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Kreayshawn Sold 3,900 Albums and It Went Toilet Paper

Some of y’all are probably saying “Who is Kreayshawn?” and my response is “Exactly.”

She’s a white girl from the Bay area who thinks she can rap and got on YouTube to show her skills. Of course, she was terrible at it and did the most with the least. She wasn’t terrible because she was white. Nope. She was terrible because she made it her schtick, but without any of the self-awareness and the talent to back it up.

kreayshawn

She made sure to be a caricature and exactly what you’d think she would be. Her song “Gucci, Gucci” was a mess and then some but it brought her mad attention and soon, some people were talmbout her. I’m mad to those people for bringing her to me.

Ever since I learned of who Kreayshawn was though, I’ve done my best to ignore the hell out of her. I figured she’d go away soon, but two years later, the fool is still here, and on Twitter with a verified checkmark.

Ennehweighs, she released an album last week (I had no idea) and apparently it didn’t do so well. How bad was it? WELLS, Kreayshawn’s album sold 3,900 copies.

Lemme repeat.

3,900 copies.

DAMN gif

Word on the street is that she set the record for worst sales in the history of a major record label’s album releases.

If that ain’t a FAIL, I’m not sure what is. I mean, on the bright side, she did sell more than Chingy did 2 years ago when he sold 693 albums and went credit score. Yes. She did better than that. Kreay sold 3,900 and went toilet paper. But not the fancy 2-ply. This is the 1-ply that gives your yansh paper cuts.

Her album went blunt butter knife and I’d be sad for her if she had talent. But when your work goes tofu, you might wanna sit back and re-assess whether you should be in that industry. No reason for your album to go unsharpened pencil and you’re still confident about your abilities. NAWL.

Oh and she got the nerve to be on the Twitters all defensive and whatnot. She’s talmbout how she doesn’t care. Ma’am! How are you not gon care that you sold LESS albums than the number of people you are following on Twitter? GIRL STAWP!

But lemme leave Kreayshawn alone though. Like everyone left her album at the store. OOP! (-___-)

What else did Kreayshawn’s album go? It surely wasn’t e’em copper. Clown in the comments like y’all love to do!

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62 Comments

  1. F_Mlicious
    September 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm — Reply

    Welp! There’s always cosmetology school

    • Ella
      September 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm — Reply

      Pwhahahahaha, yeah I can’t stand her, she is too pressed to say that she is different, and that song Gucci Gucci wasn’t needed, she is trying to hard. I dont care if she is from the hood or not, she can’t relate to a thing forreal. She started off the bat talking way too much trash and not being able to back it up, if you ask me if all went down when she started up with rick ross haha, she better realize she gotta watch it, we already have a snonflake Eminem pretty much has the rude crap, but we love it on lock.

      • September 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm — Reply

        Anytime you’re more known for your beef than talent, you’re already losing.

    • September 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm — Reply

      Or not. I wom’t trust that chile w/ MY coiffure!

  2. Sticky-n-Sweet
    September 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm — Reply

    Did you say Chingy went CREDIT SCORE?! LUVVIE, why can’t I quit you LOLOLOL!

    • Trina
      September 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm — Reply

      I know I been trying too

    • September 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm — Reply

      I’m just saying. My credit score is higher than the amount of records he sold.

  3. September 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm — Reply

    I wanna know who in the hell even bought those 3900 albums I mean what the hell who is riding around bumping kremecorn in they ride? Is there nothing else to listen to like the sound of farts amplified? those 3900 people need to be shot with tacks.

    • Elita
      September 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm — Reply

      *KREMECORN* *dead*

    • September 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm — Reply

      3,900 lost souls.

    • Jazz
      September 30, 2012 at 7:38 pm — Reply

      kremecorn though?

  4. QueenBee
    September 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm — Reply

    BAAAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I do love the way you tell a story woman!!

    • September 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm — Reply

      Thanks you kindly!

  5. AnnT
    September 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm — Reply

    Her album went:
    Daewoo
    JitterBug phone
    Spalding Basketball Shoes
    Peanut Shells
    Coolio’s Hair Line
    $1.37 Wal-mart Gift Card

    • September 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm — Reply

      I hate you! Get out! LOL

      • AnnT
        September 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm — Reply

        I forgot one:

        99 Cent Store Batteries.

    • Christie
      September 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm — Reply

      Daewoo! I. Am. Weak.

    • Tip
      September 28, 2012 at 2:32 pm — Reply

      Lol. I was gone say Income tax check…

    • September 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm — Reply

      I rebuke you!!!!!!!!

      *dead* at Spalding, Daewoo and $1.37 Walmart gift card.

    • MsZ
      October 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm — Reply

      Not the old folks Jitterbug phone!!! AAAAHAHAHAHA!!

  6. MoxieSauce
    September 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    How your album gonna go rented rims and act like you don’t care? Whatebs Kreysorry. Your 15way minutes had expired.

  7. DiSnazzio
    September 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    Not with that picture accompanying her resume. Even cosmetology school would make her take remedial combing classes first.

    Luvvie, your blog is everything that is right and good in the world. Tofu, even. Credit score, even. Yansh, even!

  8. Sadiqua
    September 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm — Reply

    I’m thinking those albums were accidentally purchased when some illiterate folks tried to buy Kreyawns for back-to-school.

    • Chellevea
      April 19, 2013 at 6:08 pm — Reply

      LMAO!!! Not “Kreyawns”!!!

  9. TwinkerBelle
    September 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm — Reply

    Her album went double toothpick

  10. Trina
    September 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm — Reply

    Who? Anywho, her album went empty food stamp book. You know that book you mom pulls out thinking there was one more brown brotha in there but comes up with nothing. I mean you werent happy that you had to carry that mug to the store but still there was candy to be had and now there is nothing. Yep like that.

    • yadi
      October 1, 2012 at 9:30 am — Reply

      certainly a catch-22…

      stigma of food stamps vs the joy of junk food.

      ahhh, the good ol’ days!

  11. September 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm — Reply

    Her album went quadruple aluminum.

  12. September 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm — Reply

    But wait! Have you read her Wikipedia page???!!!

    She lives in L.A……with her cat. *crying*

  13. J. Shari
    September 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm — Reply

    Her album went Mitt Romney…nobody got time for that!

  14. September 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm — Reply

    From her Wikipedia page: #DEAD “She then took a job at IKEA and the GED work program Job Corps, while selling Bammer Weed and working a short-lived stint as a “Craigslist pimp”.

  15. BlackBerry Molasses
    September 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm — Reply

    Stolen from a friend… her album went child support back payments.

  16. Shica
    September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm — Reply

    Her album went:

    used baby wipes
    empty whopper wrapper
    lint
    communion wafer
    dried out sharpie
    dollar tree shoe polish

  17. Kake
    September 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm — Reply

    Her album went plastic spinners on a minivan.

  18. September 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm — Reply

    I thought I was *dead* at the actual article, but the comments sections has me in serious jeopardy of needing some of that 1-ply right quick! Noooo!

    Credit score?
    Coolio’s hairline?
    Communion wafer?
    EMPTY FOOD STAMP BOOK?!

    I’m flatlined over hear. Y’all owe me an insurance co-pay, damn it.

    • September 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm — Reply

      So… I also was laughing too hard to use the correct homonym. Whoopsie!

  19. September 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm — Reply

    Her album went:
    used q-tip
    stripper sweat
    rick ross tittay gravy
    tussy deodorant
    Styrofoam
    dollar menu
    AOL cd
    fortune cookie wrapper

    • Elita
      September 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm — Reply

      NOT TUSSY! *swan dives into the shallow end of the pool*

      • Shica
        September 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm — Reply

        deep finger dip and smear under the arms!

    • Shakira
      November 19, 2013 at 1:51 pm — Reply

      Tussy deodorant??!?! Lawd take me NAH!!!

  20. Lady E
    September 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm — Reply

    In honor of Luvie’s post from the other day her album went Replacement Ref

  21. bicthandinthatorder
    September 27, 2012 at 4:18 pm — Reply

    Her album went fantasia and antwaun cook’s relationship

  22. MsNishaJay
    September 27, 2012 at 4:26 pm — Reply

    Her album went down the drain like six weeks old fish grease O_o.

  23. Somebroad
    September 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm — Reply

    This was too, too funny. YouTube is apparently not where to hunt for talent. Don’t believe me? Check her out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0f47gr60Kc
    She is wrong on so many levels

  24. naturalista88
    September 27, 2012 at 7:06 pm — Reply

    Her album managed to go double wood chips and may go triple sawdust.

  25. 901NIKKI
    September 28, 2012 at 9:38 am — Reply

    “Deawoo”*blink….blink* DEAWOO??? GOOD DAY, SIR. ________________________________________________ BWWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. Cheekie
    September 28, 2012 at 11:47 am — Reply

    Kreayshawn’s album went chitlin remnants.

  27. Maude
    September 28, 2012 at 1:59 pm — Reply

    Pitchfork gave her album a 3. A 3!!!! LULZ.

  28. Lea
    September 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm — Reply

    I stopped watching the MTV awars as of last year because they nominated her for something.

    • September 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm — Reply

      They did??? MTV must not wanna win.

  29. Elle Monee
    September 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    Album went:
    Soul Plane
    Acer

    AOL sold more free start up CD-ROMs than she sold albums

    • September 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm — Reply

      *DEADDDD* Not the AOL free CDs in the tin can w/ the yellow man on top! LOL

  30. September 29, 2012 at 11:37 pm — Reply

    She needs to go on tour with Chingy and Soulja Boy (his album went triple dirt.) Kind of like Watch the Throne, but Watch the Food Stamp Line. Free Credit Report could sponsor it. This could make literally dozens of dollars

    • September 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm — Reply

      LMAOOOOO at his album going “triple dirt.” Ma’am, you stoopid.

    • Rochelle
      September 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm — Reply

      Lmao @ dozens of dollars!!!! Reading all of these comments almost had me choking on my dollar menu drink. And I’m sitting in the car parked away from my building so nobody would be able to save me.

  31. September 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm — Reply

    If she is so irrelevant… Uh… Why are you writing about her?

    • September 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm — Reply

      Because I want to. The end.

    • Awesome Aries
      September 30, 2012 at 7:43 pm — Reply

      So you came to this here blog… Read this here title…and still decided to ask why? You had options. You chose wrong. You must be new. to life.

      • Tamika
        September 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm — Reply

        That dummy musta been one of the 3900…

        • Bill
          September 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm — Reply

          Since she talkin, give us an album review. Or name one of the other songs on the album… We’ll wait… *Crickets*, that’s what I thought!

          • Tamika
            September 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

            HAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ROTFL

  32. October 1, 2012 at 11:33 am — Reply

    These comments are too much *dead*

    I sadly had to go YouTube this crap…and I’m sorry I did.

    She went 2x dumpster liquid

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