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Kim Kardashian is Assed Out for Attention and She Should Stop

Oh Kim Kardashian. Bless her heart for really trying hard to keep our attention when she doesn’t have much to offer up for it besides her body form and high heels. For someone to be so vapid and so transparent in her need for attention but so shamelessly oblivious to our annoyance is really impressive. By impresssive, I mean sad.

My source of annoyance is not because of the “she’s a hoe” thing that people attach to Kim K. Although I am NOT a fan of Kim at all, I’m not of the “let’s call her a hoe” club because I think that word is tossed around wrecklessly too often. To me, she just seems like a hopeless romantic who has to be in love or with a man to be complete. I think it makes her incredibly misguided, not a hoe. However, I will call her an attention whore any day that ends with a Y and I have many reasons to. This is why I want her to go away for a little long while.

Kim Kardashian hopped out of her 72-day marriage into Kanye “Eeyore” West’s arms, and proved that she doesn’t ever learn lessons from major life events. Her previous relationship was lived out in the public and was even a major part of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” You’d think the one right afterwards would be more discreet but NAWL. That’ll be too much like right.

Not only did she choose to date one of the world’s most famous musicians at the moment, but she’s also keeping the door open for us to peek in, yet wondering why everyone has opinions on it. He’s appeared on “Keeping Up” and she’s tweeting about how she’s cooking for him, posting pics of them together and saying stuff like:

Kim Kardashian tried it

Kim be TRYING it, don’t she? But Kanye’s ex, Amber Rose, is pregnant right now. And Kim’s ex, Reggie Bush, is expecting a baby by his girlfriend. How long before KimYe decides they wanna jump into the conception pot?

I’ve been side-eyeing their relationship from jump , but it turned into a glare once I found out that Kim has been letting Kanye dress her. Their coupledom is like a 2012 Pygmalion, and it’s slightly creepy to me. Kim is Kanye’s Eliza Doolittle without the cockney accent, but with a hoodrat high pitched voice. He’s trying to change her style but I’m not sure to what, because I can’t say she dresses classier now. All he’s done is take out the color in her #alphets and puts her in more leather pants (or no pants at all). He seems to have banned her from rocking anything that isn’t an earth tone or neutral so she’s walking around like she stars in her own black and white silent movie.

And then I saw this pic of her and I wanted to dropkick my laptop.

Kim Kardashian no draws

Pic from www.gossipwelove.com

Are we officially trying too hard? I think yes. Kimberly left the house in a sling shot sports bra and a see-through pencil skirt with no draws on. LAWDT. I mean, I get what she tried to do but this heffa got her yansh ALL OUT for the kids to see! And I love how she is checking herself out like “YASSSS.” But she looks all squozed up in this alphet and it isn’t flattering. Call me a hater but she looks like she gotta take short breaths because if she takes long, deep ones, that belt MIGHT come undone.

Also important, I love how the paparazzi were on hand at the right moment to catch this. I wonder how much advance notice she gave them when she called to tell them where she’d be. Yup. ALL the shade.

Girl, I know you want attention but you’re resorting to literally being assed out to get it. And congrats, because you did. However, all publicity really ain’t good publicity. Word on the streets is that Kim and her family have been blacklisted in Hollywood so they aren’t really getting new gigs and their reality TV show is starting to flop. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures then.

But you know what though? If my body was like this, I’d probably be this much of a fool too. I’d be outside in biker shorts and cropped tops no matter what the weather. And I’d be hitting my twerk at EVERY opportunity like this:

Twerk Cartoon gif

BUT THIS AINT BOUT ME!

Still, I want Kim Kardashian to go pick up a hobby that doesn’t involve whatever man she’s dating’s hobby. And I want her to find her footing in life so she can stop reveling in nothing of significance. And I want her mama to stop pimping her. And I just want her to go away for a bit. For many reasons.

Who’ll sign a Change.org petition if I start one? (-__-)

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30 Comments

  1. October 15, 2012 at 7:03 pm — Reply

    Bwahahaha, a “sling shot sports bra.” ‘Tis accurate 109.5%.

  2. October 15, 2012 at 7:04 pm — Reply

    I was co-signing until I saw 1) Kim’s McKraken in that see-through skirt, and b) the twerkin’ dropping it like it’s boiling hot man-thing covered in light bulbs.

    After I die may they put on my tombstone “She Was Here for ALL of Luvvie’s Ratchedness.”

  3. Bpurpleb001
    October 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm — Reply

    LUVVIE! I HATE YOU SOMUCH RIGHT NOW! That gif…I can’t breathe. I can’t breath!

  4. Kesha
    October 15, 2012 at 7:20 pm — Reply

    LMAO! That animation of how you would be dropping it..CLASSIC!

    • Sha Sha
      October 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm — Reply

      YES MAAM!! Luvvie gurlll you’re the truth. I just can’t stop LMAO at that ish! #DIED

  5. justlikehoney1
    October 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm — Reply

    That gif is gonna give me tight abs cus I can’t stop laughing at it. Damnit Luvvie! LMAO

    Quietly, though, if I could drop it repeatedly just like that – my thighs ‘n ass would be ridiculous….

  6. Carline
    October 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm — Reply

    Kanye need to stop giving her life :/

  7. October 15, 2012 at 7:31 pm — Reply

    OMG! When you said Yansh your Nigerian roots were all out there! LOL And that animated man. Perhaps I should start showing my wares…..maybe that’d attract a rich and famous man. Because I got it damn it, why not flaunt it? Ummm scratch that, I’d get snatched off the street in Atlanta never to be heard of again. And Kim? Get Your Life Girl!

  8. Ria Scott
    October 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    I would like to know where you find all these crazy animations! My side hurts!

  9. Ms. Bonafide
    October 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm — Reply

    I can’t figture out what’s going on @ one point I thought he might be trying to fill Amber Rose’s place but clearly I was wrong. He does not seem happy in fact he looks confused & distracted half the time. As that girl Tamara says ” Get your Life!”

  10. deelitefuldd
    October 15, 2012 at 7:42 pm — Reply

    That gif, though! And yes, ma’am, I would LOVE to sign that petition.

    I’m almost convinced that Kanye is playing Kim because there is no way he looked at her in that get-up and thought it looked great. I’m no Kim K. fan, but pre-Kanye she always looked stylish and appropriate, no matter the occasion; I’m talking hair, shoes, clothes, the whole nine yards. Since she’s been with Kanye she stays looking crazy.

    My wish is that Kim and all the K’s would just fade away into oblivion. Please!

  11. October 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm — Reply

    That twerking man gave me momentary loss of life.

    Still laughing.

  12. Christie
    October 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm — Reply

    She needs to quit acting like she doesn’t pay for her body. She might not have butt implants but she has had fat injections, her boobs are plastic, and she’s paid for a new face. She is beautiful, but that shit isn’t going to hold up forever! She needs to go have a whole lotta damb seats.

  13. The Dyv
    October 15, 2012 at 8:03 pm — Reply

    I’ve never been on the “Kim is a hoe” thing either and she doesn’t seem like a bad person. But goodness I wish she would just lay down. Take a break. I love me some ‘Ye (musically). But everytime I see him with Kim, I can’t help but call him “Can’t Get Right” because he just looks off and wonkey eyed.

  14. Chelly
    October 15, 2012 at 8:09 pm — Reply

    …I’m all for the Kim K shade but there is something so much more inportant that I need to address: the graphic is of Stan Smith from American Dad dropping it like it’s hot. I felt like he deserved credit for his twerk work.

  15. October 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm — Reply

    I don’t really mind the bra-let or whatever it’s called, though its awful, but the see through skirt is just horrible, really, what was she thinking!

    Oh I forgot, She doesn’t think.

  16. AnnT
    October 15, 2012 at 8:21 pm — Reply

    Kim is the pretty girl who never had to develop a personality and hasn’t figured out that wears thin. Po thang. I know Khloe is snickering at her.

  17. October 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm — Reply

    Somehow I blame Kanye for this. If people stop giving her reasons to do things, she might just go away. *sigh* I guess I gotta keep looking at that ass until then, though…*sigh* :p

  18. nichole
    October 15, 2012 at 8:58 pm — Reply

    I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. And Reggie Bush’s happy news last week about becoming a daddy is pretty desperate for Kim K.

    Hot mess next step is a hotter mess. The next step which evidently Kim K. doesn’t understand is just plain Sad.

  19. KayMac
    October 15, 2012 at 9:26 pm — Reply

    FOR REALSIES!!!! Saw this pic while I was at work, today(yes, um, I was actually doing some work)…took all I had not to LMMMFAO at her looking a mess…Lawdt, Kim, just stop! And I’m surprised she didn’t start trying to play basketball when she was married to Kris, but maybe she wasn’t married to him long enough to pick the game up….**shrug**

  20. cherice
    October 15, 2012 at 9:50 pm — Reply

    The kardashian aren’t being black listed, Khloe just got a job as being the new xfactor host. Kim and Kanye look happy together and they compliment each other, I wish them the best.

  21. October 15, 2012 at 10:47 pm — Reply

    There’s nothing wrong with having back fat and a sloppy azz – that’s why you wear Spanx. Why Kim is letting her chunk fly…I assume she’s not endorsing that diet pill anymore. Or she’s trolling for pregnancy rumors. Now that Kanye has killed her fashion I’m all out of dambs to give

    • Elita
      October 17, 2012 at 8:04 am — Reply

      Right? This doesn’t even look good. There is sexy and sleazy but it should at least make you look good.

  22. KMN
    October 15, 2012 at 11:44 pm — Reply

    I have nothing to say about these two that hasn’t already been said EXCEPT: why she looking like Octomom?

    KMN

    • LuckBALady
      October 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm — Reply

      Welp.

  23. October 16, 2012 at 4:52 am — Reply

    I agree witcha on not calling Kim a ho, that’s not what we call folks that get paid. On a lighter note..that gif #IDIE laughing

  24. October 16, 2012 at 4:57 am — Reply

    Oh no! I cannot believe they let her out the house like that! Noooooo!

  25. October 16, 2012 at 7:20 pm — Reply

    And let’s not forget that she is still married to Kris Humphries… That’s the REAL gag…

  26. Nebraska
    October 17, 2012 at 10:09 am — Reply

    Oh god. That Twerk…I keep laughing and choking and…are those tears coming out of my eyes? THEY ARE INDEED. Luvie, didn’t you know shallow is the new Black? Kim might be claiming Lagos next, I’m just saying.

    The skirt is *technically* lingerie. Very in season for the past two years among fine makers – either sheer panels or a sheer skirt, but you’re meant to have an overcoat with it, or, you know, be paparazzi-less.

  27. October 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm — Reply

    via the “blacklisted in Hollywood” link:

    “Even shoe maker Skechers ditched Kim as the face of the company in 2011 — they’ve replaced her with a French bulldog.”

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