LetterMusic

Dear Shirley, Woman to Woman, Don’t Be Calling Barbara’s House Like That!

I was listening to Shirley Brown’s Woman to Woman, and I was just like “You know what? Shirley was TRIPPING.” So I decided to write her a sternly-worded letter.

In case you’ont know what song I’m talmbout, see below:

“Hey Barbara, this is Shirley. You might not know who I am…”

Dear Shirley,

First of all, just because you were being nosy and going through YOUR man’s pockets don’t mean for you to be making errant phonecalls all willy nilly to whoever you found info on in there.

And yes, you found her name and number in his pockets but you jumping to conclusions talmbout the man she’s in love with. You’ont e’em know Barbara’s life like that! You’ont know her from a can of paint. She coulda been helping him do his taxes or something. She coulda been his piano teacher! Or MAYBE she’s the person who does his dry cleaning. YOU DON’T KNOW BARBARA’s LIFE, MA’AM!!!

Going from 0-60 with no proof. And then gon talk about it’s only fair. What’s FAIR is if you’ont call random people checking up on your boo’s activities, illicit or otherwise!

Shirley Brown Woman to Woman

Furthermore, you up there talmbout he’s yours from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Lemme find out you’re God’s personal assistant. How do you own a grown ass man? Did you pay for him? SHOW ME RECEIPTS! Yes, you pay his car note and buy his clothes. But all that proves is that he’s a gold-digger and you’re his sugar mama. Shirley, you’re losing girl. What has he done for you lately? Lowkey, he’s playing you like a cello in the arms of Yo-Yo Ma.

You over here paying for his everything and then he MIGHT be stepping out. And you wanna call the woman he MIGHT be cheating with talmbout you wanna keep him. It sounds to me like he ain’t worth the lint in Rick Ross’ belly button. He might not be worth a loc off Lil Wayne’s head. But you sitting up here calling Barbara on some “woman to woman” stuff asking her to understand that he’s your man, not hers. WOMP!

Girl, listen to me. Drop ol’ boy. Not e’em because he might be cheating but because he seems about as useful as a broken butter knife. Besides, if he wants to be sleeping with Barbara or anybody else for that matter then he’s not e’em worth it. He takes all your efforts for granted.

You better put on your “F*ck him, girl” dress and go drop it like it’s hot at a club. Find you a new boo!

And as for you, Barbara. I hope you’re not being a side chick. That’s not cute. Get your own man, not Shirley’s leftovers.

Ennehweighs, girl. CALL ME!

filing nails cat GIF

LuvBug

Oh and…

LMAO!

Whatcha’ll gotta say to Shirley?

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77 Comments

  1. September 26, 2012 at 9:27 pm — Reply

    No.words. LOL
    I have often thought precisely these things about Shirley thirsty ass.

  2. dmaclee
    September 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm — Reply

    HAHAHA!!!! You are a fool who needs things to do. I can FedEx some papers for you to grade.

    • Lexi
      September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm — Reply

      lmao

    • lala
      September 19, 2014 at 1:20 am — Reply

      Yassss! Grading papers can humble sumbody real quick.

  3. dmaclee
    September 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm — Reply

    Oh and that .gif?!?!?! Yeah, you are borderline insane. Love you lots though!

    • Scorpiona
      September 27, 2012 at 11:16 pm — Reply

      That .gif is the truth! I fall out EVERY time I look at it…Luvvie, Luvvie, Luvvie…

  4. Alexandra
    September 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm — Reply

    the fact that you had the song playing while i read the blogpost was PERFECT. perhaps all your blogposts should have appropriate accompaniments.

  5. Sharday
    September 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm — Reply

    This song was playing on the radio the other day and I thought the same thing! There are so many things wrong with the song and Miss Shirley comes out losing if she is bank rolling a grown ass man AND he’s stepping out?

    Sounds like some desperate stuff to me…

  6. stacyaustralia
    September 26, 2012 at 9:49 pm — Reply

    Maya Angelou is performing “Still I rise” at my funeral because you just killed me with that!!

  7. Niecy
    September 26, 2012 at 9:49 pm — Reply

    I always gave Shirley a side eye everytime I heard that line about her paying for everything that man owned lol

  8. SanTara
    September 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm — Reply

    LMAO!! One day I’ll tell you what was said between the two.

  9. nichole
    September 26, 2012 at 10:01 pm — Reply

    Ah, the 70s. The music was great even with the trifling message.

    This conversation could have easily been avoided with a great invention…caller id.

    • Joy n L.A.
      December 1, 2013 at 6:36 pm — Reply

      DEAD. @ Caller ID

  10. Tiffany
    September 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm — Reply

    “Lowkey, he’s playing you like a cello in the arms of Yo-Yo Ma.” This ENDED ME TONIGHT!!!!!! LOL Shirley got that wig snatched. She didn’t go to Barbara house because she knew she would come to the door with a fresh coat of Vaseline!

    • Stace
      September 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm — Reply

      Probably woulda got cut… going 0-60 with no proof.

  11. Zenzele
    September 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm — Reply

    HELLO!!!! I’ve always hated this song, and if I have to call up women my so-called “man” is sleeping around with, then I really need to get a new hobby. And a new man.

  12. Keisha
    September 27, 2012 at 12:02 am — Reply

    Great reply to Shirley and her foolishness… That cat filing her nails is a mess lol

  13. tammy
    September 27, 2012 at 4:26 am — Reply

    @SanTara, LOL LOL. No way!!!!
    @Luvvie…I don’t even know, DEAD!!!!!

  14. Serenity
    September 27, 2012 at 6:59 am — Reply

    Singing… “She’s got papers…..”

  15. doneinthedark
    September 27, 2012 at 7:43 am — Reply

    Ya’ll don’t understand. She loveded him. (LOL)

  16. mochazina
    September 27, 2012 at 8:03 am — Reply

    This post brought me much life, then slayed me with the gif!!!! Luvvie, I swahtahgawd I luh yuh, guh! <3 LOL

  17. yadi
    September 27, 2012 at 9:05 am — Reply

    even as a little girl that song always got an epic side-eye from me…

    well said, Luvvie!!

  18. LuckBALady
    September 27, 2012 at 10:09 am — Reply

    Thank you!!! I H.A.T.E. that song. Shirley says he does NOTHING for her and then she finds another woman’s number in his pockets. O_o Another song that if you actually listen to the words will make you go, “Wait. What??” is “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”. H.A.T.E I.T.

    • Angelface
      October 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm — Reply

      YES!!! And talking about old school stalker thirsty ass relationship songs, what about I Put a Spell on You…what kind of sh*t is that?!??

    • Rob B
      September 17, 2014 at 2:52 pm — Reply

      “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” is the worst begging bish song EVER…I hate it too. I wish I could “high five” you!

  19. ondrea
    September 27, 2012 at 10:43 am — Reply

    I can always count on your posts to make me laugh!

  20. Rachmo
    September 27, 2012 at 10:48 am — Reply

    Has anyone ever heard the great modern version, “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take My Man?” It’s an updated version mentioning some chick named Yolanda and *69-ing and such. Shirley is truly a calling up side chick stan…

  21. Ra
    September 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm — Reply

    Yeah, she was doing far too much. Searching pockets in the first place is grounds for problems. What she shoulda done. Is write the name and number down elsewhere, then a week or so later, while yall are all smiled up chillin, talking all private, say “Speaking of which, have you seen that Interview Beyonce did with Barabara… Barabara… What’s her last name… *pause… wait for it* Walters, yeah thats it. Did you see that interview?” See what his face does!!! You’ll know boo. You’ll know.

    • Scorpiona
      September 27, 2012 at 11:18 pm — Reply

      ^THIS! bwahahahahahahahaha!

    • Kim
      October 1, 2012 at 11:57 am — Reply

      I thought I made my transition after reading the article but you have truly done me in! LMAO

  22. Sub-Rosa
    September 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm — Reply

    How is Shirley going to accuse Barbara of being in love with a man who she clearly just gave her number to? Why else would he still have the paper in his pocket?

  23. femmefatale
    September 28, 2012 at 3:28 pm — Reply

    You might want to also mention that song “He’s Mine,” by MoKenStef. The ultimate example of desperation.

    • Danielle
      September 19, 2014 at 7:02 am — Reply

      Yeessss. I have always thought that chick was way off… “You mighy have had him once, but I have him all the time.” O_o

  24. allsmiles
    November 6, 2013 at 7:32 am — Reply

    you guys must be really young,
    The song is not a real life, it didn’t happen in real life, it just so happened that when Shirley made this song the person she used name was Barbra , who in fact happened to be a singer in real life.
    Barbra then came back with a song ” From his women to you” which it’s w whole story of songs about Ten of them.
    It’s all for amusement. why do people take everything so serious?

    I bet most of you ladies to this day look through your mans phone etc.. so STOP ,

    • November 6, 2013 at 11:08 am — Reply

      What’s funny is that you didn’t get that this post was being facetious and you’re being super serious about a joke. Funny how that works.

      • CaliGirlED
        December 1, 2013 at 10:21 pm — Reply

        Luvvie you were being facetious about the song, but allsmiles is a bit naive to believe that this song is not real life. It may not have happened to Shirley but it was happening a lot back then and still happens to this day!

        • September 17, 2014 at 2:57 pm — Reply

          It happened a LOT in the 80ies as well. Almost impossible to find someone who wasn’t a cheater. #RealTalk
          And you’re 100% right – it still happens to this day.

      • September 17, 2014 at 3:00 pm — Reply

        It ain’t ‘em funny girl o_0 #CantTakeAJoke

        This may not have been “Real” in Shirley’s world but its all too real.

        LOVE LOVE your posts and always will!!

    • sexy and ya know it
      November 15, 2013 at 12:20 pm — Reply

      yes i did look through your phone because you are the biggest cheater of all time see you sooooooooooooon

    • Lisa
      December 2, 2013 at 3:35 pm — Reply

      *oh dear*

  25. sexy and ya know it
    November 15, 2013 at 12:18 pm — Reply

    yessssssss thats right mr alex. you are a cheater, a lier a user and a player.you had more than just two of us on the go.. and who cried like a baby when your gf broke up with you last spring, and you wonder why ???? HUMMMMM. stop with the comments and BS dont you have anything better to to than bad mouth other people that have helped you.. your the fool and you look bad just making theses comments. i find them everywhere all yoour blogs with the fake names my lawyer will find out the truth for you stalking and harrassing me for over 2 years.. STOP IT @!!!!! Ill see you in court for the second time.. oh and ladies hes not all that he claims he chocked me and hes tha biggest CHEATER of all time .. so ya i found the number and this is no joke. CHEATER . but im the bad one though right ????? you lie like a sack os shit.. sede you in court i have more than you know alex lewis

    • Erin
      December 1, 2013 at 6:28 pm — Reply

      I’m confused. Who is Alex? Is that who Barbara and Shirley were fighting over?

      • J. Lionel
        December 1, 2013 at 7:05 pm — Reply

        I just lost my last can from this. Thank you, Erin!

        • Bump
          December 1, 2013 at 7:30 pm — Reply

          {Looks around slowly and whispers. . . } “Who is she talking to?”

          • Nina
            December 2, 2013 at 3:54 am

            LMAO…^^^^

          • Shar
            December 2, 2013 at 11:25 pm

            I’m weak!!!!!!!! LOL!! OhhhhhhEmmmmmGeeeee this is pure comedy!!!!I have to read it again!! Maybe this time I can get thru it without crying!!!

          • KayMac
            September 17, 2014 at 3:08 pm

            **whispers* I think she got lost, or something…**shrugs and goes back to eating popcorn**

        • Erin
          December 1, 2013 at 10:01 pm — Reply

          LOL! I was TRYING to tie it in somehow!

          • CaliGirlED
            December 1, 2013 at 10:15 pm

            I done stopped laughing! Who da hell is Alex???

      • September 17, 2014 at 2:52 pm — Reply

        Im confused as well O_________O #WhosAlex #WhyDoWeCare

  26. Kat
    December 1, 2013 at 6:33 pm — Reply

    What in the Samuel Jackson was going on with Sexy and you know it????

  27. Viimo
    December 1, 2013 at 6:46 pm — Reply

    Rotf at “How you own a grown man” great post

    YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS SHIRLY!!! (Kanye voice lolol)

    • December 1, 2013 at 10:08 pm — Reply

      How do you own a grown ass man?<—- was the line that had me fall out too. lmao Great post so freakin' funny.

  28. December 1, 2013 at 6:48 pm — Reply

    Shirley should have considered Barbara to be her way out. She doing everything for that man and he isn’t do anything. Let him go. And I love this song.

  29. Jocy
    December 1, 2013 at 6:49 pm — Reply

    I am currently wearing the color of confusion on my face. How did Luvvie’s hilarious post about a song that we all hate became a wonderland for relationship drama?

    • Camielle
      December 1, 2013 at 6:59 pm — Reply

      You and me both! All the previously ensuing hilarity dripped off my face with those three very odd comments. I’m still trying to figure out where it all went wrong!

  30. maljazur
    December 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm — Reply

    The way I took it, Shirley been knew about Barbara. She just didn’t have a way to reach her until she found that piece of paper.
    Regardless, Ion know what she thought Barbara was gon’ do. Leave? Ha!
    She planted her contact information in ‘nem pantses on purpose!
    Both of ‘em playing reindeer games.

    • Intisar F. Kyng
      December 2, 2013 at 3:15 pm — Reply

      *high five* And Barbara wasn’t the only one Shirley called. That man beeeeeen cheatin’, and Shirley done caught em’ a few times. Now she insecure calling every piece of paper she finds in that man’s pocket. When my Grandmother caught my step grandfather cheating, she called the lady up, and told her who she was and then……..invited the broad for coffee. That ninja walked in the house and saw them heffas sippin coffee together and bout peed on the carpet!

    • September 17, 2014 at 2:49 pm — Reply

      “Both of ‘em playing reindeer games”
      Baaahahahahaha that gave me life LOL

  31. maljazur
    December 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm — Reply

    and ((blinking)) are real womens and menses carrying on real-life Shirley Brown-type drama on Luvvie’s blog?? I posted before I read thru the posts! Whoo! They ’bout as funny as Luvvie! LOLOL!!
    #edutainment #dontdothat

  32. December 1, 2013 at 7:48 pm — Reply

    You made my day with this one. I love it!

  33. December 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm — Reply

    Now write one to Shirley Murdock’s thirsty behind as well. I can’t ANYTHING she’s ever written – including her so-called gospel song “You’re a Hoe And You Don’t Know!” SMH

    *Note to self: get Luvvie stationary to fire off a few more of these letters once I compile a list of folks who need a dose of ack right* :)

    • Intisar F. Kyng
      December 2, 2013 at 3:19 pm — Reply

      Right, y’all asses just didn’t lay, I damn sho don’t understand, you didn’t care nothing about hurtin’ my ass, and now you free to have that ass belong to you on any night you please cuz it’s a wrap round’ here. That song was my favorite when I was a little girl, then I got grown and was like “Hold the hell on….”

  34. CaliGirlED
    December 1, 2013 at 10:25 pm — Reply

    This letter killed me and gave me life all in the same few minutes!!! Bwahahahaha!!! “How you do own a grown ass man?…You better put on your “F*ck him, girl” dress and go drop it like it’s hot at a club. Find you a new boo!” DEAD….And that gif of the cat filing her nails??? Gave me my life back!

  35. Toun
    December 1, 2013 at 11:28 pm — Reply

    Girrrrllll

  36. […] But I knew calling her would get her hopes up if only for a moment as she saw my number on her phone. She’s gonna be sorely disappointed when she realizes I’m not bae. I did anyway because I’m a gahtdamb sweetheart. That and I didn’t wanna keep getting calls from her. Tammy seems like the kind who’d call me back and leave me voicemails a coupla times a week about how much I lie. She’s probably the kind who’d pull a “Hey Barbara, this is Shirley. You might not know me but…” […]

  37. September 17, 2014 at 2:45 pm — Reply

    “You better put on your “F*ck him, girl” dress and go drop it like it’s hot at a club.” __________ *Flatlines* ___________ That is an epic sentence!

    You bored LuvBug?? I happen to love when you are – your posts are even funnier! My daughter and I just had to pick each other up off the floor after laughing our asses off :P
    “It sounds to me like he ain’t worth the lint in Rick Ross’ belly button”
    After my child stopped laughing (And I think she even threw up a lil bit at the thought of Rick Ross’ ANYTHING) she said “OMFG who says that”??
    Only Luvvie – that’s who.

  38. KayMac
    September 17, 2014 at 2:59 pm — Reply

    See…I thought I was the only one who thought that whole situation between Shirley and Barbara was a total wreck…when I first heard it, I was like but what if Barbara was offering him a new job, so that Shirley don’t have to buy his clothes and err’thang…stop trippin, Shirley!!!! Get yo’ life!!!

  39. jamesgirl
    September 17, 2014 at 3:07 pm — Reply

    Consider “aint worth the lint in Rick Ross belly button nor a loc off Lil Wayne’s head” taken and used ertime I see a need to let somebody know they aint worth a dahmb. This post is insanely funny and the out of touch “gon get you told” commentary make it een funnier. Luvvie you are crazy and I love it!

  40. Tiffany
    September 17, 2014 at 4:45 pm — Reply

    I’m going to find a way to make that .gif my screensaver.

  41. Alicia D
    September 17, 2014 at 7:17 pm — Reply

    THANK YOU LUVVIE!!!!!!! I can’t even listen to this mess of a song for those very reason that you mentioned and I have it on my Iphone. The other one you need to write a letter about is that pervert Lionel Richie who was stalking that blind lady, talmbout, “Hello is it me you looking for?” With his mean spirited ass knowing damn well that woman is blind. That was just a low blow.

  42. kenzi
    September 17, 2014 at 9:35 pm — Reply

    even though that other reader didn’t quite get the context of this post you SHOULD listen to “Barbaras”response its Barbara Mason – From His Woman to You, i just heard this song for the first time 2 days ago (thanks Sirius!!) when I tell you I was howling I was howling…its equally hilarious…she basically accuses Shirley of being especially thotful and dumb …i almost swerved I was laughing so hard listening to this while driving

  43. September 18, 2014 at 3:52 am — Reply

    HAAAHAA #DEAD

  44. Joe Trace
    September 18, 2014 at 11:48 am — Reply

    Had the writer done her homework she would know that Barbara actually answers Shirley with her song called, “From His Woman To You.”

  45. Saundra
    September 18, 2014 at 10:35 pm — Reply

    Well, Imma just say that Barbara surely let Shirley know jes what’s up and encourages her to use her “head for something besides a hat rack”

    Sister went in hard…I remember being a young teen listening to this…

    My fab line on the rebuttal…”I’m the captain of my ship, and your so called man is just a member of my crew” ahem…I’m thu, I mean, thu.

  46. Donna Boles
    September 19, 2014 at 12:37 pm — Reply

    Am I the only one who thinks she is really outta pocket for calling all these folks. She called Jewell on the song You ain’t Woman Enough to take my man, and she mentioned another lady named Yolanda. I DIED when I hear that. I’m like ma’am he is not yo man he has community property peen, L-I-G it.

  47. Barry B.
    November 17, 2014 at 3:30 pm — Reply

    I need to find me a Shirley…..rofl….j/k

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