My Life

Sh*t One White Girl Said to Luvvie, Chescaleigh, Nicole and Tina at BlogHer

This weekend, I was standing in a circle at BlogHer 2012 with Chescaleigh, Nicole Blades and Tina Shoulders and we were just shooting the breeze talmbout random things. Then a woman joins us and goes “carry on with your conversation.” She happened to be white and we said hi’s and introduced ourselves. She was holding a glass of wine and semi-slurring when she spoke so we asked her how many she had so far and she said she was on her 2nd.

Then foolery happens.

“Oh my gosh I just love Black women. I LOVE you all. You’re all just so fun and sooo… spicy.” Wait… are we jabanero peppers??? We’re spicy? Ok.

I look at the rest of the ladies to gauge their reactions and to see if they were in their heads freaking out too. And they were. I looked at Chesca and her face was a literal O_______O. And she pulled out her iPhone and started typing with vigor. I knew she was headed to Twitter to share the comment. And Nicole was looking like O_o while Tina was just like “Ummm…”

Donna livetweet gif

Then it continued.

“And I love your natural hair. It’s just… yesss. I just love Black women. In fact, I’m actually a Black woman myself. I just left my spray tan at home.”

O________________________________________________O

I’m not sure who spoke because I was running around in circles in my head having a “I can’t believe this is happening” moment in my head. It was like “Punk’d” except without Ashton. Or the “I’m just kidding” part.

Then we asked her what she blogged about and she said “food.” And she follows it up with “I like soul food. I can’t cook a lot of it but I can cook a collard.” A. COLLARD. As in just one? Will two collards overwhelm her? Will three make her burn down the kitchen? Because I don’t understand. Lawd, Cooking Lady (as I’ll call her now) was a trip.

Next Shannon, the BlogHer programming manager, walks up and we all turn to say hey to her because she’s the homie. We all start talking to her and in the process, attention moves away from Cooking Lady.

Me and Nicole end up talking to Shannon at length and Chescaleigh and Tina are behind us still sorta hearing ridiculous things from Cooking Lady. Then all of a sudden she walks away.

Chescaleigh tells us Cooking Lady said she was upset because “that other white lady” took us away from her. Shannon being the “other white lady.” Apparently, we had hit the white woman quota she imagined we had and she didn’t appreciate how Shannon stole us from her.

Shannon replied with “Wait. So do we still own Black people? WHY IS SHE MAD?” Right! LAWDDD!!!

We’re so awesome that folks want us to themselves but ummm that’s not how it goes. Oh Cooking Lady. Bless her drunk, misguided heart. I love when people do TOO much to relate to others. When you do that, you just end up being the subject of a blog post. And many cackles. Because we surely did laugh about it for hours.

So yeah. We experienced a REAL life version of Franchesca’s Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls and it was HILARIOUS. Just like the video. Real life is what makes the best comedy.

SpicyBlackWomen

P.S. No, I won’t say who she was. Y’all don’t know how to act and will try to blow up her spot so I’ma let her be anonymous for now.

Has something like this ever happened to you? What would you have done? And my white readers… what are your thoughts on this? Are you side-eying your skinfolk or have you made a mistake like this before?

126 Comments

  1. Capricorn
    August 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm — Reply

    A. Collard. o______O

    That entire exchange just. . . *no words*

    *cracks up*

  2. August 6, 2012 at 12:01 am — Reply

    I’m just disappointed she didn’t mention her Black boyfriend, and that she totally grew up in the hood

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm — Reply

      Well she was actually about to tell us a story about this Black girl named Tilly that her grandpa grew up with but his family didn’t approve of their friendship when Shannon walked up. Yes, really. So… O_O

  3. Marsha S. Haneiph
    August 6, 2012 at 12:09 am — Reply

    Luvvie, this was one of those stories that you just couldn’t make up! People give me funny looks sometimes because I don’t “look” like a Caribbean national. The worst question I ever got about Trinidad was, “Is it in Jamaica?” o___O

    • August 6, 2012 at 11:51 am — Reply

      *sigh* THE STORY OF SMALL ISLAND LIFE! Never-damn-mind that Trinidad is part of the LOVELY Twin Island republic. Or that T&T is over 1K miles from Jamaica. *headdesk*

      • Marsha S. Haneiph
        August 11, 2012 at 2:08 am — Reply

        You know it.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm — Reply

      I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

      • t
        August 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm — Reply

        apparently, she’s 3 collards short of a bunch… and y’all 3 collards are just too spicy for words.

        • Charlese
          August 7, 2012 at 5:29 am — Reply

          Funniest. Comment. Ever.

        • August 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm — Reply

          LMAOOOOOO!!!! You are foolish.

    • IfYouEverComeBack
      August 7, 2012 at 11:03 pm — Reply

      Yea, join the club, I feel ya, I am from the Bahamas and I get asked the dumbest question all the time. My fave is you don’t sound island like, why don’t you speak island(. I didn’t know island was a dialect/language WTF?

      Oh and why do people keep thinking that Jamaica is the only country in the Caribbean ?

      • August 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm — Reply

        You mean it’s not? o_O
        (I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist)

    • Nakia Brown
      May 2, 2013 at 6:37 am — Reply

      Is it in JAMAICA?!?!?!?! I don’t know whether to laugh or CRY!!! LMBO!!!

  4. August 6, 2012 at 12:23 am — Reply

    I never know what to do/say when white people say stuff like that. “On my behalf of every black woman out there, because I clearly represent them to you, I thank you for liking and approving of my culture, hair, and skin color. It really means a lot to us.”

    or

    “Wow, that’s so cool of you! Not a lot of white people like or appreciate black people, but you? You’re different. You GET IT.”

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm — Reply

      Right! I was at a loss for words and snappy comebacks. I was just having an inner monologue bout how ridiculous she was. lol

      • t
        August 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm — Reply

        maybe she wanted to do the white girl shuck and jive in order to get fame-adjacent to the whole isht white girls say… too bad y’all are too classy to do her work…

  5. Ambar
    August 6, 2012 at 12:27 am — Reply

    I had a white geography teacher ask me in middle school if I was Hispanic (Im Dominican btw). So I say yes. She then asks if I am Mexican which I say no to. Then she asks if Im Puerto Rican which I again reply no. Then she gets frustrated and asks me “Well then what are you?” As if that question isn’t rude enough, once I tell her where I am from she says she doesn’t know where Dominican Republic is at. I tell her its in the Caribbean connected to Haiti. Her smartass reply was “Ohhhh I get it now so your Haitian! I see them on the news all the time!” I hated that bish until I left that school.

    • Gigi Young
      August 6, 2012 at 12:37 am — Reply

      …geography teacher…O.o

      • Ambar
        August 6, 2012 at 1:17 am — Reply

        Exactly! Its bad enough that this is a school in Florida and the Caribbean is right below the damn state but she was a geography teacher! Did they only show her pompous ass anything and everything in the U.S. but left out all other countries because they weren’t important enough? Just ignorant as hell.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm — Reply

      That is just a mess and a half! Wow.

    • IfYouEverComeBack
      August 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm — Reply

      Man I get this same thing except mine is with Jamaica

    • Steph
      August 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm — Reply

      O___0 People are really ignorant and aren’t afraid to show it, are they?? Blows my mind, but it really shouldn’t. IF people only thought before they spoke…**SMDH**

  6. August 6, 2012 at 12:49 am — Reply

    Look I live in Australia… if I didn’t have these type of conversations on a daily I’d be wondering what was up and people are stone cold sober Lol. I mostly let this stuff go, I aint got time to educate some people.

    The one time I did comment on it was because I was outright offended. I went to university with a lot of my highschool mates. I hung out with my “friends” and I was the only black person they knew. I went to their birhdays/parties etc and again only black person. We get to university and I met international students who were black. I started hanging out with them. My 21st birthday came along and I invited the crew. The after party was at an R&B/Hip Hop club. These heffers came and asked me if they could have a separate celebration with me at another venue (think rock/indie/grunge pub) because… and I quote this word for word- “We will be uncomfortable in that kind of setting with those people”.

    Oh so when I was the token African for the last 7 years with no other black person in sight, they thought I was comfortable? Yet they (a group of 8 chicks plus boyfriends) couldn’t attend an after party club event?

    I cut them out of my life in one fell swoop.

    • Ambar
      August 6, 2012 at 1:19 am — Reply

      Good for you! People like to lie to themselves and say they aren’t racist because they keep that one Black friend around but then say dumb ish like this. But you know…its okay…because they have Black friends so it makes it acceptable.

    • shannon
      August 6, 2012 at 7:54 am — Reply

      I can relate. I find it so strange how Black and Hispanic people are supposed to be so comfortable in crowds of other ethnicities (in my case White and Indian people) but they’ll opt out of our events.

      • Oneika
        August 6, 2012 at 10:38 am — Reply

        Shannon- I agree 1000%. Unfortunately, there are still so many people who think that white society is the ‘default’ culture and all brown folks must assimilate to that.

    • August 6, 2012 at 10:54 am — Reply

      same situation happened to me in undergrad. my everyday group of friends my freshman year was all white. not intentionally, but we all happened to meet each other first and clicked so well. one day at lunch, i invited another girl, who is black, that i had just met in my bio class to sit with us and they we so rude! they refused to talk or even look at her and kept making “what the eff!” eyes at each other. needless to say, our close friendships did last past freshman year.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm — Reply

      “Those people” is the quickest way to get dropped. I cannot. And I shall not.

    • January 31, 2014 at 8:56 pm — Reply

      Similar thing happened to me, I’m from Iowa soooo, yeah. But my white dorm mate wouldn’t go with me to CHURCH because she didn’t want to be the only white person. When I called her on it and mentioned the number of times I’d gone places with her as the only black person….she told me…(wait for it)….
      “But you’re used to it.”
      Chile, I really needed to go to church after that.

  7. Christi
    August 6, 2012 at 5:50 am — Reply

    I’m white and can say with confidence that that girl is an embarrassment to all people. More than likely her drunkass grew up in an all white town and went to some white bread college and now lives in some all white suburb. So when she gets to the big city where people aren’t named Muffy and people don’t care about her famous crepe recipe or whatever, she got super intimidated. She was probably trying to convince herself how worldly she is, being at Blogher and all, but really, she’s acting like she’s never been anywhere and doesn’t know anything. In other words, she needs to get a life. I do not claim her as one of my kind. No ma’am.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm — Reply

      LMAOOOOO at “where people aren’t named Muffy.” I love Christi. For many reasons like this whole comment.

      • August 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm — Reply

        I’m trying to be the one white person on earth that has a clue. I don’t claim to know much, but I know how to act like I’ve been somewhere. Unlike Mitzi or whatever. ;

        • August 6, 2012 at 7:58 pm — Reply

          *and did Luvvie just call me by my first name??? Holy crap, I feel important…*

          • August 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

            Yes I did. You’re awesome, and I always love your comments!

  8. August 6, 2012 at 8:29 am — Reply

    My grandma’s backwoods church is “inadvertantly racist”. At least twice a year, I’ll escort my grandma to church because it makes her happy. Every time I go, I encounter some racist shit. The last time I went, a withered old white lady told me how lucky I was to be black because “you people age so well”. Later, when the sermon began, the pastor went into vicious, tomato-faced anti-gay/anti-obama rant that had some severe racist undertones in regard to the latter. How my grandma, sweet as she is, puts up with it? Beyond me.

    • August 6, 2012 at 11:47 am — Reply

      Is this the same church that didn’t marry that black couple because they were too black? Lawd, and see a few black folks sit in those type churches and when they ask to be married or participate in other programs-they get the racist treatment.

    • August 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm — Reply

      That church gets a O____________________________O.

  9. August 6, 2012 at 8:39 am — Reply

    SMH “A” Collard?? LOL

  10. August 6, 2012 at 9:36 am — Reply

    LOL. Bless her heart chile. She can cook a collard! I can remember when I was in college about 9 years ago(quick back story I wear high heels alot. My heels are usually 6 inches.) So I was on campus one day with really high heels shoes that were super cute and everyone was complimenting me(mostly men–white men surprisely enough) so a white girl comes up to me and says, “shoes like that are not made for white women.” My mouth dropped. I wasn’t sure what to say or if I should ask what she meant. Bless white people hearts. Just keep them lifted in prayer…

    • Annalee
      August 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm — Reply

      …wait, what? Did she mean the color, or is she under the impression that white feet and black feet run in different sizes, and so can’t wear the same shoes? Because if the latter: o___o

    • August 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm — Reply

      Ummm… I don’t even understand what she could mean by that. Are some shoes white-exempt? I’m perplexed.

  11. August 6, 2012 at 10:01 am — Reply

    I have a close friend (who happens to be white) and we were having a conversation about one of our mutual friends, a Black man who is so sweet, handsome and happens to have A LOT of children. She says (privately), “I really have the most amazing friends, but I have a question and don’t mean to be rude or sound ignorant, but is it some sort of cultural thing that Black men have so many children? I don’t think I know a Black man that has less than 5.” O_____o… I told her it was not custom, it was because he is ‘gifted’ and careless. Seriously though, it was the first time that criticism was not placed on the woman. SMH

  12. IamaFishOkay
    August 6, 2012 at 10:40 am — Reply

    I had to go to wiki to find out what a collard is, turns out it’s a plant that grows in every continent…

  13. Kai
    August 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm — Reply

    Side-eye like woah! Just like when I read Chesca’s tweets while it was going down.

    Every time I think my fellow white folks can’t possibly get more appropriatively shitty, they do.

    I’m glad you all were able to laugh about it, though.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm — Reply

      I couldn’t do anything BUT laugh. It was just that comical.

  14. Tashya
    August 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm — Reply

    You are so nice for not wanting to blow up Cooking Girl’s spot. You know folks would drive her to drink more if you did. iSwear, some white people just don’t know how to relate to black people at all. And what is with the term “spicy”? Two years ago, I cut off my hair and three of my white women colleagues separately said I looked spicy and sassy. O________o. I wonder what they thought I looked like before? One of them also asked me “is this how they wear their hair where you come from?” My dad is Nigerian, but I grew up in Reno and I sound like it too. Bless her is all I can say.

  15. Stefanie
    August 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm — Reply

    I recently had a white woman call me a “gorgeous colored girl”. I am African American and I am a baddest chick I know. But colored and girl? I don’t have Crayola written down my back and at 38 I’m beyond a girl. Shall we mention the fact the word “colored” completely voids what ever compliment was attached to the word gorgeous. The saddest part is I don’t like she knows how clueless she is.

    • Ashley
      August 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm — Reply

      I can’t with the “collard.” Lmbo. Drunk white people say the most off-the-cuff stuff… stuff they think all the time but would never say otherwise… Once my husband and I were eating at a food truck park and this old white guy (yes, he was toasty as well) sits at the table and randomly asks if we ate at the Blaxican truck. Hmmm. So because we’re black, our preference out of the 30 or so trucks would happen to be Mexican soul food?? Blank stare. Lol.

    • Ashley
      August 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm — Reply

      Ooops. That comment wasn’t supposed to be a reply…

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm — Reply

      STOOOP!!! She did NOT call you a “colored girl” in 2012!!!! *faints*

    • August 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm — Reply

      Oh man. When I was a kid, grocery shopping with my mom, a white neighbor said that to my mom about me. She said “We’re called Black now. Say it. SAY IT! Now, go away”. Famous story in my famiy, my mom was so….spicy!

      • Tsipa
        October 25, 2012 at 12:26 am — Reply

        Omgosh, that’s awesome. “SAY IT! Now go away.” Hahaha! She sounds hilarious (and spicy).

  16. Missthg
    August 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm — Reply

    I was dead at “I can cook a collard”. So…….you just eat one at a time? Does she make a salad out of her one collard? Perhaps it’s a life size collard. Big enough to fill the whole pot and make enough pot likka for the cornbread to go with it.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm — Reply

      Maybe they have giant collards where she’s from? Like James had the giant peach? *shrugs*

  17. Phebe
    August 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm — Reply

    I live in Macedonia so stuff like this happens a lot because ppl don’t know how to act! But the worse thing I’ve heard was from an Australian who said “Have you seen The Help? I just love you guys’ movies. America would be so boring without Black ppl. You guys are so good at singing, basketball and dancing.” I blinked twice and excused myself.

    • August 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm — Reply

      NOOOOOOOOOOO at “you guys are so good at basketball and dancing.” So we shuck and jive REALLY well and hoops is in our DNA? Lawd.

  18. daniellerae*
    August 6, 2012 at 1:28 pm — Reply

    LMAO so damn burnt!

  19. August 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm — Reply

    I went to a majority white elem & middle school…in the 8th grade, a white chick that sat next to me in reading, got up enough courage to ask why were our (blacks) palms beige…did we work the color off of them? O_o <—- that was the look I gave and went back to my assigment….

  20. Mary Ann
    August 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm — Reply

    A collard. I can’t. I just can’t…

    Sometimes its so embarrassing being white. Okay, a lot of times.

    • August 7, 2012 at 9:20 pm — Reply

      LOLLL!!! Don’t worry Mary Ann! You don’t have to claim her.

  21. August 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm — Reply

    DEFINITELY SIDE-EYEING.

    Especially because I’d just seen a pic of you, Issa, Chescaleigh and a couple other ladies that someone tweeted, began freaking out and saying how I’m going next year if it means I can meet you all at one place.

    And then they announced it’s going to be in Chicago which makes it easy since I live here. If you’re there, I promise to 1) approach you and internally flip out especially if you’re w/Issa & Chescaleigh again 2) NEVER SAY SHIT LIKE THAT TO YOU.

    Sigh.

  22. August 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm — Reply

    10 years in Maine as a Black girl and that might be one of the most insane things I have ever heard and trust me I hear a lot! I don’t know which is worse, spicy Black women or the fact she can cook a collard. All I have to say is kudos to all y’all for having some restraint not to cuss her out then and there and also for not telling us who she is.

  23. Ra
    August 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm — Reply

    Me, (in all my blackness), a black friend and a white friend, all went to the nowheresville illinois on a scholarship to a choir camp (don’t judge me). The kids and staff alike at the camp were in utter AMAZEMENT at “Black People Sighting 1998.” They stared at us, they gawked, they whispered. It was super awkward. There was one other black kid there, a dude, who was flamboyantly gay. The colors of the rainbow were dripping out his ears. He knew it. We all knew it. We’ll call him Paul.

    Random white girl: “You should SO hook up with Paul! You would be SOOOO cute together!”

    ::crickets:::

    Bish are you blind????

    Then comes the cumbaya sleepover moment, sitting in a dorm, in jammies…

    Random white girl(all propped up on her elbows in keen focus): “….What’s it like being Black?…”

    (all the other white chicks in the room leaned forward in anticipation, all wide eyed)

    :::silence:::

    White friend: “are you F&*^#$king kidding me?

    Black friend: The same as being White… except not without the intense generational need to oppress.

    yep. Fond memories of that choir camp. Fond memories.

    • Rjones
      August 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm — Reply

      I LOVE THIS!!!! THE FUNNIEST BY FAR!!!

    • Jobusca
      August 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm — Reply

      That. Was. THEE. Best. Comeback. Ever.

    • August 15, 2012 at 9:00 am — Reply

      Black friend: The same as being White… except not without the intense generational need to oppress. — that is the best comeback I have ever heard.

      Luvvie, you are very sweet not to blow up her spot. Classy, classy, classy.

  24. MercyFork
    August 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm — Reply

    I’m white, and all I can say is uhhhhhh….. I could think of a million more appropriate conversation starters, like “hello, I’m new here. Are you a writer? what do you write about? are you having a nice time here? Gosh, this wine is delicious.”

  25. [...] Luvvie of Awesomely Luvvie relates a real life “Sh*t White Girls Say” moment: [...]

  26. BumbleBee
    August 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm — Reply

    and saying “carry on with your conversation” AS IF she is your director or something…

  27. August 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm — Reply

    I had a boss who, after 3 weeks working there, tried to pat my afro puff. Like I was a pet. When I turned around and looked at him standing behind me with his hand over my head saying “It just looks so soft and fluffy. I wanna touch it sooo bad!” I looked at him and said “Yeah. No.” (o.0*} Then he apologized to me but told everyone else he didn’t see how I could be offended – it is a compliment that my afro looks soft.

    I left that job soon after that incident. He’s lucky I didn’t chop him in his thoat. (Yes – thoat)

    • Lanie
      October 10, 2012 at 10:55 am — Reply

      Black women go overboard with this hair thing. Your hair was beautiful to him and he wanted to touch it because the texture fascinated him. I swear to God black women like you are such a turn off. I bet he touched non-black women’s and white women’s hair and they didn’t have a bitch fit.

      FYI, it was a compliment. I’m a black woman and when I see a nice afro hairdo I wanna touch too! lol

      • October 27, 2012 at 10:07 pm — Reply

        you obviously have never had an afro. Him telling her that her afro looked soft and fluffy would have been a compliment, but him attempting to touch it without asking first was NOT. I’ve worn an TWA and men (and women) always wanted to reach out and touch my head like it was a pregnant woman’s belly.

        • October 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm — Reply

          My point is…It IS very annoying and not a compliment.

    • Terri
      December 24, 2012 at 11:22 am — Reply

      I used to go to a salon in which the stylists were predominantly white, with the exception of my stylist and one other stylist. Without fail, whenever my hair was freshly washed and in its natural state the manager would come over and touch it without asking. “How do you make it do that? The curls are so springy.” It became quite annoying and drew a lot of attention to my hair from the staff and other clients. The white people even seemed uncomfortable. I said that should this ever happen again, I will in turn reach up and touch her hair and ask the same questions. iCannot with this woman any longer!

  28. August 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm — Reply

    Let me say RIGHT OFF that though I have a food blog; am skim milk white; and had a couple glasses of wine at BlogHer 2012, it WASN’T me! And I cook collards (plural) but I wouldn’t have mentioned it to you, I SWEAR! If apologizing on her behalf helps, I apologize.

  29. August 6, 2012 at 7:30 pm — Reply

    Blogher was a very interesting experience. But what surprises me is that this wasn’t your first Blogher. Why were you interested in going to another Blogher? Do you believe the positives out-weighed the negative. Do you think a conversation regarding cultural sensitivity should be considered as a future session?

  30. August 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm — Reply

    oh my goodness – oh my goodness – oh my goodnes…..I’m a white girl and oh my goodness – the SHAME…let’s blame it on the aa-a-a-a-alchohol please…

    OH My GOODNESS.

  31. August 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm — Reply

    Argh. Yeah, another white girl here saying I think you got it right. She was trying hard to relate and overdid it. Maybe she was a little bit of an idiot, too…or a lot…but she was probably trying hard to get over a bunch of stuff that she finally knows she has to admit to and work on and, well, said all the wrong things. Or most of them, at least.

    You’re a compassionate person for not publicizing who she is and having her blog blow up, lol.

    I will also admit that I have a lot of curiosity about people who aren’t “like me”- whether race or culture or religion or just interested in different sports, hobbies and yes I know I sound like an idiot putting all those things in one sentence, bear with me – and I do generally understand that we are all more alike than different…still. The differences intrigue me. But I’m always thinking I’ll come across like a booby, so I usually just shut up and listen.

    • Mother is Supreme
      August 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm — Reply

      I agree with you about “shutting up and listening.” I’m a black woman, and yes, I too am intrigued by others that are different from me. Like, when I went to college (a college that was predominantly White/Asian) I got the stereotypical questions about my hair (from the White female students, needless to say). However, although I was also [genuinely] curious about White people’s hair and their grooming practices (e.g. why did the White girls whom I dormed with wash their hair everyday?? Seriously, this puzzled me, because even the Asian and [one] Latina girls that I dormed with didn’t wash their hair everyday), I never onced questioned them about it. Sooner or later, I learned that some of the white girls washed their hair daily because they’ve been doing so since they could remember; others washed their hair daily because apparently their hair got greasy…???…point of the story is, after spending some genuine and quality time around folks that are different from you, and forming real relationships with them, you’ll pick up a few things. There’s no need to ask questions that, while they may appear innocent, are inherently offensive. I was raised to not be nosey and ask [insignificant] questions, and while I’m not saying my upbringing was superior than others–because I certainly believe in asking questions and will teach my future kids to do the same–I think that a lot of White people were raised just the opposite, with this free will to ask away…it’s that white privilege thing…

      • IfYouEverComeBack
        August 7, 2012 at 11:21 pm — Reply

        I think its a environment ting, cause I know people from different races, tat seem to think its okay to ask dumb questions.

  32. August 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm — Reply

    This story had me choking on my biscuit!! I feel for you but thank you for the laugh. One collard?! iDied.
    I was at blogher and feel like there were several women in attendance who had never seen black women outside of a TV or movie screen before. Luckily nobody came out of left field with me, but I could feel the racial tension-ish-ness in some situations. Meh.

  33. Denise
    August 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm — Reply

    One of the craziest things I ever had someone say to me was when we were at a club that had different rooms. I was trying to get my date who was white to go into the top 40 room. We were in there for all of five minutes when he turns to me and says, “There are too many black people in here!” I was in shock to say the least. Were I the person I am now, I would have asked him, “Why are you here with _me_ if you’re scared of a roomful of black people?”

  34. August 7, 2012 at 10:13 am — Reply

    So Funny! I listened to you as one of the Panelist at the BlogHer12 Conference, and saw your video clip. It’s hard to believe that a mirror image of your on screen character walked right up to you! What a hoot!

  35. August 7, 2012 at 1:56 pm — Reply

    [...] out Luvvie’s experience with one of the women at the event HERE. You will die laughing. Don’t take a sip of anything while [...]

  36. August 7, 2012 at 8:03 pm — Reply

    OMG! I was there! I remember the drunk cooking lady. I even asked for her card, but she said she didn’t have any. She told me the name of her blog, but I completely forgot it. I was going to write about it, but decided against it. I’ve never been drunk before, but I heard alcohol the truth serum. I remember the lady coming over to me saying the exact same things. “I love black women.” She also said, “they’re so nice, but don’t mess with them.” I responded that we are nice, but like anyone else we’ll speak up for ourselves. At one point another lady from your camp came over and told the lady to stop causing trouble. It was one of those awkward moments. The woman was clearly wasted.

    I think she has issues. She went on to tell me that she went through a bad divorce, and she started her company as a release. Plus, she needed it for financial reasons. I actually ended up feeling sad for her.

    I wanted to chat with you ladies, and tried to. Now I realize that something really weird was going on. Maybe next time. Hope you get to read my comment. You got a lot to go through. haha

  37. Ike
    August 7, 2012 at 8:44 pm — Reply

    I was having a conversation about boxing with a white coworker the other day. We were debating who would win in a fight: ’66 Ali or ’86 Tyson. The debate continued as we stood out in the parking lot on our breaks. Then an older white lady pulls up, hears our conversation, and joins in. At first, I didn’t think anything of it because she agreed with me that Ali would win.

    Then, as I ended up talking to her alone, she asks, “And what does a white man know about black boxers anyway?” The world stopped turning for a second as I tried to think of a reply; as another of my white coworkers asked, “What does SHE know about black boxers?!?”

  38. August 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm — Reply

    Thank you for this post. Thank you, THANK YOU! Stuff like this happens to me all the time. It is EXACTLY what inspired me to start my blog. I had to start documenting this stuff in real time because I felt like people thought I was making it up. But as you stated earlier in the comments, you can’t make this kinda stuff up! Not to mention you have several other eyewitnesses…

  39. August 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm — Reply

    I’m pretty much the only Black woman in my department. Needless to say, I am the go to for most hip hop questions. But that’s not the kicker, one day while going to the restroom, one of the palest white girls in my department, pulls out her arms and says “hey kia, I’m almost as dark as you.” I’m chocolate.

    • Assata R.
      August 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm — Reply

      Every summer, 2 of my white co-workers talk openly, amongst the rest of… “us” about how tan they are, how tan they want to be, and how tan they’ll get over the weekend. And i’m just likeeeeee…. whaaaaa??

      And of course, after the palest one comes back from vacation (maybe this past winter) she stands next to me, arm extended, and the words tumble out of her mouth… “We’re almost the same color.” To which I reply: O_o

  40. August 8, 2012 at 8:27 am — Reply

    On the flip, a black woman I had just met at a party insisted I had German ancestry, despite the fact that I told her I was Irish and Scottish. “Oh no,” she said. “I know Germans, and you’re German.” After she left, my friend (who, incidentally, is also black) said, “She’s calling you a Nazi.”

    What can you do?

  41. april
    August 9, 2012 at 12:32 am — Reply

    HA! I’m white and that shit embarrassed me. But y’all are nice, because I’d have said some shit. Even if just to ask her if she was aware what year it was.

  42. fpfj
    August 9, 2012 at 8:34 am — Reply

    I am Afghan-American and I hear this sort of thing ALL the time. From not-drunk folks. All the time. And they do get mad if another white person takes us away.

  43. August 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm — Reply

    OMG, I.can’t.breathe. I am not at all surprised because there are plenty of drunken white ladies at these conferences that just walk up and start babbling away. Some are sweet and fun and others are just… whoa. And I’m just all sorts of off guard because these are 30-40 year old women shattering all my hopes and dreams. Maturity comes with age, is that right? 2 glasses of wine does not induce that kind of foolery. o_O

    She said she could cook A COLLARD. *kicks feet in the air and howls hysterically*

    Does she keep her some hot sauce fo her black eyes peas too?

    Psst. Shannon should be linked to whiskeyinmysippycup.com. I don’t know her, lol, but I know you don’t wanna be giving out link juice to a bingo site ;-).

    • August 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm — Reply

      And how she gon walk up to y’all and start observing like y’all a gat damb exhibit?

      Ok, I’m done.

  44. CafeGirlsPress
    August 10, 2012 at 11:01 pm — Reply

    It could have been worse. Cooking Lady could have approached and stated, “Hey ya’ll, I’m ashy and I need some grease.” Yup. Seen it happen. O____O

  45. [...] Shit One White Girl Said to Us – I wrote a post last week that has been amplified about Chescaleigh, Tina, Nicole and [...]

  46. August 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm — Reply

    I literally just laughed my ass off at the “collard” part… Seriously, my ass is on the floor. lol. Complete Tom-foolery. Some people are just so clueless. I’m like you…Bless her little misguided heart.

  47. Nana
    August 14, 2012 at 8:34 pm — Reply

    Luvvie,
    I know I’m late to comment, but I read this last week and was outraged and then had one of those moments today at a conference. I was sitting at a table marked “Office of General Counsel” dressed in a suit, fielding legal questions for my organization. This woman came up to me and gushed about the general counsel’s office has been so great to her and then said, “and you are always so nice to me when you answer the phone, so pleasant” When I told her that I was in fact an attorney, she said, “but you would answer the phone if no one was in the office wouldn’t you?”

    I was close to snatching her wig, but unemployment is real in these streets. Why are people so unaware?!!

  48. August 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm — Reply

    Yes, this has happened to me more times I can count when I lived in Southern Maine.
    I don’t have time for that so I would excused myself and walked off.

  49. August 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm — Reply

    I’m now wondering if Cooking Lady, when she was sober, ever left the hotel. And if she did? Do you think she subconciously held her purse a little closer when she got near a person of color?

  50. Nikki
    August 15, 2012 at 11:57 pm — Reply

    Happens to me all the time since I live in Military housing…. All I can say is the conversations you ahve will blow your mind…. I had I girl tellme she wants a black man just so she can have babies with my hair (im natural). I just laugh it off cause I know they mean nothing by it……..

  51. punky
    August 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm — Reply

    While I agree that Luvvie’s decision to not post the bloggers identity is a testament to her generous spirit, I find it troublesome that so many of the white folks here think that it’s “classy” to not call out white folk. “Oh phew! That was close, so glad the PoC are laughing about it, otherwise I’d be more uncomfortable and then I might have to try to defend the white person and try to think of examples of REVERSE racism and ignorance. Good thing it’s not coming to that!”

  52. August 20, 2012 at 3:45 pm — Reply

    I am really, truly disappointed I didn’t end the night with a horsehead in my head. I suppose the daggers her eyes shot through my abdomen for stealing her spicy black women were enough for her.

    As much as i can’t stand that this happened, I am *soooo* glad I got have my best laugh of the weekend with you. :)

  53. Mei
    August 20, 2012 at 10:18 pm — Reply

    Oh my god.
    Okay, so I’m half white, and I feel like I’ve probably said stupid shit like this to black women in the past but that doesn’t mean I’m not still side-eyeing her on this. Anything like it I’ve said has been worthy of a serious side-eye, so I don’t see why what she said to you guys wouldn’t be.
    I’m sure she was just trying to relate to you guys like you were saying but she’s got a lot to learn

  54. August 20, 2012 at 10:31 pm — Reply

    Im gonna open a restaurant called ‘A COLLARD’
    we will serve THE RIB and A NECKBONE.

  55. Nomelle
    October 1, 2012 at 4:51 am — Reply

    Ummm… I’m from Mozambique, and I was in a grocery store in Zimbabwe back in 1999 and I was talking to my cousin… I have an American accent cause I went to American and Canadian schools growing up… then this random American white lady turns around while I’m talking (you get this reaction alot in Africa – when the accent doesn’t correspond to the skin color) and she’s like, OMG are you American?! I’m like no. She then goes, well you sound American! You don’t sound anything at all like an African! How long did you live in the States? And I’m like, I go to boarding school in Canada. And she’s like well, let me tell you something honey, go back to Canada and don’t come back to Africa. Do yourself a favor…I can’t imagine you fit in here, or you’ll be appreciated. You’ll be better off there.” My cousin and I just stared at this woman from Wisconsin? Michigan? One of the two… in shock. Like, thanks? We laughed about it for years after.

    TRUE STORY.

  56. Faust
    December 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm — Reply

    This is exactly why bothering to care bout black “culture” is a waste of time. They think your stupid anyway, crackers.

    To all the uber guilty white chicks on here, your pretty pathetic. You look as stupid as the colard lady. Quit apologizing for your race.

  57. Natasha
    April 28, 2013 at 9:35 pm — Reply

    I had an experience at a Hookah Bar that my cousins and I were visiting while we were in VA. We were clearly tearing a new floor in the dance floor cause everyone was standing around and the deejay was handling his business! Sooooo, the Indian girl comes over and starts dancing with us! (COOL) so, every move we cut..she “attempts” to cut. She was feeling herself after her drinks and then she says that she loves black women and she herself is black…. O_O My response was oh, really?? Okay, girl.

  58. [...] and Issa Rae. That panel was so fun and we kicked it afterwards. And then a real life version of Shit White Girls Say happened to us. Since then, Chesca has been the homie. We’ve been on another panel and we [...]

  59. [...] Sh*t One White Girl Said to Luvvie, Chescaleigh, Nicole and Tina at BlogHer [...]

  60. August 6, 2012 at 9:43 am — Reply

    that’s what made it so ironic! here she is basically quoting my video right in front of me and she probably had no clue who i was or had even seen “shit white girls say…to black girls” lol

  61. August 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm — Reply

    I love that video, BTW. My “black friends” (kidding) showed it to me and I died laughing/of embarrassment for all the white girls that act like that.

    But can I ask a serious question? Do you guys think there’s an ok way to learn more about each other as women without sounding like morons? Like, as women or mothers or wives, we have so much in common, right? But then there are things that we don’t share, like Luvvie’s post about Gabby’s hair… so when I hear stories like that, I think to myself “I kinda get what’s going on, but not totally, but am afraid to offend by asking the wrong question…” I think it’s super important to acknowledge the differences when necessary so that we can try to understand each other better, but you also don’t want to be the moron that sits down at camp and says “what’s it like to be black?” (amazing story, totally LOL’d) Is it ok to approach a friend or acquaintance of a different race to learn more about something you don’t understand, or is it always awkward? FTR, I do have some girl friends who are black that have come to me with random questions before about white people things, and it’s always been totally fine with me, but I basically have no filters, so I’m not a good judge.

    Thoughts?

  62. Jess
    August 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm — Reply

    Maybe it’s just because I grew up in a majority-white neighborhood and have dealt with grade-A foolishness…but it’s all about the nature of the question / how it’s asked. Someone who comes up to me and asks me how I do my hair won’t get a side-eye from me – but if they come up to me on some “can I touch your hair? It’s just so… SPICY” will get a hand-slap and a severe frown. I will offer them several seats. Being curious [to me, at least] isn’t a bad thing. Black people and white people often have cultural differences. But being blatantly foolish? Unacceptable.

  63. August 6, 2012 at 10:20 pm — Reply

    It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Not sure what kinds of things you’re curious about but if you ask as if your friend is another planet, or ask them to speak on behalf of all black people, you’ll probably get a side eye.

    For example, there’s a huge difference between, “your hair is really beautiful. how did you style it like that?” and “you guys always do such cool things with your hair! is it real?” and when in doubt try, “hey, I have a question but I don’t want to be offensive.” as opposed to “not to sound racist…” which totally taints whatever you’re about to say or ask.

    As long as you remember that we can’t speak for all black people you should be ok. And if you do offend someone (which happens sometimes) just be willing to apologize. That’s the most anyone can ask for. We all make mistakes at times. The worst is when someone says something offensive and instead of just apologizing and trying to understand why it was hurtful, they get upset and blame the other person for their reaction. That’s the worst way to acknowledge your friend’s feelings.

    Anyway, hope that helps.

  64. Fifi
    August 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm — Reply

    As a white girl, AND an Australian, I have an urge to apologise on behalf of my race and nationality, but that would be presumptious of me because I am not responsible for all the stupid that comes from my country, let alone my race. It’s no excuse for bad or ignorant behaviour but I will say that Aussies wo haven’t travelled much probably don’t encounter many people whose heritage is African, simply because it’s only in the last few years that we’ve started getting more African (including AA, Caribbean,British etc) immigrants to Australia. Most of the non-white population of Australia is Asian, so anyone of African heritage is new and interesting and will probably illicit questions, including dumb ones.

    We all know that alcohol brings out the stupid in people that they usually bury down deep (some deeper than others, who wear their stupid like a jaunty hat) and unfortunately you encountered just such a clueless twit. At least it made for a humorous encounter and a very funny blog item.

  65. August 6, 2012 at 10:22 pm — Reply

    [reposting as a reply to Christi. For some reason the original comment didn't work]

    It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Not sure what kinds of things you’re curious about but if you ask as if your friend is another planet, or ask them to speak on behalf of all black people, you’ll probably get a side eye.

    For example, there’s a huge difference between, “your hair is really beautiful. how did you style it like that?” and “you guys always do such cool things with your hair! is it real?” and when in doubt try, “hey, I have a question but I don’t want to be offensive.” as opposed to “not to sound racist…” which totally taints whatever you’re about to say or ask.

    As long as you remember that we can’t speak for all black people you should be ok. And if you do offend someone (which happens sometimes) just be willing to apologize. That’s the most anyone can ask for. We all make mistakes at times. The worst is when someone says something offensive and instead of just apologizing and trying to understand why it was hurtful, they get upset and blame the other person for their reaction. That’s the worst way to acknowledge your friend’s feelings.

    Anyway, hope that helps.

  66. Hannah JB
    August 7, 2012 at 8:42 am — Reply

    I don’t mind being asked things ever, to be honest. It’s just the mindset behind it.
    Do you really think we are a monolith?
    Do you really believe I can speak for the whole community?
    Are you asking out of curiosity or because you want to make a blanket statement about another person of color?
    Will you use this information to internalize and further understand people of color and how our experiences are the same or different?
    Or will you use this information to pretend that you understand more than you do?

    I have dreadlocks. When people ask me “how do you wash your hair?” Sometimes they’re just curious because they have friends that have different methods/shampoos for washing their locks that they’ve found peculiar.
    Others ask me because they think I don’t wash them.

    It’s kinda that difference that is often apparent in tone and context.

  67. Tashya
    August 7, 2012 at 11:21 am — Reply

    I think there’s a time and place for that type of dialogue. I think the problem is in asking a random (insert person of color/category here) person intimate questions. I feel it’s OK to talk with your friends about those things, and especially so if they’ve asked you things about your culture. It indicates a level of comfort. It’s tricky though, but we have to get to a poin of being able to talk about differences.

  68. August 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm — Reply

    Thanks for being honest. We actually have a “cultural competence” seminar that they do during the orientation for the first year law students at my school. One of the students last year asked that very question.
    I can’t speak for all black people, but for me personally, I’d much rather you ask. I mean, you just acknowledged that some questions seem silly, and that you don’t mean to offend. If someone that I didn’t know that was Caucasian or any other race than Black approached me and prefaced the statement with what you just said, I would answer truthfully and honestly, because (A) I know off top you aren’t trying to be malicious and (B) if no one explains it, you will just continue to not know and possibly draw your own (wrong) conclusion.
    I think a true “Post-racial” society is one where we acknowledge the differences, and inquire for understanding, rather than trying to pretend we don’t see them. I know my locs are interesting to white folks, and as long as you don’t try to pet me like a dog without permission, I have no problem answering questions about them. LOL

  69. Jenjena
    August 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm — Reply

    Best solution I know of? You read. Find as many blogs by WoC as you can, and read them. Find as many books–nonfiction first, sociological, and then fiction–by PoC as you can, and read them. Lips closed for the first dozen of each, the first six months or so. It helps astoundingly. Consider it to be a lot like learning a new language.

  70. August 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm — Reply

    lol…you’re right. “Spicy” was idiotic, straight up.

  71. August 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm — Reply

    Thank you for saying that! I tell my husband constantly that it’s not always WHAT you say but HOW you say it that matters. He refuses to listen, but that’s a whole nother story… lol

  72. May 9, 2013 at 4:53 pm — Reply

    Just kinda wondering how “anyone of African heritage is new and interesting” when the indigenous people of Australia are Black people. I know there are problems over there, but are Aboriginal Australians that marginalized and separate from the colonial powers that be, that visiting or immigrating Black people from elsewhere are considered a novelty?

    I really hope not.

  73. T
    June 14, 2013 at 1:24 pm — Reply

    The indigenous people of Australia are indeed called “Black” but as their designation suggestions, they are indigenous to Australia and do not, in fact, have any African heritage. Although their skin tone is dark, the features are very distinctive from anyone of African descent as is the hair (think more like Indonesian/Malay, although it’s not really exactly that either).

    As a mixed Burkinabe/Canadian girl who used to live in Sydney and rocked braids the whole time though, I found that White Aussies were not altogether offensive, just super curious. It’s so out of their realm though that they don’t even think to ask the typical “is that your REAL hair?”, and nobody touched (I live in Bolivia now. People I don’t know in the streets or at the market grab my hair and SMELL it, and somehow it comes as a shocker that that is not appropriate behavior in my book).

    But back to Oz, then again, just in 2006 a former member of parliament said that Australia shouldn’t let let Africans into the country anymore because apparently we bring diseases, so all is not exactly peachy either!

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