Nene is the Right Kind of Woman to Read: RHOA Episode 5 Recap
Listen. Nene Leakes is starting to own a special place in my heart for her ability to READ. PEOPLE. FOR. FILTH! There is no shade like Lenethia shade and I am here for it. This episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta (and really, a lot of this season) had Nene one-liners that constantly gave me what I needed.
Still not here for Kim – Kim and her daughters go out for pizza to continue to act like we’re here for them. We’re not. Kim e’em got them talmbout there was bad energy in their old house. Ok. (-__-)
Double date disrespect – Phaedra and Apollo meet with Kenya and Walter for a double date, and the minute Kenya gets introduced to Apollo, she forgets how to act. She tells him “I can see the bulging muscles from your shirt” and flirts shamelessly. Ma’am, you DO NOT flirt with someone else’s husband, especially not in front of their wife and in front of your boo. Girl… disrespectful as hell.
They do go-karts and Kenya acted like someone finally gave her the chemical peel she so badly needs. Screeching like a fool, while Miss Parks leisurely drove on the track because she’s a dainty lady lol.
Wine gone bad, love going well – Cynthia and Peter have Nene and Gregg over to their house. But beforehand, they open a bottle of wine that Uncle Ben keeps telling us costs $200. Too bad he wasted his money because they tasted it and it had gone bad. Bad red wine must taste like prejudice and rotten grapes. Ew.
When Nene and Gregg arrive, Cyn and Peter are pleasantly surprised at how well they’re getting along. They tell them that they want to plan a couple’s trip to Anguilla. I laughed out loud at Nene’s face as Cynthia named the couples she’s inviting on the trip: Kandi & Todd. Phaedra & Apollo Kim & Kroy :-(. When Cynthia walks to the kitchen, Peter says he wants to surprise Cyn by renewing their vows on the beach. Y’all see Uncle Ben tryna be all segzy flexy! Cute.
Porsha wants yams and twins – Porsha and Kordell go see her Ob-gyn for a checkup because she had a miscarriage 6 months before from uterine fibroids. Porsha talmbout she wants to have twins and she heard that eating yams will increase her chances of it O__o. Her doctor smartly tells her that she might want to focus on having one healthy baby. WELP.
Cynthia and Kandi meetup – Cyn meets up with Kandi to invite her to the Anguilla couples’ trip, and Kandi’s not sure if her boo Todd can go. The real reason is that he knows that her girls are drama and since he works for Bravo, he’s seen all their foolishness first hand. The subject turns to why Nene and Kandi don’t get along and she says “Everything Nene does there a motive to it.” Makes sense, but I do want Nene and Kandi to be BFFs. I like them together.
Porsha lost 100 days – Cynthia and Nene go to the Hosea Williams house to meet with Porsha to talk about doing a PSA for the organization. As Porsha explains the work they do feeding the hungry isn’t just on Thanksgiving, but 265 days a year. So… do they go on summer break there because where’d the other 100 days go??? Nene said “265 days? Where that bitch live at?” *cackles*
Kandi’s hella ballsy – Phaedra and Kandi go shopping for trinkets and Kandi tells Phae she has a gift for her: kegel balls. This is from her line of bedroom goodies, and she was trying them out herself, keeping them secure in her love pocket as she walked around. Phaedra goes “Kandi is so adventurous. She’s the only one who can walk around with balls in all day.” I love Phae.
Girls’ brunch disaster – The girls decide to have lunch to talk about their upcoming trip to Anguilla. Cynthia shows up first, and then Phaedra, who comes with a huge floral arrangement to apologize for saying she ain’t give a damb about Cynthia’s presence (or lack thereof) at Ayden’s pordee. She begrudgingly accepted the apology. How can you stay mad at Phaedra, who’s extra permeates everything and she’s so adorable while doing it. She even had on a fascinator. HA!
Nene, Kandi, Kenya (ugh) and finally Kim (who STAYS tardy for the party) show up and after greeting each other subpar hellos, they start talmbout the trip. Kenya asks “I’m invited right, Cynthia?” and a silence so awkward, it’d make Issa Rae cringe happened. She tries to save face by saying “well I’m inviting myself.” Yeah. You do that. (-__-)
The ladies turn to Kim to ask if she’s coming, and lies begin. Kim starts talmbout how her cervix has shortened and she’s breastfeeding and Kroy’s in training camp. And she’s 28, 30, 32 months pregnant (the number kept changing). And how she’ll need to get her doctor’s permission to travel. ALL THE EXCUSES.
THEN IN THE SAME BREATH, she negates all that and says her and Kroy are going on vacation the next week (the same time of the Anguilla trip). This is when the ladies lost patience and let her have it. They challenged her and called her on her bullshit. And Nene hits us all with the best line of the episode.
“If you was the right kind of bitch, you’ll walk in here and say I don’t wanna travel with yall because I don’t want to!”
I. GAHTDAMB. LIVE.
Nene read her for FILTH! They tell her she always has excuses and she says she doesn’t have time to hang with them because they aren’t her priority. Kim is ALL about Kroy. Maybe she doesn’t want him to be left alone because she knows women like her be on the sideline. OOP.
I guess she got tired of being called out on her bullshit because she took off her mic and stormed out the restaurant, hitting the camera that followed her. Oh girl, you’re wack. And what it said was fuck these ladies. If things ever fall apart between her and Kroy, there’ll be no one there to help her pick up the pieces.
Next week, we see Kroy was waiting in the car all along for her. She clearly didn’t have plans to stay at lunch long. That’s bitchassness, Kim and that cussout was deserved. Because she is NOT the right kind of bitch (-__-).
So who annoyed you most in this ep? Was it Kenya for being a floozy, Porsha for being a dummy or Kim for being a liar?
Also relevant, I wanna ALWAYS be the right kind of bitch. Always.