Yesterday, I was alerted to the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since… well the day before. Let me give you the cliffnotes on what happened.
This past Sunday, some Jewish Rabbi (or so he says) named Ralph Messer went to New Birth Missionary Baptist Church to crown Bishop Eddie Long as “King.” He used some ritual that he said the Jews use, involving what he claims to be this historical Torah Scroll to ordain Long as King. During the random ceremony, he wrapped Eddie and his wig into the Torah and covered him with “the blood of Jesus.” To cap it off, Eddie was made to sit in a chair and carried around the stage for all to behold.
Yes. This happened. And it is even more ridiculous than it sounds when you watch it, which you can below. So, this week’s sternly-worded letter goes to Bishop Eddie Long, he who does not know when to stop. The devil is clearly doing the wop at New Birth.
Dear Eddie Long,
You are not Simba and Ralph Messer is nobody’s Rafiki. You really had people declare you as king and carry your hapless ass around stage in some “Circle of Life” ceremony like a fool. You are a ridicule to any and every person who stands behind a pulpit and your ego is bigger than any sense you might have.
You managed to retain your title as the head of New Birth even after semi sorta maybe kinda admitting guilt in the sexual misconduct case involving 5 young men by settling out of court. Then you arrogantly addressed your congregation using the biggest batch of bullshit and they applauded you and blindly continued to support you. It’s a case of the blind, deaf and mute leading the blind, and it’s truly appalling.
Somehow, some of the has dust settled, but you clearly must love the attention. Now you’ve been crowned king by some diet Rabbi in a bad suit, and paraded around like the heir to a raggelly throne only you and him know about. That random ritual that has no basis in Judaism or anything else, according to this Huffington Post piece by a Jewish scholar. Ain’t no receipts to be shown. This was all a farce in the name of honor.
Eddie Long, you got the nerve, the balls and the unmitigated gall to position yourself as royalty, especially in the biblical sense. You’re a false prophet who has raised himself to be a false idol and preach false gospel to people looking for truth. And you should be ashamed of yourself.
I just need Jesus to know that I do not support this or your blasphemous ways. “Holy” men like you are why many of us frown on organized religion.In that Bible that you hold so near and dear and say you know so well, doesn’t it make it clear that false idols don’t make God happy? Wasn’t
Charlton Heston Moses mad when he saw the Israelites worshipping idols of gold and silver when he came down from the mountain? Shoo… I’m sure the man wanted to take a nap and eat after his trek up that rock but he came back to see his people paying #amish to some steel God and he was NOT PLEASED! You’ve turned yourself into that, and Jesus ain’t gon be happy with that.
Through all of this, the people in your congregation stayed. Not only did they stay, but they stood on their feet and applauded this. No one questioned it and that’s the scary part. You’re not a shepherd or a man of God, but a cult leader. You’re Jim Jones of Jonestown (not the rapper) with extra melanin, a suit with many buttons, and a bad wig. You’ve created a community of brain-washed people who seem to have forgotten that they’re not actually supposed to be worshipping you. Basically, you’ve turned New Birth into your own Jonestown, and your poison of choice is idolatry.
My only KING is Christ, and He got hair of wool. Your hairhat, meanwhile, seems to be made of dust bunnies dyed black, and placed on your dome lackadaisically. Or those silver pot scrubbers dipped in tar. That wig is just A MESS! When you put it on, did you actually think it looked good? I’m sure you did. You seem to live in a fantasy world where you actually think you deserve worship and glorification. So of course, your wig is busted and you’re not aware of it.
Sir, you’re knee-deep in hypocrisy and shoulder-deep in proverbial self-fellating. I’d love if you’d get your head out your own yansh. Both you and that Ralph Messer character need to be dropkicked through the goalposts of logic. The only kind of king you are is the king of crooks and possibly king of older men with bad toupées. Besides that, NAWL!
Seriously. Shame on you Eddie Long. You’re great proof of everything that’s wrong with the church and you’re a gahtdamb disgrace.
Did y’all watch the video? Whatchu think?
Edit: Just read THIS ARTICLE saying that Ralph Messer isn’t even Jewish. As if this wasn’t already a huge mess. Messer is messy.
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