I’ve been overdue for a sternly-worded letter, and there’s so much foolery in the world that this one could have been written to a plethora of people who don’t know how to act, or did the most with the least. However, the lucky winner is Bristol Palin. She had the nerve to criticize President Obama‘s support of same-sex marriages, citing his daughters’ acceptance of their friends’ same-sex parents as proof of bad fatherhood.
Let me just get right into it. Because I have words. For many reasons.
Dear Bristol Palin,
I just want you to shut up. All the time. Just be mute. You clearly got the unmitigated gall to be sitting in a homophobic glass house throwing AK-47s of stupidity and I wonder what gave you the confidence.
In all your uneducated glory, you dropped a Facebook note calling out our President Barack Obama, for accepting gay marriage because his daughters do. The Huffington Post printed this excerpt of it:
“While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads. In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.”
WOMP!!! Oh really, Bristol? There’s no reason to change THOUSAND YEAR OLD THINKING??? Oh. With that same logic, then there’s no reason to change the hundreds of years where it was okay for Black folks to be slaves. And while we’re at it, why do we have the internet? Books were FANTASTIC for so many centuries! We don’t need this voodoo computer magic!
Girl SIT DOWN. If your only reason of disagreeing with marriage equality is because it’s been a tradition for so many years, then you’re even dumber than you look. And that’s pretty dumb because you look like you’d think pennies are copper because they were left out in the sun too long.
Furthermore, you talmbout fathers help shape their kids’ worldviews. I’m pretty sure your daddy’s worldview didn’t include you sleeping with Levi, the dumb jock who is now a deadbeat daddy himself. You’re taking this moral high ground that you are honestly the last person who needs to do so. Aren’t you the child who fornicated (since you wanna be all high and mighty) and had a child out of a wedlock? I BELIEVE YOU ARE, BRISTOL!
“Let ye of much sin take a seat in the pew of ignorance and get washed in the nectar of knowledge. Let ye of open legs sat down in chaise of acceptance, lest ye be judged for their fornication.” That should be in the book of YESLAWDIASTES, verse 3, chapter 8. Look it up.
And then she said this (according to TMZ):
“Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.”
Oh heffa, you are REALLY trying it. Why’d you have to come for Glee??? They ain’t never did nothing but sang bad (and awesome) covers of songs we all love and preach acceptance. DON’T COME FOR GLEE, BRISTOL! Dontchu do it!
Please have ALL of the seats and kindly get off that pedestal you’ve placed yourself on. And under one of the seats will be a “FOOL SADDOWN Gift Basket” waiting for you. It comes with a “Girl shut up” candle set that smells like lavender, vanilla and judgment.
I really don’t know why folks get so butthurt about gay marriage. Everyone should have the right to be annoyed by the same person forever. Gay people getting a piece of paper will NOT make your light bill go up nor will it add interest to your student loans! But you wouldn’t e’em know what those are because I’m not even sure you graduated from high school. (-__-)
While you and the foolish idiots in the government of North Carolina are so concerned of the sanctity of marriage, folks like Kim Kardashian can get married for 72 days and quit all willy nilly. Meanwhile, Anderson Cooper can’t even marry who he wants (and I know he got options because’s he’s so FAHN) and be recognized in all 50 states. This is why North Carolina is the power bottom of all our jokes, and this is why you need to go re-assess your lifespace.
I’m not here for your thoughts on anything, Bristol. In fact, no one is. Go do what you do best and be a vapid spawn of an equally idiotic woman whose failed life in politics is a running punchline. And while you’re at it, go pick up a couple of books. And not just ones with pictures that pop up in them.
Yours in side-eye,
P.S. Tell your mama that she really needs to stop wearing “bump-its” in her hair. No one does that anymore. Unless you wanna count Peggy Hill from “King of the Hill.”
Real Gs move in silence like Bristol Palin should. (-___-)