Some of you are well aware of my love of the most ratchet show on TV right now Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Well, I got to thinking and it dawned on me that real life can be funnier than semi-fiction that says it’s real life. Especially when you realize that the characters in the show actually already existed in Hip Hop.
In real life, Diddy is Stevie J, Kim Porter is Mimi Faust and Cassie is Joseline. Let me explain.
The internet (Binnie Love’s Tumblr) is AWESOME for providing me with this old pic of a young Diddy (then Puffy) with Stevie J and some other dude I don’t know but is probably important. Diddy’s shirt looks like an arts and craft project and the dude on the right’s shirt looks like my Granny’s old linoleum floor. I love old pics!
Ennehweighs, Diddy is a record executive with multiple baby mamas, none of which he has ever really committed to, just like Stevie J. His most recent baby mama is Kim Porter, who birthed the twins D’Lila and Jessie James to him, and she’s the only one he’s seen with out of all of them. She’s clearly Mimi. They have a long history but their relationship seems complicated, and relegated to occasional trips on yachts to nice islands on holidays.
Well at least Kim gets yacht trips. All Mimi seems to get from Stevie J are quiet dinners where he sings terribly cheesy love songs to her terribly. Kim Porter is a better-kept Mimi and Diddy is a richer Stevie J.
Now, Cassie is Joseline because she’s the side-chick without a real label but everyone knows they’re romantically involved. Also, like Joseline, Cassie seems to have become the main chick, with all the luxuries of vacations, birthday parties and front row seats. Without the responsibility of a kid. I don’t know when Cassie and Diddy’s relationship went from protege to concubine but it seems to have happened and we saw him less and less with Kim Porter. Sorta how Stevie is seen more with Joseline than Mimi now.
But I see it and I know you do too! Now for the rest of the cast.
Kanye West is Benzino and Kim Kardashian is Karlie. Although Kanye does have a neck, he’s Benzino because he seems really needy and always emo about something. Plus methinks he might be past his prime as an artist (yes I said it. Come at me, bro).
Kim is Karlie because she seems to have this idea of a career in her mind that no one else can figure out. Her and Karlie have the phantom relevance in common, as well as the fact that both of them got those asses through un-natural ways. YES I WENT THERE. Just like Benzino and Karlie’s relationship went from 0-60 and she was getting a key to his crib, KimYe has also went ultra-fast. It’s rumored that they’re already talking marriage. Also add that both couples’ relationships seem more like publicity stunts than legit companionship, and you have a comparison that works.
Chris Brown is Lil Scrappy and Karrueche is Shay aka Buckey. And it’s simply because he’s always tryna put his paws on someone, whether in real life at clubs, cars or on Twitter. And she’s with a man who still seems to be in love with his ex. This comparison works when you realize that Chris’ mama, Joyce, is Momma Dee. Remember when she tweeted that MJ died so that Chris Brown could live? Mmhmm. That’s Momma Dee ALL DAY ERRDAY.
Is Evelyn Lozada K.Michelle and Chad Johnson Memphitz? Or is it too soon? Also, I can’t figure out who Rasheeda and Kirk will be. *strokes chin*
Whatcha’ll think? AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT!!!
YOUR TURN! Help me complete this cast of ratchet folks.
Edit: My girl Denitria suggests that Rasheeda and Kirk are Mary J. Blige and her hubby/manager Kendu. Methinks she’s correct while Kellee thinks they’re Ameriie and her hubby/manager Lenny Nicholson. *strokes chin* These work.