The Poptart Tragedy: Dumbest, Funniest and Best Story Ever
I come across hilarious stuff everyday but last night, I was introduced to the Poptart Tragedy. And I laughed so hard for so long that my stomach legit hurt and I had to take a drink of water to soothe my throat afterwards. I called my friend Antonio and we were both laughing for the first 5 minutes of the conversation before we could hiccup “hello.” Seriously.
The Poptart Tragedy is soooo funny to me and I’m not even sure why. Here it is:
Omg. This story is so damb dumb! It’s soooo dumb that I love it. And I have comments.
First of all, why is the poptart so damb important to this story? LMAO! I mean, I like them as much as the next person too lazy to cook breakfast but LAWD! They are life and death, huh?
And then who SPELLS like this? WHO? WHY? WUTTT??? This is barely even English. It’s like if English banged its head against a grammatical wall over and over again. This spelling is atrocious. Is this how kids are writing nowadays? WHAT THE HELL? How are they passing?
But let’s go back to the pop tart. So because she was upset that he said he won’t be her boyfriend, she ran away and this pop tart was so integral to her life that her not eating it made her blood sugar low. So “SHE DED.” nkfrner;frefprokr[krpkgrplgrplg <—- that’s me falling all over my keyboard laughing.
“SHE DED.” So final. So tragic.
So the grieving boy “frows” the pop tart and inside is a “diomand” ring. How the hell do you get a ring inside a gahtdamb pop tart???? Did he call the factory and ask them to place the ring in it? LMAOOOOOOOO!
And who is crying at this story??? The only reason folks should cry is from disappointment at the horrible quality and from laughing so hard that tears fall.
iCan’t. I am unable. I shan’t. No ma’am.
All these children have been left behind. They were left sitting by the school’s front door before the day started and never made their way in.
If this is the future, I want no parts of it. When they’re looking back at 2012 humans in the future and they come across this, they’re gonna think we’re all walking around with IQs of 60. They’ll probably be like “they must have walked sideways.” This is so terrible. It’s so terrible that it’s awesome.
Also, to make myself feel better, I’m gonna say this is a prank. This story was written by staffers of “The Onion.” Sharrap. Let’s go with that. For all our peace of mind. Because surely… NAWL.
The Poptart Tragedy gets better though. Someone had the AMAZING idea to animate this tragedy. With narrations and pronunciation of the story JUST LIKE IT’S SPELLED.
*laughs so hard I make no sound* My chest hurts. HURTS! WHY MUST I CRY?!?!? This animation is EVERYTHING. EVER-REE-THANG. I am wheezing from ALL OF THE LAUGHS.
*wipes eyes* Seriously. You guys. I’ma go have another sip of water. I am cackling and I need to go calm myself down.
I bet y’all are like “Luvvie don lost it. It wasn’t that funny.” IT WAS! Or maybe I’m just easily amused. (-__-)