Dear Stevie J, You And Your Groupon Peen Are The Worst
Today’s sternly-worded letter is to Stevie J, music producer, and now one of the stars of the reality TV show Love and Hip Hop Atlanta (LHHATL). Yes, I’m aware that a lot of the show is scripted so it might not be as “real” as folks think but if he chose to play this fakish real character, he can get my real words about how he presents himself.
I don’t expect most of the people who read this blog to know who Stevie J is but y’all are some ratchetness enthusiasts, so who knows? So lemme give you the background on him so you can know why he deserves this snatch.
Stevie J has a daughter with Mimi Faust, who he’s been with on and off for the past 15 years. In those 15 years, he dated the rapper, Eve, and released a sextape with her. And he was engaged to Whoopi Goldberg’s daughter, Alexis. Those must have been the “OFF” times which seemed to be a chunk. Now, he’s with Mimi for realsies, but is sleeping with his new rapper protegé, Joseline. She just told him she’s pregnant by him and the first thing he said to her was “So whatcha gon do about it?” And when Mimi confronted him about it, he brushed her off, and then cussed Joseline out for bringing drama into his life. And he also threw water on her.
That is the cliffnotes version to the “Ain’t Shit” Tale of Stevie J. Either way, I’m going in.
Dear Stevie J,
I didn’t even know your stranger bish ass until this show, since you haven’t had a hit since Coogi sweaters were hot. You are the reason for cuss words. You are the reason for dropkicks to the throat. You are the pits and your aura is the color of dirty hot dog water. Sir, you are a disgrace. Women aren’t born bitter. They become such after dealing with grown boys like yourself who present a big peen and tiny heart with a cheap idea of what it means to love and be loved.
But tell us. Where did you learn your complete and utter AINT SHITEDNESS? You are excelling at being utterly terrible as a man. You’re a cheating, chauvinistic, thoughtless, shallow shell of a person. Oh and you’re a BITCH.
You’ve clearly been an industry tip drill for years, sharing your peen like it’s community property. And I feel fully comfortable calling you a hoe because you keep digging your tool into random dirt. You should be ashamed of yourself for living a life that is meant to be a cautionary tale to growing girls about the type of men they should avoid in life.
There’s one thing for you to cheat (bad) but there’s another for you to do it without protecting yourself. You rocking UGLASS Gucci newsboy hats but you can’t go buy Trojans?
While you’re using your peen like a damb Living Social deal, you need to use condoms more often. It’s utterly irresponsible for you to be breeding with unidentified species and whoever else out here without thought of who you could be affecting. As you do whatever ho-shit you want to do, the LEAST you can do is wrap up yourself in prophylactics. The gahtdamb LEAST. As you act like all types of STDs aren’t real out here.
Over half of Black women with HIV contracted it while in supposed monogamous relationships and it’s men like you who betray their bodies by laying with others without protection.
I am upset at you, Stevie. Not just because of the fact that your peen has a Love Pocket GPS and it isn’t picky as to where it lands. I’m upset at you for sitting in your wackness and reveling in it. You stay with a smirk on your face, even as you lie to your lady about your infidel ways. You arrogant fool disrespects her further by looking her in the fact to deny your foolishness, even as you hold some other woman’s pregnancy test in your hand.
Your bitchassness is constantly showing and I DEMAND that you tuck it in one of these days. You would never want your daughters, sisters, mom, aunties, nieces to end up with a man like you. You are a classless wonder.
I place some of the blame on Mimi Faust and other women like her who put up with antics of boys like you because of their horizontal prowess. Mimi needs to be lifted up in prayer for boxing with the devil with the Groupon peen, available for any and everyone who wants a piece. She also needs higher self esteem but that’s another letter for another day. These women who have convinced you that what’s in your pants makes you Superman, when all you’ve done is just practiced banging women into bad judgment.
GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT, STEVIE! Because until you do right by the people who love you and the women in your life, everything you do will fail. All you touch will crumble, like your music career is currently doing.
FURTHERMORE AND IN ADDITION TO AS WELL, you are a piss poor excuse for a person for being intensely selfish, arrogant and unapologetically obtuse. You’re made up of BITCHASSNESS with a side of AINT SHITNESS and covered with a crust of BELLIGERENT DUMBASSNESS!
*drops the mic*
P.S. I’d LOVE if y’all tweeted a link of this letter to Stevie J. He’s @hitmansteviej on Twitter. Kthx.
And I got words for Mimi too. Soon come.