Nene is the Right Kind of Woman to Read: RHOA Episode 5 Recap

[ 32 ] December 3, 2012 |

Listen. Nene Leakes is starting to own a special place in my heart for her ability to READ. PEOPLE. FOR. FILTH! There is no shade like Lenethia shade and I am here for it. This episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta (and really, a lot of this season) had Nene one-liners that constantly gave me what I needed.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Still not here for Kim – Kim and her daughters go out for pizza to continue to act like we’re here for them. We’re not. Kim e’em got them talmbout there was bad energy in their old house. Ok. (-__-)

Double date disrespect – Phaedra and Apollo meet with Kenya and Walter for a double date, and the minute Kenya gets introduced to Apollo, she forgets how to act. She tells him “I can see the bulging muscles from your shirt” and flirts shamelessly. Ma’am, you DO NOT flirt with someone else’s husband, especially not in front of their wife and in front of your boo. Girl… disrespectful as hell.

They do go-karts and Kenya acted like someone finally gave her the chemical peel she so badly needs. Screeching like a fool, while Miss Parks leisurely drove on the track because she’s a dainty lady lol.

Wine gone bad, love going well – Cynthia and Peter have Nene and Gregg over to their house. But beforehand, they open a bottle of wine that Uncle Ben keeps telling us costs $200. Too bad he wasted his money because they tasted it and it had gone bad. Bad red wine must taste like prejudice and rotten grapes. Ew.

When Nene and Gregg arrive, Cyn and Peter are pleasantly surprised at how well they’re getting along. They tell them that they want to plan a couple’s trip to Anguilla. I laughed out loud at Nene’s face as Cynthia named the couples she’s inviting on the trip: Kandi & Todd. :-D Phaedra & Apollo :-) Kim & Kroy :-(. When Cynthia walks to the kitchen, Peter says he wants to surprise Cyn by renewing their vows on the beach. Y’all see Uncle Ben tryna be all segzy flexy! Cute.

Porsha wants yams and twins – Porsha and Kordell go see her Ob-gyn for a checkup because she had a miscarriage 6 months before from uterine fibroids. Porsha talmbout she wants to have twins and she heard that eating yams will increase her chances of it O__o. Her doctor smartly tells her that she might want to focus on having one healthy baby. WELP.

Cynthia and Kandi meetup – Cyn meets up with Kandi to invite her to the Anguilla couples’ trip, and Kandi’s not sure if her boo Todd can go. The real reason is that he knows that her girls are drama and since he works for Bravo, he’s seen all their foolishness first hand. The subject turns to why Nene and Kandi don’t get along and she says “Everything Nene does there a motive to it.” Makes sense, but I do want Nene and Kandi to be BFFs. I like them together.

Porsha lost 100 days – Cynthia and Nene go to the Hosea Williams house to meet with Porsha to talk about doing a PSA for the organization. As Porsha explains the work they do feeding the hungry isn’t just on Thanksgiving, but 265 days a year. So… do they go on summer break there because where’d the other 100 days go??? Nene said “265 days? Where that bitch live at?” *cackles*

Chile I LIVE gif Nene

Kandi’s hella ballsy – Phaedra and Kandi go shopping for trinkets and Kandi tells Phae she has a gift for her: kegel balls. This is from her line of bedroom goodies, and she was trying them out herself, keeping them secure in her love pocket as she walked around. Phaedra goes “Kandi is so adventurous. She’s the only one who can walk around with balls in all day.” I love Phae.

Girls’ brunch disaster – The girls decide to have lunch to talk about their upcoming trip to Anguilla. Cynthia shows up first, and then Phaedra, who comes with a huge floral arrangement to apologize for saying she ain’t give a damb about Cynthia’s presence (or lack thereof) at Ayden’s pordee. She begrudgingly accepted the apology. How can you stay mad at Phaedra, who’s extra permeates everything and she’s so adorable while doing it. She even had on a fascinator. HA!

Nene, Kandi, Kenya (ugh) and finally Kim (who STAYS tardy for the party) show up and after greeting each other subpar hellos, they start talmbout the trip. Kenya asks “I’m invited right, Cynthia?” and a silence so awkward, it’d make Issa Rae cringe happened. She tries to save face by saying “well I’m inviting myself.” Yeah. You do that. (-__-)

The ladies turn to Kim to ask if she’s coming, and lies begin. Kim starts talmbout how her cervix has shortened and she’s breastfeeding and Kroy’s in training camp. And she’s 28, 30, 32 months pregnant (the number kept changing). And how she’ll need to get her doctor’s permission to travel. ALL THE EXCUSES.

Lies make baby Jesus cry

THEN IN THE SAME BREATH, she negates all that and says her and Kroy are going on vacation the next week (the same time of the Anguilla trip). This is when the ladies lost patience and let her have it. They challenged her and called her on her bullshit. And Nene hits us all with the best line of the episode.

“If you was the right kind of bitch, you’ll walk in here and say I don’t wanna travel with yall because I don’t want to!”

I. GAHTDAMB. LIVE.

Nene read her for FILTH! They tell her she always has excuses and she says she doesn’t have time to hang with them because they aren’t her priority. Kim is ALL about Kroy. Maybe she doesn’t want him to be left alone because she knows women like her be on the sideline. OOP.

Kim Mad RHOA

Pic from BravoTV.com

I guess she got tired of being called out on her bullshit because she took off her mic and stormed out the restaurant, hitting the camera that followed her. Oh girl, you’re wack. And what it said was fuck these ladies. If things ever fall apart between her and Kroy, there’ll be no one there to help her pick up the pieces.

Oh well.

Next week, we see Kroy was waiting in the car all along for her. She clearly didn’t have plans to stay at lunch long. That’s bitchassness, Kim and that cussout was deserved. Because she is NOT the right kind of bitch (-__-).

So who annoyed you most in this ep? Was it Kenya for being a floozy, Porsha for being a dummy or Kim for being a liar?

Also relevant, I wanna ALWAYS be the right kind of bitch. Always.

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Comments (32)

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  1. Myssdee says:

    I know this was all made for TV and everything

    But why would the girls want to be bother with Kim and her foolishness. I wouldn’t even go through all of that because we all know when something involves Nene…Kim will find her way to get out of every activity.

  2. Latoya says:

    Maybe Porsha’s foundation only feeds the homeless during the week- weekends off. No? Ok, maybe not. Was just trying to help her with her poor math skills. Did anyone else see when she said she wanted 4 kids but held up 3 fingers? And did she say something about a sire? She makes my head hurt. And Kenya….oh the thirst!! Southern Belle or not…i was waiting for Pheadra to check that chick. Still waiting……

    • Elita says:

      Someone on Twitter said that was her shout out to Bruh Man from Martin and I tinkled a little.

    • milaxx says:

      did I hear her say she wanted 2 sets of twins so she could only have 2 pregnancies instead of 5?

      • Sharon says:

        Yes! I thought I was the only one who caught that since none of the blogs quoted her. She said she wants 2 sets of twins because she wants 4 kids but doesn’t want to be pregnant 5 times. I was like huh?! o_O Maybe she’s just not good with numbers lol.

      • Luxurylatte says:

        It made sense because she had a miscarriage months ago so if she wanted 4 kids she would have been preggers 5 times unless she can have twins twice.

  3. Elita says:

    I definitely think Kenya was the most annoying person this week, and will continue to be throughout the season. I’m over Kim and glad she is leaving the show. I never thought that I’d ever be Team Nene again after her behavior last season but she is so much more likable this year. I want THIS Nene to stick around.

    • KMN says:

      YES!!! I was just saying that on another forum. She’s old Nene before she got them teeth. I love her and she read the HELL outta Kim last night. I’m going to have to find a way to use “If you was the right kind of bitch, you’ll walk in here and say I don’t wanna travel with yall because I don’t want to!” in real life lol

      KMN

  4. Sharday says:

    I need Phaedra to do something about Kenya b/c ol girl is handing him the pee you ess ess why gift wrapped with a bow on top…and that is so disrespectful.

    Porsha is just a bubble head. Every time she opens her mouth, nothing of value or merit comes out.

    Nene is right. Kim should have said she didn’t want to go from jump and all of that drama could have been avoided. Saying you don’t want to do something is received much better than telling 50-11 lies as to why you can’t go.

  5. Christi says:

    I don’t even watch this any more. I get all I need from you.

    And it blows my mind that I’m older than Kim. Black may not crack, but white sure does. :/

  6. Christina Bee says:

    Kim is so lying about her age, whenever websites post her back in the day photos she was clearly in high school in the 80s… she ain’t a day under 40.

  7. Elise Connors says:

    I think that they told Porsha to be as dumb as possible for the cameras. You missed the part when she said “four” but put up three fingers. That girl is slow as blow…

  8. Toni says:

    I can’t stand Kenya! Hunty if she was looking and batting those eyes at my man like that it would’ve been TROUBLE TROUBLE (in my Bernie Mac voice on Player’s Club). As for Kim I think she’s just over everybody but like NeNe said she’s scared to say it Ole Coward.

  9. Serenity says:

    Kenya and Kim win the ratchet honors this week. How do you flirt with another woman’s husband in front of the woman and your man???? If you want a man like Apollo, there are plenty coming up out of prison. Walter does not want her. And he wants her less now. he is looking to raise the profile on his business with this show. Can you see this man fixing up his lips to ask Kenya to move to Atlanta?

    Kim MUST not need the Bravo checks anymore.

    • Dinasty says:

      I believe that big to-do at the end was all a stunt to keep people “interested” for Kim’s spinoff show– Don’t Be Tardy…

      It’s said the ratings for a wedding special did so well, that that’s why they’re giving her family it’s own show. I don’t know about all that, but it’s clear why she’s being booted off RHOA. Because she doesn’t want to interact with the other ladies, which she confirmed at the brunch. So what’s her purpose for being there? None. Bye, Kim.

  10. Shevonne says:

    Kim hands down was the most annoying. I about wanted to reach into my plasma and smack that synthetic piece off her head.

    Kenya is runner up. No country for tacky women who flirt with other women’s husbands and invite themselves to places don’t nobody want ‘em. All I heard was crickets when she asked if she was invited and I about DAHD!

    Peter said he had that wine for four years waiting for a special occasion that never came. o_O Didn’t they get married two years ago?

    • Ms. Niecy says:

      Yes, he did and I was Porsha confused, lol…so i guess the wedding or even the first anniversary wasn’t a big deal either…*enter uncle ben (peter) >>>> sir, have a seat with that __/….

  11. Nonya says:

    “Kenya asks “I’m invited right, Cynthia?” and a silence so awkward, it’d make Issa Rae cringe happened. ”

    Mayne, THE big mystery of the world is how Cynthia managed to develop a good posture despite not having a backbone. #RealTalk Why couldn’t she reply that byatch and say “No actually, you’re not invited”? Gad!

  12. Erin says:

    I didn’t watch, so this could’ve been addressed in the episode….but why invite Kenya to lunch if she wasn’t invited on the trip?

  13. milaxx says:

    Really I am most annoyed with Bravo/Andy Cohen. They know Kim is a lying trashbox, but will extend her show and bring her back to ATL for season 6 if they think it will bring in ratings. I get it’s their job to make money, but I could live quite happily never seeing Kim again. Kenya is crazy and Porscha is dumb, but Kim is a white woman who lies and that’s one of the most dangerous things in existence.

  14. lexi says:

    Kenya and Kim annoyed me to the core but THE NENE LEAKES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WAS EVERYTHING!!!

    I hope Phaedra checks the hell our of Kenya, would’nt have been me I would’ve did the Sheree neck roll and said “Excuse me?!!!” Kenya was downright disrespectful!

  15. Ms. Niecy says:

    I love these recaps and the comments for real it’s like watching the show all over again. I for one say the award for RATCHETDY QUEEN of the episode goes to Kenya, we already know she is super dry like the Arizona dessert in the middle of summer, but damn girl. This lady trying to give your unheard of in the last 20 yrs ass a chance to work with her from you “production company” and you flirting with her man?? Not just her man, her HUSBAND…sweetie, honey, boo-boo, where I’m, from that type of blatant disrespect is not….it’s just not…damn smh….somebody get this bish a kiddie sized pool cause obviously she is too hot and dry….
    But did you pay attn to the promo for next week my girl Phaedra said “One thing i don’t play about is Apollo”….I. can. not. wait to get my life next week.

  16. How many of y’all watched “Don’t be Tardy for the Wedding?” And Kim’s quitting RHOA? GIRL….

  17. Taj Mahal says:

    I would have had to drag Kenya by her pimples, flirting like that with my man. First, he doesn’t go for that disrespectful stuff, and she would’ve been read all kinds of rights that day. And when he was done, I’d proceed with wig and crater snatching.

    And why does Kandi even want Kenya on the trip? Starting to wonder about her inner judge of character.

  18. Whitty says:

    Anyone else catch Kim say “I’m 8 months pregnant” then the say “I have 8 weeks left in my pregnancy”

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