After last week’s premiere episode of season 5 of Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA), I already knew the person who would be doing the cabbage patch all over my nerves this season would be Kenya Moore. And I was right. That child is a fool and I’m not here for her. ALREADY. But the rest of the ladies? I’m loving. Well, minus Kim but I’ll get to that later.
The Gays love Nene – Nene is in LA to ride through the pride parade representing her show “The New Normal.” She takes her 13-year-old son, Brentt, who looks JUST like her old face. I love that she got him involved. As she rides in the parade, everyone’s shouting out her name and it brings her to tears. She says “I have arrived.” You know what? You actually have, Ms. Leakes. You really have.
The donkey booties meet up – Phaedra and Kandi decide to meet up with Kenya for drinks to get to know her better. When Kenya arrives, Phaedra tells her to turn around and gives her approval of the wagon she’s dragging. I love her! Then Kenya starts talmbout the experience at the Bailey Agency, and how she had to get her security guard on one of Cynthia’s staff for being rude to her. Ms. Parks tells us “Kenya having a security guard is the most hilarious thing I’ve heard all day.” LMAO! It made me laugh too, Phae!
Kim’s first world problem – Kim’s back to pout to Sweetie about how she has too many options for where to live so she’s now homeless. From indecisiveness. Kimberly, build a gahtdamb bridge and get over your richness. It’s boring. Also, can someone please tell us what Sweetie does? I’ve been waiting for an answer for three good years.
Kenya’s Aunt visits – Kenya wasn’t raised by her mom, but by her mom’s sister. Her aunt comes to visit her and gives her flowers. This ungrateful broad says “Wal-Mart special. Thanks.” Girl, she shoulda brought you some Neutrogena but that’s besides the point. Her aunt brings up the fact that she’s never met Walter, her boyfriend of 2 years. Kenya says she’s afraid her aunt won’t like him and scare him away. Girl, STAWP. You’re just afraid of being called out for making another bad decision. (-_-)
The donkey workout plan - Phaedra and Cynthia meet up to workout and Nene joins them, surprisingly. She’s even laughing and being light-hearted, something we don’t see often from her. The subject of Kenya comes on and Cynthia talks about how she acted a fool at her agency. Nene says it’s 2012 and Kenya keeps harping on the fact that she was Miss USA. True story. What has Kenya done for US lately? Oooooh yeah.
Dumbest argument ever – Kenya and Walter go on a dinner date and she starts talking about marriage and kids. iSweaterGAWD Walter took a gulp of his drink and looked hella uncomfortable about it. Then she asks him if he’s ever dated anyone she knows and he tells her he asked Kandi out once but she turned him down. Kenya gets PISSED about it and I couldn’t understand it.
Who gets mad at their man because of someone they NEVER dated? Fools like Kenya. And she’s worried about the WRONG things. She should be concerned about why her skin looks like the surface of the moon in high def. OOP.
Kandi has Phaedra over – Phaedra comes to visit Kandi at the home she just bought with her boo, Todd. Unlike Kim’s visit, Phae’s was positive. She did like a friend should and encouraged Kandi, saying the home was awesome. Phaedra tells Kandi that she’s helping to throw a women’s empowerment party for Nene, who requested her presence. AND Kim’s. Kandi says she will be there because she’s a woman in power. AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH, MS. BURRESS???
Empowerment and read party – The party is here and it’s full of ATL’s movers and shakers! Kenya shows up talmbout “of course I’m getting invitations left and right to attend events.” GIRL SHET UP. Cynthia’s weave is distracting, Phadra’s dress is banging and Kim shows up with her handbag, Sweetie. In normal form, Kim is soon ready to go, and since Nene wasn’t there yet, she feels it’s the right time to escape. She sneaks out and runs into Nene in the hallway. Nene asks her to stay for 5 minutes and she says she’ll just go to the bathroom and be back. But she was lying and Nene was all salty about it. This is why Kim stays getting verbally dragged by her dry wig.
Cynthia gets on the mic to thank guests for coming, and then Kenya takes the mic from her to make her own speech. GIRL WUT?!? You ain’t e’em been here long enough! And then she tells Nene that she hopes they can be friends even though she got on the wrong foot with Cynthia. Cyn makes her way over and proceeds to give Kenya the READAGE she needed. “What year was your title? Were you before or after Vanessa Williams?” SHADDDDEEE AND I AM HERE FOR IT!
Kenya REALLY gotta sit her $5 ass down before someone makes change. I hope she gets the DRAGGAGE she is fixing to earn this season. I can feel it coming in my shondo.
P.S. Shoutout to the fact that one of my tweets showed up on the rerun of last week’s RHOA that was shown. And shoutout to @I_Am_Kreyol for getting this screenshot for me.
Bravo needs to have me next to Andy during the RHOA reunion, throwing massive amounts of shade.
Did you watch the show last night? Whatcha think?