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All’s Fair in Love and Wig Snatch: RHOA Episode 7 Recap

Another episode and another reason to be embarrassed for Kenya Moore. Real Housewives of Atlanta is just here to make us all shake our heads at her.

RHOA Six

Kenya Is Inappropriate – Our non-favorite, non-housewife Kenya is suffering from lack of couth. Who thinks it’s ok to ask someone which of their friends they’ll give to their husband as a birthday present?!? Seriously. Phaedra handled it well though, like the Southern belle she is, telling her “GONE NAH!” Kenya is lucky she’s a classy lady because someone else woulda put their paws on her.

Yes to Snitching – Gregg has graciously offered to cook dinner for the crew, so they all go change #alphets. Cynthia and Porsha are done getting dressed first so as they sit by the pool, they talk about Kenya’s foolishness from earlier. Porsha e’em tells Cynthia bout Kenya dropping it like it’s hot on Uncle Ben’s crotch. Being the classy broad that she is, Cyn says she gon let is pass.

Dinner with Side of Shade – Dinner is served and the couples are having a good time eating, laughing and talmbout “third shift,” their late night secks sessions. As everyone’s having a good time, Walter and Kenya are sitting at the table looking all awkward. You could tell that Walter prolly wasn’t giving her none.

Suddenly, Walter grabs Kenya’s hand and excuses them from the table. As they walk away, the other folks are talmbout how they don’t think their relationship is real. But Kenya is thinking she’s being led away to be proposed to. EH! WRONNNNGGG! Walter just wanted to tell her that Peter is surprising Cynthia the next day to renew their vows on the beach. CHILE, the look on Kenya’s face was priceless! “Does that mean I’m a bridesmaid? When is it my time, Walter?” We’ont know, Kenya! He can’t tell you either because he don’t give a damb. SMH

Oh, Girl – The day after, the girls get their makeup done and they go get massages, not letting Cynthia know it’s all leading up to this vow renewal. As they get rubbed down, Nene asks Kenya about her relationship with Walter. Kenya talmbout “I KNOW he is serious. That man has my back and I love him for it.” Nene shade then blessed us with “BITCH! Who are you in a relationship with? Because it certainly ain’t with anyone on this island.”

Nene Chile I LIVE gif

Love, Beach and White Linen – Cynthia has been told that they’re having an all-white party that evening, with some locals and the Anguilla prime minister. But it was really the renewal of vows that Peter had planned. The men went ahead to set up so by the time ladies  got to the beach, everything was ready.

When Cynthia walks up, she’s handed a bouquet and in her confusion, Peter finally tells her the real reason they were there. Aawww!!! And he was looking nice in his all-white linen suit. Phaedra agreed, saying “I am just touched by Peter. He is just a black angel. A black angel in white.” Somewhere, a Nigerian man is planning his wedding #alphet to look identical! I just knowed it.

The vows were beautiful and I loved seeing their love. It was just adorable. Uncle Ben did well with this and he’s winning my heart, after being terrible last season. Anywho, afterwards, everyone gets up and congratulates the couple. While Kenya plasters on a fake smile and wonders when her turn will be. Maybe when you stop being so insufferable. UGH.

RHOA White Couples

Like Lantern, Like Love Life – To end the evening on the beach, each couple got to light a lantern, make a wish and let it fly away. It was really beautiful to see. It felt so intimate and it was romantic. Until Kenya’s lantern said “NAWL! I will not fly” and crashed to the beach. Like her love life. That’s sad.

Poolside Pettiness – They’re back at the resort and the ladies are having a nightcap. Well, all the ladies except Kandi, who was asleep after her and Todd spread their juices all up in one of the jacuzzis. Nassy.

Anywho, the convo turns to Porsha and Kenya’s relationship. They got off on the wrong start but they were actually getting along on the trip. Somehow, Porsha calls Kenya a non-factor and it all falls down. Soon enough, Kenya is up in her face calling her everything but a child of God and a shouting match ensues. Here’s what I gathered.

Kenya: “I’m making you more relevant.” She really is delusional if she thinks she’s making anyone relevant. Porsha: “Maybe if I was alive when you got your title, I would know.” OOP. Because we all know Kenya won Miss America in 1758. (-_-)

It went on for a bit but in the verbal battle of Porsha and Kenya, the judges (me) have agreed that Porsha won. She read Kenya ALL HER RIGHTS! And all Kenya did was hop up and down, while being held away by Nene. She was going off about how she has a pedigree and must be respected. Are you a golden retriever? Girl WOMP.

Finally, Kenya ended with “I’m Gone with the Wind fabulous!” And then she snapped, twirled about 10 times and sashayed away in her camel negligee, looking like a hoodrat Beauty. I guess Walter is her beast.

Gone With the Wind Fabulous

I do thank her for bringing that phrase into my life.

But yeah, the episode had some really sweet moments, but of course it had to end with drama. It’s only right.

Also relevant, Kenya’s delusions of grandeur about Walter are shameful. But we know it might be ab act since Walter came out recently to say Kenya hired him to play her boo. Lawd.

So who do you think won that shouting match? Also… Kenya. Let’s pray for her cuz…

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45 Comments

  1. onlychyld
    December 17, 2012 at 7:39 am — Reply

    Ummm Luvvie wasn’t she Miss USA. You better get it right.

    • Beth Meyers
      December 17, 2012 at 9:23 am — Reply

      It was a joke.

      • December 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm — Reply

        That was also a joke.

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm — Reply

      Was she? Hell IUNNO! lolol

  2. Taj Mahal
    December 17, 2012 at 7:44 am — Reply

    Phaedra’s one-liners were too much for me. I luh’s me some Ms. Phaedra Esq.

    And despite Porscha reading Kenya, she didn’t have to start that mess.

    I think they both got in some good jabs, though.

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm — Reply

      Phaedra and Nene are neck and neck for best one-liners EVERY episode. Bofa dem are full of shade and I love it.

  3. Shevonne
    December 17, 2012 at 8:25 am — Reply

    Kenya snapped her fingers and twirled and I could’ve sworn I was watching Paris is Burning. She was soooooo extra yo! Every week I feel more ashamed for her.

    • Beth
      December 17, 2012 at 9:25 am — Reply

      Every week I’m more convinced Kenya is a drag queen.

      • December 17, 2012 at 9:29 am — Reply

        Her features are super strong aren’t they? I think it’s the dark, thick brows…she needs to put a weed wacker to them thangs…and it clashes with her hair…

        KMN

      • December 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm — Reply

        Don’t insult drag queens like this.

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm — Reply

      YES! Kenya has studied some real Queens. You can tell. But she could never measure up. Not never.

    • MissMe
      December 19, 2012 at 11:28 am — Reply

      That “Paris is Burning” reference just made me giggle…

  4. Shevonne
    December 17, 2012 at 8:26 am — Reply

    But despite Kenya’s ratchetness, the best part of that episode was Kim wasn’t in it. And I just thought of that. She’s such a nonfactor.

  5. Toun
    December 17, 2012 at 9:12 am — Reply

    I didn’t think Porscha started anything she was telling the story of their first encounter basically saying where they came from to where they were now. Instead of Kenya to be a big girl and simply say let’s not talk about this now she starts showing her ass.

  6. December 17, 2012 at 9:27 am — Reply

    That damn Kenya…she’s so damn thirsty she got my behind wanting a glass of water!!

    And I just want to say the best line of the night was “she’s a low class whore.” iDied when Porscha said that lmao…

    And Kandi is so nasty but I love her…and that little renewal was so beautiful…I’m liking Peter more and more…Uncle Ben as a black angel…love it!

    KMN

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm — Reply

      Me too! Peter has definitely grown on me.

  7. Lexi
    December 17, 2012 at 9:48 am — Reply

    So As I sat there and watched Kenya twirl and sashay away, I couldn’t stop laughing anticipating your recap. I livvvvvvvveeeeeee for the twirling, I cackled my heart out lol!

    She looked so desperate on this episode reaching for that engagement proposal like a lost puppy lol. Oh Girl, No mam. He don’t want your hand in matrimony girl.

    On a positive note I like the couples on this trip minus Walter and Kenya pretend coupleness smh

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm — Reply

      He don’t want her had in matrimony or to even shake. He just don’t want it. And yes, I do like the couples more for this trip.

  8. Vee
    December 17, 2012 at 10:31 am — Reply

    Why does Walter look like he’s being held hostage, LOL? Plus, I think the crashing & burning of Kenya’s lantern on the beach symbolized her self-dignity.

    And am I the only one who thought it strange that as egotistical as Kenya is, you never saw her in any body- baring two- pieces or bikinis like the rest? It all kind of lended to the, um, questionable authenticity of certain body parts, IMO. Just sayin…

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm — Reply

      Walter looks like he wants to be anywhere but there at all times. I’ve seen a pic of Kenya in a bikini. It was on YBF a coupla weeks ago. Her ass crack was showing and yeah, I’m pretty sure the booty is fake.

    • Ncborndclive
      December 18, 2012 at 9:37 am — Reply

      Kenya didn’t show her body because she was raised by a grandma with good Christian values…LMBO.

  9. Jocelyn
    December 17, 2012 at 10:50 am — Reply

    I am cracking up at the expression of the woman in front of her….hilarious.

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm — Reply

      That’s Phaedra. And yes. LOLLL

  10. yadi
    December 17, 2012 at 12:02 pm — Reply

    This episode had me gagging…a few of u guys may have to watch that one again…

    I was so happy for Cynthia and Peter. She is perhaps my favorite. Cynthia is low key and classy but like Nene said “Ms.Thing can reeaaad, honey”.

    Kandi and Todd’s lantern didn’t take off either. Also, why did Kandi have to let everyone know she shops, etc with sex toys stuck up her vagicat? Now every time I see her, u know the rest. Gross. She couldn’t have told Phaedra that in her ear?

    Porsha so started it by calling Kenya a non-factor. She could’ve just told her side w/o name-calling and being trite. She set Ms.Kenya off, who no doubt would have dragged Porsha up and down that shore. Kenya read her for filth. She is,in fact, self-made while Porsha is ummm..yea. Only the priveledged and clueless thinks they can insult someone but then want to get a lawyer.

    Yes, Kenya is thirsty and a bit cray but how much of a douche does one have to be to play someone’s bf just to be on TV?

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm — Reply

      I do really like Cynthia. She’s classy and the prettiest to me. That bone structure is LIFE. Aawwww Kandi and Todd’s lantern crashed? WOMP. Not good.

  11. December 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm — Reply

    Ohhh Kenya has so many issues. Her desperation to be married is just so sad. So sad.

    I saw the fight last night as a plea for Kenya to be relevant and wanted. I think Kenya is dreadfully jealous of Porsche’s life- marriage, happiness, etc- and she acts that out in her behavior. At 40+ she resents Porsche for having the life she really wants. Womp. Womp. I don’t even feel bad for Kenya because she’s going about getting what she wants the wrong way. Smh.

  12. December 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm — Reply

    Oh and I am here for Ms. Nene Leakes. I am.

  13. Manda
    December 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm — Reply

    Funny how Mrs. America didn’t read Nene when she questioned her fake relationship. When she was talking about Porscha granddaddy- I would have laid her flat. What has Kenya done except for EBT movies of the week and black men butt magazines?

    Nene is just everything and more!

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm — Reply

      She KNEW better than to try Nene. Kenya’s crazy but not THAT crazy.

    • Ncborndclive
      December 18, 2012 at 9:57 am — Reply

      I wasn’t offended by her comment about Porsha’s granddad. I thought she was only pointing out that an accomplishment and legacy is forever. She only mentioned the Granddad when Porsha, who is 31 and not some spring chicken, tried to act like she wasn’t even born in 1993.

      Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like Kenya, but she attemped twice not to continue that conversation and Porsha just kept going and going.

      • ThummyB
        December 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm — Reply

        Co-sign on all of this!

        Porsha should not have even taken Nene’s bait by revisiting this old issue, and Kenya was right to try to opt out of the discission. I wholly blame Porsha for the argument. While Kenya ended up looking cray cray w/her ‘gone with the wind’ twirls…she was spot on when she called out Porsha for riding on the name and legacy of those around her, while Porsha’s digs about Kenya’s age fell flat for me.

  14. December 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    SMH. Kenya does too much all the time. I just want to shoot her one time in the butt with a quiet time dart. “Dial it down” is something she does not get. Even if it’s for the cameras, the lady is a Honeybaked Ham glazed blinding perfection. Not for one second is the switch off. Which, sure, is fine confidence-wise. But her wacky little self takes it above and beyond. I don’t give a flying fig what she was, lol…a little humility would not kill her!

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm — Reply

      Kenya be on 15. She’s tryna get more screen time. It works.

  15. Gwendella
    December 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm — Reply

    If Kenya don’t remind me of Betty Davis in Whatever happened to baby Jane. Lawd all that twirling foolishness just like Blanche. She’s certainly certifiable.

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm — Reply

      They’re both crazier than squirrels. I ain’t lying.

  16. December 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm — Reply

    * NeNe was reading Kenya like Iyanla Vanzant and the Psychic network all in one. I LIVE!

    * Has anyone noticed RHOA is 4903840938450384983 times better without Kim? Chile, BYE! We’ll see her on a VH1 special about Celebrity Bankruptices soon. Or Kroy will be on that special and Kim will be on to the next one.

    * Phaedra’s vag1na speeches were KILLING me. But after Kandi and Todd got their freak on, I don’t blame her

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm — Reply

      YESSS!!! Nene sure did read Kenya! And I am loving the show w/o Kim Zolciak. She is NOT missed at all.

  17. Anonya
    December 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm — Reply

    Um, y’all are behind. It’s already public knowledge that Walter & Kenya were not a real couple. Walter already confessed on a radio show how she asked him to play her boyfriend.

    Sites like StraightFromTheA blogged it.

    • December 17, 2012 at 4:15 pm — Reply

      Not behind. I already know this. Found out last week.

      • Anonya
        December 17, 2012 at 4:50 pm — Reply

        You should note the fakeness of their relationship in your recap though! I got confused because when you said “Kenya is thinking she’s being led away to be proposed to”, it sounded like you thought they were some type of real couple. Dat byatch so thirsty, she makes the sahara desert look like a forest in comparison.

  18. Ms. Niecy
    December 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm — Reply

    Other bloggers recaps just can’t touch this one. I read the one on Bravo earlier and almost cried because Luvvie hadn’t posted yet…This is where I get my life and honey do ilive through these recaps…Thank you for making me breathe again lol

  19. 265 days
    December 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm — Reply

    Porsche still thinks there are 265 days in a year and Kenya is probably still twirling talking about “gone with the wind fabulous”

    #ICANT

  20. December 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm — Reply

    ‎”Put some Ice in your panties…because it’s just not a good look for you”-Phaedra (LOL..RHOA is just a mix of weaves, old peen, and rachetfucktasticness. smh) Nene was READING for FILTH…..and Walter’s yawn at that table…Kenya look like even if they DID do it…she’d be a lazy, tired lay..and (in your words) #payAmish Eveyln for “Non-motherf*cking factor*. She got disco ball earrings to buy.

  21. Jojo
    December 17, 2012 at 10:51 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, I’m surprised you didn’t comment on Porcha and them’s kitchens. You didn’t see that ratchet mess on the back of her head when they were getting hair and make-up done for the Vow Renewal! Ooooh chile!

  22. Kishan
    December 18, 2012 at 1:42 am — Reply

    The way Kenya twirled and sashayed away after she got in Porsha’s face, for a second I thought it was RuPaul’s Drag Race. WTH???

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