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I Got 20 Questions About the 2012 Soul Train Awards

The Soul Train Music Awards came on and I had no plans on watching it. But my Twitter fam was and I’m impressionable so I watched it. Was it good? It wasn’t bad. But like always, the tweets about the show made it worth watching. It was entertaining, though. I’ll give them that. Anyways, I got questions.

Soul Train Awards 2012

1. Can I say how good Fantasia looked onstage? Homegirl got right and tight! I don’t e’em mind that she had glitter in her hair.

2. Why was the skinny dude onstage with Cedric the Entertainer in the beginning so hype? He was like spazzing out. Folks reminded me that he was on the Jamie Foxx Show. Well I haven’t seen him in anything since then so maybe this is a highlight for him. Aawww.

3. Who dresses Cedric, and why don’t they ever feel like his suits are complete without 15 buttons? Him and Steve Harvey must share the same stylist.

4. Why does Bill Bellamy remind me so much of 1997?

5. Why does Miguel looks like he smells like activator and Old Spice? Bless him. Also, why hasn’t anyone given him R&B’s Best Cowlick Award yet?

6. Fifteen minutes into the show, why was I already tired of hearing them yell “TWO TERMZ” into the mic? I mean, I was over it quick after Cedric and Gary Owen did it back to back.

7. Why was I loving Ne-Yo’s white trench coat so much? Was that ASOS? Someone said he was dressed like Olivia Pope and I laughed so hard for a good 15 minutes! Because it was so true.

NeYoDressedLikeOliviaPope

8. Why did they cut off the tribute to the Soul Train line to go to commercial? That was something I was excited to see! The Soul Train line transformed Black celebrations. We cannot leave good occasions until one happens!

9. Why was Keyshia Cole looking so monochromatic? Her hair was blond, her skin is super light and her makeup was like matte. But her performance was good. Her music makes me wanna call one of her exes up and be like “why’d you hurt her like this?”

10. Since Tyrese won an award, is he gon go do a painting of a Grammy baptizing a Soul Train Award after the show? You know the man enjoys dabbling in paints!

11. Why is John Legend so adorable? He looks like he smells like baby powder and lavender. Also, I enjoy how he stays in his lane as a performer. John is like “I’ma saddown and croon and play the piano. Someone else can dance but I’ma do what I do.” I approve.

12. Why is Flava Flav insistent on being the Ghost of Coonery Present? Got on stage and acted a fool. Then gon rap about President Obama, talmbout “He’s the first black president to ever become president.” Sir, please leave.

Soul-Train-Awards-Flava-Flav

The ladies dealt with his foolishness well. Pic from www.upi.com

13. Why was Second Necklace (I guess y’all know him as 2Chainz) onstage accepting an award talmbout how he didn’t even know he was nominated. Sir, did the email they sent to your AOL address bounce? I mean… O___o

14. Why do all the members of New Edition still look pretty good, e’em though they’ve been out for 30 years! Y’all better pay #Amish to them! Who lasts 3 decades in music??? Some folks can’t e’em last three singles! All the props!

15. Who gon tell Elle Varner that the reason we can’t give her a refill is because we ran outta ice? WHO, I ASK???

16. Why was Anthony Hamilton on stage dressed like Mr. Hanky from South Park? All that damb brown. O_O

17. Why did Tamar Braxton almost call John Legend John Lennon? Imagine all the errors.

18. Why did Jamie Foxx get onstage talmbout he’d like to give glory to Barack Obama, his Lord and Savior? I just want Jesus to know that I don’t agree with Jamie. Barack is the homie and all but he’s just my President. KEEPY MY NAME ON YOUR VIP LIST, LAWD! Amen.

19. Why was Stevie Wonder the closing credits act??? STEVIE, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS! iCan’t. *kicks trashcan* Stevie Wonder should NOT be the closing credits act for y’alls janky award shows. I am upset at this. And this is an issue I will be addressing in it’s own blog post very soon. Plus I already wrote this sternly-worded letter asking Stevie to fire his team. But NAWL.

20. Why was the Soul Train Awards an hour too long? DAMB! It’s like watching your uncle tell that story for an hour and you’re ready to eat. But you can’t interrupt hm because he thinks everyone really wants to hear the whole thing.

Did y’all watch the show? Any highlights and lowlights for you?

28 Comments

  1. Ria B
    November 26, 2012 at 1:33 am — Reply

    21. When will Stevie get new people because his current group of handlers are falling by the wayside…just like his of his braids.

    • November 26, 2012 at 1:38 am — Reply

      LMAO! Valid question! And I woulda asked it myself if I hadn’t already written Stevie a sternly-worded letter asking him to fire his ENTIRE team! You can read it here.

  2. Erin
    November 26, 2012 at 1:37 am — Reply

    You hit my high AND low. I’ve been a New Edition fan from day one. Yes, I’m that old. And I go with Ralph Tresvant in my mind. So I was up doing the routines right along with em! They didn’t miss a step with their 40-somethin year old selves! That’s the only reason I tuned in. That was my high. Unfortunately, I didn’t change the channel while I did other things after their performance and I heard Jamie Foxx’s “Lord and Savior” foolishness. TOTAL low point. We’re blaspheming for laughs now? Sit down, Jamie.

    • justlikehoney1
      November 26, 2012 at 1:41 am — Reply

      Seats for Jamie _/ _/ _/ _/ _/

    • November 26, 2012 at 1:44 am — Reply

      I wasn’t e’em born when New Edition first came out but I am indeed a fan!

  3. justlikehoney1
    November 26, 2012 at 1:39 am — Reply

    Highlights:

    Tasia Mae you betta sang! And yeah, she looked good (did I just say that?)

    SOOOO glad that awards show is over so they can stop showing the dang commercials for it every 4 minutes!

    Uncle Cholly last name Wilson FINALLY cut that ridiculous jheri curl ponytail clean off. Praise the ‘lujah!

    Lowlights:

    Miguel’s pompadour gave me Keith Washington vibes.

    Stevie’s hairline should be on the back of a milk carton cus it’s missing. Po’ thang.

    I wanna like Keyshia Cole. I do. But I don’t. I can’t. Leave the ghetto love anthems to Murry J. Blige’s My Life cd O_o

    Suggestions:

    Get the lil’ Korean dude ‘n Hammer to close the show next time a la American Music Awards. I have no idea what he’s saying but I like that goofy ass dance & the song is catchy – GANGNAM STYLE!

    • Erin
      November 26, 2012 at 1:51 am — Reply

      Murry, tho? LMAO!

    • Crystal
      November 26, 2012 at 11:26 am — Reply

      LOL murry..icackled

  4. Tiffany As
    November 26, 2012 at 1:40 am — Reply

    22.a: Why is Miguel’s hairstylist so nice with the Marcel curlers, Dax hair grease, and the wide tooth comb. That boy bouffant was laid and ya’ll know it was!

    • TaD
      November 26, 2012 at 5:59 am — Reply

      i yelled at my husband during the show “look hun, that’s my hair cut” ha!

      • November 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm — Reply

        LMAOOOO!!! Rude!

  5. Ja Star
    November 26, 2012 at 1:40 am — Reply

    I get my fill of laughter and foolery everything I read your posts. I didn’t watch the awards but I felt like I did after reading your questions. Smh at flava flave. He needs to take many seats far away. By the way, you are my friend in my head like Wendy Williams would say.

  6. November 26, 2012 at 1:41 am — Reply

    i did not watch – but now i see that i’m going to have waste 3 hours of my life watching one of the 1863 reruns sometime this week – i blame you, Luvvie – you know ion’t have no extra time to contribute to ratchetry watching – but for you, i will – if for no other reason, to know what in the hell Tyrese is referring to on The Twitter for the next year

  7. TaD
    November 26, 2012 at 5:58 am — Reply

    we watched it on and off
    i was barely born when NE first came out
    and them boys can still move!

    23b. why come there is never a dress code for these shows? there are so many different looks going on that it’s hard to follow if its a formal event, a after five cocktail party, the club after party or a cookout

    • November 26, 2012 at 8:57 am — Reply

      ITA about dress codes

    • November 26, 2012 at 6:22 pm — Reply

      This is TRUE! Everyone is dressed like they’re going somewhere different. Smh

  8. Delita
    November 26, 2012 at 6:02 am — Reply

    Umm sorry about that one. I taped it cause there was no way I was going to miss my RHOA baboonery. So let’s see Tyrese winning, no sir… Miquel love his music, hate the hair and the licking of his fingers ( sir you will not shake my hand). Stevie is a legend and so is all of his forehead. Please cut those braids off. Jamie aka Wanda no sir.. Charlie got Steve Harvey’s old haircut. Tamar scared the hell out of me. Flavor please go away. Bobby made me cry!!

    • November 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm — Reply

      Ewww at Miguel licking his fingers. No one is here for that AT ALL. And yeah, we gon need Stevie to cut them brocs off.

      • Delita
        November 26, 2012 at 10:05 pm — Reply

        Brocs? Omg I fainted lol…

  9. HBnKC
    November 26, 2012 at 6:19 am — Reply

    Haven’t seen it yet but by this post and subsequent comments…this is must see buffoonery tv!!! Can’t wait!!!! I love your site…between you and your people on here I die laughing. Every. Single. Day.

    • November 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm — Reply

      You can catch it in one of the twenny eleben reruns on BET. But yesss, iLive from your love!

  10. Nonya
    November 26, 2012 at 7:13 am — Reply

    St OluwaLuvvie: this recap is not complete without step-by-step pictures! I didn’t watch the show so I depend on you, mah Patron Saint of Ratchet Recaps for my catchup salvation.

    PS your new biz cards are in the mail. Who needs esquire/BSc/XYZ when you can be signed OluwaLuvvie PPRR.

    • November 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm — Reply

      I was too lazy to go find pic. lol.

      And I’ll accept MATRON Saint of Ratchet Recaps. *curtsies*

      • Nonya
        November 27, 2012 at 8:42 am — Reply

        Right you are; it should be MSRR. Have sent correction to printers. How crazy is that I was about to watch RHOA but stopped and came on here to read your recap first, like that should be the natural order of thangs?!

        You could start a sideline biz with TV peeps paying you to recap their shows (charge extra for ratchet sauce).

  11. Cheekie
    November 26, 2012 at 12:48 pm — Reply

    “13. Why was Second Necklace (I guess y’all know him as 2Chainz) onstage accepting an award talmbout how he didn’t even know he was nominated. Sir, did the email they sent to your AOL address bounce? I mean… O___o”

    Second Necklace tho!!! LOL. But, yeah he coulda kept that comment. Even if he didn’t know, why say that mess? Taking laid back way too far there lol.

    “15. Who gon tell Elle Varner that the reason we can’t give her a refill is because we ran outta ice? WHO, I ASK???”

    Especially since she ran outta octaves for that song. She adorbs tho.

    And word on how GOODT NE looks. Lawd. Out here drinking their fountain of youth with a side of candy girl.

  12. GrandmaRose
    November 26, 2012 at 4:01 pm — Reply

    Who was the young man playing the piano for Keyshia Cole with all that hair. I think he is fine and I would LOVE to get my hands in his hair!!!

  13. PiaPineapple
    November 28, 2012 at 11:36 am — Reply

    Brocs? Hmm (wait for it..) Whomp! LOL!!! Luvvie ya know I’m too old to laugh this hard. I caught a cramp in my side. It took a minute but damb girl ya got me.. back to lurking I go. whew..

  14. MsZ
    December 2, 2012 at 10:54 am — Reply

    Ok, I know I’m late, but, when Second Necklace stepped out to perform, did he look like Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas to anyone else?

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