The Poptart Tragedy: Dumbest, Funniest and Best Story Ever

[ 88 ] December 12, 2012 |

I come across hilarious stuff everyday but last night, I was introduced to the Poptart Tragedy. And I laughed so hard for so long that my stomach legit hurt and I had to take a drink of water to soothe my throat afterwards. I called my friend Antonio and we were both laughing for the first 5 minutes of the conversation before we could hiccup “hello.” Seriously.

The Poptart Tragedy is soooo funny to me and I’m not even sure why. Here it is:

Poptart Tragedy

*DEEEEEEAAAAAADDDDDDD*

Omg. This story is so damb dumb! It’s soooo dumb that I love it. And I have comments.

First of all, why is the poptart so damb important to this story? LMAO! I mean, I like them as much as the next person too lazy to cook breakfast but LAWD! They are life and death, huh?

And then who SPELLS like this? WHO? WHY? WUTTT??? This is barely even English. It’s like if English banged its head against a grammatical wall over and over again. This spelling is atrocious. Is this how kids are writing nowadays? WHAT THE HELL? How are they passing?

But let’s go back to the pop tart. So because she was upset that he said he won’t be her boyfriend, she ran away and this pop tart was so integral to her life that her not eating it made her blood sugar low. So “SHE DED.” nkfrner;frefprokr[krpkgrplgrplg <—- that’s me falling all over my keyboard laughing.

the_poptart_tragedy

“SHE DED.” So final. So tragic.

So the grieving boy “frows” the pop tart and inside is a “diomand” ring. How the hell do you get a ring inside a gahtdamb pop tart???? Did he call the factory and ask them to place the ring in it? LMAOOOOOOOO!

And who is crying at this story??? The only reason folks should cry is from disappointment at the horrible quality and from laughing so hard that tears fall.

iCan’t. I am unable. I shan’t. No ma’am.

All these children have been left behind. They were left sitting by the school’s front door before the day started and never made their way in.

If this is the future, I want no parts of it. When they’re looking back at 2012 humans in the future and they come across this, they’re gonna think we’re all walking around with IQs of 60. They’ll probably be like “they must have walked sideways.” This is so terrible. It’s so terrible that it’s awesome.

Also, to make myself feel better, I’m gonna say this is a prank. This story was written by staffers of “The Onion.” Sharrap. Let’s go with that. For all our peace of mind. Because surely… NAWL.

The Poptart Tragedy gets better though. Someone had the AMAZING idea to animate this tragedy. With narrations and pronunciation of the story JUST LIKE IT’S SPELLED.

*laughs so hard I make no sound* My chest hurts. HURTS! WHY MUST I CRY?!?!? This animation is EVERYTHING. EVER-REE-THANG. I am wheezing from ALL OF THE LAUGHS.

*wipes eyes* Seriously. You guys. I’ma go have another sip of water. I am cackling and I need to go calm myself down.

I bet y’all are like “Luvvie don lost it. It wasn’t that funny.” IT WAS! Or maybe I’m just easily amused. (-__-)

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Sites That Link to this Post

  1. Why My Site Was in Internet Purgatory for the Last 24 Hours | Awesomely Luvvie | December 20, 2012
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  3. [rant] why grammar matters | pamelahsieh.com | March 9, 2013
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  1. LaNeshe says:

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol. ::cries::

  2. deandrea says:

    I thought pregnant women experienced the exact opposite of LOW blood sugar.

    I will not watch this video at work. I refuse to be fired over some nonsense.

  3. PeachyKeen says:

    Luvvie im here moderating a damn webinar and read this and damn near lost mah damn job!!!!
    WHAT THHHHHEEEE HELL!!

  4. My daughter made me watch this. I didn’t think it was funny the first time. So she made my husband watch it & for some reason it was hilarious. “Lik this is you cry every tim” is funny as heck & I have no idea why!!!

  5. M.J. says:

    Pop tarts (or as this shining piece of literature calls it, “poptartz”)? That’s considered romantic nowadays? The only way to this guy’s heart is copious amounts of Cap’n Crunch.

  6. TeeNikki says:

    The written story was just hoodtastic shenanigans. Bleh.

    That daggone animation…………..#slain.

    When he rolled her over and she had the Rudolph X eyes and she ded, I lost my breff.

    Luvvie, I’ma have to send you my doctor’s bill cuz I gots the Askmah and I already cain’t breeff in the winter.

  7. *so many tears……..tears blanketing my Excel spreadsheets nshit at work*

    OMG!!! SOunds like someone whose 4th language is ENglish wrote this

    “She DED”

    *chokes*

    *No..literally chokes cause I was eating Popcorn and our water cooler is out water*

    I ded (LOL)

  8. donell says:

    errrrm – when you through howling…and before you pass out – view this video stat. perhaps that explains your loopiness? http://www.ehow.com/video_12220845_check-gas-leaks-home.html

  9. Nubianess says:

    I. Just. Can’t. Right. Now!!!!! The video made me laugh after struggling w/ reading comprehension! LOLOLOL

  10. *tears*

    “SHE DED”……….. who WROTE THIS? Someone who’s 8th language is English? I cant…and I wont…LOL

    Why was I watching this eating Popcorn?? I almost “ded” my damn self!!

  11. Nesta says:

    So you haven’t seen the Dumbledore one yet huh? Yeah it’s tumblr speak. tumblr. good ol tumblr!

  12. AnnT says:

    The sheer anguish the boi utters at :59 has murked my soul.
    Murked>My>Soul

  13. Christilisa says:

    OMG! I’m currently boarding a plane and I watched that video and I promise I got looks! I laughed so hard I cried. Weak with laughter!

  14. siddy says:

    OH MY GLOB! The story was a red velvet cupcake and the animation was the cream cheese frosting! Who is that narrator? I need him to narrate my life so it seems more interesting LMAO!

  15. Aisha says:

    I love these youtube and facebook sad stories!!! My favorite:

    - A gurl was walkin 2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode. she sed “bbz will u luv me 4evr” he said “NO..””

    - da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.

    - she was ded.

    - he whsipered 2 her corpse
    “I ment to sey I will luv u FIVE-ever……” (dat mean he luv her moar dan 4evr)

  16. I’mm cry-laughing over this … omg … I can’t breath.

    That animation was … just … everything.

    LMBO

  17. BE says:

    First of all, you need to stop posting stuff like this during work hours. I am hollering and sliding our of my chair, getting choked by my headset cord. We don’t have workers comp over here.

    Secondly, that video just took it to a HNL..Hole Nother Level. I can. But I just gadammit refuse to.

  18. Sadiqua says:

    bootiful. dee-ah-mon. ring.

    Everyone involved can get their HellBus 384 ticket validated over here.

  19. Shevonne says:

    (-_____________________-)

  20. Naomi says:

    Now I’m very picky about my comedy and usually when people say “OMG I’m crying and hollering” I’m not because I don’t think it’s that funny, but THIS! I seriously was at work with TEARS in my eyes because it is SO STUPID! The narration, the plot, the drawing….I can’t look at this again….so ded.

  21. janelfelice says:

    I got a headache trying to read this. I’m done.

  22. Ms. Niecy says:

    One of the housekeepers at my job just came in to clean up my area, all she knows is that a black lady in her office looking at the computer crying laughing but WHY??? i hate this damn languade barrier because I would have shared this piece of hahaha with her. Alas, She speaka no english so I must appear to be the crazy black lady. But this was all sooo worth it!!!! LOL, still wiping tears from the corner of my eyes, maybe he meant who was crying laughing every time???

  23. *TEARS* This is the best piece of phuckery i’ve seen all week. Damn you Luvvie for giving me another reason to not be productive! *shakes fists*

  24. Tassi says:

    Longtime lurker here…THIS made me come out of the shadows!!! I’m doing the silent laugh at work so hard that I am crying! That video is EVERYTHING I needed today!

    Now I’m bout to go home and show the hubby and play the video until we DED.

  25. cresec says:

    This is hilarious to me. When I first read it a few weeks ago I just wondered if the girlfriend would know which pop tart contained the diamond ring so she wouldn’t choke on it while eating it. She asked for the pop tart specifically, right? Did he slip the ring in when he was cooking them?

  26. Jaedalaurez says:

    I just…they really did the Intervention Wail at the end, hunh?

    My ability to Can is seriously impaired right now.

  27. MissMe says:

    I have snorted, I have cried, I have a headache… and I will watch it again and again and again… omg this was so funny!

  28. Lexi says:

    *Flatline* Luvvie I can not today lmao!!!! what was that?! huh? I have so many questions! lmao! I can’t.

  29. That Dude says:

    *blink blink*

    I officially quit you!

    *fights air like ‘Tasia Mae…who may actually have written these*

  30. Mikkimu says:

    ______________________________________ *flatline* OMG (my stomach hurts….too many tears….headache from hysterical laughter) That is all!

  31. Tori D. says:

    Ok, when I read the story last week I just rolled my eyes because it was so stupid. But I am WEEEEAAAK at the animation!! Bad idea to watch it at work because I hollered at “she ded” and at that wailing at the end!

  32. kiera says:

    At first i kinda just chuckled until the end of the video when “she ded” & he let out that wail! Now the tears are flowing! Lmao!

  33. just_ari87 says:

    omg!!!! i am done! my eyes and stomach hurt from crying/ laughing so damn much. this is just…. i have no words. thank god i did not read this while i was on a call (i work in a call center). whew.

    luvvie, thanks so much for keeping me in stitches @ work.

  34. RozB says:

    My whole face and head hurts from laughing and I am using my inhaler after seeing the video. I swear there are some twisted folk in this world and I am here for alla it!

  35. KemaB says:

    Word to the wise do not read luvvie posts while walking I almost broke my behind cause my eyes were closed from laughing so hard and because I value my life I will not watch that video nope I won’t. Seriously though as funny as this stupidity is I worry for the next generation because writing like this has become the norm…..

  36. Tasha says:

    I wish I could believe that this was all a parody by the fine folks over at The Onion, but I work with kids everyday and I’ve actually seen some of this in their homework! I’m correcting math homework right now and this little 4th grader swears that she’s got all of it right, but she only got 4 out of the 12 right and I strongly suspect somebody else gave her those 4! When I tried to help her work the last problem, she started counting on her fingers to figure out 10-5=5. True story! What the hell are her teachers doing all day?

  37. MimiLuvs says:

    Awkward moment:
    After you show this blog post and the animation video, your boss stares at the monitor for a full minute and then says ‘I weep for the children’.

  38. Chandi says:

    Luvvie!! You lured me here a month ago with your Scandal recaps & I’ve been lurking ever since…but this ish right here?! This ish right here…is pure gold!! Laughing…crying…can’t breathe…hurting…nose running…all that!! I’m ded & your commentary made it worth it!!

  39. Princess says:

    I want to thank you for giving me my first milk through the nose experience, ma’am. I laughed so hard after reading this… and that video. Staight dead.

  40. YoYo Marie says:

    I am literally in TEARS!!! Reading it was funny but that VIDEO!!! I haven’t laughed that damn hard in so long. I was crying in the first 5 seconds. LMAO! I gotta watch that again… “evrytim” I get sad I’m gonna watch this.

  41. Scorpiona says:

    Oh. My. DearSweetPatchouliBabyJesus! Lubie, u wrung 4 dat! LMAOOOOO

  42. dk says:

    i find it VERY difficult to judge this story as better than the boyfriend dying after donating his ovaries to his girlfriend to save her life. very difficult, but that’s just me.

  43. lawdy says:

    A girl had ovary cancer and she was terminally going to die,
    So she was going to have ovary implants surgery.
    When the day came when she was having her surgery,
    She said goodbye to her parents and told her boyfriend she loved him.
    She came out of the surgery and had no cancer because she was cured.
    She saw her family but asked where her boyfriend was.
    Her mom then said “Wait, didn’t the doctor tell you who donated the ovaries?”.

    Like this if you love your boyfriend.

  44. Bey says:

    Wolks sydwaiia fols ova!

  45. Tainette says:

    You kow I should know better than reading this at work. My co workers are looking at me all kinda funny. The video has me weak. lolol

  46. Rain says:

    I love whoever made the video. Lmfaooo

  47. Shavon says:

    I lost it as soon as the poptarts hit the wall and the narrator said “bootiful diomand” in the animation. Lmao I can’t and won’t deal.

  48. Jos says:

    Lmaooo I am at work in tears faking like I have a bad cough! I’m Ded! *epic narrator voice*

  49. I’m back because I can’t get enough of this phuckery. But how do you get a ring inside of a Pop Tart?

  50. CaliGirlED says:

    I hate you Luvvie!!! I hate whoever wrote that story! I want to kill whoever made that video!!! My head is hurting I’m laughing so damn hard!!! And now I’m about to cough up a lung! *wipes tears and catches breath*

  51. lorraine says:

    I have this one on my ipod because I could not stop laughing. You should see the other one called 5-ever

  52. Mark the Pilgrim says:

    These kinds of stories are parodies of those: “like this if you cry” type of spam stories that were appearing in FB comments about a year or two ago. They’re intentionally spelt poorly and tell stupid stories.
    Luvvie, if you think that’s stupid, you should look up the Kush and lyrikz parody of all those Swag kids. Now, that’s hilarious!

  53. natasha says:

    WHY DOES THE NARRATOR SOUND LIKE HE’S RECITING GHETTO SHAKESPEAR?!?

  54. Nerl says:

    Me thinks I’m going to HELL cuz I *laugh* *choke* *lost my bref* at “she has low blood suga so she fols”

  55. Symone says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *DEAD*

  56. Shar says:

    OhhhhhEMmmmmmmmmGeeeeeeeeeee !!!! LOLIRL (laughing out loud in real life). I literally have tears in my eyes. The video didn’t help at ALL! I’m trying to figure out why this is so funny to me. Gonna go read it again and forward it to my sister. This is just horrible. Horribly funny. TThanks for the laugh!!!!

  57. Tanzania says:

    That video has me in tears, the narrator is so serious. I got that damn silent laugh going
    Thanks Luvvie for the hiccups.
    *I ded*

  58. Clinton says:

    LMFAO IM DED!!! I wants no part of the poptarts now LOL

  59. CaliGirlED says:

    I need to like dat cuz I cry evrytim! Bwahahahaha!!! *wipes tears*

  60. Classy says:

    When I read it, I was saddened by the state of our educational system and told my husband I worry for put child and she will be left behind with all these idiots. Then I fell dead when I watched the video. Im glad i made it to the bathroom in time. Feather forgive me for being so judgmental and laughing at these poor children.

  61. Natasha says:

    No m’am. I cannot be laughing at you after midnight!!!

  62. Sheila says:

    I simply cannot #icant

  63. Aly says:

    I feel that I must point this out because it’s bugging me: It’s “damn”

    Really, it should be “damned” but whatever.

    was “damned”
    will be “damned”
    is “damned”
    to “damn”
    the act of “damning”
    the state of “damnation”

    Still a better love story than Twilight.

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