Beyonce’s Baby Girl, Blue Ivy, Is Already Epic

I was on Twitter late last night when news broke that Beyonce finally had the Golden Knowles-Carter baby. Celebs and insiders like Dream Hampton, Rihanna and Russell Simmons tweeted about it and Twitter went NUTS. NUTS, I say. But this is to be expected, seeing as how when Bey rubbed her belly to admit she was pregnant, it broke Twitter records.

For the next 3 hours after the initial birth announcement, I stayed on Twitter watching how folks were acting. and I acted up myself. It just showed that the baby girl was already epic. I don’t think a celebrity baby has been this anticipated since… well, I actually don’t know. Simba? Shid. I wonder who’s gonna hold her up in the air as people bow below and “Circle of Life” plays in a concert arena.

Solange was probably at the hospital rocking a turban, mismatched clothes and using a polaroid to capture the happy moments. YES LAWD! I can only imagine the joy Bey and Jay felt. It’s enough to get a G verklempt.

But yeah, the heir to the throne Jay-Z was watching (hehe) is here and that child is already everything. And even as a non-stan, I fully admit this. The moment I heard she was born, I wanted to know what her name was and what she looks like. I MUST KNOW! I hope she takes after Beyonce because if she looks like a mini Jay-Z, we all gon have to pray that she grows into her looks.

E! Online was the first to announce her name and they said “Ivy Blue” and folks were all O____o. The name wasn’t as dope as Brooklyn Giselle woulda been, admittedly. But what was even BETTER were the theories that came with it. Beyonce loves the number 4, so folks talmbout “IVY” must be for the roman numeral 4 “IV” and Blue is the 4th color on the color wheel. I guess… Oh and then we find out her name is actually “Blue Ivy.” I like “Ivy Blue” better but hey.

Nothing beat the numerology equations folks tried with the baby’s birth date though. I saw about 5 equations come across my timeline adding everything up to 4, even if they had no real cause for it. “Beyonce had her baby on 1/7/2012. 1+7= 8. 2+0+1+2 = 5. 8-5=3. 3+1 = 4! YALL SEE DESTINY’S CHILD??? YOU SEE HER!” Oh ok, y’all. (-___-)

This child is so epic that she got folks doing the pythagorean theorem and complicated long division to get to the number 4. THAT is something. Twitter had me HOLLERING last night. The jokes, lawd!

But here’s 5 more reasons why she is GRAND. Here’s 5 reasons why:

1. She was born to Beyonce and Jay-Z.

I don’t have to explain this.

2. Blue Ivy’s name doesn’t make much sense but we love it anyway.

As much as the name “Blue Ivy” makes me side-eye, they coulda named that child “UnderAFoot ThereIsGum Carter” and she’d be epic. When your mama and pops are Queen & King of Music, Business and Everything Cool, you’ont e’em need a name that makes sense. It’s not like she needs a name that needs to look good on a resumé. That child is gonna walk in a room and say “Knowles-Carter’s Golden Child is here” and she’d get whatever she wanted.

3. Her godparents and aunts and uncles are epic.

When your aunts, uncles and godparents are folks like Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Oprah, Warren Buffet, Kanye West and Will Smith, then you are already winning at everything involved with life. Warren Buffett comes over for Christmas and you’re all “HEY UNCLE WARREN!” you’re pretty damb epic.

4. She’s already become a Worldwide Trending topic.

Ivy Blue (the name we all thought she was) was the #1 trending topic in the world. And like 5 other trending topics were related to her. GAHT.DAMB. That baby was 1 hour old and was already the most talked about person in the world. Meanwhile at Ciara and Keri Hilson’s houses…

5. Her rattles and blankets are worth more my whole closet

The fact that the blankets they’ll be wrapping Blue Ivy in will be made from the softest Egyptian cotton made from plucked King Tut’s eyebrows is just… that child has nothing but luxury around her. Her blanket collection is probably already worth more than my entire closet, if you multiply my belongings’ value by 10.

Yeah, so the Golden Child is here. Beyonce’s stans are probably somewhere tatting her name on them AS WE SPEAK. Hoodrats everywhere are already planning to name their next baby “Blue Ivy” but they want to put their own spin on it so theirs is gon be “Bl’eu Ivee.” And the world is going to talk about nothing but that baby for the next 48 hours and y’all gon have to deal. Although, I might have to avoid Twitter a little bit today. It might get to be a bit much. Especially since there’s an @IvyCarter and @BeyoncesInfant Twitter account already. Folks stay doing A LOT on there.

So, whatcha’ll think? You excited the baby is here or are you sick of the talk about it already?

P.S. Blue Ivy’s a fellow Capricorn. GOATS WIN! At what? I’m not sure yet. But we win somehow. (-__-)

Tags: Beyoncé, Blue Ivy, Featured, Jay-Z, Knowles-Carter baby

Category: Famous folks