I don’t know why but the producers of Real Housewives of Atlanta still think we give a damb about Kim Zolciak’s house problem, which isn’t really a big problem but she’s whining enough to try to convince us that it is. I am unmoved by Kim’s situation (you see what I did there). Wayyy too much time of this episode was spent focusing on the now tired story. But whatevs. I guess they’re getting her ready for a spinoff we’ll also not care about. (-_-)
Kim is finally moving out – Kim keeps yodeling for Sweetie randomly and she’s still whining about moving out of her 20,000 sq. ft. “dream house” into her version of living poor. Apparently, the prospect of a 7,000 sq. ft. townhouse is so shabby that all Kim can bring herself to do is pout about it. I can’t bring myself to care.
Kandi is finally moving in – As Kim moves out her “dream house” Kandi is moving into hers. With the help of her mama. And unlike Kim, she’s handling this like a mature adult. She remembers Kim tryna shade her house and says “At least everybody in my neighborhood owns their homes.” OOP.
Ayden’s First Haircut – Phaedra and Apollo take Ayden to the barbershop for his first haircut and it’s no walk in park. He’s about to turn 2 so he needs this cut and he was not having it! So they got Apollo to start it off, because apparently, he used to be a “master barber.” Methinks Apollo is truly Tommy from “Martin.”
Porsha in the kitchen – Porsha and her boo Cordell are hanging in her kitchen as she cooks breakfast. And their convo is about how she thinks they need to coordinate outfits for some wedding they’re going to (O__o) and Kenya. She proceeds to shade Kenya for being butthurt about being mistakenly called Miss America instead of Miss USA. And then she burned the biscuits. (-_-)
Walter gets grilled – Kenya finally takes Walter to meet her family (Aunt Lori, uncle and cousins), even though she’s afraid they’re gonna “run him off.” Girl… O_o Walter starts off by teling them he’s the “Martin Luther King of DeKalb County Towing.” Whatever the hell that means. Lori grills him about their relationship and marriage and Walter wiggles his way out of it. He’s talmbout “he’s a little cautious” because he’s been married before and needs to be in love to do it again. And what Kenya hears is “He and I both know this relationship is headed towards marriage.” DO YALL BOTH KNOW??? She has built herself a shack made up of four walls of denial.
Ayden’s birthday experience – “Dwight and I don’t plan parties. We coordinate experiences.” And this is what they did for Ayden’s 2nd birthday party at the Georgia Aquarium. Phaedra, Apollo and Ayden entered the party on a train behind a drumline. Then the guests are entertained by a private dolphin show that seemed to run longer than folks were anticipating. Even Dwight almost fell asleep during the show.
*insert scene with Kim still bitching bout moving that I don’t e’em care enough to recap here*
Nene snitches on Phaedra – Nene and Cynthia meetup and Nene tells her that Phaedra does not care about her. Apparently, Phaedra accidentally butt dialed one of Nene’s friends while telling someone how she doesn’t care if Cynthia makes it to Ayden’s party. She even plays her the voicemail. Being the shade queen she is, Nene says “I guess there is a disadvantage of having a big ass. Because now they’re dialing phones!” WELP! lol
Kenya’s desperation shows – Kenya is in her kitchen cooking Walter a nice dinner. By “cooking” I mean buys TV dinners, microwaves them and then puts them on a plate. Lady, why are you building this house of lies??? Well, as she says “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get that ring.” When Walter arrives, she takes him to the lonely table she set up next to her pool. And then tells him “This will be a preview of what it’d be like every night.” “It took me forever to make this meal.” “I want a baby like yesterday. If I could be 9 months pregnant right now, I would be. I’m not tryna put pressure on you.”
ALL. OF. THAT??? What is WRONG with this woman??? And all he does is laugh. Ma’am, your desperado is showing. Tuck it in. This is not e’em thirst. This is pure dehydration. The poor child doesn’t realize that he won’t be marrying her. Ever.
Phaedra chickens out – Cynthia meets up with Phaedra and brings Ayden a birthday gift. And then she brings up the party and the voicemail she heard where Phaedra said “I don’t give a fuck if she shows up.” Ms. Parks, our favorite Southern Belle denies this, even going as far as saying she doesn’t cuss. Then she tries to distract Cynthia by changing the subject to her boobs. But since Phaedra is Parliamentarian of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, this tactic fails poorly.
*More stuff bout Kim that I don’t care about in the least*
Ok so that was this week’s. ALSO! It was the 3rd week in a row that my tweet was used during a rerun from their show from last week.
Bravo Andy, CALL ME, ALMOND!
Anyone else wanna offer Kenya a drink of water though? Homegirl is PARCHED.