one of my cousins named her son Osheawn.

  215. jazzyLia says:

    There is an 18 year old girl running around NC who is legally named… Ten’Sationaa (pronounced Ten-Sationa – as in sensational). I asked her where her name came from and she said her mother named her that because she is a “sensational (sationaa) dime piece (ten)”.

  216. Say what now? says:

    I was absolutely speechless when a friend told me a family member named her son who is now about 2 years old Swift Coreleon. I don’t remember the kid’s last name but with a first name like Swift you are destined to either be an olympic track star or really quick with your hands, a boxer maybe. Either way, I can’t.

  217. Ms. P says:

    As I kid, I met a boy named Demon (yeah…like from hell) and his sister named Pumpkin.

    What is a mother putting into her daughter’s head by naming her “sensational dime piece (ten)”? #epicfail

    Reading all of these comments has had me literally in tears! My head. My side. Can’t breathe. iQuit!

  218. Emme says:

    I am a teacher. I have a list of these ratchet names!

    MeccaTeesha
    Savory
    Ikea
    Iquan
    Quadear
    Shabrielle
    Dijone’ and Dijonay (twin sisters)
    Heaven and Nevaeh (Heaven spelled backwards…also twin sisters)
    Quandel
    Noisivelet (that’s TELEVISION spelled BACKWARDS!!! Yes folks, you’re reading correctly!!!!)

  219. Jen says:

    They used to run a photo contest in my local paper called, “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby,” and they’d have a picture of the kid, their name and a number so you could vote for the cutest or whatever.

    Hand to God, one little boy was named N’Famy D’rito.

    It took me a while, but once I sounded it out, I concurred that it was pronounced Infamy Dorito.

  220. Courtney says:

    Oh, I hate the ones that has a foreign name with a ratchet twist. Like Da’ Juan. Or how about the one of members of Travis Porter is Donquez -____-.

  221. From Tha Town Heard It All says:

    Shakki
    Marathon
    YurHyness & Shapelle (Brother & Sister)
    Quasana
    BaSheba
    Leonashia
    Jaquon
    J’adore
    LuShaw
    Twonesha
    Launte
    Starrein
    Durrius
    Hadidjah (White girl)
    Ja Ronn
    SaToya
    Suave (Pronounced Swa-vay)

    ALL real people, kid you not.
    Ok.. I’m done.

  222. Jabria says:

    I’m way late on this but I had to comment. My little brother went to school with a little girl named Diarrhea(pronounced Dah-Ria). And in the tenth grade, a girl came back from having a baby and proudly told our teacher that she named him DaRealest Eva -_-.

  223. Ms Fee says:

    The names listed below are real life people that I know and some I am related to:

    Scotty Scott( first name Scotty last name Scott)
    Omunique Ni’kol
    Quaqoo and his sister Quewanna
    Siblings named Onthony, Ondrae, and Ontonio
    LaShawn Cincere( he is a boy)
    Semaj( James spelled backwards)
    O.T( his legal first name is the letter O and the letter T)
    Ka-Marley( this is a boy)
    Elxyss (pronounced Alexis)
    Darkeesha
    Sexica

  224. Jennifer says:

    Umm try

    Future – boy
    Wisdom – girl
    Tue-day
    January
    Finest – boy

  225. Dedra says:

    I have always thought my name was the most boring name ever. I actually like the fact that many black people decide not to choose a traditional “Anglo” name for their kids, but sometimes it goes waaaaay too far lol.

    What I can’t understand is this fascination with naming children after cities, countries, and continents? I cannot count how many India’s, Asia’s, London’s, and Paris’s I know!

  226. Tenay says:

    A set of BROTHERS at my kids school are:
    Fres’s (pronounced Fresh)
    Franswa (pronounced François) and
    Frre (pronounced Free)
    Their dad’s name is Frank and the first year I met them when Fres’s was my student, the family pic their mom posted on the bulletin board outside the classroom was taken at the prison, daddy in a tan jumpsuit. No lie. She will flip ALL THE WAY OUT on you if you mispronounce these abominations! Cutest little boys you EVER want to see though. SMH

  227. M. says:

    My managers cousin is named telphonica. I told him that it sounded like some type of Xerox/typewriter/4-in-1 printer machine.

  228. K says:

    I know a girl that named her baby Amazyn (boy) no lie! How amazing is that! LOL NOT

  229. Teddy says:

    My mother taught a little girl named Bermashay. A co-worker grew up with a set of twins named Lemonjello and Oranjello, because those are the two flavors of Jello she ate in the hospital. Last but not least, there was a child at the school where I taught named La-a (pronounced La Dash a) you pronounce the word “dash” but it’s spelled La-a.

    • Alexis says:

      NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this takes the cake! Phuck life man!

    • kwan says:

      Yeah the whole La-a got buzz on the internet not to long ago, but she named her children after gelatin…WHY?!?!

      Well my name is Kwanzaa but because it’s a holiday of cultural significance (I don’t celebrate it) I guess it gets a pass. My parents wanted my siblings and I to have African names.

  230. Ms B says:

    Quvenzhane Wallis? Anyone? I was at a screening of the film Beasts of the southern Wild, and during the Q and A portion an older white woman asked, ” Where did you find that little girl, Quinnnnzneee? Is she from Brazil? Are her parents Brazilian?” And the film makers said, ” it’s Quevenzhane…and no, her parents are American. African American”.

  231. freshie85 says:

    Oh I’m pissed that I’m just now seeing this post. Let me add onto the fuckery. Since I’ve been in GA I’ve ran into some of the most……whew jesus! I took my niece to her doctor’s appointment this morning & the nurse called out this name. Massa Coleman……& what made me weep even harder is that a white lady called her name. I looked around saying to myself that cannot be a child’s name. Mama pushed that stroller with massa’s feet just dragging on the floor.

  232. CandiB says:

    Not sure if this one is among the sea of fuckery but the most ridiculous I’ve seen is a female named La-a.

    How is it pronounced you ask?

    Ladasha.

    Poor babies out here named after CAPTCHAs…DAMN SHAME

  233. WCN says:

    I just unfriended a girl i went to high school with on Facebook because her status mentioned that her kids were named Zy’Asiah and Zy”Ion. WHY GAWD? What is the apostrophe for?!? This chick was in my English classes so I know that she still has NO FREAKING CLUE. #LettucePrayForHerChildren

  234. kwan says:

    I’ve recently started working for this photography company. One of their divisions is Grad Images, they’ve more than likely took the photos at your graduation college or high school. I work in the production area which ID’s photos to send to the grad so you can imagine the names I’ve seen.

    A couple off the top of my head since you mentioned spices Luvvie ‘Sinnamon’ and I saw some girl is named ‘Hasty’ yeah I- I just pray for her.

  235. My mother worked at Loretto hospital on the west-side of Chicago in the ’80s. She swears that a woman gave birth to a baby girl, and insisted on naming her: Vagina……..(VA-JEENA)

    The doctor and nurses did their best to protest her decision, but in the end she went with it anyway.

  236. #6 Pick of the 2013 NFL Draft – Barkevious Mingo. He’s named after his mother, Barbara. His brother Hughtavious, is named after his daddy, Hugh. Cuz Hugh Mingo, Jr wouldn’t work

  237. Boogie says:

    Real talk…. had a customer named Chevoka….. I don’t know if her mama was drunk off of vodka and conceived in a Chevy… But that name is pure fuckery….

  238. Crisandra says:

    I know a girl whose name is La-ia … pronounced Ladashia ..

    I was very tempted to call her “Lahyphenia”

  239. My favorite: Choclit’Angel Handley in this article – http://seattletimes.com/html/picturethis/2018987606_womensheadcoverings.html

    I met a little girl named LadyShimmary who has to be in her late teens by now

  240. Shoutout to one of my favorite WNBA players – DeWanna Bonner.

    Another fun fact- she’s 6’4″ and weighs 135lbs. It’s like if Luvvie was tall enough for the WNBA *shots fired* *from the free throw line*

  241. L'Muh'Kai'Quay says:

    Hand to God- I once sold an auto insurance policy to Contageous Phinnesse.

  242. Mels says:

    I still don’t know how to spell my former sister in laws name it’s pronounced Kierra but it features an A, E, I, U, and a Y plus all sorts of silent letters and double vowels. SMH.

  243. Christopher says:

    Worst name ever: La-a Pronounced “Lah Dash ah”

  244. Cece says:

    Please. I taught kindergarten so I KNOW some names, my favorite being Nautica Nike Johnson. Also, Emorej, or the daddy’s name (Jerome) spelled backwards cause the baby momma now hated the baby daddy. MBonya, Tarshiela, Gucci, of course a Chanel, I could go on and on…

  245. KRinATL says:

    I always look at a person’s name tag when they’re ringing me up at a retail place because I want to say, “Thank you, Samantha” when she hands me the receipt. But there are two times where I honestly couldn’t do it. I could not bring myself to say to the cashier at Lowe’s, “Thank you, Ethiopia.” I just couldn’t do it. I’ve also learned not to jump the gun and start saying thank you AS I LOOK at their name. The last time I did that I said, “Thank you, Shd…” and hung my head in embarrassment and walked away. I don’t remember what the remaining letters were. I just knew there should have been a vowel between H and D. Another bit of advice: If the name you’re considering sounds in any way, shape, or form, like a drag name, DON’T DO IT. We do not need any more children named Unique.

  246. Michael says:

    Well how about Scientific Maps? Oi.

  247. Lavagurl says:

    Had a student in class name D’Finest. Mom said he was “dee finest” baby she had ever saw. 0_o

  248. pup says:

    I went to school with a sweet white girl, Christmas Snow. Sorry girl.

  249. suzieque says:

    I had a friend in highschool who’s older sister was a teacher. she had a set of twins in her classroom named Oranjello and Lemonjello. They were pronounced with the stress like this o RAN jel LOH and lem ON jel LOH. No joke. Orange Jello and Lemon Jello. Sigh. they thought the mispronunciation would make it more sophisticated??

  250. Jess says:

    I remember my high school had lots of odd names, including too many kids named after famous people.. We had a black James Taylor, a white Michael Jackson, and both a black AND white Stephen King, and a Sara Lee (and yes, boys did made nasty “pie” comments to her). The best is a lady who used to come into an office where I worked. Her name was Pet Hair. No lie. Her parents should be slapped.

  251. Jennifer says:

    I’ve heard variations of the Female, La-a and Orangejello/Lemonjello so many times that they can’t be real.

    This, however, is: I have taught students named Confushous, Xzavinadrhe, and Aunzhanandre

    Honestly, though, I find the habit of giving kids last names as first names way more irksome. Bennet, Barrett, Hamilton, etc.

  252. Shannon says:

    Funny, right under this comment box is a link to Luvvie’s post, “The Foreign Name Struggle Is Real”. I’ve tried to take the approach of taking “ghetto” or “weird” names as seriously as I take the names of my Middle Eastern, Eastern European, or African acquaintances. African-American culture deserves my respect too.

  253. JT says:

    My mom is a teacher and there is a family at her school with three kids named Diesel, Dodge, and Dually. There’s a fourth on the way; I wait with bated breath to see what that one’s named. (It will probably not surprise you to learn she teaches in rural Texas.)

  254. Imani says:

    I went to high school with a white girl named Mercedes Labenz. I always wondered why her parents would do that to her…

    I’ve also heard of a girl named “La-a”. It’s allegedly pronounced “Lah-dash-ah”. Yeah, I just cannot.

    Also, George Foreman’s sons’ names are a huge #fail. From the Int’anets: “His five sons are George Jr., George III (“Monk”), George IV (“Big Wheel”), George V (“Red”), and George VI (“Little Joey”).” Whyyyyyy?????

    I.AM.DONE.

    • Mercedes says:

      Ha, I AM that white girl named Mercedes of which you speak…. perhaps Central HS in Philly rings a bell? My name has been awesome for my career….no joke…no one forgets it…very handy in my field, and it worked on YOU too! I love my name :) When I got married could not bare to drop it…so I hyphenated and just added my husbands instead. I must say my folks could have done worse. My name really helped to make me bolder and more confident and it is a GREAT conversation starter! I have lived in 5 states and 3 countries and been to MANY more it is truly an internationalname that lingers in people’s minds. I always say that Mercedes Benz owes me a car since I have been doing free advertising for them for 37 years!

  255. Erica says:

    Names like these are the reason I hate people sometime, I swear! When my mom was a Probation Officer, she came across many a ratchet moniker…these two were the highlights:

    Da’Bree (a.k.a. Debris…why would you name your baby GARBAGE?!)
    Lasagna

    Then we went to church with a chick who had a daughter named Stdgediah (i honestly don’t how the hell it’s spelled, but it’s pronounced ‘Sta-Gay-Jah’

    While sharing these horrible names, I’ve decided that when I stop being ‘selfish’ with my freedom and whatnots, I’m gonna have some rugrats and name them the following: Ham’Cheez Sammich, GumiBearh Knap (the H and K are silent) and IkeSyl (Ike Turner and R. Kelly’s middle name together)…..JUST to be different! The first two will be named after things I like to do or eat and that third one will be a “oops” baby. o_O

  256. Brian says:

    There is a doctor in Minnesota named Happy Thanksgiving Reynolds. Google it.

  257. Wale says:

    Once knew a little girl her first name :Ta’lite middle name: Akandle

    Now put it together: Ta’lite Akandle

    Can’t make this stuff up folks.

  258. Erin says:

    Quontranaqua. I work at a hospital and I wouldn’t lie! LOL!

  259. Dionnew9 says:

    It’s not as unique as some of these “gems” but I ran up on Ralphine last night and I immediately had to take it to Kang Jaysus.

    Almost as good as the convo I heard once:

    Ratchet 1: Yeah she’s naming the baby Shankia – you know, because her dad’s name is Shank.

    Ratchet 2: That’s so beautiful!

    A thousand dishonorable deaths.

  260. Markida says:

    I know a Girl named “Passionique” and one named “La-sha”which is pronounced “La Dash Ah.” And I do know a girl named Prejudice. Her sisters are Liberty and Freedom.

  261. arsenicsauce says:

    In high school I knew a girl named Qlauptra (pronounced, of course, as Cleopatra.)

    I used to work at a day care but I won’t tell you those names… must protect the innocent.

  262. arsenicsauce says:

    OH and my cousin’s baby mama (is that a thing? idk…) told me they were naming their baby in a way that people wouldn’t be able to tell if she were black or white. She told me “Natalia” but the child got “Ni’Talia,” God bless her.

  263. Justi' Randall says:

    My name is Justi’ pronounced (Just-ee). My moms name is Justine and my grandfathers name is Justin. My mom wanted me to continue on with the name but didn’t like Justice. I have never met another person with my name In my life. I think apostrophes are nice if they are French names where it makes sense.

  264. Richard says:

    How did I end up here. Like another world.

    Anyway…

    My wife’s a doctor. She knew of a patient (quite an old lady) named Cinderella Castle.

    Mr & Mrs Castle clearly had inspired sense of humour. Awesome.

    Despite all this strangeness, you don’t see too many kids called Adolf or Hitler, so maybe the world hasn’t totally lost it yet.

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