What Happened to Lisa Turtle???
I was minding my own business yesterday when I saw BuzzFeed’s post about Lark Voorhies, aka Lisa Turtle from “Saved by the Bell.” I wasn’t ready for what was waiting for me.
O___O I don’t understand. No really. Someone explain to me what happened to this once beautiful lady with smooth chocolate skin and a really pretty smile. How did she get here looking like Sammy Sosa diet? I mean GAHTDAMB!!! She looks like White Bob from Marketing from “Martin.” Remember him? The dude who was going “I’m outta control. Gina’s outta control. THIS WHOLE DAMB PARTY’S OUTTA CONTROL!” Yeah that guy.
I’m concerned for Lark. And I have many questions and not enough answers. Is this all a botched makeup job? Does her makeup artist hate her? Why does she look like she has on mortuary makeup? They got Lisa Turtle looking like she died 3 weeks ago. She was SO pretty way back in the day. Now she looks post-mortem. *cues violin* #LettucePray because whatever affliction is upon her to make her look like Aunt Bernice in her coffin needs ALL the prayer!
And they say Black don’t crack. Lark’s black don shattered into a million pieces and got bleached. Lawd help her. Lemme stop. Before the ghost that is Lisa Turtle haunts my hopes and dreams. *throws holy water* THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
If it’s a disease that made Lark look like that, I beg for pre-forgiveness. I know not what I do. If it’s just BAD LIVING? Then… O____O
It’s not hard to age well. Don’t do meth, don’t bleach your skin, drink water and use sunscreen. THAT IS ALL. Lark must shower in Fanta. She looks like the “this is your face when life turns on you” billboard. I don’t understand.
*looks at Lisa Turtle’s pic again* *fights the air* *shakes Lark’s shoulders* WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU!!! *cries like Tyra*
People really need to start looking at Lil Kim and learning from her, not taking on her face’s cousin. I’m just so affected by Lark’s new look. It made me lose all types of focus yesterday when I first saw it. Where are her friends?
Everyone: “Lark, who hurt you???” Lark: “Time.” Welp.
But let me leave Lark Voorhies alone. Like powder 2 shades lighter than her did not. (-__-) I just wanna write Fashion Fair a letter so they can send a supervisor to her house. Meanwhile, AC Slater and Zach Morris are still as FAHN as Aretha’s spaghetti straps. Yes, lawd!
Ok I’ma go. Y’all tryna have St. Peter scratch my name off his VIP guest list. JESUS DON PROMISED ME A HOME!!! Good bye!
Edit & Update:
Below is a picture taken last week. I found it on Necole Bitchie’s site. Lark Voorhies looks nice here. So yes, it seems it was the makeup that had her looking ghoulish. All the “SHE HAS LUPUS! THIS ISN’T FUNNY” people can have a firm seat now. Thank you.