Famous folks

Word on the Street is Chris Brown Dumped Karfuffle for Rihanna

In news that surprises NO ONE, Chris Brown has apparently dumped his girlfriend, Karrueche, for his ex Rihanna, whose forehead he ponned. According to WonderWall, Chris made a statement saying:

“I have decided to be single to focus on my career. I love Karrueche very much, but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I’d rather be single, allowing us to both be happy in our lives.”

UH HUH. I know trifling speak when I see it. Translation: “Karoach had to go because she was getting in the way of me doing the southside slippery slide with Rihanna. And I’ont got time to be dealing with her being mad at me for it. So ummm… yeah. I’m single.”

YUP. That’s what he said.

Rihanna Chris Brown Karrueche

Pic from JustJared.com

But no one can sat up there and be shocked. Everyone saw that coming from a mile away. Chris and Rihanna have been flirting with each other for a good long while and when she went on Oprah’s show looking like Arizona Iced Tea, she told Oprah she still loved him.

And that was AFTER they made a song together talmbout how they miss each other’s bodies and what they were gonna do while eating desserts or cake or something. ID damb K. Plus we can’t forget how a coupla weeks ago, at the MTV Music Awards no one watched, Chris and Breezy pecked to greet each other and it didn’t seem like no Sunday church peck. MM-DAMB-HMM.

I ask. What did Krabcakes think??? Why didn’t she put 2 and 2 together earlier? Now she’s saltier than the damb Atlantic.

Karrueche prefer men tweet

Too bad it took her a year to figure that out. OOP.

Aawww Karfuffle. She’s the only one taken aback in all this. I’m not surprised at Chris and Rihanna reuniting in unholy coitusmony. I’m just surprised it took this long. In fact, I think the reason it took 3 and a half years was because of the public scrutiny. Otherwise, they’da been knocking the boots all out in the open since before now.

Poor Kerosene.  She spent over a year invested in a man who was clearly still in love and lust with his ex-boo and she was just his “in the meantime” girl. I mean, didn’t she realize that’s what she was? I’d say she should be livid but to be honest, she was goofy for going along with Breezy this long. He never seemed THAT much into her. She basically became one of his accessories, seen everywhere with him looking like she just rolled outta bed.

Chile, WOMP. All she got outta her ‘lationship with Chris were a buncha Jordan sneakers, bad tattoos and public humiliation. She lost so tough.

But one of the worst parts of this is Karisma ain’t gon be able to dodge this. There’ll be reminders of her failed relationship everywhere, as Chris and Rihanna start gallivanting their hapless selves around the globe, looking yellow together. And of course, there’s Twitter. And you know Ri-Ri’s petty dinnamug!

And she lost to someone who is ULTRA petty.

P-E-T-T-Y. Ugh. Rihanna is the chick who’ll walk around butt nekkid and then wonder why you’re looking at her up and down. She talmbout “ain’t nobody bidness…” Girl SHUT UP. Just SHET IT UP!

But yeah… this saga continues. Two volatile people like Chris and Rihanna together is TMZ’s wet dream. What I TRULY hope is that no more trips to the hospital come from their reunion. What happened the first time around was terrible, and I  hope history doesn’t repeat itself. Really and truly hope.

Anywho, my Twitfam is SOOOO damb foolish (and I love them)! They had me CRYING laughing with the names they were giving Karmistry.

Karrueche name tweets

Kaopectate and Karmachameleon had me CRYING laughing. My peoples got NO chill whatsoever!

And there’s more:

iBouta DAHD at “lil Krashbandicoot.” DAHD, I say!!! I wish I could quit them but iCan’t. We go together since they get me.

But yeah. Whatcha’ll think of this? Do you think it’s a good idea for Chris and Ri-ri to get back together? Who else feels bad for Karate and wants to send her some few nice words? She needs encouragement in this time of hardship.

82 Comments

  1. Elle
    October 5, 2012 at 8:30 am — Reply

    KRASHBANDICOOT !!

    I’m a receptionist, I really can’t be laughing this hard.

    Luvvie gon’ make me lose my job!

  2. Curvy Jones
    October 5, 2012 at 8:32 am — Reply

    I’m so mad at Luvvie’s interpretations of Kaptain Krunch’s name. She should be ashamed of herself.

    • October 6, 2012 at 12:03 am — Reply

      I am not mad at any of this. She dodged a bullet. Ri-Ri on the other hand should be prepared the second time around so I’m sending a care pack from the universe full of dark sunglasses in assorted sizes to help her cover up! Keep people out of her ‘bidness’ and all…

  3. Stacy
    October 5, 2012 at 8:49 am — Reply

    Y’all need to stop it with these names. My doctor keep looking at me wondering why I am crying and holding back laughter. But Kacoochie will be ok…maybe…I think.

  4. Joanndith
    October 5, 2012 at 8:57 am — Reply

    I am so glad I’m home alone cuz I’m a HOLLERING over these names! LMBO!

  5. Joanndith
    October 5, 2012 at 8:58 am — Reply

    Y’all leave Karikature alone!! Lol!

  6. KLS
    October 5, 2012 at 9:04 am — Reply

    OMG, I’m Dying!!!!

  7. Kourtney
    October 5, 2012 at 9:11 am — Reply

    I really don’t understand how RiRi can trust CB after what went down so I’mma just chalk it up to good sex making her thinking hazy. And even then -______-

    I do feel for Kujichagulia. She mighta thought she had something! I dunno how…but still. Po’ thing.

    • Joy in L.A.
      October 5, 2012 at 9:27 am — Reply

      Oh.M.Gee. Not a Kwanzaa reference. *Swing Low Sweet Chariot*

    • mair.ee
      October 6, 2012 at 1:37 am — Reply

      Omg! Not Kujichagulia!!!!! Wait. I just….

  8. FelicityR
    October 5, 2012 at 9:17 am — Reply

    Krashbandicoot had me CACKLING! A mess! LOL!

  9. Kelli
    October 5, 2012 at 9:26 am — Reply

    Poor Kajagoogoo….but she should’ve known better than to mess with his dusty ass anyway. welp…guess she gon learn today!

    • StillSuga
      October 5, 2012 at 3:19 pm — Reply

      LMAO! Between this, Krashbandicoot and Karmachameleon I am DONE! LOL!!!

  10. Camille
    October 5, 2012 at 9:32 am — Reply

    I was really enjoying this post until the last part. I think it’s in poor taste to rib Karrueche like that. She’s a Vietnamese woman with a traditional name, and it’s not THAT hard to say or spell.

    Just sayin’. If white people were making fun of an African with a traditional name y’all would be livid…

    • emti
      October 5, 2012 at 11:42 am — Reply

      nah we’re equal opportunity goons

      • October 5, 2012 at 11:43 am — Reply

        Pretty damb murch.

      • Margaret
        October 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm — Reply

        Our goonin’ crosses racial barriers.

      • Jay
        October 5, 2012 at 2:29 pm — Reply

        See: Onederful Vanglorious via facebook. She clowns them all. ALL I say!

    • October 5, 2012 at 11:54 am — Reply

      You and your feelings need to find a seat to occupy….we clowns in these parts…no one is immune…you hear?? NOT A ONE!!!

    • Mandi
      October 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm — Reply

      I’m a regular vistor to this site and I enjoy ur work Luvvi…h/e I prob have never commented on a post but I need to say something here cus Im 100% agreement with Camille…it is immature and ignorant to make fun of this woman’s name…she has a diff heritage #fullstop…America is not the only place in the world and English is not the only language. #openurminds!

      • October 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm — Reply

        Ok.

        • October 6, 2012 at 10:56 am — Reply

          I hate you for this petty “Ok.” LMAOOOO

        • LD
          October 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm — Reply

          according to soletschat.wordpress.com,

          Karreuche left him. He’s been crying for her ever since, and released an edited video for his “love” of both women.

          no, you’re just mad that she won’t go along with your polygamous plan.

          he’s been texting and calling this child, and she has been telling him no.

          she’s better than Rihanna that’s for sure. she didnt drink the Koolaid, she is it.

          lol.

      • naturalista88
        October 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm — Reply

        I don’t think anyone is attempting to make fun of the girl’s heritage by coming up w/different names for her; if that was their MO, they would use a lot more than her name to do that.

      • WhohurtyouMandi
        October 5, 2012 at 9:51 pm — Reply

        Girl…take a chill pill, nobody cares if she is purple, she got a weird ass name, and it’s just that. It’s a joke, plsssss cry elsewhere, your tears are unwanted here -_-

    • Shaleen
      October 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm — Reply

      It’s not about her name or her heritage. It’s about how forgettable she is and she was a just an accessory to Chris Brown.

    • Camille
      October 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm — Reply

      Just my opinion. The name-tweaks struck me as offensive, especially the racially charged ones like “Korean BBQ” and “Karaoke” ( I saw “Konichiwa” and “Karmasootra” in the FB comments when Luvvie posted the link to this post). I would be uncomfortable if I was chatting in a group and folks were casually using those terms in reference to an Asian person.

      • October 5, 2012 at 9:16 pm — Reply

        Actually, this has NOTHING to do w/ her ethnicity whatsoever. Not a thing and anyone who thinks so needs to find something else to get into their feelings about. I make fun of Tiererjiewj Mari the exact same way and she’s black so… yeah. NAWL.

        • Buks
          October 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm — Reply

          CLEARLY folks are not seeing the homage to Whitley, Dwayne and Kinu/Kilolo/Konichiwa…I’m offended they’re offended! #payamish

          Karmachameleon had me doing the ugly snort.

    • Usually in Poor Taste
      October 5, 2012 at 9:37 pm — Reply

      I myself prefer to call her KuKluxKlan or Kunnilingus. Not because I’m racist, but because I’m ig’nant.

  11. Margaret
    October 5, 2012 at 9:43 am — Reply

    So, it’s over for Kaligula? She’ll be fine. Trey, Mario, or Miguel will scoop her right up…well, maybe not Miguel, but that’s neither here nor there.

    All the best to Konichiwa. She gets props for sticking around for as long as she did.

    • yadi
      October 5, 2012 at 2:26 pm — Reply

      you had to bring “Different World” into this, huh?

      • JBreezy
        October 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm — Reply

        well she didn’t call her KeeKokahla….

  12. Pretty Ricki
    October 5, 2012 at 9:50 am — Reply

    I would like to thank the name slayers for making my day… I have now been given life…

  13. ac
    October 5, 2012 at 9:57 am — Reply

    Omg @ chris & rih rih “looking yellow together!” you got my boss giving me the extreme side eye at my smothered chuckles!!! Ha ha ha!!

  14. October 5, 2012 at 10:12 am — Reply

    My favorite will Always be kid fury calling that girl “Kash rules everything around me” lmao

    • Erin
      October 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm — Reply

      Mine also hails from Kid Fury….Krispity Crunchity Peanut Buttery! HAHAHAHA!

  15. emti
    October 5, 2012 at 10:12 am — Reply

    y’all know karryyocoochie will find herself another celeb to buy her some more sneakers

    • Crim5onViolet
      October 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm — Reply

      KarryYoCoochie???? #iHollered

  16. Tyler
    October 5, 2012 at 10:22 am — Reply

    I just want Chris and Rihanna to get help. So very sad.

  17. October 5, 2012 at 11:33 am — Reply

    Damn Keroppi had to hop off that pencil dick for good, huh? Oh well. Too bad she didn’t use her time doing something constructive, something other than shadowing Light Ike. I guess it’s a good thing he fired her before the holidays…I hear Macy’s is hiring…(I just applied there. Don’t judge me. $$$$).

    • Christie
      October 5, 2012 at 9:25 pm — Reply

      “Light Ike.” iDied.

  18. October 5, 2012 at 11:54 am — Reply

    I think that kitandkaboodle loved breezy genuinely, and I feel bad for the poor girl. sometimes love blinds, we ALL know that. not only is she dealing with we heartbreak, but she’s dealing with it in such a public way. had it been me? oh no ma’am. no public decorum from my hot head ass. however, in time she will see that Chris brown is so young minded and not even worth the bleach he uses for his hair. two petty people deserve one another and that goddamn confessions ass video that c breezy character made should be all the proof she needs of that.

    damn it all to hell. mediocrity needs to stay relevant somehow.

    love ya my fellow Capricorn Luvvie.

    • Sparkle
      October 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm — Reply

      You got me fighting the air with kitandkaboodle!!!!! Bwahahaha

  19. October 5, 2012 at 11:58 am — Reply

    Luvvie, you shade better than Whitley did Kecoocachoo on, A Different World…Chile, she was every K-name but what her mama named her..

    • Kristi
      October 6, 2012 at 2:06 am — Reply

      I loved when she would call her Keylooloo
      LOL

  20. zionsmama85
    October 5, 2012 at 12:13 pm — Reply

    Omg. Yall have me crying laughing. I work on the phone. Ppl so confused. Djrjrjf hdhd jskfhrhtbfjf. Not looking yellow. I can’t!

  21. Lost the ability to can...
    October 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm — Reply

    Krispie Creme tho?!? Damn it, these names have me laying my burdens down by the riverside…I had to de-lurk and comment on this.

    Sigh…I swear it’s like the “Young and the Rachet” with these fools. I have no sympathy at all for Kung Pow Chicken tho. She knew what the deal was from the gate…how she gon be mad now lol?!

    Fistopher and Rihgret deserve each other at this point, imho. Rih obviously has to learn things the hard way, smdh. Tbh I think Kabuki Brush dodged a beatdown, umm I mean a bullet…at least got a car out of it *shrugs*

    • ac
      October 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm — Reply

      haa haa haa to everything you just said! those names!!! haaaaa!

    • Crim5onViolet
      October 5, 2012 at 3:11 pm — Reply

      Krispie Creme, Kung Pow Chicken, Fistopher, Rihgret, and Kabuki Brush made me snort laughing!! I NEVER do that!!! ROTFLMAO!!!

    • Diva1070
      October 6, 2012 at 4:10 am — Reply

      Fistopher & Rihgret?????? *Howling* iDie

    • Elle
      October 12, 2012 at 7:42 am — Reply

      I just died a thousand deaths.
      You, my friend, are hilarious.

  22. nichole
    October 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm — Reply

    Karmachameleon was it for me bringing my eyes to tears.

    Come on, NO ONE should be surprised at this at all especially Karmachameleon. She knew she was just a seat filler, his Manpower chick (temp) until Chris and Ri-Ri could say “kiss it, we are back together” to the world. The Oprah interview was the door they needed and got.

    • emti
      October 5, 2012 at 11:06 pm — Reply

      *DEAD* at “Manpower Chick” i will be stealing that

  23. Shea
    October 5, 2012 at 12:38 pm — Reply

    I think after Ri Ri gets get fix, she is gong to dump CB

  24. Annette
    October 5, 2012 at 1:57 pm — Reply

    Everyone knew it was coming. She shouldn’t have waited for him to end it. I guess the grave train as too good. He wouldn’t have had to tell me. They gave Karcouche plenty of warning. I guess the public humiliation wasn’t enough, why did she even try to hang on to a guy that told her he still loved his ex. Looking at the picture above she even looks a little like Ri Ri.

    So now the drama begins.

    “Two volatile people like Chris and Rihanna together is TMZ’s wet dream.” They need to hang out with Kimye.

    • Curvy_Jones
      October 6, 2012 at 6:20 am — Reply

      Light. Ike. I cannot.

    • October 6, 2012 at 6:22 am — Reply

      Light. Ike. I cannot.

      Did someone say Fistopher?

      Yo. Bury me a G!

  25. Renea
    October 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm — Reply

    I don’t even know who she is. So I was like, her stage name is “Karfuffle?” The hell?

  26. paintgurl40
    October 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm — Reply

    i knew it when i heard the cake song….

    i must be getting old….if i got fired by beatemup brown i wouldn’t be tweeting about it every five seconds. DAMN! #pickupyodignity

  27. October 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm — Reply

    I HATECHU FOR THIS ROTFL!!! OMG I cannot breathe!! #ratched

  28. PhillyMama
    October 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm — Reply

    Newbie up in hurr: We shd feel sorry for “K’tanked-Kafiltafish.” She’s been thru such a Kerfuffle! Treated like a “kickstandKioKOOCH!” PO Thaaang…
    (*Luv your blog Luvvie! :-)*)

  29. Usually in Poor Taste
    October 5, 2012 at 9:42 pm — Reply

    Guys let’s look on the bright side; KatfishPoBoy is gonna be a-okay. She’s a pretty girl and clearly willing to accommodate a man by any. means. necessary.

    • Kristi
      October 6, 2012 at 2:13 am — Reply

      KatfishPoBoy?!?!

      TOD: 12:12am

  30. Nunya Bizness
    October 5, 2012 at 11:33 pm — Reply

    Y’all so mean to Kangaroo Jill. I’mma pray for all of y’all goons RIGHT NOW!

  31. Albani
    October 6, 2012 at 12:47 am — Reply

    Aw … Poor Kerplunk :( All she wanted was some love. He did her DIRTAAAAY

  32. Sha Sha
    October 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm — Reply

    Shoooo, eerbody knew the union of Kuchrisco was not gonna last. Chrianna were just biding their time till they could start back doing the nasty and tell eerbody else to kiss their nasty. Kurebound knew the deal. She just rode that saddle for all it was worth until the bucked off. Po lil thang actually thought being associated to this drama made her relevant for a minute. “SMDH” Trust, she’ll be okay!

  33. Elle
    October 6, 2012 at 10:13 pm — Reply

    Please tell me y’all saw this: http://vimeo.com/50805715. His publicist is the AB-SO-LUTE worst.

  34. Stephanie
    October 7, 2012 at 5:59 pm — Reply

    KaughtUpInTheRapture is a damn mess for staying with Chris AFTER he and Rihanna released that Cake remix. I mean, what was KourageTheCowardlyDog thinking? A part of me does feel sorry for her because I’ve been in a similar situation, but girl, Kashruleseverythingaroundme just needs have a seat and keep it moving.

    • Lordie.
      October 8, 2012 at 10:35 pm — Reply

      whack.

  35. JulesBaby
    October 7, 2012 at 7:58 pm — Reply

    Lurking on Hello Beautiful and found Luvvie, I CAN’T!!!

    These names are killing me tonight??? RihGret?!?!? LIGHT IKE?!?!? #slain

    Well, no one can say KoochieWallaWalla didn’t see this one coming, come ON!! After Oprah sprinkled blessings & pixie dust on this FOOLunion in that interview, it was like countdown to the hookup in 5….4….3…..!!!!

    Anyhows, i feel bad that KaLaLoo thought she was about that life and is now stuck with a tattoo of a damn zipper (shoot the publicist who greenlighted that shit!), up her leg!!!!

    Le’ Sigh. Po thang. I swear, this thread gave me LIFE today!!!! Keep them coming!!!!

  36. CHAOTIC_ONE
    October 8, 2012 at 7:42 am — Reply

    I REALLY WANT TO FEEL SORRY FOR KUNGPOWCHICKEN BUT I CANT BECAUSE EVERYONE SAW IT BUT HER. I THINK SHE IS MORE SALTY ABOUT GOING FROM LIVING LIKE A ROCK STAR AND GETTING DESIGNER CLOTHING, BRAND NEW WHIPS AND GETTING INTO EXCLUSIVE SPOTS TO BEING A BASIC CHIC. I MEAN SHE CUTE BUT SHE HAS BEEN BRANDED A WEAK HEFFA SO ANY MAN IN THE INDUSTRY WHO GETS WITH HER WILL KNOW HE CAN DOG HER OUT AS LONG AS HE WAVES SHINY OBJECTS IN HER FACE!

    • IfYouEverComeBack
      October 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm — Reply

      That’s a bit harsh, cause we don’t know what was being said in Private. Also Love makes folks all kinds of stupid. Besides maybe this experience has changed her. BTW, what’s with all the caps?

      • CHAOTIC_ONE
        October 10, 2012 at 6:37 am — Reply

        BECAUSE I LIKE CAPS THATS ALL….SO CHILE BYE ON THAT….THEY ARE JUST CAPS SMH….AND ITS NOT HARSH IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DISRESPECTED IN THE MANNER KANGAROOPOUCH DID THEN YOU CAN RIGHTFULLY ASSUME OTHERS WILL TRY IT!

      • Olivia Olivia
        October 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm — Reply

        @IfYouEverComeBack I hear you, Karrueche has harmed nobody, some folks just nasty for the sake of nasty.

        • CHAOTIC_ONE
          October 15, 2012 at 2:09 pm — Reply

          IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING NASTY I DIDNT SEE YOU “CHECK” LUVVIE OR ANY OTHER PERSON WHO MADE A POST….IM SURE OTHERS HAVE SAID FAR WORSE TO KECHECHEE ALSO DID U EVER THINK SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE BLUNT WITH PEOPLE WHO IGNORE ALL THE WARNING SIGNS AND SHE HAS HARMED SOMEONE HERSELF RESPECT !

          • October 15, 2012 at 2:11 pm

            You hav GOT to chill on the CAPS. If you don’t stop with this hollering, I’ma have to block you from commenting. Damb.

  37. Sidday
    October 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm — Reply

    *cleans glasses* cus i coulda swahrn you said “who wanna send Kookookachoo a few RICE words” O_O had to double read that just to make sure..

    but com’on son Kilala knew charlie brown aint really lub ha like steebie lubbed joseline, so her feelings aint hurt she just tryna get 15 mo minutes of FAME (see that, did you see it? yeah you saw it and lubbed it)

    • CHAOTIC_ONE
      October 10, 2012 at 6:40 am — Reply

      YEAH KROUCHINGTIGRNOTSOHIDDENDRAGON WAS ON SOME MIMI FAUST TYPE OF STUFF AND RHI RHI IS ON SOME JOSELINE TYPE OF MESS. TALKING ABOUT “CHRISPP NAT GOIN ANYWHA” (IN MOST RACHET VOICE EVER)

  38. phatlips
    October 10, 2012 at 8:22 pm — Reply

    LEAVE KRUSTYTHEKLOWN ALONE!!!!!

    Come on, y’all!!! I’m sure a few of us have been in Kahlua’s position at one time or another. I admire Kooljerk for cutting the cord and not looking back. Don’t worry KatchandRelease, I got yo’ back!!!

  39. Olivia Olivia
    October 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm — Reply

    I have tried so hard to like Rhianna, with her hot body and that beautiful face. I admire her give a damn attitude and I don’t even mind her music. But try as I might I can’t seem to warm to that girl, and the way she acts? I’m thinking maybe she wants it that way. Rhianna and Chris may be better suited than people think.

  40. Jastar22
    November 2, 2012 at 1:03 am — Reply

    I know I am super late reading this post but I had to comment. I have never laughed and cried so much at the same time. The names you all gave this chick are hilarious. I read this post twice and laughed like I had just seen it for the first time. luvvie you are my new favorite blogger.

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