The Stages of Twitter Celebrity Roast and Wig Snatch

[ 40 ] June 29, 2012 |

Celebrities on Twitter can’t ever catch a break because it’s on there that we see how our favorite notables REALLY are. We truly get to see them as the flawed humans they are. We know who can’t spell, who’s petty and whose publicists are 140 characters away from quitting and joining the Army. Like I said before, Twitter killed the celebrity’s star. Folks get kicked off their pedestals EVERY DAY on there, and it’s because nothing stands between them, their phones (or computers) and millions of their biggest fans.

I am not one who thinks celebrities should be harassed all the time. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for people to judge their every move. This is why a lot of celebs shouldn’t be on Twitter, or they should be more careful with what they post, since tweets are basically like text messages to the whole world.

This is why daily, there’s at least one celebrity who becomes the butt of the collective jokes of the folks on Twitter. And what happens when people start roasting and libeling slandering a famous person is at first hilarious, then outrageous, then annoying.

So just like I brought the Stages of Twitter Grief of Celebrity Deaths, here’s the Stages of Twitter Celebrity Roast and Wig Snatching.

Stages of Celebrity Roast and Wig Snatch

Stage 1: A celebrity tweets something worth paying attention to

Sometimes, a famous person will tweet something and the spelling is so terrible that you have no other choice but to laugh. Obviously, Tyrese is most known for this. Every other tweet of his is proof that “Hooked on Phonics” need never go out of business. Like this:

Crytinite

“Crytinite” though. I STILL don’t know.

Other times, a celebrity might tweet something about another celebrity that may seem shadeful. Like Jill Scott tweeting about Nicki Minaj’s horrific Grammy’s performance with “I finally watched the Minaj performance on the Grammys. Wow.” It wasn’t even a terrible tweet but folks paid A LOT of attention to it.

But most of the time, people will find shade in celeb’s tweets even when there isn’t any. Like anytime Keri Hilson tweets. She’s always ripe for a roast and most of the time, I don’t even know why. People just wait on the sidelines ready to come for her wig.

Anyway, a celebrity’s tweet could be perfectly composed. It doesn’t matter. The fact that they’re famous means there are MANY people who don’t like them and are ready to come for them. They be SUPER ready to hop and they’re always feeling froggy.

Stage 2: People react to the tweet by joking about it (aka they go IN)

This is when people start RTing the celeb and adding comments. The grammar Nazis (which I admit to being a group of) will zone in on the misspelled tweet and side-eye the crap out of it. And post it on DumbestTweets.com, of course.

This stage is HILARITY because the jokes are nonstop and full of wit. This is also when the celebrity’s mentions begin to look like Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Folks will @reply them and set their mentions on fire with clowning. We throw so much shade that there must be a blackout somewhere that we caused from our collective slander.

Like last night when Kim Kardashian first tweeted: “cooking some soul food for my baby.” So here’s what I said:

And then Kim tweeted a picture of the food she cooked (she clearly wanted to give us material) and Fresh of Crunk & Disorderly SLAYED me and everyone else with:

 

LAWD, Kim! We didn’t need nothing else to roast you about. WE DID NOT. But she surely gave it to us with this dry food on a fancy plate. Whoever gave her the Hermés plate set for marrying Kris Humphries prolly wants that gift back. E! must be UPSET right now.

Stage 2.5: People Photoshop twitpics celeb posted

This is when people do more than joke about the celebrity’s tweet. If the celeb actually posted a twitpic, folks will use their best and worst graphic design skills to turn the original pic into something hilarious. Like the time Jaheim crashed Whitney Houston’s funeral, and tweeted from there, while rocking the loudest purple-blue zoot suit ever and doing a hella pretentious pose:

JaheimSlander

Left is the original, right is Jaheim as Rafiki from Lion King. *DEAD*

LMAO! Whoever photoshopped this pic ain’t got an ounce of sense. And I truly appreciate them for it. I bet Steve Harvey was somewhere jealous of how many buttons Jaheim managed to have on that suit.

Anyways doe, the jokes are APLENTY here. This is when Twitter wins because some of the folks on there are funnier than professional comedians. This stage is nothing but funnies. Until…

Stage 3: The stans join the roast and ruin everything

This is when all hell truly breaks lose. When the stans join in, the fun is over, and the clowning goes from funny to full out MEAN AS ALL GETOUT. It goes from witty jabs to folks wishing death on either the celeb or the people roasting them.

When a celebrity’s tweet is about another beloved celebrity, stans will ramp up and charge celebrity #1 as if their lives depended on it. Like the time model Chrissy Teigen (who also happens to be John Legend’s girlfriend) side-eyed Chris Brown’s performance on an awards show in May, Chris’ stans went in on her for hours. But thankfully, she’s DOPE and was clapping back at them with vengeance. She won the internet that day.

LMAO! I love Chrissy.

But yeah, so the stans will do everything in their power to try to tear down anybody who they think is even slightly shading their favorite. Even if you’re in your own Twitter timeline, talmbout some big celeb you might not like. The stans will find your tweets and try to come for your wig. They actually sit around searching for the names of their fave celebs sometimes. And if they see that what you said is LESS than favorable, they will come for your neck.

Usually, they’ll come for you in one of these ways:

* Call you ugly
* Say your life isn’t worth shit so you should probably just die
* Let you know how terrible of a person you are
* Say you aren’t as successful as their fave so you should shut up

It’s always one of these four, without fail. The day that Jill Scott voiced a less than favorable opinion about Onika Maraj, her stans really did the most. For NO reason. Like this screenshot from MrsGrapevine.com:

#Shourrout to MrsGrapevine.com for this screenshot

Ok REALLY? Doing A LOT there! And if you notice, they have a very limited vocabulary, with the word “bitch” at the top of their list. They need hobbies and a thesaurus.

Stans are notorious for being evil in their insults. They will snatch (or attempt) your wig, your mama’s, your Grandma’s and your future kids. The stans ruin everything. All the time. Because they lack boundaries and their blind worship is actually more irritating that anything else.

Stage 4: Everyone roasts the stans for doing too much

As people RT (retweet) some of the outrageous tweets that stans are sending, you realize that some of the Navies and Hives and Teams and Barbies just need hobbies.

It never ceases to amaze me how passionate they are about repping for someone who doesn’t even know they exist. While Beyonce’s on stage running the world, you’re sitting on your computer in your mama’s basement cursing everyone who doesn’t call her their savior. She’s somewhere not giving a damb about you but you’re going to bat for her like she died for you on a cross.

Anyway, folks start roasting the stans, who have nothing resembling chill. You haven’t seen outta line until you’ve seen a “KERI HILSON, BITCH! WHILE YOU SAYING GOOD MORNING, I BET KING BEY PISSED AND HER MORNING WAS BETTER! KILL YOURSELF.” GAHTDAMB! Really??? All of that? From the poor woman saying a simple “Good morning.” Is it REALLY that serious? You want her to go kill herself? But WHY? I read those tweets and be all:

seriously gif

It just gets completely out of hand, and folks will let stans know to chill because their moron is showing and they should surely tuck it in. Of course this falls on deaf ears, and it really just adds fuel to the fire but we do it anyway. Because they all need to go have a plethora of seats and somebody gotta offer them some like: |_____| Park bench \_____ Lounge chair {\____/} Sofa. Act like you got some home training.

Stage 5: People roast everyone roasting stans or celebs

This is when the people who feel like they’re above ALL this roast and drama and wig-snatching will tweet about how everyone who is tweeting is childish. They must also remind us that we’re the real problem for bringing publicity to such trite matters. AND??? WHAT THAT GOTTA DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA?? Lemme snatch a wig in peace and pieces! Hell. If you’re too good for all this, then unfollow everyone who’s tweeting jokes and slander. It’s that doggone simple. Folks act like because you’re tweeting about some celebrity, you’re endorsing them. NAWL. Sometimes, folks joke because their faves deserve some roast.

PSHT. Besides, while they’re sitting on their self-righteous computer chairs, I know for a FACT they laughed at some of the jokes. Because face it. They’re hilarious. So don’t e’em front. You ain’t gotta lie to kick it.

Anywho, so THOSE are the Twitter Stages of Celebrity Roast. Since the BET Awards are on Sunday, we’ll see this play out on a grand scale.

What do y’all think? Am I accurate with this? Did I miss any stages? Have you seen this play out daily too?

 

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Category: Famous folks, Social Media

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Sites That Link to this Post

  1. ‘Phee’nomenal Links: 6.29.12 | The Pheenix | June 29, 2012
  2. Don't Try to Come for Oprah Winfrey on Twitter | Awesomely Luvvie | July 30, 2012
  3. Stages of Twitter Dealing with a Beyoncé Event | Awesomely Luvvie | March 25, 2013
  1. Starle says:

    It is entirely your fault that I cannot write my blog. I have to keep going back and editing. icant iwont, ishant…keeps getting in the way. also \_ just doesn’t seem right coming out of my D-Town ne:UK mouth. Thanks Luvvie. xxx

  2. Marsha S. Haneiph says:

    Oh lawd, Luvvie strikes again. I should be closing Chrome tabs but here I am cackling at this post. Girl, you killed me dead, resurrected me and killed me again with this post. Epic brilliance. Cheers!

  3. JR says:

    Was all your shade throwing for Nicki Minaj necessary? Why you tryna come for Nicki for no reason? You mad cuz most of the people that read this blog are #nappyHeadedHoes? GTFO and leave Nicki outta your bullcrap posts. Her pinkie finger stomps out your entire life so #keepitmovin

    • S.M. says:

      Dude its called FREEDOM OF SPEECH, and if Luvvie’s posts are bullcrap then why do you keep reading them?? Please have an infinite amount of seats.

      • JR says:

        You implying that I shouldn’t have and opinion then talking about freedom of speech makes no sense. Luvvie always coming at Nicki sideways like Nicki spit in her hot chocolate or something.

        #TeamMinaj in this bish #FckIsOnYourBiscuit?

        • vanitaapplebum says:

          What the…? *falls out cackling loudly*

        • E says:

          No…we are implying that you are the Queen of REACHING for something that isn’t there, she isn’t shading nicki…and calm down. You mad because you see yourself in there as a crazy stan, did she read you like a sunday paper and you’re salty? If the shoe fits wear it proudly and Shut up, ya’ll willing to go there, over Nicki, and she is somewhere living her life and not giving two #%@% about who is hating on her.

          • Dominique says:

            I saw this comment and died laughing! The fact that this is ON a post that specifically mentions stans ruining a good thing!!!!!! JR, you made my day. Thank you!

    • ChristinaBizzle says:

      You definitely just proved her point about crazy STANS… You should probably concern yourself with more important matters… like why are you trolling blogs looking for people who make remarks about Nikki Minaj.

      Anywho… Luvvie… this post was funny, folks on twitter give me life with all of their foolishness!

    • whatupdoe says:

      She said nothing about Nicki other than Jill tweeted about her and then Nicki’s stans proceeded to harass Jill. No shade was thrown at Nicki in this post. Her fans maybe. But not her.

      Life is too short for all of this hate and anger JR. Find what makes you happy and focus on that. If it’s not this website than so be it. This type of negativity is unwarranted, unwanted, and unnecessary.

    • DJay says:

      Wow JR. You are stage #3 and you don’t even realize it. So sad. Then again if it weren’t for you and your kind, I wouln’t be sitting here LMAO at Luvvie’s post. You make for great material! Oh and if you are so offended by Luvvie’s “percieved” attacks on your most high Nicki M (who I happen to like) go elsewhere and stay the heck out of grown folks business.

    • Luvvie says:

      Let’s all just ignore JR. His life must depress him and trolling blogs must be what makes him feel better. Bless his heart.

      • Trina says:

        I thought that was your little cousin with jokes. That foo serious tho.

        • Lara says:

          I laughed when I saw the first comment thinking it was a joke . The follow up gives me a sad :-(.

        • Toledo Boogz says:

          Me TOO, Trina! I thought that was a Luvvie fan making a point on the blog. Thought it was funny too because that’s something I would do. But oooooooh, it was real. Po Lil Tink Tink.

          Funny blog, btw. I think you should’ve had as an addendum that sometimes celebs will strike back w/a lil shade of their own. RiRi is notorious for this.

    • MyzDevyneOne says:

      But…
      Did you REALLY come to this woman’s blog to cuss her in her comments for calling out the fact that STANS (aka YOU) come for anyone with anything to say about their fave…even when they aren’t saying anything about them??
      Yes, that really just happened.
      Wow. *in my Jill Scott’s tweet voice*
      O_o

    • Brianna Leigh says:

      You can’t find a more talented celebrity to defend? I mean, really.

  4. whatupdoe says:

    Luvvie, this post, as always, was gold. And while Kim’s plate isn’t that bad, the fact that there is no consensus on what that mush is is very alarming. #lettucepray

  5. Darlene says:

    Very entertaining post. You are on point with the stages.

    I laughed remembering how twitter clowned Jaheim’s suit at Whitney’s funeral. That pic is hilarious. Lightened the mood of a really depressing day.

    Chrissy Teigan’s take down of the crazy stans was EVERYTHING. How celebs manage to keep a cool head while people berate/wish them death is beyond me.

  6. naturalista88 says:

    I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that this post is true or the fact that a silly stan came on here and proved this post to be true.

  7. Arianna says:

    I love e’ery single part of this post especially the amount and kind of seats allowed. Thank you Luvvie – especially for the live example of your post in the comments :)

  8. MyzDevyneOne says:

    “t never ceases to amaze me how passionate they are about repping for someone who doesn’t even know they exist. While Beyonce’s on stage running the world, you’re sitting on your computer in your mama’s basement cursing everyone who doesn’t call her their savior. She’s somewhere not giving a damb about you but you’re going to bat for her like she died for you on a cross.”

    I was all set to comment on this BRILLIANTLY PUT observation when one of the fools you spoke of literally appeared (are stans like Beetlejuice?? Say they name 3 times and they show up??)
    Just adds to the hilarity and complete truth of this post. Well done!!

  9. AS says:

    One of Nicki’s stans lost before he began by naming himself after noted child rapist and fugitive Roman Polanski. That fool should just take a vow of silence and grab some floor on a convent.

  10. Elle says:

    All of this!! I was once called a “ugly ass, bell-pepper nose having, Gary Coleman looking bitch” because I said that Mary J. Blige has problems with pitch. Stans ruin ALL the fun in shading celebrities.

  11. Oh man! I can’t stop laughing at you. You are going into the blogroll NOW.

    ~Chap

  12. Carmen Sandiego says:

    Good read and so true! Hahahahaha @ that sad Nicki Minaj stan! All of this reminds of a time on Twitter where some hoodrat chick just about cussed me CLEAN out because I simply said this nude pic of Evelyn Lozada was from a few years ago. And I wasn’t even being smart. It was like, geez are you FUCKING her? I posted a link to another blog from when it first surfaced for someone else then she replies with “I don’t care if it was 15 years ago and her grandma took it!!! Get the fuck out of my mentions!!” (which is another thing the stans like to say I’ve noticed..). I blocked her. I didn’t go to college for 4 years to argue with a retard.

  13. I. CRIED. Literally. Reading this. LOL!

  14. Dominique says:

    There is only one thing missing…..when the celebrity reacts!!!!! The Jaheim pic reminds me of how he was threatening to kill people that day! I. Died!

    • CB says:

      And when Brian McKnight got all angry and replied to damn near EVERYBODY after he made that ridiculous attempt at an adult mixtape smh

  15. J says:

    Lmaooo there was this one mary j blige stan who would go in on me b/c I don’t like her voice.

  16. Will says:

    I know I’m late to the party, but the post, and the comments are spot on.

    Now fess up Luvvie, that Niki stan has to be a plant right?

  17. Tangie says:

    LMAO! This is why I love your blog! You speak the truest $hit EVER! Tyrese will remain a running joke in my house because of you. I’ll be a twitter Stan for you any day.

  18. Ambar says:

    The last ones who talk about everyone being childish make no sense in their argument since they are bringing light to the very thing they are talking about. Its hypocrisy at its best. Honestly it just makes them look dumb as hell.

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