AwardsTV

Blah to the 2012 Billboard Awards

Last night was the Billboard Music Awards and I spent 3 hours of my GOOD life watching it and hoping it’d get better. But it mostly stayed boring. Like @__Klover said, they coulda basically kept the entire show. It was that boring. Below are some of my thoughts on the show:

I’m currently pissed off at Berry Gordy. WHY? Because I know he’s behind the success of LMFAO, which is comprised of 2 fools in super tight leather leggings and dry hair dancing around and making music that sounds like what I imagine a ‘shroom high feels like. They’re his son and grandson, and were all up through the Billboard Awards. They opened the show with a performance and won a couple of awards. LMFAO won best duo/group. Music nowadays is TRULY laughable. (-___-)

LMFAO Tweet

The hosts of the show were two people who act in the TV show “Modern Family” and they were supremely boring. But these hosts they got though. They’re as boring as diet rice cakes. Was everyone else busy???

Wiz Khalifa won an award but forgot to thank Amber Rose until Miley Cyrus (who seemed to have forgotten to wear pants) reminded him. Maybe he was just nervous. You know roaches don’t like light.

Wiz Khalifa LMFAO Billboard Awards 2012

Wiz Khalifa & LMFAO. Pic from Billboard.com.

Chris Brown came on to perform and he lipsynched for his life! He, of course, danced but I was distracted by his tattoo-covered bird chest, which he seemed to be very proud of. I’m over him and his rave music. That fool don’t e’em try to ACT like he isn’t lipsynching while he was doing his aerobics performance.

RIP Donna Summer. Natasha Bedingfield almost ruined her song during her tribute but we all love Donna so we let Natasha cook. But I’ma need her to do better next time. That was lowkey disrespectful. Donna’s legend is too great for that.

Taylor Swift won “woman of the year” which is typical since she wins all types of awards that surprise us (and apparently her too since she always has that “WHO ME?” face going on).

Meanwhile, Usher came to the show dressed like a character from Yo Gabba Gabba. And when he performed, he did his best Justin Bieber impression and they honestly coulda used the same choreographer. I will ALWAYS miss “Confessions” era Usher. This version of Raymond ain’t what I signed up for. Also, who gon tell Usher he REALLY needs to get rid of that mohawk? 2007 called. It wants its’ “IT” hair back. Relevant too: @IMDRW’s daughter, Kennedi asked her “Why is Usher dressed like Frederick Douglass?” From the mouth of babes. We want to know.

usher justin beiber billboard awards 2012

Justin Bieber's serving FACE! And Usher... well his suit is loud. Pic from Billboard.com

Justin Bieber performed a set that looked like a recycled version of the one Chris Brown had. In that case, him, Usher and Breezy shoulda just done a group performance. They were all underwhelming, they danced more than sang, and they made music for people who love to pop pills for hobby.

At this point, I was over the show. All I was waiting for was the tribute to Whitney Houston.

Gladys Knight came on to present an award that Lil Wayne won. But since he wasn’t there, she had to accept it on his behalf. Gladys, the Empress of Soul, who hasn’t aged a LICK and still looks as good as she wants to look had to ACCEPT an award. On behalf of Wiz Khalifa’s roachy cousin. Apocalypse now.

Katy Perry showed up to perform while swinging on a cloth swing. Ma’am, Pink called and said she wants her old routine back. I wasn’t here for Katy or her re-enactment of the Stork delivering children. WOMP.

I LOVE me some Whoopi Goldberg and she came to announce the Whitney Houston tribute that we were all waiting for. John Legend crooned the “Greatest Love of All” with that smooth voice of his and Jordin Sparks basically SHUT DOWN “I Will Always Love You.” Awesome tribute to Whitney, who I still can’t believe is gone. The camera panned to Bobbi Kristina, who was in tears as they sang and I got all verklempt. I wanted to hug her.

Bobbi Kristina Patti Houston Billboard Music Awards 2012

Pic from Billboard.com

Afterwards, Bobbi Kris and Patty Houston (Whitney’s sister in law and manager) came on stage to accept the award. Krissy was escorted by her boo/unofficial brother and was sporting a ring on her left hand ring finger. Lemme find out homegirl is engaged. I ain’t mad at her. She came up and spoke so well about her mother. She gets props from me for not being on the floor. I’da been rolling on that stage. She’s so strong. On another note, that bandage dress she was wearing…

I was ready to change the channel after that until they announced that Stevie Wonder was gonna perform. So, of course, I had to keep watching. Well played, Billboard. WELL. PLAYED. I’m glad I did though because I got to see the performance of the night. Cee-lo and Goodie Mob came on and had a dancer who was BREAKING IT DOWN, with only one leg and 2 crutches. He was AMAZING. Cee-lo finally showed us what entertainment looked like. THANK YOU, MR. GREEN!

Nelly Furtado came and performed and I thought I fell and woke up in 2002. Homegirl was dressed like Monica Geller (Friends) dressed as Nelly Furtado for Halloween. But she’s gotten THICKA THAN A SNICKA with extra peanuts. Motherhood has clearly done her body right. I was too distracted by her thunder thighs to notice the folks hula hooping around her.

Finally, it was time for Stevie Wonder! Alicia Keys came out to introduce him while rocking like 15 hoop earrings in each ear. They played a clip about Stevie’s life and then it was time for him to performing. It was a duet with A.Keys and I just hoped she would stay within her register when she sang. No shade but she knows she loves going out of her range, which is why she ends of sing-shrieking. My fears came true. Meanwhile, Stevie slayed, of course. And his brocs (braids + locs) looked nice. I was just concerned that the folks in the first row would think he had finally gone bald. It’s cool though. Stevie is EVERYTHING. His music is the soundtrack of life.

But in the middle of the performance, the show was cut off abruptly as the 10pm news started. Ok ABC7 said “Billboards Awards be DAMBED. We need to do the news.” They cut Stevie off, yall. I’m hurt. Somebody getting fired for not keeping the time for Billboard Awards well. They shoulda canceled Usher and Chris Brown’s performance or something. Shoo…

Overall, the Billboard Awards was a HUGE bore. I really have lost touch with new music because I think I knew maybe 40% of the people I saw on the show. Most presenters had me scratching my head and most performances had me angry at everyone who liked it. The Billboards Awards had me feeling like Miss Sofia at Christmas. “Why you crying?” “Cuz I’ont know yall no mo’.”

SMH. Another day, another disappointing awards show.

Did you watch? Whatchu think? Any favorite moments?

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22 Comments

  1. Sticky-n-Sweet
    May 21, 2012 at 8:45 am — Reply

    Are there some pictures of Frederick Douglass dressed in Malcolm Little’s zoot suit floating around that I don’t know about?

    • May 21, 2012 at 11:49 am — Reply

      YOU WIN!!!! i was wondering what kind of history class that girl attended.

    • May 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm — Reply

      She was referring to his performance outfit, which was this 3-piece suit.

  2. yadi
    May 21, 2012 at 8:55 am — Reply

    “You know roaches don’t like light”…

    *going off to join Elizabeth*

    • May 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm — Reply

      Yeah, I straight met my maker at that line. Had to actually pause there and recover. LMAO

    • May 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm — Reply

      I’m saying doe…

  3. Trinifashionista
    May 21, 2012 at 9:07 am — Reply

    I was very disappointed because they did not honor Etta James and Dick Clark, who helped launch many of music’s biggest careers. I had no problem with Natasha’s tribute, but I felt it was rude to cut it short for a commercial. A huge disrespect to Donna Summer. I will not be tuning in next year!

    • May 21, 2012 at 10:54 am — Reply

      I agree….cutting away from Donna Summer’s tribute was really rude!! Also, another singer (like Jennifer Hudson) probably would have done a better job with that…..I will definitely miss this next year!

      • May 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm — Reply

        Oh yeah. TOO rude. They shoulda gotten someone else to do the tribute.

    • May 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm — Reply

      Well they couldn’t honor EVERYONE. I think they did the biggest and the most recent. And I have NO desire to watch next year’s Billboard Awards.

  4. vanitaapplebum
    May 21, 2012 at 10:58 am — Reply

    Re: Chris Brown

    “He, of course, danced but I was distracted by his tattoo-covered bird chest, which he seemed to be very proud of. I’m over him and his rave music.”

    *dies from laughter related causes*

  5. numbah5
    May 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm — Reply

    So we all gonna just sit here and pretend we don’t see that “dead cat’s a$$” (© Kid Fury)on Bobbi Kris’s head?

    Oh, Ok -___-

    • May 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm — Reply

      I was too distracted by the dress. But yeah, that hairhat was just… O____O

  6. May 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm — Reply

    GURL! Even my children didn’t want to watch it. My 10 yo kept asking me to turn to the Weather Channel.

  7. Stace
    May 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm — Reply

    ‘Gladys Knight came on to present an award that Lil Wayne won. But since he wasn’t there, she had to accept it on his behalf. Gladys, the Empress of Soul, who hasn’t aged a LICK and still looks as good as she wants to look had to ACCEPT an award. On behalf of Wiz Khalifa’s roachy cousin. Apocalypse now.’

    So cosign this… uhmmm damn shame

  8. Marsha S. Haneiph
    May 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm — Reply

    Bless you for the live-tweets, girl. I realised long ago that the Billboard Music Awards was about hype, not talent. There are genius-level musicians playing on street corners for spare change while tarts and buffoons rule the charts. Okay, okay, I’m going to step off my soap-box now but y’all know what I’m saying. Cheers!

  9. May 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm — Reply

    I am waiting for Taylor Swift to catch a case of Tourettes and snap out of that surprised virgin shtick and call someone out they name or scream out F*(K YOU TOO!!!

    • Dinasty
      May 21, 2012 at 8:26 pm — Reply

      Wouldn’t that be completely and totally awesome?

      I’m convinced Taylor wears daisy dukes with no shirt, and walks around chain-smoking with a baby on her hip behind closed doors.

  10. Kate
    May 21, 2012 at 8:56 pm — Reply

    So LMFAO…I don’t get it. Why would anyone want to listen to a live action Sideshow Bob?

  11. May 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm — Reply

    Thank you based twitter! I live on the West Coast and Billboard was tape delayed. After reading everyone’s tweets, I didn’t bother.

    I’m not mad at Chris Brown for lip synching, but why didn’t he lip synch to a ‘live’ version of his song, as opposed to the auto-tuned recording? Don’t be obvious, sir.

    Luvvie – you do realize that LMFAO consists of Berry Gordy’s son and grandson, right?

    I need everyone to go through @TamekaRaymond’s favorites. She spent the who show RT’ing and favoriting anyone who shaded Usher’s wardrobe. PLEASE put her on RHOA.

    Billboard really forgot half the people who died this year.

  12. candigirl in dc
    May 22, 2012 at 2:44 pm — Reply

    To everyone who posted … I’m at work crying from laughing so hard *literally in tears*. I was busy and had forgot about the awards but the recaps let me know I hadn’t missed a thing. And thanks to whoever mentioned BobbiKris hair. I thought it was just me and in my mind I kept saying, “but they said Whitney left her some money right??”.
    To Dinasty on Taylor Swift, I think so too. She seems like she’s f*cked about 70 famous dudes in the industry and threatens them by saying she’ll write a song if they say ANYTHING!
    And as far as LMFAO, if it wasn’t nepotism, they’d be at McDonalds saying “The apple pies are two for a dollar, drive up to window 2″

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