TV

Kenya Got Some NERVE: My RHOA Episode 2 Recap

After last week’s premiere episode of season 5 of Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA), I already knew the person who would be doing the cabbage patch all over my nerves this season would be Kenya Moore. And I was right. That child is a fool and I’m not here for her. ALREADY. But the rest of the ladies? I’m loving. Well, minus Kim but I’ll get to that later.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

The Gays love Nene – Nene is in LA to ride through the pride parade representing her show “The New Normal.” She takes her 13-year-old son, Brentt, who looks JUST like her old face. I love that she got him involved. As she rides in the parade, everyone’s shouting out her name and it brings her to tears. She says “I have arrived.” You know what? You actually have, Ms. Leakes. You really have.

RHOA gif

The donkey booties meet up – Phaedra and Kandi decide to meet up with Kenya for drinks to get to know her better. When Kenya arrives, Phaedra tells her to turn around and gives her approval of the wagon she’s dragging. I love her! Then Kenya starts talmbout the experience at the Bailey Agency, and how she had to get her security guard on one of Cynthia’s staff for being rude to her. Ms. Parks tells us “Kenya having a security guard is the most hilarious thing I’ve heard all day.” LMAO! It made me laugh too, Phae!

Kim’s first world problem – Kim’s back to pout to Sweetie about how she has too many options for where to live so she’s now homeless. From indecisiveness. Kimberly, build a gahtdamb bridge and get over your richness. It’s boring. Also, can someone please tell us what Sweetie does? I’ve been waiting for an answer for three good years.

Kenya’s Aunt visits – Kenya wasn’t raised by her mom, but by her mom’s sister. Her aunt comes to visit her and gives her flowers. This ungrateful broad says “Wal-Mart special. Thanks.” Girl, she shoulda brought you some Neutrogena but that’s besides the point. Her aunt brings up the fact that she’s never met Walter, her boyfriend of 2 years. Kenya says she’s afraid her aunt won’t like him and scare him away. Girl, STAWP. You’re just afraid of being called out for making another bad decision. (-_-)

The donkey workout plan - Phaedra and Cynthia meet up to workout and Nene joins them, surprisingly. She’s even laughing and being light-hearted, something we don’t see often from her. The subject of Kenya comes on and Cynthia talks about how she acted a fool at her agency. Nene says it’s 2012 and Kenya keeps harping on the fact that she was Miss USA.  True story. What has Kenya done for US lately? Oooooh yeah.

Dumbest argument ever – Kenya and Walter go on a dinner date and she starts talking about marriage and kids. iSweaterGAWD Walter took a gulp of his drink and looked hella uncomfortable about it. Then she asks him if he’s ever dated anyone she knows and he tells her he asked Kandi out once but she turned him down. Kenya gets PISSED about it and I couldn’t understand it.

Kenya-Moore-Bad-Skin-RHOA

People forgive. High definition does not.

Who gets mad at their man because of someone they NEVER dated? Fools like Kenya. And she’s worried about the WRONG things. She should be concerned about why her skin looks like the surface of the moon in high def. OOP.

Kandi has Phaedra over – Phaedra comes to visit Kandi at the home she just bought with her boo, Todd. Unlike Kim’s visit, Phae’s was positive. She did like a friend should and encouraged Kandi, saying the home was awesome. Phaedra tells Kandi that she’s helping to throw a women’s empowerment party for Nene, who requested her presence. AND Kim’s. Kandi says she will be there because she’s a woman in power. AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH, MS. BURRESS???

Empowerment and read party – The party is here and it’s full of ATL’s movers and shakers! Kenya shows up talmbout “of course I’m getting invitations left and right to attend events.” GIRL SHET UP. Cynthia’s weave is distracting, Phadra’s dress is banging and Kim shows up with her handbag, Sweetie. In normal form, Kim is soon ready to go, and since Nene wasn’t there yet, she feels it’s the right time to escape. She sneaks out and runs into Nene in the hallway. Nene asks her to stay for 5 minutes and she says she’ll just go to the bathroom and be back. But she was lying and Nene was all salty about it. This is why Kim stays getting verbally dragged by her dry wig.

Sweetie's bad weave

We are not gon talk bout Sweetie’s Cousin It wig. WE ARE NOT!

Cynthia gets on the mic to thank guests for coming, and then Kenya takes the mic from her to make her own speech. GIRL WUT?!? You ain’t e’em been here long enough! And then she tells Nene that she hopes they can be friends even though she got on the wrong foot with Cynthia. Cyn makes her way over and proceeds to give Kenya the READAGE she needed. “What year was your title? Were you before or after Vanessa Williams?” SHADDDDEEE AND I AM HERE FOR IT!

Kenya REALLY gotta sit her $5 ass down before someone makes change. I hope she gets the DRAGGAGE she is fixing to earn this season. I can feel it coming in my shondo.

P.S. Shoutout to the fact that one of my tweets showed up on the rerun of last week’s RHOA that was shown. And shoutout to @I_Am_Kreyol for getting this screenshot for me.

@Luvvie Tweet on RHOA

Bravo needs to have me next to Andy during the RHOA reunion, throwing massive amounts of shade.

Did you watch the show last night? Whatcha think?

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27 Comments

  1. November 12, 2012 at 1:11 am — Reply

    Who saw NeNe’s comeuppance? Girl GET IT!

    Kenya, PLEASE tell me you didn’t tell your boyfriend you saw a fertility specialist about your egg situation. I think we’ve seen the last of Walter

    People forgive. High definition does not. *hurts when breathe*

    Kim needs to have a d*mn seat. She needs a 70000 square foot house? he can’t go back to her ‘tiny’ 4K-5K townhouse Big Poppa bought? Did she and Kroy not watch ESPN’s “Broke?” Kroy’s a sweetheart but dumb as a box of rocks

    #FreeSweetie

    • November 12, 2012 at 1:15 am — Reply

      iDied @ #FreeSweetie…lmao

      KMN

    • November 12, 2012 at 2:48 am — Reply

      RIGHT! I’m loving Nene right now!

    • SonyaM
      November 12, 2012 at 5:11 am — Reply

      Kim’s baby sucking up more than its share of oxygen cuzz mama is losing her mind ….

  2. November 12, 2012 at 1:14 am — Reply

    Luvvie, THANK YOU for this recap…I swear…these women are doing WAY too much.

    I.cannot.stand.Kenya. She is such bad karma. She’s a hater with no reason to hate…but like you said before she’s trying to be the drama this year so…yeah.

    Kim is another hater…and I’m like you what in the hell does Sweetie do? She’s so The Help…just triflin…but then again she doesn’t do anything and is still getting paid? Are we the wrong ones? LOL

    And I LOVE that Cynthia has a backbone this year…and she should have read Kenya siddity ass at that party…I can’t wait til next week when Kenya alienates yet another housewife (I think Porsha is the only real wife on there outside of Phaedra…right?)

    Anywho…great recap! :)

    KMN

  3. Jay
    November 12, 2012 at 1:19 am — Reply

    I would watch you next to Andy giving perfect side eye. You don’t even have to say a word. I am here for it!

  4. November 12, 2012 at 1:47 am — Reply

    “She should be concerned about why her skin looks like the surface of the moon in high def.”

    *CRAWLS INTO CASKET*

    • Beth Meyers
      November 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm — Reply

      *CRAWLS INTO CASKET* I’m done, can’t go any farther.

    • Drea
      November 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm — Reply

      Move over! *crawls in right next to you*

      Lmao!!!

      • Tiffiany
        November 13, 2012 at 11:20 am — Reply

        Scoot over. Make room for me!

  5. Tarah
    November 12, 2012 at 1:52 am — Reply

    Luvvie, am I the only one that heard Walter say to Kenya, “I like you?” I mean she’s been saying she’s been with him for 2 years moved to the A to pursue their relationship, talking about her hard boiled eggs, but dude said I told you I like you, and then had the nerve to say he LOVES her chocolate [needs Proactiv] skin. No wonder Kandi turned him down.

    • November 12, 2012 at 2:25 am — Reply

      I TOTALLY noticed that too. I’m like wayment. Y’ll been together for two years and you move your raggelly ass to ATL and this man doesn’t even LOVE you? Chile… NAWL.

  6. Luxurylatte
    November 12, 2012 at 3:59 am — Reply

    Sweeties profession is perfectly obvious to me. She is a professional black friend. Among other tasks, and she lends credibility to the “ehy is she she still here” womamness that is Kim, buys her Newport 100’s and arranges them in the fridge just like she likes them, teaches her how to seaso her foods , and etc. It’s a thankless job but somebody has to do it. Also, I has anyone noticed Kims daughters have yet to be seen? Didn’t they talk a whole lotta mess about Sweetie? Hmm..

    And Kenya man don’t want her like that. I caught that like biz too. And what grown woman gets all up in her feelings because another woman she knows in passing turned down a date with her man before he was even her man? Also, facials are awesome and cost less then a weave or lacefront wig. Just an Fyi Kenya…

  7. November 12, 2012 at 5:00 am — Reply

    Kenya has a Braille complexion. Her face does look like the brown version of Baby Jane’s when she got her close-ups.

    She is about as relevant as big back TVs and top-loading VCRs.

    • Tiffiany
      November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am — Reply

      She is about as relevant as big back TVs and top-loading VCRs. *Dead*

  8. Rae
    November 12, 2012 at 6:12 am — Reply

    Kenya is trying way too hard…she has neither the talent or panache to be relevant. She’s going to have to tone it down or be a$$ed out! Stop trying to be the next Nene and find a damb personality…

  9. CreoleFleur
    November 12, 2012 at 6:28 am — Reply

    “And she’s worried about the WRONG things. She should be concerned about why her skin looks like the surface of the moon in high def. OOP.” <—gasping for air!

    I'm over Kenya already. I like my rachetness and bitchy broads to be authentic not over acting like some bad Tyler production.

  10. Dinasty
    November 12, 2012 at 11:54 am — Reply

    I thought it was just me that kept noticing Kenya’s bad skin. The lighting in that restaurant, and those cameramen, were shading her together. They know they could’ve gotten better angles for her.

    But I couldn’t say too much because I have genetically bad skin that was passed down to me, have tried several different products with fails, because I’m assuming it’s genetic and I have to live with it.

    But you can’t help but make fun of it because Kenya acts as though she’s perfect which makes her open game for anything to bring her down a peg. When she grabbed a mic at that party, and said “Now that the clown show is over”, I WAS DONE! All the inner hoodrat would’ve come out in me at that moment. Bitch, this ain’t your party, doe. Have several.

    I lived for Miss Phaedra and that yellow gown and up-do. 10sssss across the board.
    Nene and Kandi looked nice as well.
    Kenya looked like she belonged in a garden.

    And there were Kim and Sweetie. WHAT. THE. HELL. WERE. THEY. WEARING. Looking fresh out of Forever21 going to a BBQ. No. Just no.

    Kandi’s boyfriend Todd is suspsect…….. And Cynthia and Leon still belong together. Anybody can see that. Ain’t nobody here for Grandpa Peter.

    • Thatchic
      November 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm — Reply

      Thank you. My baby daddy couldn’t even sleep on the porch if I was married…and I like my baby daddy!

  11. November 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm — Reply

    Can we start a petition to have Andy Cohen bring you on for an episode of Watch What Happens Live or the reunion? lol… I’m SO serious lol

    • November 13, 2012 at 11:11 am — Reply

      LOL I’m saying doe. I won’t be opposed.

  12. Ms. Niecy
    November 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm — Reply

    OK, i see no one else is going to bring it up so i guess it’s up to me….ummm, Hasn’t anyone informed Ms. Irrelevant…oops i mean Ms. America…dang That girl nobody knows for real that the color contact thing was well…yep that’s the word OVER!!! too damn old for this nonsense////
    Kenya have you a first class seat on the first thing smoking…WE DON’T LIKE YOU AND YOUR ACNE EITHER…

    • Leslie
      January 6, 2013 at 9:51 pm — Reply

      BAHAHAHAHAH…Miss USA!!

  13. Setra
    November 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    I certainly did watch last night and I have to say I love this response to Kenya’s outrageousness. You hit the nail on the head, she’s not as big as she leads everyone to believe. I couldn’t believe that Kim left Nene’s party and lied about it, here comes the drama for sure. I think Nene is in a better place now because of her role in the New Normal. Last night’s episode gave me and my DISH coworker plenty to talk about today at work. This is why I recorded it on my DISH Hopper. When I played back the recording I was able to start watching on my living room TV and then continued watching on my kitchen TV right where I left off.

  14. November 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm — Reply

    Girl you are crazy! Love your recap.

  15. Rekkia
    November 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm — Reply

    I had a mouth full of lemonade as I read “cousin it wig” *I’m now wiping it off my computer screen* lmfaooooo

  16. Nicco
    November 14, 2012 at 10:46 pm — Reply

    So Kim named her baby Kash… okay. btw Luvvie, I love your blogs and read them every day.

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