President Obama Looked Bored, Mitt Blinked a Lot and Sesame Street-Gate: Debate Recap
I watched the Presidential debate and it was 1.5 hours of side-eying and roast on my part. If you’re looking for a great post on all the issues and stances and rebuttals and whatnot, this ain’t that. Go to TheRoot.com, TheGrio.com and getchu some of that there. Me? I’m here to tell you who looked pasty and hapless. With that being said, lemme get right into it.
* I love how President Obama started by showing his boo some love. He was all “First, lemme say I love my baby, Shellie…” That man… Michelle girl. Listen. Ok I’ma be qwat. But she gets what I’m tryna say. OWWWW!
* Barack was on that stage looking like “black don’t crack” epitomized. His face was BEAT! I think they used NC45 MakeupForever for him. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney had on some browning oil. It TOTALLY didn’t go with his MAC Ruby Woo-colored tie. WOMP.
* Mittens lowkey thinks he’s running for class president. He got on that stage making these grandiose promises like “ELECT ME AND RECESS WILL BE ALL DAY LONG!” Sir… O__O
* If anyone was playing the drinking game where you take a shot when you hear “tax cut,” they were somewhere passed out from alcohol poisoning within the first 15 minutes of the debate. It didn’t help that Mitt was up there being a little tattletale talmbout “YOU said you gon raise taxes. NOT ME!” NO SNITCHING! (-__-)
* McMitt looked like he be thinking “why’s there a deficit? Can’t we just print more money? Is the Treasury outta paper?”
* Jim Lehrer was an ineffective moderator for most of the debate. He kept letting them (especially Mittens) interrupt him like he ain’t have a mic too. I wanted to yell out “Don’t let them punk you, Jim! SAY IT WIT YOUR CHEST!” But NAWL! They stepped all over Jim like he was the DREAM ACT before 2012. Y’all can’t be playing my dude like that.
Chile, I can’t.
* Then Mitt was talmbout how he’ll do all he can do make sure America’s budget is balanced, even if it means borrowing money from China. UMMMM YOU GON BORROW MORE MONEY FROM CHINA?? LIKE WE DON’T OWE THEM ENOUGH! Mitt wants a gahtdamb PayDay Loan and I don’t e’em support it. He’s tryna get America a Rush Card funded by China. NO COUNTRY FOR THIS PLAN! NAWL, MITT!!!
But this was nothing compared to him talmbout how he’ll cut the funding for PBS if he has the chance. He e’em mentioned saying bye to Sesame Street. YOU EVIL SUMMAFOOL! YOU NOT GON SAT UP THERE AND PUT OUT THE GOOD FOLKS OF SESAME STREET! That has GOT to count as treason in the higher courts. YOU CAN’T CUT ELMO!!! *wall slides*
Right! It doesn’t even make any sense!
He is a cartoon villain. I AM CONVINCED! What did Grover, Cookie Monster, Snuffleapugus, Oscar and Big Bird ever do to anybody but learn kids some stuff and make them dance? UGH. TAKE THAT BACK, MITT!
* Mitt Romney lied a lot. Which might explain why he was blinking so much THE ENTIRE TIME. He was just blinking all fast like he fights crimes with his eyeballs. Looking like he’s bout to flutter away. I noticed this halfway through the debate and after that, I couldn’t focus on anything BUT the blinking foolery. If he used logic with the same fervor he blinks with, he MIGHT not have me convinced that he ate glue often as a child.
* Barack didn’t do that well in the debates but I also don’t think he LOST like folks have been crying. I honestly think he was like “Listen. It’s my anniversary. I go home with Michelle so…” But it came off as him looking bored. He clearly looked like he wanted to be elsewhere while Romney got himself heard more just because he spoke louder, blinked more and interrupted far too often. He was Mariah Carey to Mitt’s Nicki Minaj. I need President Obama to snatch Mitt’s gradient hair in the next debate. He can’t be sitting up there filing his nails the next time.
Still. I’ll never forgive Mitt Romney for tryna cancel Sesame Street. (-_____-)
But yea… anywho. Whatcha’ll think of the debate?