Last night was episode 3 of Scandal season 2 and it was on par with the rest, with no chill whatsoever. All 60 minutes had me sweating like Flava Flav while running with that heavy neck clock. I ain’t e’em lying! So much tea in one doggone hour! So let’s get into it all!
Disclaimer: if you haven’t watched this episode, you might wanna skip my recap until you do because there are hella spoilers here. So ummm don’t say I didn’t warn you.
* Olivia got a surprise in her car – Olivia gets in her car in a deserted parking garage and realizes someone’s in it. She says she’s about to call the police and the person starts talking and they both talk in fast forward. He tells Liv that they’re being watched by the government and they know about the late night calls between her and the president. She kicks him out the car before he can finish what he is saying.
* The Gubment is watching – The dude that was in Olivia’s car is named Artie, and does data entry for the National Security Administration (NSA), and knows about a program called “Thorngate.” The NSA is using the program to spy on private citizens, knowing what everyone is doing ALLATAHM. He wants protection since he stole the software. CHILE WUT?
* Olivia wants some receipts – To check out how true old boy is, Olivia goes to speak to the head of the NSA and tells her that one of her employees says the gubment is spying on citizens illegally. When the lady says they give everyone freedom to tell on their coworkers who may be misbehaving, from “data entry to…” Olivia knew. She got up and left, knowing DAMB well she hadn’t said anything about data entry yet the lady mentioned it. AND she was peeping her expressions and could tell she was lying.
Madame Pope stomps down the street in this FIERCE tan trench, telling her team to get Artie to a safe house IMMEJATELY because he is telling the truth. They better bob and weave! Bob and use their weaves!
* The blue screen of death – Liv’s team decides to really test out Thorngate’s power, so they know what’s happening and to get some leverage. As they tap into what Cyrus is doing in West Wing, it crashes and the computer shows the blue screen of death. Everyone with a PC has seen it at one point in time. This is partly why I’m an Apple chick. Yes. Shade. (-_-)
* Senator Davis says NAWL – Olivia needs more info, so she goes to Senator Davis, who runs the Congressional Intelligence Committee. When she mentions Thorngate, he tells her that she’s messing with the wrong people and he can be no help to her. He was like “you ain’t bout to get ME in trouble. NAWL, LIV.” And then asked her on a date. Sir… O_O.
* Word on Thorngate Gets Around – Cyrus tells President Ghost that Artie is Olivia’s newest client, and that she knows about Thorngate. And then hands him a pic of Liv and Senator Davis. Turns out that Liv used to DATE the Senator so Ghostie jumps to all types of conclusions like he’s on a life trampoline. Y’all know what folks say about “when you ASSUME.” Ass. You. Me. MMHMM.
* They play NO games – The only other person who knows about Thorngate is found dead in her apartment, and made to look like an accidental homicide. Abby and Harrison see a black sedan pull away from the front of her house and realize that she was murked in the name of security. AW DAMB.
* President Summons Olivia for Hunting – Two big dudes come to Olivia’s door and she knows who they are immediately. Tom and Hal. I was lowkey expecting Iyanla because she needed to fix some mess! They take her to the Pres, who is hunting in the woods, and he yells at her to get out the car. Don’t be yelling at me like that unless you mean me a good time. HEYYYY President Ghost!
He straps some boots on Liv’s feet (they were cute. Were they Timbs? I wouldn’t mind them for the winter) because she wasn’t dressed for the occasion. They walk and talk and it’s clear that he didn’t bring her there to talk Thorngate. Homeboy had her come because he was salty about the picture he saw with Liv and Davis. CHILE, this fool is MARRIED and mad that his MISTRESS might be seeing her ex. E’em though she isn’t. O__O
Then he grabs her, pushes her against a tree and they make out like teenagers in a deserted hallway while cutting class. WITH THE SECRET SERVICE THERE! They had to turn around as these two went at it for about a good 30 seconds!
Then Liv pushes him off and yells “I AM NOT YOURS!” But if you scoop me up like that, we can negotiate. Listen… I’m just saying. Owwww!
* No Snitching – The White House tries to stop Artie from blowing the whistle on Thorngate so they file an injunction against Liv’s firm, saying they’ll be charged with treason if they leak the story to the press. They’re so sincere about it.
Mellie notices that President Ghost is being moody as ever, so she approaches two of his secret service men for info. Since they can’t TELL her anything, she says she’ll go down a list of possible things that might have aggravated him and all they have to do is blink when she’s on the money. BOTH agents blinked when she said “Olivia Pope.” WHAT KINDA SECRET SERVICE ARE YOU?? No secret-keeping asses. WOMP.
* Artie is a damb lie and a cheat – All along, Artie was setting up Olivia and team and tryna sell Thorngate to the highest bidder. He escapes the safe house and takes the software with him. The NSA head who lied to her shows up at her office and Liv asks for 12 hours to find Artie. She leaves it to Huck, and y’all KNOW that goon does not fail often.
* Mellie goes AWF – Mellie’s about sick and tah’d of the President’s obsession with Olivia, and she lets it be known. She says “You’re never gonna make it to a 2nd term” and she’s ready to take his seat. Sometimes I can’t stand her but I get why she’s how she is. Her husband is a lowdown dog so she’s in her right to be bitter. And then she tells him “if you see her again, I’m blowing you away.” WELPY LEWELPERS!
* Huck shakes the table on Artie – Huck finds Artie, who’d stolen one of his watches, which had a tracking device. I thought he was about to peel Artie like a tangerine, but he tranquilizes him instead. Y’all see Huck tryna change his murderous ways!
* Abby can get the hell on – Quinn/Lindsey (Quinnsey), Abby and Harrington go get drinks in a bar. And because Abby is the douchebag she is, she insults Quinnsey for the umpteenth time and get what she deserves and is told AWF! Quinnsey tells her to go straight to hell with gasoline draws on after she put “Pump It Up” spritz in her hair. “I’m Quinn, bitch!”
And when Quinn and Harrison leave, David sits down next to Abby. He’s the state attorney who lost Quinnsey case to Olivia at hour 11:59, and he’s now obsessed with finding out how he lost it, as well as his job. He sits down and IMMEDIATELY I know he’s on boolsheet. I can tell he wants use her lonely ass to get Liv’s secrets. This is confirmed as we see Abby and David in bed post-coitus. SEE LIFE??? Wasn’t nobody checking for Abby before. MMHMMM.
I cannot WAIT for next week’s episode! It’s about to be gooder dinnamug! I am here for Scandal!
Did y’all spend 30 minutes after the show rolling around on carpet like I did?