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The Girl Who Was Bamboozled: An Epic Tale of Stupidity

So you know how you hear a story that’s just so outrageous you think it couldn’t possibly be true? Wells, one of my friends told me this story and I had to make her SWEAR that she wasn’t lying. She’s a churchgoing woman so she did and I believe her. I need you to read this story so your mouth can drop on the floor like mine did. So here it is, as told by her.

_______________________

A friend of my husband has a sister who, by popular opinion, is not that attractive (inside or out). 5 years ago, she went to church with a friend and the friend calls her later and tells her that her half-brother saw her at church and is attracted to her, wants to holla. But the kicker is, he’s going back to China tomorrow. The sister gives her friend the go ahead to pass on her info, and they start talking over email. Since the dude obviously saw her, but she didn’t see him, she asks her friend (who is supposedly this dude’s half sister, and he is supposedly half-Chinese, half-Black) for a picture. The friend produces a cut out of a Polo ad with this Blasian model dude and says that’s him. So now, this guy who is attracted to this unattractive girl is a gorgeous Blasian model.

That’s not the crazy part. There’s someone for everyone, right?

They communicate over the years through email ONLY, and the few times she’s talked to him ear-to-ear has been on her friend’s (his “sister’s”) cell phone. He sends her flowers and gifts and handwritten letters from China, and through these letters has told her he is a multimillionaire from the computer technology he works on in China. And the modeling was just for fun and he donated his Polo money to the less fortunate.

Oh, it gets better.

So, after an entire year of this–STILL, never seeing him in person, never iChat/oovoo/google hangout/facebook–NADA but emails, letters, and random gifts, he asks her to marry him. She says yes. By now, he is virtually part of the family anyway. Her daughter calls him “dad.” (The daughter was 15 when they first started “dating”) O__o But he’s so busy with his computer technology work and maintaining his millions, he never finds the time to fly to NYC to like, have dinner or anything. For FOUR YEARS.

side-eye faceThen, one magical day, he says he’s coming to America to finally meet up with her and her family and they are going straight to the courthouse to get married. Oh happy day! Her 5-year relationship is about to be solidified in matrimony.

Here’s where I literally called my husband a liar, because this shit is so ridiculous–yes, even compared to the above–that I could not FATHOM it.

Apparently, when he didn’t show up, her friend/his sister bring her 3 handwritten letters–one for her, one for her daughter, and one for her mother–each on legal pad paper filled from front to back. The Blasian fiancee was apparently in a major car accident. He was in a church van with 5 other people on their way to an ORPHANAGE to help feed the children, the van was struck by a drunk driver, killed the 5 other passengers instantly, and the van was hanging off of a bridge. During this time, he apparently had the time to HANDWRITE three letters, address them, stamp them, and put them in his briefcase before the van tipped into the river. His and the 5 other missionary workers’ bodies were never found, but this briefcase–this amazing, waterproof, indestructible briefcase–was found and apparently, the letters were sent to the sister, who then, with a heavy heart, came to tell her friend the sad news.

There were tears.

My husband’s friend says she is quite aware now that this was all bullshit–especially after trying to find out about this dude on the internet, yet couldn’t find a DAMN thing. Apparently no model computer genius missionary millionaire who died in a van accident on a bridge in China exists on these here interwebs. But she can’t bring herself to tell her sister that, because it would destroy her. She is “grieving” her loss like she’s a widow now. I was like O________________________________________O. You have GOT to be kidding me.

First, that “friend” is NOT her sister’s friend. To carry on a ruse like this for FIVE FUCKING YEARS?!?! Either she secretly hates her or she’s secretly in love with her. Either way, there is NO EXCUSE for this. The amount of trouble and money spent on this LIE…I’m flabbergasted.

Secondly–how DESPERATE are you that you believe a magazine cut out is a dude that wanted to holla at you, yet you have NEVER confirmed this in real life?! And he is conveniently across the WORLD? Son. SON?!?! This is like those Craigslist apartment scams, but worse, because she got robbed emotionally. Apparently all she ever sent him was a bracelet, and he had it on the day he “died” so he put it in the letter so that she would always remember him. (Therefore, no money was really “lost” from her…)

Thirdly, I am scared that people this dense exist. And walk the same streets I do. I am scared that people this conniving exist. I am scared for her daughter, who was also bought into this tomfoolery, and will probably have fucked up relationships because of it.

I hope somebody gets a laugh out of this because I literally got up and fought the air after he finished telling me this shyt, doubled over in laughter.

WHO. DOES. THIS?!?!?!?!?

The end. I’m going to bed now.

Luvvie’s addition: *DEAD AND GONE* iCan’t. I just… NAWL. No. No one is this dumb. But… people are. And… iCANNOT. I’ma just let y’all have the floor cuz…

Luvvie’s edit: Nope, I’ve never watched or heard of MTV’s Catfish and I might need to check it out but then again, I might not. I’d spend every episode facepalming about how folks can be so dumb. SMH

70 Comments

  1. November 13, 2012 at 7:11 am — Reply

    This just made me so sad…yet also amused me at the same damn time. Homegirl’s sister needs to go to this man’s supposed half sister and demand an explanation. This is all types of wrong.

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:12 am — Reply

      This is about 15 different levels of wrong.

  2. Ace
    November 13, 2012 at 7:11 am — Reply

    I HAD to come out of lurking for this one.
    -throws myself off my bed and onto the floor-
    I. AM. 300%. DONE.
    NOPE. I cannot even continue on with life anymore. This is just too much!!!

    • Danni
      November 13, 2012 at 8:03 am — Reply

      RIGHT??!! Totally de-lurking for this one.

      WHAT IN ALL THE HOLY HELL IS THIS? I would call your friend a liar but I don’t even think someone could make up this jacked up story. It’s just so bad it HAS to be real.

      5 years! CINCO. FIVE. In this new age where we have all sorts of free ways to connect. Plus Asians love them some technology. HOW DOES THSI HAPPEN.

      Plus, no shade to the daughter because she is 15. but “Dad”? REALLY!??!?!?

      • November 13, 2012 at 11:17 am — Reply

        My friend is creative but Iunno if she’s THIS creative. Five GOOD years. And yes, I was giving massive side-eye at her daughter calling him “dad.” So irresponsible.

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:12 am — Reply

      RIGHT?? I read the story like O_______________O too. I told my friend she had to SWEAR she wasn’t lying to me b/c this was incredible.

  3. November 13, 2012 at 7:20 am — Reply

    This isn’t even funny to me. It is sad that someone prayed on a woman so desperate and gullible. Yes, she is culpable for going along with the madness but clearly she and her “friend” have issues that need to be addressed in someone’s chair!

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:14 am — Reply

      Everyone involved in this needs to lay on a leather couch for a LONG TIME b/c the collective amount of therapy needed amongst all parties is infinite.

  4. November 13, 2012 at 7:25 am — Reply

    What….the….fuck? O___O

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am — Reply

      Basically.

  5. Amber
    November 13, 2012 at 7:25 am — Reply

    When is it ever this crucial to have/get/keep a man??? I mean even for years ago there were camera phones, I mean she couldn’t ask “him” for another picture?? I just have sooo many questions and too little answers

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am — Reply

      Right. In 2007-2012, how could this happen?

  6. Tracy
    November 13, 2012 at 7:32 am — Reply

    Two words……..Girl, bye!!!!

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am — Reply

      Girl hi! :-D

  7. Quan
    November 13, 2012 at 7:35 am — Reply

    This is horrible…I want to know who was the person who was so evil to play with that Womans heart like that for five years. Regardless of all the things that we would have demanded, another picture, oovoo session, Skype etc; she didn’t but it doesn’t make it less evil. This sort of reminds me of the new MTV show that premieres last night where the same thing happened. 8 month online relationship with only millions of pics to share, and a whole Facebook page (multiple pictures don’t matter) and when she showed up to meet the man of her dreams it was a 18 year old girl who had stolen all of these pics.

    • Quan
      November 13, 2012 at 7:40 am — Reply

      Ooh you think this is something, check out that show. Its called catfish. You know they rerun 14 million times.

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am — Reply

      FIVE years. And I haven’t seen that MTV show. Might need to watch b/c this is foolery of the utmost.

    • Marie
      November 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm — Reply

      lmao! that is a sad story and yes luvvie please go watch that MTV show..the first episode was tragic 1st of all this supposed man was a model, taking online classes to be an anesthesiologist 0__o, and wrote cue cards for chelsea lately…and the girl never questioned ANY of this!! people believe what they want to believe!

  8. PeachyKeen
    November 13, 2012 at 8:01 am — Reply

    Im sitting here chewing my bagel looking at the computer screen like I wanna fight it.
    WTF!!!!
    All that and for what! Nah man

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am — Reply

      Eat the bagel, PeachyKeen!

  9. Lee
    November 13, 2012 at 8:35 am — Reply

    Why do some people willingly struggle in life?

  10. Cynt
    November 13, 2012 at 8:39 am — Reply

    Well Dayum. . . .

  11. Icebts
    November 13, 2012 at 8:53 am — Reply

    This is exactly what the MTV show “Catfish” is based on: folks who get into these long ass relationships with weirdos they met on the innanets but have never EVER met them in person. It premiered last night on MTV, girl you need to see this show. Then you’ll KNOW that people this dumb really do exist.

    • Sharday
      November 13, 2012 at 9:48 am — Reply

      I was just thinking that this whole scenario sounds like something on Catfish! In fact, that’s what I initially thought this post would be about!

  12. November 13, 2012 at 8:55 am — Reply

    This is insane and I would have to check this woman’s mental maturity level because honestly I think she has a mental disability and doesn’t know it.

    Soooo, he’s a millionaire, but can’t fly to see you at least once a year. Soooo, he’s in the tech business, but don’t know how to skype you? Soooo, you never thought to google his name? Sheeeit, I google people I meet just for fun, you think I wouldn’t google someone who I’m supposed to be in this deep with.

    The momma and the daughter, NAWL, they should have alerted her to the fishiness of this, but maybe the diminished mental capacity is genetic.

    Just….iCan’t!

    • K. Nonpareil
      November 13, 2012 at 10:13 am — Reply

      K. Nicole says EVERYTHING I wanted to say. Another question, how does her own MAMA support this foolishness? Did she not have any friends, Cousins, Aunties, or ANYBODY who may have thought this is a bad idea? Or is she so ugly that everyone just started singing the Hallelujah Chorus when they found out she had a “man”? This could have been much worse. At least she got her bracelet back :-/.

      My guess is that this is a very bad prank on this poor woman.

      • November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am — Reply

        There had to be at least one side eying cousin/sister/brother/friend in her vicinity but I bet she didn’t want to hear a word they were saying. This whole story is a darn shame… but I laughed. Oh I got my laugh on reading this story. I hollered… then I shuddered at the thought that someone could be this stupid.

  13. November 13, 2012 at 9:06 am — Reply

    So I had a ‘friend’ who conveniently invented a girlfriend who was filthy rich, lived in a sick condo and her dad worked for NASA oh and she had some rare form of cancer and was dying… Over the course of a month and a half this nigga fell in love. Of course as the lies caught up to him and I was ‘there’ for my boy he conveniently killed her off. Yeah she ‘died’ back in LA and just left Canada. I don’t think Nicholas Sparks oculd’ve drafted a more tragic ass romance story. I felt like a JACKASS till I started putting the pieces together. Like word nigga you just had to make it extra elaborate. FUCK NIGGAS.

  14. Candigirlindmv
    November 13, 2012 at 9:10 am — Reply

    First and foremost, I can pretty much guarentee that there is always something that will entertain me on Luvvie’s site and she never fails me. I would just like to say that I looked as dumbfounded as everyone else while reading this and while I do feel sorry for the lady, I’ll use my favorite qoute ..”Common sense: in high demand, but short supply”. That’s it!

  15. Kathryn
    November 13, 2012 at 9:12 am — Reply

    What was the point? Too much time and energy for nothing.

  16. Lavender
    November 13, 2012 at 9:14 am — Reply

    What in tarnation? She didn’t do a google search after at least the first week? I know I’m naive but damn.

  17. November 13, 2012 at 9:22 am — Reply

    Dear sweet baby Geezus…….

  18. November 13, 2012 at 9:32 am — Reply

    That is super sad. I feel bad for everyone involved.

  19. Serenity
    November 13, 2012 at 9:42 am — Reply

    This happens more frequently than you think….

    I had a coworker’s who’s sister fell in love with an online white man from Jamaica. They had a long distance internet relationship for 2 years. He proposed online, sent her an engagement ring set a date and everything. She quit her job, gave up her apartment and car sold all her belongings waiting for this man to show up and marry her. It never happened.

    I don’t know why folks get off on this type of bull. But what’s even sadder is the people gullible enough to let this happen to themselves.

  20. November 13, 2012 at 9:45 am — Reply

    Sooo….the end was just her “husband” died and she’s a widow and that’s it?

    Never confronted the sister? Doesn’t her daughter need answers?

    I have so many questions.

  21. CreoleFleur
    November 13, 2012 at 10:00 am — Reply

    Who has this kind of damn time? A facade of a relationship for years? And she doesn’t have sense enough to see the red flags waving like some damn high school team performing on the football field? Both of them are walking around undiagnosed with something that could probably get them a check. So many questions, so few answers.

  22. Franny
    November 13, 2012 at 10:15 am — Reply

    If you remotely felt any type of sorry for this woman, punch yourself in the face one time for me. I appreciate it. The ONLY and I mean ONLY time she would be excused is if she’s mentally challenged. Holding everything else constant? NAWL. I refuse! How desperate can you be? Motherfucker, you already have a child so CLEARLY it’s not a case of your biological clock ticking loudly. You just wanted a man! And stupidity like that just so you can say you have a man is what I won’t feel sorry for. Dumbass!

  23. Shaddg02
    November 13, 2012 at 10:23 am — Reply

    so….wait. i have so many questions yet fresh outta fucks to give to wanna ask them…

  24. Lashawna
    November 13, 2012 at 10:31 am — Reply

    *fights the air for a good 30 minutes* Nawl Luvvie, I quit you for the rest of the day. And I quit your friend for telling you the story and I quit her husband for telling her the story. This is too dumb. Lawd Jesus. How does someone not demand to skype or oovoo with this person? I wouldn’t of e’en been interested in him if I didn’t see him at the church, I don’t care how unattractive I am. Blind dates are a no-no. Wayment, how come the suppose sister never gave the girl an actual picture of him? If that’s her brother, I know she has a regular Polaroid laying around her house or a photo album with his pictures. I got so many questions Nawl *starts fighting the air again*

  25. November 13, 2012 at 11:09 am — Reply

    A woman I worked with at the make up counter had something like this. Met a man online who was British but living in South Africa (we are in TN). Fell in love, he wrote her poems, sent her flowers, wanted her to get her tubes untied (NO WE DO NOT DO THAT FOR STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. NOT EVER) after they got married so they could have babies, etc. They talked all the time, he was rich and doing government work, but didn’t have the time to make it over here. Natch. So one day, he tells her his wallet and passport had been stolen from a cab and he was so screwed because he’s in a foreign country with no ID now so he can’t get any money, so OF COURSE this divorced mother of 2 teenagers who works at the Clarins counter is like “Oh, I’ll send you money,” and she did. Then, and I’m not making this up, she tells me that like a week later, a friend of his calls her to tell her he’s been KIDNAPPED AND THE KIDNAPPERS WANT RANSOM MONEY. Oh, ok. so she was literally puzzled about what to do. I was like “Where are the hidden cameras because clearly I am on Punk’d,” but no, she was serious. I think she ended up sending him money and then lo-and-behold, guess what? You’ll never believe it. It was a scam. So she tried to file an FBI report, and I think they died from laughing.

    The morals of the story: People are dumb and the women at the make up counter are usually crazy.

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:10 am — Reply

      *jumps off first floor balcony* I will lay in this wet grass for some minutes because!

    • CreoleFleur
      November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm — Reply

      Da hell?? Bitches be thirsty. Hell, that’s not even thirst. That’s something that I can’t even conjure up a word to categorize.

      • la mala
        November 15, 2012 at 6:08 am — Reply

        Dehydration

    • November 14, 2012 at 10:49 am — Reply

      W T F

      They live, breathe, pro-create AND vote. Be warned……

  26. November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am — Reply

    Oh Luvvie…you ain’t even killing folks softly anymore. This was a hardcore ASSASSINATION of my entire being! My husband cam in the room and asked me why I was sitting there with my mouth open like that. All I could do was burst into a loud BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Did this other woman think it would be funny to do this to her because she was unfortunate-looking? ‘Cause she deserves an ass-whipping as well. But the woman who fell for this – she did not have any tech-savvy family/friends who could throw the bull$#!t flag on this play? She needs a whole new entire set of people.

  27. November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am — Reply

    This is all insane, and she obviously shouldnt have believed any of it…but the fact that she didnt even figure shit out when she got the final letters is unbelievable. So, he got in an accident and hand wrote THREE letters as his car was dangling off a bridge? iCant.

  28. Meeks
    November 13, 2012 at 11:47 am — Reply

    You need to see the movie ‘Catfish’ it’s equally as crazy as this story and it’s the precursor to the show.

  29. November 13, 2012 at 11:49 am — Reply

    SON. NO!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I want to go back in time and stop the Internet creator so present(which would be future) me can’t read that story.

    But on a logical note, as if logic belongs within 10ft of this story, how does one perfectly craft three letters while teetering from the edge of a cliff? Between callin on Jesus, crying and trying to call my momma, how does one stop, find an ink pen, compose 3 letters, fold them to fit a regulation-sized envelope and secure them in a briefcase that is in a van that is also teetering off the edge of a cliff? I just have… Questions. So many questions.

    This is a sad story. Folks is trying so hard to get chose out here. But I’m sleep. And single. *Refreshes POF. Side eyes empty inbox*

  30. Deedee
    November 13, 2012 at 11:52 am — Reply

    I’m not sure which is worse, this or Jalonta who bought a brand new in box IPad from a stranger at a gas station for $200. What disturbs me most is that they have the nerve to tell their stories to the world – they’re too dumb to see how stupid they look. These are the types of stories that should go with you to the grave and not popping up on Channel 2 talking about “he did me wrong”. I hope their stupid isn’t catching.
    Also that sister is all kinds of a psychopath.

    • November 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm — Reply

      LOLLL @ Jalonta and her faux-Pad. I don’t think even SHE would fall for this mess.

  31. November 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm — Reply

    That is crazy! Sadly, there are probably people dumb enough to fall for that kind of stuff. Our local veternarian was actually just arrested for “stealing” money from her parent to wire to a man she met online. He told her he was a rich business man and if she could invest they would be set for life and he would come here and marry her. She never met him IRL, only online and still wired him the money. Of course, it turned out to be a scam. We live in a small town so I can only imagine how humiliated she was to be arrested for something so stupid.

  32. E
    November 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm — Reply

    Chile! This winch sound like my BFF! Bout dumb as a box of rocks in a shoe honey! LOL Whelp. Sad to say it, but these folks do walk amongst us, and we breathe the SAME AIR. CTFU. My BFF had a “relationship” with this girl for two years and never went on a real date or had any type of sex, but has spent between 5 and 10K on this girlfriend. SMDH..these people need a personal phone call from JESUS himself! i. CANNOT. DEAL

  33. Drea
    November 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm — Reply

    OMG!! Believe it or not a woman in the hair salon that I go to fell for this too!! Dude made a fake page on one of those dating sites, said he was a millionaire and owned a ranch in Texas. He bilked Ol’ girl out of 5 to 7 G’s! Her dumb ass sent the money in cash and when the jig was up she had no paper trail to prove dude even existed. She thought she’d found her soulmate and was packing up to move to Texas!
    O_____________O

    To this day I still give her the ultimate side eye for believing that b.s!

  34. Trina
    November 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm — Reply

    She said she was ugly inside and out. You all know those people funking up your space with all their negative energy. Some people are so busy making others miserable they dont see their own issues. Sometimes karma has a way of bitch slapping you. Maybe the people in her circle were tired of her. (Which just proves they all need couch time) Some people cant see their wrongs and dont learn their lessons. I hope someone clued her in.

  35. ShoeDiva79
    November 13, 2012 at 3:44 pm — Reply

    Omfg! This can not be foreal…. Who, what, when, where, why and how? O_O

  36. Kay
    November 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm — Reply

    Speechless

  37. TawannaS
    November 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, I will be mailing you the receipt for the extra strength Tylenol that I had to buy because if the massive headache that I got while reading this BULLCRAP at work.
    I wish the hell I would! Is this a joke? This can not be true! Can they all be the ignorant? They…meaning this woman, her daughter and her mother! I am so done with you Luvvie! *until tomorrow* LOL

    • TawannaS
      November 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm — Reply

      *of
      Please excuse any mistakes I REALLY have a headache!

  38. Janna
    November 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm — Reply

    Her and the iMirror chick should link up for coffee.

  39. Hattie
    November 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm — Reply

    Unbelievable. I’m so done. 0___0

  40. Kenzie
    November 13, 2012 at 10:54 pm — Reply

    Sooo… am I wrong, because the only thing I was thinking was, if she’s so ugly who did she have a baby by?! Okay, sorry. This is just plain cruel and sad. SMH. Stuff like this is why people go crazy and start shooting up places.

  41. Annette
    November 14, 2012 at 12:27 am — Reply

    I found it incredibly sad, that she would jump through so many hoops cause she is lonely and wanted to have someone in her life even though it’s ficticious.

    Says she is desperate for someone to love her but it also makes me wonder at the people who would carry on this for 5 years. Being taken for money, you can make it back but being taken emotionally leaves a scar. For someone who is “ugly” inside is usually someone who has a lot of issues and in pain already.

    I think she knows deep down it was a trick but it gave her hope..just all around sad..

  42. Lost the ability to can...
    November 14, 2012 at 3:56 am — Reply

    i seriously can’t stop laughing…but naw, i feel so bad for dumb people like the “widow”…(but really how is she a widow if she never even got married tho??)

    anyways, the alleged friend of the widow needs a good ass whippin for even setting up that poor woman with her trifling ass brother…and the brother deserves to be forever alone for that fuck shit he pulled. smdh!!!

  43. Ya mans and them
    November 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm — Reply

    She probably had “in a relationship” on Facebook tho…

    • Elle Monee
      November 14, 2012 at 9:49 pm — Reply

      hahahahaha. it prolly said “engaged to”.

      • Nikki
        November 20, 2012 at 8:32 pm — Reply

        No, now it says “widowed”

  44. curious
    November 15, 2012 at 11:26 am — Reply

    ONE BORN EVERY DAY!

  45. RMC
    November 20, 2012 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    I really want to know how long it took between him being a no show and the letters showing up. Idk why, its sad someone played w this woman for so long and also really sad she never thought to ask for pictures, a vid chat, nothin

  46. milaxx
    November 20, 2012 at 8:27 pm — Reply

    This is some Livejournal type stuff. Seriously there are more tales of folks creating livejournal personalities that then contract cancer or some serious illness and then have fans sends flowers, setting up funds in their names one even “died”. Only to find out that it was a scam, no such person existed.

    I’ve seen this JT Leroy type mess happen so often it doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

  47. November 16, 2013 at 7:48 pm — Reply

    Still reading this in 2013.
    HEEEEE-LARIOUS.

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