These Girls Didn’t Make the Twerk Team

[ 91 ] November 28, 2012 |

Twerking is a privilege, not a right. Everyone ain’t able and that is perfectly okay. Those who can twerk do, others need to have a seat when it’s Twerk Time. Like the two girls below. I watched this video and laughed so hard I snorted in real life. Not cute snort but the pig in “Babe” snort. Just watch.

CHILE… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasps for air* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I asked Jesus to hold my mule after watching this and he told me “NAWL, my child!” I’ont blame Him! This is true foolishness. First of all, why is Kelly’s mama teaching her and Brittani (with the i) twerking??? I’d fight my daughters for recording themselves twerking in my house.

Also, why did she teach it to them so badly? She must not be a Twerk master herself, teaching this girl rubbish.

They walked around that circle for 20 seconds like they were really preparing to SLAY US ALL with their dance skills. And then she snatched the skirt off to reveal the leotard and I just KNEW they were gon do something dope. And then that shamockery (sham and mockery) of juke happened and I was left laughing so hard I had to tell myself to stop.

Are we REALLY using our hands to make our yanshes shake? And then she’s clapping behind her back to trick us into thinking her butt is doing it. CLAPPED. Like some backwards seal. NAWL. and then she bust her stuff around 2:30 and tried to play it off. We saw it. lol

Girls. Ladies. Young gals. Stop. STOP. IT. If you can’t shake what your mama gave you, it’s ok. You’re still beloved. Furthermore, don’t put every video of you and your girl kicking it in your room on YouTube for the whole world to see (and laugh at).

They tried it. Hard. And failed.  NO TWERK TEAM FOR YOU!

Lawd.

THIS is how you twerk something:

Twerk Cartoon gif

Amen.

Study it and learn it. And watch YouTube videos.

So whatcha’ll think of Kelly and Brittani’s twerk session?

*watches video again and falls out* SOMEONE CALL THE AMBERLAMPS!

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Comments (91)

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  1. emti says:

    I got to 0:56 and I had to stop…I refuse to let Luvvie make me lose my job because I’m laughing so hard

  2. Shanicee says:

    I watched this video waiting to be amazed and was bamboozled into a bunch of foolery! I refuse to accept that this is what her mother taught her! Furthermore she whipped that skirt to the floor like she was about to perform tricks of some sort NO MA’AM!

    • Luvvie says:

      Her mama should be ashamed to e’em be brought up in this foolishness. If you gon teach, teach well.

      • CafeGirlsPress says:

        They misunderstood when Mama said I’m teach ya’ll to TWERP.

        One consonant makes all the difference.

        And Barbie looks like she’s trying to assist herself with taking a dump, grabbing at her cheeks with both hands. What is that all about?

        Jesus, be a blindfold. I have seen enough.

    • Christie says:

      I’m going to bet that’s EXACTLY what her white, flat-assed momma taught her. “Baby, just work it out. Fake it til you make it!”

  3. Sharday says:

    Wait a damn minute.

    Are these chicks using their hands to make their cheeks clap? LMAO!

    That has never been in anyone’s definition of twerking. Ever.

    Oh and since when is popping with your back called ‘twerking?’

    Lawd.

  4. rainebeaux says:

    I saw this video two weeks ago when it was catapulted onto my twitter feed. Got my chuckles in at the time. NOW? I’M MAD AS THE FIRST 20 LEVELS OF HELL ABOUT IT.

    this amalgam of profound rhythmic struggle HAS to be a violation of the Geneva Convention and the Bob Fosse bylaws!

    In short: the founder/CEO of House-O-Matics wasn’t released from jail for this.

  5. tbapremier1 says:

    They look like they were trying to feed their a@@es to the camera…smh!!! Nyyyyeeeevah in all of MY LIFE, have I witnessed such atrocities. My condolences goes to their self image, and integrity. Find the momma and tie her legs to two race horses going in the opposite direction as to nyyyyeeevah, eva be able to instruct such foolishness.

  6. KMN says:

    Good Lawud…they look like a couple of 5 year olds trying to dance like strippers…wt entire f is going on with those two?? More like two 5 year olds trying to dance that have tourettes…OMG that was painful…i need my sweet baby 8 and 1/2 pound white Jesus on the Mt Calvery Cogic rock to come down and touch them…

    KMN

  7. Crlsweetie says:

    Where is the rhythm?

  8. Nikki Bee (@nikkib1920) says:

    Dead and gone at ‘violation of Bob Fosse bylaws’. I QUIT you, Luvvie!!!

  9. RozB says:

    First, that daggone GIF will forever be funny as Hay-ull to me!

    There was too much wrong to just pinpoint one thing. Patting their meat-deficient butt cheeks to imitate some sort of jiggling/clapping was just awkward, to say the least. They must live in a rhythm-less nation for sure.

    I was waiting for them to collide into each other the way they were flinging themselves around the room. At one point they bumped into each other while trying to back it up.

    They ended up just doing random push ups and mountain climbers in the end, even having the nerve to be out of breath. And yet they still posted this buffoonery.

    Thanks Luvvie for asthma attack-inducing laughs!

    P.S. Whether she did it right or not, whose mama teaches their child how to twerk? Who does that? o.0

  10. Margaret says:

    Before the video started, I said to myself, “Diane (I call myself Diane), they have too much furniture and I already know they will fail their tweaking mission.”

    Everyone already knows that the amount of furniture in a room is in direct contrast to how well a person can twerk. This video proves my theory.

    Maybe they should stick to the air guitar.

    • Micki says:

      I agree with your theory because the Twerk Team’s house is m-t. Empty as hell! I wish they would use some of their money to buy a couch or something.

    • Nessa says:

      HAHAHAHAHA at the proportional furniture to twerking formula is ALMOST as funny as this epic EPIC fail of a video.

      I have so many issues with this video and I don’t know whose more to blame: those silly little girls with their pancake booties, their overconfidence in their ability to twerk aforementioned bottoms in a properly ratchet manner, their woresome mama who obviously don’t fck with them on the low, or our society which encourages such mediocrity.

      Juicy J is for sure saying NO to those ratchet yanshes. LMAO.

  11. M says:

    If this is what’s hot at the clubs I won’t have to hit that powerball tonight….I’ll be rich by Sunday :).

  12. Rae says:

    Ooooh Luvvie…You Auwt to be ashamed of yourself!

  13. lifesajourney09 says:

    I generally don’t like to laugh at children but BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Why Lawd why?!?! Hand guided butt claps?! Chile! I knew it was all gonna go wrong when she ripped that skirt off and adjusted her leotard. Clearly them and their mama need to be in remedial twerk classes and prohibited from twerkin and even using the word until the show proper ability to the Twerk Master Authorities!

  14. Jaz says:

    Why? Which one of her drunk friends told her to post this video? She had me thinking that she was really about to do something. Time of death – 6:02 pm

  15. Ky G (@KrickettwithaK) says:

    Lawd help me! When she “made it clap” I was too through!

    • AMalone says:

      That “so-called clap” reminds me fondly of Ace Ventura in that tree making his butt talk…iCan’t…iWon’t!!! Her mammy needs to dragged by her teeth with a tow truck hook!!!

      • AMalone says:

        My bad ” needs to BE dragged ” the flamboyant foolery in this vidjo is greatly affecting me…and on that note, good night, Luvvie Nation!!

  16. sincerely_pat says:

    What in Sam, Jason, and Freddie’s Hell?! Momma, is that what you are teaching your daughter and her friend? Well, you should have told them that you first, you have to have something to twer

  17. Prittikitti says:

    That American Dad gif gave me life, and then tooketh it away

  18. sincerely_pat says:

    What in Sam, Jason, and Freddie’s Hell?! Lawt, they took break dancing from us, calling it B Boys and Girls. This Asian man out here doing the Rodeo, calling it something else. Now they trying to twerk?! I’m going to lay down.

  19. Bre says:

    What in the sam-u-el is this foolery!?! The comic relief of this video just caused my 32 wk baby bump to show out! EL OH EL, i think I just died twice times. Somebody get the crash cart cuz #3 is on the way, I can’t deal

  20. sincerely_pat says:

    Meant to delete those first 2 comments. I was too distraught.

  21. LivinLifeNapturally says:

    Luvvie, I want to thank you for bringing this to me on my birthday… that laugh was the best gift ever, LMAO

  22. dianthe says:

    you are trying to kill me – i’m sure of it. first Cee-Lo, now this. chile.

    i stopped about a minute and a half in, when i couldn’t take anymore – then you had to tell me about her busting ass and i had to go back and watch the whole thing O_o

    i have questions – where are these girls’ mamas? why is she letting her child bleach her hair the same color as Barbie’s? oh, because she’s also teaching her daughter how to twerk? her mama must have learnt it at werk …

  23. Beez says:

    I said it on facebook, and I’ll say it again:
    They ain’t fit to be equipment managers on the Twerk Team. No towels, no water, no scorekeeping- nothing.

    They cannot twerk it on the floor,
    They cannot twerk it by the door.
    They cannot twerk it in a chair,
    They cannot twerk it here nor there.
    I cannot watch them shake their yams,
    Not with their hands, dear Will.I.Am.

  24. Sio says:

    This made my night! iCan’t

  25. Miss Hope says:

    LOL when I saw this foolishment I knew I had to post it on your page…little did I know that it would inspire a post!

    I’m just mad that she said her momma taught them cuz this is some remedial type ish and no one should take the blame for this mess

  26. Cie says:

    They should have taken notes from this here fellow. Enjoy.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnSTFN85qPw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

  27. Jimmy says:

    Ma’am! This was not safe for class. When i should have been learning in my 2&1/2 class i am watching this tomfoolery and trying to look interested in learning about President Lincoln and the confederacy. You ma’am are too much for this.

  28. Meiqua S. says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! What’s with the hands trynna make their asses shake… #ICANT with these chicks.. that had to be some kinda sick ass joke lol!

  29. Adero says:

    I can’t stop watching. It’s so bad! Why did the blonde one break out into a gymnastics dance floor routine at 1:53-2:03? What was that?

  30. KayMac says:

    ‘Scuse me, while I go pray for these non-twerkin ass chilren and their mama…**really rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off**

    But thanks for the laugh, Kelly and Brittani..ya’ll did really well on that part…the tweking, not so much…

  31. Truth Be Told says:

    AMBERLAMPS Luvvie? Amberlamps???? iQuit you. Again. For the 2103971097321064387th time. I quit I quit I quit! You aint got no damn sense whatsoever.

  32. Denise says:

    Words cannot express how wrong this is…and Mama needs a seat…a big seat…

  33. Bre says:

    But seriously though Luuvie..their mama’s didn’t give them anything to twerk in the first place. Don’t quit your day jobs sweethearts, forget twerking, dancing (in general) is not your thing.

  34. nichole says:

    I think the main problem is not Kelli’s (cause you know it should be with an i) mom teaching her how to twerk (or some form of something) but allowing her daughter and Brittani to drink and do drugs in her house. These girls were obviously high on something.

  35. Erma says:

    Perhaps her mothers time would have been better spent by putting more books on that empty bookshelf!

  36. Tosh Tate says:

    TAKE*clap*YO*clap*MOMENT*clap*YOUNG*clap*GIRL, step out that crushed velvet skirt, reveal your gymborie onsie!BEGGING for some post twerk commentary, needz her to address the fall she took in the midst of headbanging. Grace under pressure, serving Willow Smith whip appeal in the midst of twerk fail.
    All my sad and love – ToshTate
    *commenting from heaven on account of DEAD*

  37. SonyaM says:

    I saw a one year old yesterday twerk better than them. What’s sad is they thought they showed skills! ROFLMBO

  38. VA 2 NY says:

    Now was it only me but I had to rewind it back to 1:50!! I started crying and yes Kelly mom is NOT a master at this lol…this made my night to lol at this foolery!

  39. Freedom says:

    Man, some of the extras from the Rebecca Black video have REALLY fallen on hard times.

  40. Aisha says:

    LAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD NAW….WHYYYYYYY? Why is her mother teaching her this, for one, and for two…JUST WHY???? Luvvie, why did you subject us to this LMAO??? *breaks out in big sob and drop to the ground*

  41. Kim says:

    Why is keeping rhythm so HARDDD for some ppl! I dunno what her mamma taught her but she WRONG. Please stop! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  42. Ayana says:

    iCant with these lost souls and the mama being the queen of the flock. I’m stuck on “shamockery”!! LUV IT!!! LOL

  43. Dr. Reginia says:

    First rule of twerking in the suburbs… DO NOT wear a 1982 Olivia Newton John / Jane Fonda get up… it will go wrong each and every time.

    PS…they needs to clean up that junky room

  44. By the God’s of Shadrack, Meshaq O’Neal and that Billy Goat now known as Rihanna. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS BLATANT DISREGARD FOR THE FINE ART OF TWERKING!! Did you know Julliard now has a course in Twerque? (Twerk in the bougie dance world). The moment she began to involve her hands to incite the non-existent bounce of her backbone (let’s be real that was no forms of an ass).

    I handed the reigns and the wheel to King Jesus and now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my coon heavy soul to keep.

  45. Lesa Renee says:

    You ain’t worth a half damn for posting this!!! You won’t be happy until you get me banned from the library!!! Slap her momma for teaching and encouraging that mess!! They’ve got as much rhythm as Mary J. Bilge :-(

  46. JM says:

    Congrats to her genius mom! she ain’t gonna catch NOBODY wit them moves!

  47. AngFreely says:

    Diamond and Ebony-with a y-did not go through the valley of dollar bills and strip clubs to have to have this as the promise land. Yall the Mayan’s may have been on to something

  48. @Steenabelle says:

    The good lord reached down to take me up yonder at the 1:50-1:54 mark.

  49. kristastic says:

    Yes lord. Let me Eeeeeeeeeeevah find a child of mine doing this nonsense. I will have her hot tail stuffed and hung on the wall as a trophy to that time I tried parenting. I’ll tell my friends about how that heifer vexed me while we sip cocktails.

    And on another note, I wish I HAD tried this foolishness under my mother’s roof. Yes indeed, chile. Yes. In. Deed.

  50. Now THIS is who they should have gotten lessons from…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOA-BmBeItM

  51. milaxx says:

    Lawd I had to turn this mess off. I just got out the hospital where the docs had me intubated and on that MJ propofal, these chicks had me gasping for air so bad I was worried he docs would have t put me back under. I don’t know who needs a bigger seat, the girls for putting their attempt at video ho online, or the mama for allegedly teaching them.

  52. mz niecy says:

    Had to put this on Facebook!!! I wouldn’t be a good friend to keep something so hilarious to myself died laughing

  53. Jai says:

    Let me say something….I commend the momma…I applaud her she was a brilliant woman…she has ensured these babies virginity for a good couple of extra years….

    And the video went national! Yessir baby…ya’ll gonna have to work in life, not twerk for life

  54. cari says:

    has anyone considered the possibility that this is a well-conceived parody? “brittani (with an i!)”? “my mom taught me this”? the hands. shaking. the ass. come on, people, give the girls some credit!

  55. Twerkingmom says:

    twerking is amazing! Ive lost so much baby weight(:

  56. Nik says:

    Got my face hurting, laughing at this mess. I felt sorry for them when they were using their hands to make their booties move. Poor things; perhaps they don’t have enough ass fat to make it jiggle on its own. Their hearts were in it, though.
    They need to go hang with a pack of ghetto girls for proper training.

  57. Temperance says:

    I am totally mad at all the fools who have commented on this blog. I have lost at least an hour of my life messin with y’all, including the 6 or 7 times I literally died laughing. If these girls do not go and have several seats… And if Mama did show them, I just can’t… nevermind. OMG!

  58. Wow says:

    Seriously? You’re making fun of children? They’re supposed to look silly, they’re effing kids!

  59. Ashlee~Shevonne says:

    I just caught the link to this in my twitter feed. Watched the video. Giggled. Read Luvvie’s review. DIED. Read the comments. CRIED. Then watched the video 3 more times! I’m laughing so hard my baby started kicking! Y’all gonna send my ass into labor! P.S. did “Wow” (whoever posted above me) really get mad about this? Like, for real?

  60. Sayhey2kay says:

    Luvvie,

    You ain’t shit for posting that video!!! iDied by the time I hit the 1:00 mark. Is she really trying to make her hindpots clap with her hands??? They all knock-kneed and off beat.

  61. Miah says:

    Now this is a crying out shame… Her mama know better than that and she do to.. i wish my kid might. if she gonna make a video like that she gonna make it right or not at all.

  62. Carm says:

    Just tried to watch it and message says “this video does not exist”

    Now I’m dying to see it!

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