All’s Fair in Love and Wig Snatch: RHOA Episode 7 Recap
Another episode and another reason to be embarrassed for Kenya Moore. Real Housewives of Atlanta is just here to make us all shake our heads at her.
Kenya Is Inappropriate – Our non-favorite, non-housewife Kenya is suffering from lack of couth. Who thinks it’s ok to ask someone which of their friends they’ll give to their husband as a birthday present?!? Seriously. Phaedra handled it well though, like the Southern belle she is, telling her “GONE NAH!” Kenya is lucky she’s a classy lady because someone else woulda put their paws on her.
Yes to Snitching – Gregg has graciously offered to cook dinner for the crew, so they all go change #alphets. Cynthia and Porsha are done getting dressed first so as they sit by the pool, they talk about Kenya’s foolishness from earlier. Porsha e’em tells Cynthia bout Kenya dropping it like it’s hot on Uncle Ben’s crotch. Being the classy broad that she is, Cyn says she gon let is pass.
Dinner with Side of Shade – Dinner is served and the couples are having a good time eating, laughing and talmbout “third shift,” their late night secks sessions. As everyone’s having a good time, Walter and Kenya are sitting at the table looking all awkward. You could tell that Walter prolly wasn’t giving her none.
Suddenly, Walter grabs Kenya’s hand and excuses them from the table. As they walk away, the other folks are talmbout how they don’t think their relationship is real. But Kenya is thinking she’s being led away to be proposed to. EH! WRONNNNGGG! Walter just wanted to tell her that Peter is surprising Cynthia the next day to renew their vows on the beach. CHILE, the look on Kenya’s face was priceless! “Does that mean I’m a bridesmaid? When is it my time, Walter?” We’ont know, Kenya! He can’t tell you either because he don’t give a damb. SMH
Oh, Girl – The day after, the girls get their makeup done and they go get massages, not letting Cynthia know it’s all leading up to this vow renewal. As they get rubbed down, Nene asks Kenya about her relationship with Walter. Kenya talmbout “I KNOW he is serious. That man has my back and I love him for it.” Nene shade then blessed us with “BITCH! Who are you in a relationship with? Because it certainly ain’t with anyone on this island.”
Love, Beach and White Linen – Cynthia has been told that they’re having an all-white party that evening, with some locals and the Anguilla prime minister. But it was really the renewal of vows that Peter had planned. The men went ahead to set up so by the time ladies got to the beach, everything was ready.
When Cynthia walks up, she’s handed a bouquet and in her confusion, Peter finally tells her the real reason they were there. Aawww!!! And he was looking nice in his all-white linen suit. Phaedra agreed, saying “I am just touched by Peter. He is just a black angel. A black angel in white.” Somewhere, a Nigerian man is planning his wedding #alphet to look identical! I just knowed it.
The vows were beautiful and I loved seeing their love. It was just adorable. Uncle Ben did well with this and he’s winning my heart, after being terrible last season. Anywho, afterwards, everyone gets up and congratulates the couple. While Kenya plasters on a fake smile and wonders when her turn will be. Maybe when you stop being so insufferable. UGH.
Like Lantern, Like Love Life – To end the evening on the beach, each couple got to light a lantern, make a wish and let it fly away. It was really beautiful to see. It felt so intimate and it was romantic. Until Kenya’s lantern said “NAWL! I will not fly” and crashed to the beach. Like her love life. That’s sad.
Poolside Pettiness – They’re back at the resort and the ladies are having a nightcap. Well, all the ladies except Kandi, who was asleep after her and Todd spread their juices all up in one of the jacuzzis. Nassy.
Anywho, the convo turns to Porsha and Kenya’s relationship. They got off on the wrong start but they were actually getting along on the trip. Somehow, Porsha calls Kenya a non-factor and it all falls down. Soon enough, Kenya is up in her face calling her everything but a child of God and a shouting match ensues. Here’s what I gathered.
Kenya: “I’m making you more relevant.” She really is delusional if she thinks she’s making anyone relevant. Porsha: “Maybe if I was alive when you got your title, I would know.” OOP. Because we all know Kenya won Miss America in 1758. (-_-)
It went on for a bit but in the verbal battle of Porsha and Kenya, the judges (me) have agreed that Porsha won. She read Kenya ALL HER RIGHTS! And all Kenya did was hop up and down, while being held away by Nene. She was going off about how she has a pedigree and must be respected. Are you a golden retriever? Girl WOMP.
Finally, Kenya ended with “I’m Gone with the Wind fabulous!” And then she snapped, twirled about 10 times and sashayed away in her camel negligee, looking like a hoodrat Beauty. I guess Walter is her beast.
I do thank her for bringing that phrase into my life.
But yeah, the episode had some really sweet moments, but of course it had to end with drama. It’s only right.
Also relevant, Kenya’s delusions of grandeur about Walter are shameful. But we know it might be ab act since Walter came out recently to say Kenya hired him to play her boo. Lawd.
So who do you think won that shouting match? Also… Kenya. Let’s pray for her cuz…