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Stevie Wonder Might Be Doing “Dancing With the Stars.” Oh.

The Wondrous One went on Ellen DeGeneres’ show and said he wants to do “Dancing With the Stars.” Lawd… who are Stevie Wonder’s handlers and PR people??? I wrote Stevie a sternly-worded letter in February 2010 and I might need to update it. They don’t do Stevie right. His legend is way too awesome to to be thrown back in his face constantly.

Stevie WonderStevie wants to do DWTS so he can lose weight and look better. Meanwhile, nobody told him his hairlines starts at the nape of his neck. Oh ok. And no, that wasn’t a blind joke (I don’t make those. I’m not 100% jerk, ya know? Maybe just 85%). But Stevie can feel that he has to reach further back to touch his hair. Why does he still have those loc braids? I don’t like the people around Stevie. I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Tell that man that he should just go bald. And tell him “No” sometimes. And place him on a pedestal because he’s earned the right to be on one.

I bet you I could ask Stevie to come sing at my backyard BBQ and his people will ask if he should bring chicken or watermelon. NAWL.

They need to treat Stevie like the legend that he is and stop having him do stuff like scat with Trey Songz on BET. Remember that?? Yeah, me neither. O_O I get in my feelings bout Stevie, because there’s no reason for him to be doing some of this stuff. DWTS is like a stamp that says “I used to be relevant, but now I’m dancing badly for your approval.” He doesn’t belong on there.

And I’m kinda afraid of the logistics anyway. I’ve seen a clip where Stevie tripped because his handlers didn’t communicate a stair to him and it made me so uncomfortable. What happens when he’s doing spins and twirls on DWTS? This just makes me nervous, man.

Esp after seeing him on BET doing a duet w/ that lesser, Trey. I was embarrassed for him. They had Stevie play backup for the Jonas Bros and I cussed. They shouldn’t e’em be able to touch the hem of his brocs (braid locs).

I bet yall that someone has had Stevie Wonder come sing “Isn’t She Lovely” at their daughter’s quincenera. SMH.

And AND can they stop dressing Stevie in random ass animal print? Dressing him like the human epitome of the circle of life. I’m mad at all his people. LET STEVIE’S LEGEND BE GREAT!!!

For Colored Icons Who Scatted on BET When Royalties Weren’t Enuf: The Stevie Wonder Biopic.

iQuit.

So, whatcha think about this? Would you watch Mr. Wonder on “Dancing with the Stars?”

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17 Comments

  1. December 5, 2011 at 7:09 am — Reply

    “Esp after seeing him on BET doing a duet w/ that lesser, Trey. I was embarrassed for him.”

    This. All of this.

    “For Colored Icons Who Scatted on BET When Royalties Weren’t Enuf: The Stevie Wonder Biopic.”

    I hate you for making me laugh until I choked this early in the morning!

  2. December 5, 2011 at 7:52 am — Reply

    “Meanwhile, nobody told him his hairlines starts at the nape of his neck.” I will be borrowing this!

  3. LuckBALady
    December 5, 2011 at 11:47 am — Reply

    Why, why, WHY was Trey Songz allowed in the presence of Mr. Stevie Wonder? WHY????????

    There needs to be an agency like Child Protective Services for great artists to protect them from their own handlers(see: Michael Jackson).

  4. TC
    December 5, 2011 at 1:17 pm — Reply

    Real tears…Lmao you are hilarious. But so on point. Stevie’s ppl need to get their act together.

  5. JR
    December 5, 2011 at 2:01 pm — Reply

    LOLOL Your posts crack me up all the time. It would be interesting to see Stevie Wonder on there though, but ppl will be watchign for all the wrong reasons.

    • December 5, 2011 at 7:44 pm — Reply

      If watching and cracking up is wrong, I don’t wanna be right…

  6. December 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm — Reply

    Am I a bad person if I say that I would gladly watch DWTS just to see him miss a partner toss or spin off-stage somewhere?

    Who would take the challenge of being his partner, tho?

    • Capricorn
      December 6, 2011 at 12:49 pm — Reply

      These are my confessions.

      WHO thought this would be a decent, not even a good, idea? WHO, I say?

      That person needs to be fired. Immediajately

  7. Kay
    December 5, 2011 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, take yo ass to time out!!! I hate you!! (you know thats code for, I love you and will be back tomorrow)

  8. slaus
    December 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm — Reply

    ……. girl you getting a whooping.

  9. December 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm — Reply

    o_____o.
    Waitaminute.

    If he were to be on DWTS… How do you teach a blind man how to dance?

  10. December 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm — Reply

    see… This is why I cant get anything accomplished at work today!! I’m over here literally crying!! But youre absolutely right. Stevie needs to just fire the whole crew of them, and start fresh. Because DWTS?? Nah… I cant. ( ._.)

  11. LB
    December 6, 2011 at 7:29 pm — Reply

    Yer Mostest Awesomelynessis,
    That was very funny! And sad. But it’s what happens when other people want a piece of the pie (that they didn’t make OR bake). Every time the Stevie Wonder Lottery Handle of Life gets pulled, they seein’ real change drop. No matter the degradation of the legend, the greatness, nor of the man himself.

    OR … Stevie’s just Wack now.

    L “Stevie Wonder, did you see those cakes?” B
    (That is a real line from James Brown’s “Just look at those Cakes”)

  12. December 7, 2011 at 7:32 pm — Reply

    I couldn’t agree with you more. The man who produced Songs In The Life should not be subjected to this nonsense. There are just things legends don’t do. You wouldn’t catch Mick Jagger on DWTS. He definitely needs to upgrade his staff. Where is his wife?!?

  13. December 7, 2011 at 7:33 pm — Reply

    I couldn’t agree with you more. The man who produced Songs In The Life should not be subjected to this nonsense. There are some just things legends don’t do. You wouldn’t catch Mick Jagger on DWTS. He definitely needs to upgrade his staff. Where is his wife?!?

  14. December 7, 2011 at 7:33 pm — Reply

    I couldn’t agree with you more. The man who produced Songs In The Life should not be subjected to this nonsense. There are some just things legends don’t do. You wouldn’t catch Mick Jagger on DWTS. He definitely needs to upgrade his staff. Where is his wife?!?

    Seriously.

  15. TeeNikki
    December 8, 2011 at 5:29 pm — Reply

    I can’t deal with this today LOL. Did yall see what big ole Hines Ward with all of his sexual mixed chocolate goodness did to lil Kym? She almost died from a misstep. I ain’t tryna be funny, but I’ont know bout that one.

    Plus, he may spin, not see her and whip her with his brocs. So what is he gonna dance to? That Willow jont?? Is he gonna rock back and forth during the dance? Then he can use the Aaliyah jont. I’ont know, I just think it’s a dangerous idea. For all parties involved. Can you imagine what ole girl would say when they announced her partner?

    “Ay, you got Stevie”

    “GTHOHWTBS!!! We on’t e’em do animal prints all like that. UGH!”

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