Last night was the Billboard Music Awards and I spent 3 hours of my GOOD life watching it and hoping it’d get better. But it mostly stayed boring. Like @__Klover said, they coulda basically kept the entire show. It was that boring. Below are some of my thoughts on the show:
I’m currently pissed off at Berry Gordy. WHY? Because I know he’s behind the success of LMFAO, which is comprised of 2 fools in super tight leather leggings and dry hair dancing around and making music that sounds like what I imagine a ‘shroom high feels like. They’re his son and grandson, and were all up through the Billboard Awards. They opened the show with a performance and won a couple of awards. LMFAO won best duo/group. Music nowadays is TRULY laughable. (-___-)
The hosts of the show were two people who act in the TV show “Modern Family” and they were supremely boring. But these hosts they got though. They’re as boring as diet rice cakes. Was everyone else busy???
Wiz Khalifa won an award but forgot to thank Amber Rose until Miley Cyrus (who seemed to have forgotten to wear pants) reminded him. Maybe he was just nervous. You know roaches don’t like light.
Chris Brown came on to perform and he lipsynched for his life! He, of course, danced but I was distracted by his tattoo-covered bird chest, which he seemed to be very proud of. I’m over him and his rave music. That fool don’t e’em try to ACT like he isn’t lipsynching while he was doing his aerobics performance.
RIP Donna Summer. Natasha Bedingfield almost ruined her song during her tribute but we all love Donna so we let Natasha cook. But I’ma need her to do better next time. That was lowkey disrespectful. Donna’s legend is too great for that.
Taylor Swift won “woman of the year” which is typical since she wins all types of awards that surprise us (and apparently her too since she always has that “WHO ME?” face going on).
Meanwhile, Usher came to the show dressed like a character from Yo Gabba Gabba. And when he performed, he did his best Justin Bieber impression and they honestly coulda used the same choreographer. I will ALWAYS miss “Confessions” era Usher. This version of Raymond ain’t what I signed up for. Also, who gon tell Usher he REALLY needs to get rid of that mohawk? 2007 called. It wants its’ “IT” hair back. Relevant too: @IMDRW’s daughter, Kennedi asked her “Why is Usher dressed like Frederick Douglass?” From the mouth of babes. We want to know.
Justin Bieber performed a set that looked like a recycled version of the one Chris Brown had. In that case, him, Usher and Breezy shoulda just done a group performance. They were all underwhelming, they danced more than sang, and they made music for people who love to pop pills for hobby.
At this point, I was over the show. All I was waiting for was the tribute to Whitney Houston.
Gladys Knight came on to present an award that Lil Wayne won. But since he wasn’t there, she had to accept it on his behalf. Gladys, the Empress of Soul, who hasn’t aged a LICK and still looks as good as she wants to look had to ACCEPT an award. On behalf of Wiz Khalifa’s roachy cousin. Apocalypse now.
Katy Perry showed up to perform while swinging on a cloth swing. Ma’am, Pink called and said she wants her old routine back. I wasn’t here for Katy or her re-enactment of the Stork delivering children. WOMP.
I LOVE me some Whoopi Goldberg and she came to announce the Whitney Houston tribute that we were all waiting for. John Legend crooned the “Greatest Love of All” with that smooth voice of his and Jordin Sparks basically SHUT DOWN “I Will Always Love You.” Awesome tribute to Whitney, who I still can’t believe is gone. The camera panned to Bobbi Kristina, who was in tears as they sang and I got all verklempt. I wanted to hug her.
Afterwards, Bobbi Kris and Patty Houston (Whitney’s sister in law and manager) came on stage to accept the award. Krissy was escorted by her boo/unofficial brother and was sporting a ring on her left hand ring finger. Lemme find out homegirl is engaged. I ain’t mad at her. She came up and spoke so well about her mother. She gets props from me for not being on the floor. I’da been rolling on that stage. She’s so strong. On another note, that bandage dress she was wearing…
I was ready to change the channel after that until they announced that Stevie Wonder was gonna perform. So, of course, I had to keep watching. Well played, Billboard. WELL. PLAYED. I’m glad I did though because I got to see the performance of the night. Cee-lo and Goodie Mob came on and had a dancer who was BREAKING IT DOWN, with only one leg and 2 crutches. He was AMAZING. Cee-lo finally showed us what entertainment looked like. THANK YOU, MR. GREEN!
Nelly Furtado came and performed and I thought I fell and woke up in 2002. Homegirl was dressed like Monica Geller (Friends) dressed as Nelly Furtado for Halloween. But she’s gotten THICKA THAN A SNICKA with extra peanuts. Motherhood has clearly done her body right. I was too distracted by her thunder thighs to notice the folks hula hooping around her.
Finally, it was time for Stevie Wonder! Alicia Keys came out to introduce him while rocking like 15 hoop earrings in each ear. They played a clip about Stevie’s life and then it was time for him to performing. It was a duet with A.Keys and I just hoped she would stay within her register when she sang. No shade but she knows she loves going out of her range, which is why she ends of sing-shrieking. My fears came true. Meanwhile, Stevie slayed, of course. And his brocs (braids + locs) looked nice. I was just concerned that the folks in the first row would think he had finally gone bald. It’s cool though. Stevie is EVERYTHING. His music is the soundtrack of life.
But in the middle of the performance, the show was cut off abruptly as the 10pm news started. Ok ABC7 said “Billboards Awards be DAMBED. We need to do the news.” They cut Stevie off, yall. I’m hurt. Somebody getting fired for not keeping the time for Billboard Awards well. They shoulda canceled Usher and Chris Brown’s performance or something. Shoo…
Overall, the Billboard Awards was a HUGE bore. I really have lost touch with new music because I think I knew maybe 40% of the people I saw on the show. Most presenters had me scratching my head and most performances had me angry at everyone who liked it. The Billboards Awards had me feeling like Miss Sofia at Christmas. “Why you crying?” “Cuz I’ont know yall no mo’.”
SMH. Another day, another disappointing awards show.
Did you watch? Whatchu think? Any favorite moments?