Dear Shirley, Woman to Woman, Don’t Be Calling Barbara’s House Like That!

[ 58 ] September 26, 2012 |

I was listening to Shirley Brown’s Woman to Woman, and I was just like “You know what? Shirley was TRIPPING.” So I decided to write her a sternly-worded letter.

In case you’ont know what song I’m talmbout, see below:

“Hey Barbara, this is Shirley. You might not know who I am…”

Dear Shirley,

First of all, just because you were being nosy and going through YOUR man’s pockets don’t mean for you to be making errant phonecalls all willy nilly to whoever you found info on in there.

And yes, you found her name and number in his pockets but you jumping to conclusions talmbout the man she’s in love with. You’ont e’em know Barbara’s life like that! You’ont know her from a can of paint. She coulda been helping him do his taxes or something. She coulda been his piano teacher! Or MAYBE she’s the person who does his dry cleaning. YOU DON’T KNOW BARBARA’s LIFE, MA’AM!!!

Going from 0-60 with no proof. And then gon talk about it’s only fair. What’s FAIR is if you’ont call random people checking up on your boo’s activities, illicit or otherwise!

Shirley Brown Woman to Woman

Furthermore, you up there talmbout he’s yours from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Lemme find out you’re God’s personal assistant. How do you own a grown ass man? Did you pay for him? SHOW ME RECEIPTS! Yes, you pay his car note and buy his clothes. But all that proves is that he’s a gold-digger and you’re his sugar mama. Shirley, you’re losing girl. What has he done for you lately? Lowkey, he’s playing you like a cello in the arms of Yo-Yo Ma.

You over here paying for his everything and then he MIGHT be stepping out. And you wanna call the woman he MIGHT be cheating with talmbout you wanna keep him. It sounds to me like he ain’t worth the lint in Rick Ross’ belly button. He might not be worth a loc off Lil Wayne’s head. But you sitting up here calling Barbara on some “woman to woman” stuff asking her to understand that he’s your man, not hers. WOMP!

Girl, listen to me. Drop ol’ boy. Not e’em because he might be cheating but because he seems about as useful as a broken butter knife. Besides, if he wants to be sleeping with Barbara or anybody else for that matter then he’s not e’em worth it. He takes all your efforts for granted.

You better put on your “F*ck him, girl” dress and go drop it like it’s hot at a club. Find you a new boo!

And as for you, Barbara. I hope you’re not being a side chick. That’s not cute. Get your own man, not Shirley’s leftovers.

Ennehweighs, girl. CALL ME!

filing nails cat GIF

LuvBug

Oh and…

LMAO!

Whatcha’ll gotta say to Shirley?

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Category: Letter, Music

Comments (58)

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  1. Tammy's Wrong Number: Bless Her Heart | Awesomely Luvvie | February 3, 2014
  1. Regina says:

    No.words. LOL
    I have often thought precisely these things about Shirley thirsty ass.

  2. dmaclee says:

    HAHAHA!!!! You are a fool who needs things to do. I can FedEx some papers for you to grade.

  3. dmaclee says:

    Oh and that .gif?!?!?! Yeah, you are borderline insane. Love you lots though!

  4. Alexandra says:

    the fact that you had the song playing while i read the blogpost was PERFECT. perhaps all your blogposts should have appropriate accompaniments.

  5. Sharday says:

    This song was playing on the radio the other day and I thought the same thing! There are so many things wrong with the song and Miss Shirley comes out losing if she is bank rolling a grown ass man AND he’s stepping out?

    Sounds like some desperate stuff to me…

  6. stacyaustralia says:

    Maya Angelou is performing “Still I rise” at my funeral because you just killed me with that!!

  7. Niecy says:

    I always gave Shirley a side eye everytime I heard that line about her paying for everything that man owned lol

  8. SanTara says:

    LMAO!! One day I’ll tell you what was said between the two.

  9. nichole says:

    Ah, the 70s. The music was great even with the trifling message.

    This conversation could have easily been avoided with a great invention…caller id.

  10. Tiffany says:

    “Lowkey, he’s playing you like a cello in the arms of Yo-Yo Ma.” This ENDED ME TONIGHT!!!!!! LOL Shirley got that wig snatched. She didn’t go to Barbara house because she knew she would come to the door with a fresh coat of Vaseline!

  11. Zenzele says:

    HELLO!!!! I’ve always hated this song, and if I have to call up women my so-called “man” is sleeping around with, then I really need to get a new hobby. And a new man.

  12. Keisha says:

    Great reply to Shirley and her foolishness… That cat filing her nails is a mess lol

  13. tammy says:

    @SanTara, LOL LOL. No way!!!!
    @Luvvie…I don’t even know, DEAD!!!!!

  14. Serenity says:

    Singing… “She’s got papers…..”

  15. doneinthedark says:

    Ya’ll don’t understand. She loveded him. (LOL)

  16. mochazina says:

    This post brought me much life, then slayed me with the gif!!!! Luvvie, I swahtahgawd I luh yuh, guh! <3 LOL

  17. yadi says:

    even as a little girl that song always got an epic side-eye from me…

    well said, Luvvie!!

  18. LuckBALady says:

    Thank you!!! I H.A.T.E. that song. Shirley says he does NOTHING for her and then she finds another woman’s number in his pockets. O_o Another song that if you actually listen to the words will make you go, “Wait. What??” is “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”. H.A.T.E I.T.

    • Angelface says:

      YES!!! And talking about old school stalker thirsty ass relationship songs, what about I Put a Spell on You…what kind of sh*t is that?!??

  19. ondrea says:

    I can always count on your posts to make me laugh!

  20. Rachmo says:

    Has anyone ever heard the great modern version, “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take My Man?” It’s an updated version mentioning some chick named Yolanda and *69-ing and such. Shirley is truly a calling up side chick stan…

  21. Ra says:

    Yeah, she was doing far too much. Searching pockets in the first place is grounds for problems. What she shoulda done. Is write the name and number down elsewhere, then a week or so later, while yall are all smiled up chillin, talking all private, say “Speaking of which, have you seen that Interview Beyonce did with Barabara… Barabara… What’s her last name… *pause… wait for it* Walters, yeah thats it. Did you see that interview?” See what his face does!!! You’ll know boo. You’ll know.

  22. Sub-Rosa says:

    How is Shirley going to accuse Barbara of being in love with a man who she clearly just gave her number to? Why else would he still have the paper in his pocket?

  23. femmefatale says:

    You might want to also mention that song “He’s Mine,” by MoKenStef. The ultimate example of desperation.

  24. allsmiles says:

    you guys must be really young,
    The song is not a real life, it didn’t happen in real life, it just so happened that when Shirley made this song the person she used name was Barbra , who in fact happened to be a singer in real life.
    Barbra then came back with a song ” From his women to you” which it’s w whole story of songs about Ten of them.
    It’s all for amusement. why do people take everything so serious?

    I bet most of you ladies to this day look through your mans phone etc.. so STOP ,

  25. sexy and ya know it says:

    yessssssss thats right mr alex. you are a cheater, a lier a user and a player.you had more than just two of us on the go.. and who cried like a baby when your gf broke up with you last spring, and you wonder why ???? HUMMMMM. stop with the comments and BS dont you have anything better to to than bad mouth other people that have helped you.. your the fool and you look bad just making theses comments. i find them everywhere all yoour blogs with the fake names my lawyer will find out the truth for you stalking and harrassing me for over 2 years.. STOP IT @!!!!! Ill see you in court for the second time.. oh and ladies hes not all that he claims he chocked me and hes tha biggest CHEATER of all time .. so ya i found the number and this is no joke. CHEATER . but im the bad one though right ????? you lie like a sack os shit.. sede you in court i have more than you know alex lewis

  26. Kat says:

    What in the Samuel Jackson was going on with Sexy and you know it????

  27. Viimo says:

    Rotf at “How you own a grown man” great post

    YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS SHIRLY!!! (Kanye voice lolol)

  28. LaToya says:

    Shirley should have considered Barbara to be her way out. She doing everything for that man and he isn’t do anything. Let him go. And I love this song.

  29. Jocy says:

    I am currently wearing the color of confusion on my face. How did Luvvie’s hilarious post about a song that we all hate became a wonderland for relationship drama?

    • Camielle says:

      You and me both! All the previously ensuing hilarity dripped off my face with those three very odd comments. I’m still trying to figure out where it all went wrong!

  30. maljazur says:

    The way I took it, Shirley been knew about Barbara. She just didn’t have a way to reach her until she found that piece of paper.
    Regardless, Ion know what she thought Barbara was gon’ do. Leave? Ha!
    She planted her contact information in ‘nem pantses on purpose!
    Both of ‘em playing reindeer games.

    • Intisar F. Kyng says:

      *high five* And Barbara wasn’t the only one Shirley called. That man beeeeeen cheatin’, and Shirley done caught em’ a few times. Now she insecure calling every piece of paper she finds in that man’s pocket. When my Grandmother caught my step grandfather cheating, she called the lady up, and told her who she was and then……..invited the broad for coffee. That ninja walked in the house and saw them heffas sippin coffee together and bout peed on the carpet!

  31. maljazur says:

    and ((blinking)) are real womens and menses carrying on real-life Shirley Brown-type drama on Luvvie’s blog?? I posted before I read thru the posts! Whoo! They ’bout as funny as Luvvie! LOLOL!!
    #edutainment #dontdothat

  32. Ann Brock says:

    You made my day with this one. I love it!

  33. KW says:

    Now write one to Shirley Murdock’s thirsty behind as well. I can’t ANYTHING she’s ever written – including her so-called gospel song “You’re a Hoe And You Don’t Know!” SMH

    *Note to self: get Luvvie stationary to fire off a few more of these letters once I compile a list of folks who need a dose of ack right* :)

    • Intisar F. Kyng says:

      Right, y’all asses just didn’t lay, I damn sho don’t understand, you didn’t care nothing about hurtin’ my ass, and now you free to have that ass belong to you on any night you please cuz it’s a wrap round’ here. That song was my favorite when I was a little girl, then I got grown and was like “Hold the hell on….”

  34. CaliGirlED says:

    This letter killed me and gave me life all in the same few minutes!!! Bwahahahaha!!! “How you do own a grown ass man?…You better put on your “F*ck him, girl” dress and go drop it like it’s hot at a club. Find you a new boo!” DEAD….And that gif of the cat filing her nails??? Gave me my life back!

  35. Toun says:

    Girrrrllll

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