Last night was the reunion special of the Love and Hip Hop Atlanta crew and it was hosted by Mona Scott-Young, the producer with the gift to produce TV’s most ratchet castmembers since whoever did Flava of Love (Holy Run-on Sentence, Batman!).
Anywho, I got questions.
* Why was Joseline rocking a masquerade mask? Lemme find out she was starring in Phantom of the Hoodrat and none of us knew.
* Could it be that body con dresses are finally leaving us??? COULD IT BE? I don’t think any of the women had on a bandage dress. Y’all better LOOK AT GAWD and thank him that the fake Herve Legers are going away!
* Did Kirk go to K&G and get him a Steve Harvey suit at the semi-annual sale? He was in the audience looking casket sharp DINNAMUG!
* Why did they ask Karlie how old she was and she told us everything but her age? She almost listed her resume and her shoe size. Ma’am, we just wanted to know how many rings are on your tree stump. We ain’t ask for ALL’AT!
* Why did I FALL OUT when K. Michelle called Karlie an “old ass Harriet Tubman?” Chile, I just wanted to lay on the floor and wade in the water! I cackled!
* How the hell did all those chicks sit on that stage and say they hadn’t gotten work done? In fact, Karlie is the only one, and she only admitted to getting her boobs done. So all of y’all with booties that look like volleyballs grew those naturally? THE DEVIL IS A LAH AND THE TRUTH AIN’T IN HIM, LAWD!
* How did Joseline come up with the name Shenelica Bettencourt as her stripper name? She prolly took the name of her 1st dog and the street she lived on.
* Why did Joseline say she’s had like 100 mugshots with no shame? Your life will not be an Instagram account of arrests. Please do better henceforth, ma’am.
* Why did I get my LIFE when Funky Dineva stood up and READ Karlie for filth? His wig was LAIDT like carpet! YES!
* Why was Rasheeda trying to fight K.Michelle over this whole fact that she said Memphitz beat her? Rasheeda tryna fight for who’s honor? Who told her she was the Mulan of the hood? Ma’am, have a seat. She’s tryna go to war for Memphitz. Meanwhile, her hubby got as much passion as a broken garden hoe. She has her focus on the wrong thing.
* Why hasn’t VH1 caught on yet that we need subtitles for Lil Scrappy EVERY TIME he speaks? Dude talks like he chews on cotton balls and I have to be super focuses to even catch what 3 words in a row means. They could help us with that struggle.
* Why was Stevie J acting like Scrappy didn’t put them paws on him? He’s the dude who’ll get beat up, end up with a black eye and say how he hurt someone’s fist with his face. WOMP.
* Who told Momma Dee to get up there talmbout “When you’re the Queen and you have the prince and your throne has been violated…” Ma’am, stop pontificating. Just stop.
* Why am I SO over Mimi and her fake toughness? She stays yelling at Stevie J and saying 14 “bitches” in one sentence but then she still messes with his squirrel face-having self. Losing.
* Why was Mimi talmbout we shouldn’t judge her? Ma’am, you’re on a REALITY TV show living your life out on TV and you think we won’t give you a side-eye for basically becoming the side chick in your love triangle. Girl sit down.
* Why did Joseline call herself a woman of God? I fully expected thunder fire to come down on that stage at that moment! You are many things, Joseline but that ain’t the first.
* In spite of all that, why do I like Joseline more than Mimi now though? I’m lowkey here for Joseline Hernandez and her foolishness. Meanwhile, all I can do is shake my head at Mimi and wish she’d just take her pretty elsewhere that doesn’t concern Stevie J.
I’m looking forward to part II of this reunion, which will include the beast with no neck, Benzino and Kirk the unexcited robot. I’m kinda sad this show is about to end though. My body ISN’T ready. My ratchet will be unfulfilled.
Did y’all watch last night’s show? Whatcha think?