Oh Kim Kardashian. Bless her heart for really trying hard to keep our attention when she doesn’t have much to offer up for it besides her body form and high heels. For someone to be so vapid and so transparent in her need for attention but so shamelessly oblivious to our annoyance is really impressive. By impresssive, I mean sad.
My source of annoyance is not because of the “she’s a hoe” thing that people attach to Kim K. Although I am NOT a fan of Kim at all, I’m not of the “let’s call her a hoe” club because I think that word is tossed around wrecklessly too often. To me, she just seems like a hopeless romantic who has to be in love or with a man to be complete. I think it makes her incredibly misguided, not a hoe. However, I will call her an attention whore any day that ends with a Y and I have many reasons to. This is why I want her to go away for a little long while.
Kim Kardashian hopped out of her 72-day marriage into Kanye “Eeyore” West’s arms, and proved that she doesn’t ever learn lessons from major life events. Her previous relationship was lived out in the public and was even a major part of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” You’d think the one right afterwards would be more discreet but NAWL. That’ll be too much like right.
Not only did she choose to date one of the world’s most famous musicians at the moment, but she’s also keeping the door open for us to peek in, yet wondering why everyone has opinions on it. He’s appeared on “Keeping Up” and she’s tweeting about how she’s cooking for him, posting pics of them together and saying stuff like:
Kim be TRYING it, don’t she? But Kanye’s ex, Amber Rose, is pregnant right now. And Kim’s ex, Reggie Bush, is expecting a baby by his girlfriend. How long before KimYe decides they wanna jump into the conception pot?
I’ve been side-eyeing their relationship from jump , but it turned into a glare once I found out that Kim has been letting Kanye dress her. Their coupledom is like a 2012 Pygmalion, and it’s slightly creepy to me. Kim is Kanye’s Eliza Doolittle without the cockney accent, but with a hoodrat high pitched voice. He’s trying to change her style but I’m not sure to what, because I can’t say she dresses classier now. All he’s done is take out the color in her #alphets and puts her in more leather pants (or no pants at all). He seems to have banned her from rocking anything that isn’t an earth tone or neutral so she’s walking around like she stars in her own black and white silent movie.
And then I saw this pic of her and I wanted to dropkick my laptop.
Are we officially trying too hard? I think yes. Kimberly left the house in a sling shot sports bra and a see-through pencil skirt with no draws on. LAWDT. I mean, I get what she tried to do but this heffa got her yansh ALL OUT for the kids to see! And I love how she is checking herself out like “YASSSS.” But she looks all squozed up in this alphet and it isn’t flattering. Call me a hater but she looks like she gotta take short breaths because if she takes long, deep ones, that belt MIGHT come undone.
Also important, I love how the paparazzi were on hand at the right moment to catch this. I wonder how much advance notice she gave them when she called to tell them where she’d be. Yup. ALL the shade.
Girl, I know you want attention but you’re resorting to literally being assed out to get it. And congrats, because you did. However, all publicity really ain’t good publicity. Word on the streets is that Kim and her family have been blacklisted in Hollywood so they aren’t really getting new gigs and their reality TV show is starting to flop. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures then.
But you know what though? If my body was like this, I’d probably be this much of a fool too. I’d be outside in biker shorts and cropped tops no matter what the weather. And I’d be hitting my twerk at EVERY opportunity like this:
BUT THIS AINT BOUT ME!
Still, I want Kim Kardashian to go pick up a hobby that doesn’t involve whatever man she’s dating’s hobby. And I want her to find her footing in life so she can stop reveling in nothing of significance. And I want her mama to stop pimping her. And I just want her to go away for a bit. For many reasons.
Who’ll sign a Change.org petition if I start one? (-__-)
Category: Famous folks