The Soul Train Music Awards came on and I had no plans on watching it. But my Twitter fam was and I’m impressionable so I watched it. Was it good? It wasn’t bad. But like always, the tweets about the show made it worth watching. It was entertaining, though. I’ll give them that. Anyways, I got questions.
1. Can I say how good Fantasia looked onstage? Homegirl got right and tight! I don’t e’em mind that she had glitter in her hair.
2. Why was the skinny dude onstage with Cedric the Entertainer in the beginning so hype? He was like spazzing out. Folks reminded me that he was on the Jamie Foxx Show. Well I haven’t seen him in anything since then so maybe this is a highlight for him. Aawww.
3. Who dresses Cedric, and why don’t they ever feel like his suits are complete without 15 buttons? Him and Steve Harvey must share the same stylist.
4. Why does Bill Bellamy remind me so much of 1997?
5. Why does Miguel looks like he smells like activator and Old Spice? Bless him. Also, why hasn’t anyone given him R&B’s Best Cowlick Award yet?
6. Fifteen minutes into the show, why was I already tired of hearing them yell “TWO TERMZ” into the mic? I mean, I was over it quick after Cedric and Gary Owen did it back to back.
7. Why was I loving Ne-Yo’s white trench coat so much? Was that ASOS? Someone said he was dressed like Olivia Pope and I laughed so hard for a good 15 minutes! Because it was so true.
8. Why did they cut off the tribute to the Soul Train line to go to commercial? That was something I was excited to see! The Soul Train line transformed Black celebrations. We cannot leave good occasions until one happens!
9. Why was Keyshia Cole looking so monochromatic? Her hair was blond, her skin is super light and her makeup was like matte. But her performance was good. Her music makes me wanna call one of her exes up and be like “why’d you hurt her like this?”
10. Since Tyrese won an award, is he gon go do a painting of a Grammy baptizing a Soul Train Award after the show? You know the man enjoys dabbling in paints!
11. Why is John Legend so adorable? He looks like he smells like baby powder and lavender. Also, I enjoy how he stays in his lane as a performer. John is like “I’ma saddown and croon and play the piano. Someone else can dance but I’ma do what I do.” I approve.
12. Why is Flava Flav insistent on being the Ghost of Coonery Present? Got on stage and acted a fool. Then gon rap about President Obama, talmbout “He’s the first black president to ever become president.” Sir, please leave.
13. Why was Second Necklace (I guess y’all know him as 2Chainz) onstage accepting an award talmbout how he didn’t even know he was nominated. Sir, did the email they sent to your AOL address bounce? I mean… O___o
14. Why do all the members of New Edition still look pretty good, e’em though they’ve been out for 30 years! Y’all better pay #Amish to them! Who lasts 3 decades in music??? Some folks can’t e’em last three singles! All the props!
15. Who gon tell Elle Varner that the reason we can’t give her a refill is because we ran outta ice? WHO, I ASK???
16. Why was Anthony Hamilton on stage dressed like Mr. Hanky from South Park? All that damb brown. O_O
17. Why did Tamar Braxton almost call John Legend John Lennon? Imagine all the errors.
18. Why did Jamie Foxx get onstage talmbout he’d like to give glory to Barack Obama, his Lord and Savior? I just want Jesus to know that I don’t agree with Jamie. Barack is the homie and all but he’s just my President. KEEPY MY NAME ON YOUR VIP LIST, LAWD! Amen.
19. Why was Stevie Wonder the closing credits act??? STEVIE, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS! iCan’t. *kicks trashcan* Stevie Wonder should NOT be the closing credits act for y’alls janky award shows. I am upset at this. And this is an issue I will be addressing in it’s own blog post very soon. Plus I already wrote this sternly-worded letter asking Stevie to fire his team. But NAWL.
20. Why was the Soul Train Awards an hour too long? DAMB! It’s like watching your uncle tell that story for an hour and you’re ready to eat. But you can’t interrupt hm because he thinks everyone really wants to hear the whole thing.
Did y’all watch the show? Any highlights and lowlights for you?