For the first time in a while, I can truly say that BET did a good job with one of their programs. This is high praise, seeing as how I’ve wanted to just fight their team during past award shows. This year’s was actually really good and I enjoyed it, so kudos to the folks over at BET for tryna do better. And actually succeeding. Everything wasn’t perfect, of course, but overall, it was entertaining.
Anyways, my recap will be in the form of questions. Because yeah. That’s how I’ma roll. Let’s get into it:
* During the award preshow, why did they misspell the names of Debra Lee (they used “Deborah”) and Ginuwine (they spelled is Genuine. The one time they wanna pay attention to spell check is when they’re not supposed to?). For real. How you gon misspell the names of your CEO and a dude who been bodyrolling on your channel since 1994, BET?
* As Kanye West and Big Sean and the other all-white wearing Hood angels performed to open the show, why were they censored so hard? There was a point where all I heard was silence for 20 seconds and I thought my TV had malfunctioned. Related:
* Who was the heavy-handed person with the censor button last night? They failed and need to go back to training.
* Why did Samuel L. Jackson and Spike Lee do a rap when they know they don’t have the lung capacity nor the in shape body for it? They were like two old uncles at the family reunion’s talent show. By halfway through their mock performance, they were wheezing. Bless their hearts. Someone come get UNCAH SAM and UNCAH SPIKE outta the paint.
* Why was Jay-Z dressed like Pee Wee Herman and Kanye from the 808s & Heartbreaks single?
* How does Kevin Hart win “Best Actor” in a category that included Denzel Washington, Don Cheadle and Idris Elba (hey boo!)? I mean, I get it that he was the only one present but if they knew they wanted to give him an award, they shouldn’t have nominated any of those heavy hitters. They shoulda just put Terrence J in the category and Mike Epps. THEN it’d make sense. Only on BET can Kevin Hart win “Best Actor.” They take the phrase “lowered expectations” to new levels. Also, why was Kevin Hart rocking a “nude” wifebeater?
* I have SO many questions about Kim Kardashian. Did Kanye brief her on how to act at the BET Awards by telling her “Just do what I do. Nothing more.” She was acting like he was Gepetto and she was Pinocchio. Why did she only stand whenever Kanye was standing? And sometimes, she stood when he did and she shouldn’t have, like when Big Sean won and Kanye stood to hug him. Kim got up too and got treated as Big Sean walked right passed her. AWKWARD.
* Didn’t Chanté Moore SLAY that Donna Summer tribute? She hit this super respectable high note and gave me life. Also related, why didn’t I realize that was Chanté until folks told me. She looks so different. Does she still have that man at home?
* Why didn’t I know most of the people and songs that were being nominated for awards? I kept being like “who are these stranger bishes?”
* Why was I pleasantly unbothered by Nicki Minaj’s performance? For ME, this is victory because typically, her sets leave me wanting to fight the air. This time, all I did was file my nails.
* How did Wale and
Michelle Miguel win anything over Beyoncé? Also, why was Miguel there with hair like Cameron Diaz’s when she had that *cough* cowlick in There’s Something About Mary?
* Why was I waiting for that HTC pad they were using to announce the winners to run outta battery? I just KNEW they were gon start reading winners off notebook paper. But it held up. Good job, BET!
* Why did Valerie Simpson‘s tribute to Ashford touch my soul so much? It was amazing to watch her sing for her partner of so long who is no longer here. I loved it. But *whispers* why was Valerie’s hair like Mario’s raccoon cap whenever he eats that special mushroom? I’m just asking.
* Why am I looking forward to The Real Househusbands of Hollywood so much?
* So Usher REALLY performed looking like he was about to go hooping at the up top, and teach calisthenics class in the bottom? I mean, really. Who is his stylist and who told him leather leggings with pink moon boots were what’s hot? Whoever did it did not like him. I don’t much remember how well he performed, since I was too distracted by the 35-year old singing in liquid leggings. But ok.
* Why did Chris Brown perform with half his body painted in ash? And, I’m over his pop techno performances, and how he loves to lip synch for his life.
* I love her but why does Yolanda Adams win EVERY single gospel award? I mean, dang. Kim Burrell was in her category and she is EVERYTHING. They don’t show her enough love. Also, why did I wish they coulda called Sandman Sam to come get Yolanda off the stage when she was accepting her award and giving #shourrouts to everyone she ever met. Ma’am, we got a schedule to keep.
* Why was D’Angelo’s performance so dope? I mean, THAT was some good music right there. He is back, y’all! Also related, Why did they take out D’Angelo’s braids the night before and ain’t wash his hair? His hair looked like it smelled like pink oil lotion and dirt. Bless him.
* Who was the writer who thought it’d be a good idea to give the little crooning tweens named Mindless Behavior a Lauryn Hill joke to read? WHO WAS IT? They don’t e’em have the right to shade Lauryn, because they weren’t e’em born in 1998. I was NOT here for that. (-___-)
* Why’s Beyonce so classy? I love how when she accepted her award from the Mindless Quad, she made sure to pay homage to Lauryn Hill. Musta been her way of being all “Y’all tried it. Don’t insult that legend when you haven’t hit puberty yet.” I loved Bey for that.
* Why am I pretty sure that Beyoncé gon put her BET Awards (she won 2 last night) in storage? She got Grammys to display and these trophies here won’t do nothing but clutter her house. Bey got on stage like “Yall are cute for this award but I’ont gibbadamb bout it. Thanks though.” MMHMM
* What sports bra did Rick Ross have on last night? It seemed very supportive of his mammaries during his performance.
* Why is Frankie Beverly still lowkey FAHN though? That old man got on that stage and told folks “Don’t fall for the flava of the week, baby.” He’s so smooth. And his performance took me back! Anytime I hear Frankie Beverly & Maze music, I just wanna put on a linen suit, find a club called “7″ and step my night away. Frankie’s voice gve way in mid-performance though and no one gave a damb. I love it. I’ma blame it on BET’s Radio Shack microphones though, because he was basically screaming at one point. Maybe they coulda helped a brother out by adjusting sound levels so he wouldn’t have to do all’at.
* Also, while that performance, why was Kim K standing by Kanye looking all removed. Like “This is interesting. Is this Harry Belafonte?” Chile…
* Why was Busta Rhymes and his U.S. flag wifebeater looking like a Patriotic Mighty Mouse?
* Why is Sam Jackson so hilarious? He introduced Tyler Perry with “the actor and actress” and iDied.
* Why did MC Lyte announce TJ Holmes but he never showed up? Talk about that awkward moment when… where was he? Did someone forget to email him to say he was presenting an award? Chile…
* When Debra Lee was presenting an award to Reverend Al Sharpton, why was she speaking all slow, as if she thought we were all ESL students? WE SPEAK DE ANGLAIS, Debra! Lawd.
* Why do I appreciate Rev. Al’s need to rhyme. When he accepted his speech, he mentioned that people need to vote. “It ain’t just for Obama. It’s for your mama!” YESSS Patron Saint of Permed Activism! I respect you.
The Whitney Houston Tribute
Yes. It gets its own heading and ERRTHANG. I wanted it to be nothing less than everything too. I didn’t want to accept anything less for THE QUEEN. And BET came through.
* Why was I already in my feelings when Mariah Carey came out to talk about her friend, Whitney Houston, and got choked up?
* Why did Monica SANG FOR HER LIFE like this??? I mean, I know why but YES! Mo got up there and gave us gospel realness. She dug deep for notes, found them and gave them to us.
* Why did Brandy rock the house though with “Dance with Somebody?” YESSS GAWDT. I was jamming! And did B-Rocka get a little thick? I like it on her!
* Why did I know I was bout to be thug down when I saw Whitney’s brother, Gary, perform? It’s because I knew Cissy was next.
* Why did Cissy Houston come up there and annihilate ALL thugs in the house as she sang for her baby??? LAWDDDD that woman sang “Bridge Over Troubled Water” like there was no one in that room but her, God and Whitney’s spirit. She. SANG. FOR. HER. BABY. There was no way you won’t be touched watching her sing last night. She took us to church, brought us back and just left us there to sit in the sanctuary. As pictures of her and Whitney were displayed behind her, my heart ached for her. I can’t imagine the pain of a mother who has to bury her child. All I know is that, God was in that room as Cissy said goodbye to her daughter one more time. She was just… YES LAWD. I am verklempt just thinking about it.
After Cissy sang though, the ladies of “Waiting to Exhale” came up to speak.
* Why’s Angela Bassett so FAHN all the gahtdamb tahm???
* Why didn’t I recognize Lela Rochon for a minute. She’s gained a lotta weight.
* Why do I love me some auntie Loretta Divine? She’ont gibbadamb where she going. She will remain herself. Yes, she gon rock a Persian throw around her shoulders at the BET Awards and ain’t nobody gon check her. (-__-)
* Why did Chaka Khan bring down the house with “I’m Every Woman?” It was THE PERFECT way to end the Whitney Houston tribute? Also, why did Chaka look as FAHN as she wanted to look??? My lady was dressed like a bottle of Cristal and I was HERE FOR IT!
* Why am I so proud of BET right now? That Whitney Tribute was perfect. PERFECT. The best one yet and I give them all the props. They did so good with this and really honored her right. It was amazing. GO, BET!!!
* Why didn’t BET just end the show with the Whitney tribute? They just had to let some urban youths perform afterwards, as if the show wasn’t already 3+ hours long.
* Why was it soooo cute when Solange’s boyfie, Alan Whatshisface, the video director gave her a shoutout onstage? I loved it.
But yeah 30 more minutes of stuff happened, none of which is really worth me recapping. So I shall end there.
Whatcha think of the BET Awards 2012? Do you agree that it might be the best in recent memory? What was your favorite and least fave parts?