Clint Eastwood Talks to an Invisible Obama and Barack’s Team Shades Him

[ 17 ] August 31, 2012 |

The Republican National Convention that’s going on right now has had so many foolish moments that even the Onion couldn’t have made this stuff up. There’s no reason to write satirical stories about the RNC because the GOP is acting enough of a fool for life to be funnier than fiction. They’ve been really showing out!

Also, the lack of diversity is actually shocking to me. I KNEW that they largely excluded people of color, but the folks playing the “Let’s take a shot when you see a Black person” drinking game have been  PARCHED. Besides that one time when Condoleezza Rice took the stage and built herself a cabin with her Uncle Thomas (Clarence, maybe?). You see what I did there. YOU SEE IT.

The most recent of the “Watch the Republicans Show Out” occurrences was from last night when Clint Eastwood took the stage. Clint spent 11 minutes talking to an empty chair that was supposed to be President Barack Obama. In REAL life, not virtual. It happened. If you missed it or want to watch it again, ConcreteLoop has the clip.

old man yells at chair

Basically.

This dude used 11 GOOD MINUTES OF LIFE to scold a chair with an invisible Obama. At one point, he was talmbout how the night Obama was elected, everyone was saying how there’s hope, and folks cried. Clint said “I haven’t cried that much since I found out that there’s 23 million unemployed people in this country.” Well sir, I cried like that when I looked at you and saw the tree witch in Pocahontas. You know, the willow tree that gave her advice? This one:

Pocahontas Willow Tree

Yes. I CRIED, Clint! Because you have the same lines that the tree had in your face. LOOK AT GAWD CONNECTING NATURE! O_o

Then, Old Eastwood stumbled over words and looked like he legit forgot where he was going with any of his points multiple times. Then at one point, he has the unmitigated gall to tell imaginary Obama “you’re crazy.” Sir. Did you see yourself in a mirror? Pot, please stop calling the kettle ultra dark gray. Just quit.

Clint Eastwood RNC Speech

We’re all scratching our heads too, Clint. Image from Politico.com

It was actually a bit embarrassing to watch. I spent the whole time with this look firmly on my face: O__o. I was confused because I had to many questions. Like why didn’t Clint prepare a proper speech, and why didn’t the GOP vet it beforehand to know what he was planning to say? They just let Clint get on stage to verbally freeball and add to the long list of “Things to make fun of Republicans about.”

Also, when Clint asked for a chair onstage with him, did no one ask WHY?

Clint: Make sure there’s a chair on the stage with me.
GOP: So you can sit down for some of the speech?
Clint: No, I won’t be sitting.
GOP: Ah gotcha. So who will you be bringing up there with you?
Clint: Nobody.
GOP: Sooo will you be having a prop to place on the chair to refer to?
Clint: No prop needed. My awesomeness is all the stage needs. And that chair, of course.
GOP: Mkay. So this chair will be for what?
Clint: For Obama.
GOP: He’s not coming though.
Clint: Oh but he is. In my mind. And I have words for him.

Is this how the conversation went??? This is how I imagine it did. Were they not worried about it? Who signed off on this and said “Yes. Give him the chair anyway?” Did he throw a tantrum to get this chair onstage? I need to know who in the RNC’s planning committee thought this would be a great idea.

In fact, let me rewind and ask a question that I should have asked first. Clint Eastwood IS the tale as old as time that they were talking about in Beauty and the Beast. Why was he even thought of as a good idea for a speaker? Was Moses busy??? Did the Republicans want to attract new voters? Because all they did was use Clint to get their CURRENT supporters who are ALSO old, white and rich to be all “Yes, I relate to him.” No one else can look at him and fist pump. Not in 2012. Not with that old, ornery geriatric swag he has. NAWL.

Jamelle Bouie tweet

Perfect tweet.

It’s cool though, because Clint Eastwood’s speech of randomness made way for this tweet from the Barack Obama team.

Barack Obama Seat Tweet

THIS. SEAT. IS. TAKEN.

YES, GAWD HUNTY!!! Shourrout to President Barack Obama’s social media team for really making a picture worth 1,000 words in 140 characters. I am HERE for them an their presidential shade! Don’t try to come for ‘Rack an’em! Don’t do it!

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK. AND SHADEFUL! I am here for ‘Rack O, the Beloved One. Anytime. For reasons. Many of them. YESSSS!!!

All I need is for the Obama team to borrow from the Queen of Classy Shade, Mother Oprah,  and tweet “And you, sir?” to the Romney campaign. That would be ALL the nourishment and nutrition EYE need for a good WEEK, LAWD!

The Republicans DO need to have a seat but not THIS seat. That’s what ‘Rack said and I am living for it! They got SONNED and DAUGHTERED and NEPHEWED!
Ennehweighs, I hope the GOP keeps the parade of foolery coming. If nothing else, it makes it for a more entertaining convention. Although it is sad that they’re spending a lot of their time on the podium telling straight lies in their attempt at the POTUS seat. They GOTSTA do mo’ better.
Did y’all see Clint’s speech? Whatcha think? Also, have you been watching the RNC? Tell a homie!
P.S. There’s now an @InvisibleObama Twitter account. Getchu a piece of THAT hilarity!
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Category: Famous folks, Politics

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  1. Dear Roc, WTF IS THIS???? | I Am Your People | September 1, 2012
  1. Marissa says:

    I respect Mr. Eastwood too much to watch him show his senility.
    But that picture from Mr. President?!
    *Latrice Royale voice* Giiiiiirl…the shade, the shade of it all!

  2. “YES, GAWD HUNTY!!! Shourrout to President Barack Obama’s social media team for really making a picture worth 1,000 words in 140 characters. I am HERE for them an their presidential shade! Don’t try to come for ‘Rack an’em! Don’t do it!”

    *****

    This right here slayed me in the SPIRIT! I literally hit the floor, Leyomi style…rolled around my office…and then just paused….and did that isht agaiN! LMAO!

  3. YepIsaidIt says:

    That response pic… that some gangster ish right there. I loveS it!

  4. Akoua says:

    LOL!!!! The picture is worth a thousand!!! I had to come out of lurk mode for his one Luvvie! oh but his ears though?? too funny!

  5. Brownngirl says:

    Loooool! LET ME GET TO THIS IMAGINARY OBAMA TWITTER RIGHT NAH. Lawd, I love, Luvvie. *marries you*

    [And let me just ignore the fact that I sat there cursing at my TV as if it were Clint Eastwood, tho.]

  6. Nichole says:

    When I read Clint Eastwood was speaking I said the GOP wanted to show they can get some support from Hollywood too. I know they were tired of hearing how much support Pres. Obama was getting from folks like George Clooney, Spielberg and others. Talk about a box office bomb. Maybe they she have gone with Donald Trump. He’s Hollywood, isn’t he? Ha!

  7. Prim says:

    So. Much. Shade.
    I love it!

  8. “Clint Eastwood became huge star as a man of few words As a surprise guest on the Tampa stage he had too many words (I say as a friend)” -Tom Brokaw (via Twitter)

    * Is it bad I’m low key disappointed that the Twitter rumor that the guest speaker was going to be hologram Ronald Reagan endorsing Mitt Romney wasn’t true? That would have been hilarious and infuriating #AtTheSameDamnTime

    * Have y’all seen Clint Eastwood’s (35 years younger) wife’s reality show? 2012 has not been Clint’s year. At all. He’s on John McCain status – ruining a lifelong positive reputation with a few months of dumb azz decisions.

    * I want to see what epic isht Clint’s going to pull at the 2016 and 2020 conventions (his mom is still alive…he’ll be around that long)

  9. Olivia Olivia says:

    Republicans are crazy. I live in England and consider myself really conservative on economic matters so I vote for the Conservative party. Our Conservative party is more liberal that the American Democratic party and that suits me fine. I feel so bad for all of the normal, decent Americans who have to contend with the super right-wing Republican party voters in their midst. It would drive me insane having to listen to their pro-life, bible bashing, racist hatred on a daily basis. Watching them is like watching the mentally impaired given power. I really hope people will make the effort to vote.

  10. Olivia Olivia says:

    Also, it is truly shocking to see the lack of non white people at the RNC. I’m addicted to watching footage and trying to see non whites. So far I have seen one black man and he was obviously slow.

  11. ASNYC says:

    The actual tea behind the chair thing is that he asked for it last minute and the Romney people actually thought he might use it to sit down. Wishful thinking at its saddest…

    You know, Imma take a minute to go in on Condi Rice. First of all, those people don’t really like her. They sent her and the other (reformed) black lackey Colin Powell to make fools and war criminals of themselves on the international stage by selling the lie that was the justification for attacking Iraq. Then they sent her out on stage with lipstick on her teeth and didn’t even try to help her. She deserves it, you know why? Because she betrayed her friends Addie Mae Collins, Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson and Denise McNair. For those who don’t recognize those names, they are the four minor children who were murdered in the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama on September 15, 1963. That church was bombed by the KKK because that church was a rallying point for civil rights efforts, particularly voting rights. These girls were her friends and her classmates, and they were blown to bits, incinerated, smashed, and smeared against crumbled four walls because white supremacists wanted to deny black people to vote. Her friends’ small broken bodies were sacrifices to the voting rights efforts and the country’s collective horror at their brutal death rallied white support for the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Without that and subsequent civil rights legislation, Rice might not well have gotten to the position to be a scoundrel on the international stage.

    Fast forward to 2012, and we have a Republican party devoted to undermining and eliminating the black vote by less violent means, but the effort is still the same: to snatch back the hard won rights, rights won soaked in the blood of patriots, via patently dishonest legislation. As federal courts have twice affirmed in this week alone, these efforts are aimed at suppressing the black vote. What does Rice do? She parades herself and her black face across that stage in service to a party that seeks to roll back the rights that stand in memorial to her friends and four innocent victims; she stands where she does on the heap of their bodies and those others who died for her rights; she accepts invitations to join bigoted golf clubs (alongside a woman who lives on the slave plantation her family has owned for eight generations) because she stands on the heaps of brown bodies everywhere now; she climbs atop the still smoldering dead in the Middle East and Asia to defend her record as an incorrigible war criminal. Condi Rice may be one of the most disreputable figures of American politics and government in the last 30 years and that is no small task. I hope that lip stick was made of tooth enamel eroding and root canal initiation chemicals. I hope the next time she pimps out her race to lend credibility to the 90% white Republican party, she slips and falls into a fire.

    As for Clint, he has become a caricature of himself. Did Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro ever actually try to join a mob family, let alone run one? Has George Clooney ever actually tried to assemble a group of master criminals to rob a Vegas hotel because of the 12 Ocean’s 11 sequels? Kelsey Grammar has literally played Dr. Frasier Crane in 4 different shows, but we don’t see him trying to go out and be a psychologist in real life, do we? Why was Clint Eastwood up there doing a mashup of his most iconic performances like they were real people? I half expected him to run up to that chair shouting, “Do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk? If not, get off my lawn or go ahead, make my day! Also, Hell of a thing, killin’ a man. Take away all he’s got and all he’s ever gonna have,” before trying (and failing) to smash the chair. Clint Eastwood: when you bring a seat and fail to sit in it, you lose.

    *drops mic*

  12. Capricorn says:

    Luvvie. I KNOW you did not compare Clint with the greatness that is Grandmother Willow. YOU DID NOT!!!

    and yes, the SHADE thrown by that one picture was beyond epic.

  13. Flyy says:

    MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK. AND SHADEFUL!

    ****

    YES GAWD!!

  14. AdorzAaliyahSince94 says:

    Luvvie, I LOVE your blog, you bring the comedy and the truth at the same dang time!
    @ASNYC, you get a standing ovation for going in on Condi, thank you sooooo much, you reminded me of why I don’t particularly care for herm she si the female Sambo, all the way…iCan’t with her or any other jackwagon that reps the RNC!

  15. AdorzAaliyahSince94 says:

    sorry, I meant *her and *is … passionate posts bring out the mispeller in me :)

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