TV

Real Housewives of Atlanta is Back And Of Course I Watched!

Last night was the premiere of the newest season of Real Housewives of Atlanta and I was READY for it! I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed the antics of Kandi Burress, Phaedra Parks, Kim Zolciak, Cynthia Bailey and Nene Leakes. Sheree Whitfield got the boot after last season, and I truly hope she’s occupying LinkedIn now that she’s unemployed. You know She by Sheree ain’t no revenue generator in this recession. Po’ thang. To replace her, there’s a newbie this season: Kenya Moore. But I’ll get to her later.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Well, actually there’s another newbie named Porsha but she wasn’t in this first ep. Guess we’ll meet her next week.

He ain’t nothing but a golddigger – Nene and Gregg’s divorce is now final, but it isn’t keeping the two of them from knocking boots. as they sit in Nene’s kitchen, Gregg is trying his darndest to get in her good graces in a way we haven’t seen before. Must be because she’s now collecting that REAL (not reality) TV checks with her gig on Glee and The New Normal. Lemme find out Gregg is a golddigger who’s tryna mess with that rich negress.

Kandi’s got a man at home – And he is good to her. Our girl Kandi is now in a happy relationship with a TV producer named Todd. She met him last season on their trip to Africa and they’re now happily in love. So much so that he’s about to move into her house, giving up his place since they spend every night together anywhere. GET YOURS, KANDI! I ain’t mad atcha. I am, however, mad that they were talmbout if they were to have a bid, they’d name he/she “Cash” because that’s how they paid for their house. LAWD. O_O

Kim and her hapless help – Kim is knocked up with another baby, letting us know her and Kroy stay humping like teenaged rabbits. They’re looking to move out their newest house (again) and Sweetie is on hand as an assistant who doesn’t ever do anything to assist. That child is Tommy from Martin. With a bad weave. She ain’t GOT NO JOB. Her business card is clear. They get a quote of $100,000 from a moving company and Kim loses her cool. You’d think Sweetie would be looking for other price quotes but she sits there looking and being as useless as a broken butter knife. Womp.

Photobucket

The Vera Wang of Funerals – If Phaedra Parks ain’t bout nothing, she is about her money. As she grows her mortician business, she expands beyond people and wants to be of service to animals too. Phae talmbout she wants to be the Vera Wang of funerals. Ma’am, I can’t e’em hate on your hustle.

Homeschool showdown – Cynthia’s daughter’s father, Leon (yes THAT Leon) comes to visit Atlanta and is staying with them. She tells him that she’s decided to homeschool Noelle and he strongly disagrees, thinking she’d be better off at school. When Noelle joins them in the kitchen, she says she never wanted to be homeschooled. WELP! Might have helped to ask her before, Cyn. Also, anytime I see Leon, I wonder what VH1 biopic I’m watching. It’s not my fault.

Oh. Hey Kenya – We get introduced to newest castmember, Kenya Moore. She was formerly Miss USA but is really more known for being a juicy booty on the cover of magazines like “Smooth.” She talmbout she’s a producer and director? PRODUCING AND DIRECTING WHAT??? I DEMAND some receipts cuz… O_O. She’s beautiful but there’s something about her look that’s off-putting. Maybe it’s cuz her legs look like Derek J’s. When the camera showed her legs, I thought his face was next. No shade. Just saying.

Balling on a budget  – Kandi invites Kim over to see her new house, which isn’t furnished or move-in ready. The house is actually TWO that she bought and joined together and it’s actually impressive. Plus, she bought it while on foreclosure so it was a great deal. And this is why Kandi is WEALTHY. These other broads might be rich but Kandi got WEALTH. As she gives a tour, Kim’s talmbout how Kandi lives in the hood and she had to lock her door. I Don’t come for my girl! She paid cash for two houses and is HAPPY to be in them while Kim has moved bout 4 times in 2 years but she wants to throw shade. And about Kandi’s indoor pool, she says “If I was black, I’d have a pool inside my house too.” KEEP IT CUTE, KIM!

Nene snap gif

Nene moved on up – Nene’s in Beverly Hills meeting with Ryan Murphy, creator of Glee and the New Normal for lunch. Our girl don moved on up to the West Coast! She thanks him for changing her life and I’m actually proud of her. She’s used this reality TV platform to get more, which is more than most do. Kudos, Lenithia!

Jet Bitchy of the Week – Jet Magazine is looking for a Jet Beauty of the Week and they ask Cynthia Bailey to do a casting call at the Bailey Agency. They invite Kenya to be a judge and she proceeds to show out! She becomes the Simon Cowell of the judging table, insulting the girls as they come out and it’s not one ounce of cute. Her extra ass tells one girl “How do you come to an audition showing your coochie crack?” It’s odd coming from someone who’s made so much of her own coins showing HER coochie crack, but how soon we forget, right?

Coochie Crack gif

I get it though. Kenya Moore has made up her mind that she’ll be this season’s villain so she can up her checks for next season. THAT is what is really at play here. She’s clearly making herself the new one to hate cuz it’ll mean they’ll want her back and it’s so obvious.

According to the previews they showed, this season is gonna be ratchetness central. And I AM HERE TO RECEIVE IT! I know Kenya’s gonna get on my last nerves very soon though. Ugh.

Anywho, did y’all watch last night’s RHOA? Whatcha think?

Previous post

Message From the Greatest Generation: Best Political Ad EVER

Next post

If You Vote for Mitt Romney, We Don't Go Together

33 Comments

  1. November 5, 2012 at 12:32 am — Reply

    Lawd, where do I begin…

    *Kim is in the process of being evicted, but she was shading Kandi’s houses? Girl, bye! There was no reason to move out of the house Big Poppa bought you
    –I saw the house on a real estate site when it was for sale. It was about 4X larger than what you saw on TV. Had a movie theater and everything.

    *Kenya was in Trois. Just Sayin

    * Somebody feed Miss Lawrence. Sheree just left him starving by not paying her weave bills

    * I am HERE for Phaedra’s extraness

    * NeNe – funny how the golddigger became the golddiggee

    * Cynthizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz They should have given Mitzi Miller (EIC of Jet – with the mini fro) more shine

    I can”t WAIT for the hoodrat stuff that this season is bringing

    • November 5, 2012 at 1:28 am — Reply

      RIGHT! Like Kim, bish. You ain’t e’em got a home so you can’t e’em be throwing stones. Fooling. And Kenya, is a mess and a half. I’m like she got her nerve to be sitting there high and mighty.

      Chile, Miss Lawrence is hellbent on becoming a reality TV accessory. I guess I ain’t mad at him for collecting those measly coins.

      YESSS I was living for Mitzi Miller’s expressions!

    • Lexi
      November 5, 2012 at 10:02 am — Reply

      lol I said the same: Kenya is the girl from Trois though lol!!!! haha!!!

      I am here for the ratchetisty this season will bring, I can’t tell a lie lol!!!

  2. MzPk7
    November 5, 2012 at 12:38 am — Reply

    Tonight Kenya was out of line! It looks like she is going to be all sorts of crazy and bring major drama to the show. Kim needs to find a home for her Brady bunch and close her legs. You have to have a place to put all the children you have. I’m happy for NeNe and Kandi! Can’t wait to see how the season unfolds.

    • November 5, 2012 at 1:28 am — Reply

      Kenya did the most with the absolute least.

  3. November 5, 2012 at 12:38 am — Reply

    Excellent breakdown, Luvvie: I have but two questions about the episode:

    1. Whycome Tyler Perry done changed his number so Nene can’t reach him?
    2.If K-K-Kenya brought her own security – and always does, apparently – why come she diddn’t call her security by their names, and not “security!”

    • November 5, 2012 at 1:29 am — Reply

      Tyler straight up went ghost on Nene. “TU TU TUUUU the number you’ve reached has been disconnected.” OOP.

      And Kenya is what happens when hoodrats get money of any kind.

  4. November 5, 2012 at 5:01 am — Reply

    Lmao @ these comments.& your recap! Luvvie, Iono where to start! I am so done w/ Kenya already! Kim was doing the absolute most & sweety left me wondering where the hell she lives when she attempted to join in the shade. O.o nvm Kim keeping it cute. I need sweety to keep it as cute as possible.

    Kenya on there telling ms lawrence that she was going to introduce him to the finer things in life like sushi….{\__/}<~I'm gonna let that statement rest right there. try as I might, I do not remember Kenya in the blackbuster c film "trois."

    All in all I have to say that Greg kinda sickens me & Kenya was the life of this episode even tho it was hella slow paced. But I'm ready 4 nxt wk!

  5. MBS
    November 5, 2012 at 6:15 am — Reply

    An ON POINT recap as always Queen Luvvie!

    I am so NOT here for Greg and his old hoe’in self. Yuck. Nene needs to move on from the useless handbag that Greg has become.

    Kenya needs an old fashion mollywhopin and some proactive. For a girl who thinks she’s the cat’s meow, her adult acne is not about the right. Thank goodness I wasn’t watching the show in HD.

    Kim… Kim and Mammy aka Sweetie… Pssh. No words to even muster up to explain these nonentities.

    • Kris
      November 5, 2012 at 6:57 am — Reply

      Agreed! No country for Kenya Moore’s acne. She could definitely use an acne remedy. But, if she would simply invest in a quality concealer and/or foundation, and stop using free Sally Beauty Supply samples, she might be okay.

  6. Magi324
    November 5, 2012 at 7:30 am — Reply

    It was quite apparent that Kenya Moore’s meds are not strong enough.

    Kim is homeless yet shading someone who has two homes paid for in cash. Ma’am jealous much? She moves more than a college student. Sweetie need not open her mouth ever knowing full well she is residing in the slave quarters behind Kim’s rented house du jour. Get your emancipation papers before you anyone or anything.

  7. November 5, 2012 at 7:43 am — Reply

    WAITAMINUTE!!! hunty did u see apollo appears to be ackin up!!! wit mrs moore like he tryna re-enact a scene from trois! Umnnn and Phaedra looked like she is going thru a transition too…. HUNAY! this is going be interesting!!

  8. Yummmy
    November 5, 2012 at 8:43 am — Reply

    I’m dead at the Derek J legs visual!!!!

    • Miss Hope
      November 5, 2012 at 8:52 am — Reply

      LOL I swore it was bout to be Derek J too!!

  9. Ambar
    November 5, 2012 at 9:08 am — Reply

    Why is Cynthia even on this show? Her and her man are boring as hell.

    • Yadi
      November 5, 2012 at 9:37 am — Reply

      I like Cynthia/Peter. Kim, however, is just there for the check which she obviously needs. She is so unauthentic. Whenever Kim speaks, I wanna barf!

  10. Serenity
    November 5, 2012 at 10:23 am — Reply

    OK… Why come Kim… the only non-Black person on the show…. who accused everyone last season of being racist…. is making racist comments????? And what the eff is Sweetie talking about??? She don’t have nothing and ain’t nothing.

  11. justlikehoney1
    November 5, 2012 at 11:14 am — Reply

    Sooooo, no one’s gonna mention the teef situation of the chick in the black bikini with the two-headed bulldog tattoo? Looked like a traffic jam in her mouf. Gate that up!

    • Dominique Mair
      November 5, 2012 at 11:51 am — Reply

      That’s exactly what I said!!! Forget coochie crack get that chick an orthodontist pronto!!!!!

    • Kina
      November 5, 2012 at 11:52 am — Reply

      I am still confused on why she was there when her teeth just aren’t getting along.

    • VA2NY
      November 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm — Reply

      Lol, I was thinking that too! I was like chile freak that tattoo what about mourh! Like really she thought she was gonna get the gig?

  12. Kina
    November 5, 2012 at 11:51 am — Reply

    Kenya could be making some money by joining forces with Proactive though…..

  13. November 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm — Reply

    Last night’s epi was a mess…Kenya needs to acquire or up her lithium…Kim needs to get a clue and a diaphram or depo shot..Greg needs to have a seat…Leon needs a one way ticket to my bed…Cynthia needs a clue…Uncle Ben needs another job…Phaedra needs a leash for her husband…Kandi needed her foot up Kim’s ass…and Nene needs not to have that weave/scarf combo on her head ever again…

    And Luvvie, I totally agree with you when you said that’s why Kandi is WEALTHY and not just rich. That was a beautiful house and Kim is such a hater. I’m guessing her lil spin off didn’t work so well and she mad (because I know i didn’t watch that mess) and I’m hoping that Celie…I mean Sweetie is over pricing her cost and pocketing that money because what the hell Kim need with an assistant and she ain’t got no damn job?
    I can’t wait til next week…

    KMN

    • LadyTee16
      November 6, 2012 at 12:49 pm — Reply

      “And Leon needs a one way ticket to my bed.”

      I see what you did there KMN. Well played. Well played indeed. You win an internet that one.

      • November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am — Reply

        Thank you ma’am lol…he sure could…he could Ain’t nobody looking for you Otis all up and down my sheets…

        Whooo lawud lemme quit lol

        KMN

        • LadyTee16
          November 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm — Reply

          Bwahahahahahahahaha STOPS TO TAKE A BREATH…bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

  14. dee
    November 5, 2012 at 1:17 pm — Reply

    I loved last nights’ episode of RHOA!!! cant wait for next week. Ms Phaedra was on Andy Cohen’s Watch what happens live show(wwhl) and they played a game called marry,shag or bury and she said she would like to bury Peter cos he has been wearing some casket ready suits lately!!!!!LMAO! I cant with phaedra…

  15. milaxx
    November 5, 2012 at 4:08 pm — Reply

    Kenya was a bit too extra for me. She reminds me of that child Tami slapped on Basketball Wives. She trying too hard right out the gate.

    Kim and her evicted self needs to have a seat. I loved Kandi hen she said the mayor live around the corner. Kim wishes she could afford to buy 1 house, much less 2. She needs to miss me with her noise and take her fugly husband and flunky Sweetie with her.

  16. milaxx
    November 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    oh forgot to add, I heard back when they were divorcing that Nene and Greg’s divorce was a sham to stop his creditors from going after her money.So I am not surprised to see them reconciling.

  17. Hattie
    November 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm — Reply

    Are my eyes deceiving me but I think Kenya’s tatas are overexposed in the photo you posted, Ms. Luuvie. Not exactly classy as she tryin to be. I don’t watch RHOA. I’ll rely on your recaps. They’re probably more entertaining anyway. LOL!

  18. Ms. Niecy
    November 5, 2012 at 5:07 pm — Reply

    I watched it. Was disgusted at Kim ol homeless arse…Kandi can buy her, Kroy, Sweetie and all them lil rug rats she keep spitting out and have plenty left to makeover all of them with. Kenya… I don’t know what the deal is with that one gotta agree seh was trying to make herself relevant, but um sweetie…you have no movies that made it to a movie theater before the DVD…so you dear sweet misguided arse child go have a seat in the far far left corner. Your face might be pretty but that ugly inside is gonna change my mind really quick. Ms. Phaedra…my girl, Love NeNe doing her thing, Happy to see Kandi with that genuine I’m IN LOVE smile on her face. Cynthia…yeah… I wanna know how in the hell is Phaedra gonna answer that question they closed off with from the clips of the new episodes from Kenya, if she could give Apollo any two of her friends who would they be…for real that woulda been her top lip.

  19. Shawn
    November 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm — Reply

    I thought it was hilarious when Miss Nene tried to call Tyler Perry while sitting with Ryan Murphy, and the number was disconnected, at least she had a sense of humor about it. I was talking about the new season with my co-worker from DISH, and we both are over Kenya Moore; I didn’t even know who she was before this show. I’m going to miss next week’s episode, but I set my Hopper from DISH to record it, and it‘s so nice to be able to watch this in one room, and finish watching in another. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the season brings, and hopefully the other new cast mate will balance out Kenya’s craziness.

  20. […] Got Some NERVE: My RHOA Episode 2 Recap [ 3 ] November 12, 2012 | Luvvie After last week’s premiere episode of season 5 of Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA), I already knew the person who would be doing the […]

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>