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The Poptart Tragedy: Dumbest, Funniest and Best Story Ever

I come across hilarious stuff everyday but last night, I was introduced to the Poptart Tragedy. And I laughed so hard for so long that my stomach legit hurt and I had to take a drink of water to soothe my throat afterwards. I called my friend Antonio and we were both laughing for the first 5 minutes of the conversation before we could hiccup “hello.” Seriously.

The Poptart Tragedy is soooo funny to me and I’m not even sure why. Here it is:

Poptart Tragedy

*DEEEEEEAAAAAADDDDDDD*

Omg. This story is so damb dumb! It’s soooo dumb that I love it. And I have comments.

First of all, why is the poptart so damb important to this story? LMAO! I mean, I like them as much as the next person too lazy to cook breakfast but LAWD! They are life and death, huh?

And then who SPELLS like this? WHO? WHY? WUTTT??? This is barely even English. It’s like if English banged its head against a grammatical wall over and over again. This spelling is atrocious. Is this how kids are writing nowadays? WHAT THE HELL? How are they passing?

But let’s go back to the pop tart. So because she was upset that he said he won’t be her boyfriend, she ran away and this pop tart was so integral to her life that her not eating it made her blood sugar low. So “SHE DED.” nkfrner;frefprokr[krpkgrplgrplg <—- that’s me falling all over my keyboard laughing.

the_poptart_tragedy

“SHE DED.” So final. So tragic.

So the grieving boy “frows” the pop tart and inside is a “diomand” ring. How the hell do you get a ring inside a gahtdamb pop tart???? Did he call the factory and ask them to place the ring in it? LMAOOOOOOOO!

And who is crying at this story??? The only reason folks should cry is from disappointment at the horrible quality and from laughing so hard that tears fall.

iCan’t. I am unable. I shan’t. No ma’am.

All these children have been left behind. They were left sitting by the school’s front door before the day started and never made their way in.

If this is the future, I want no parts of it. When they’re looking back at 2012 humans in the future and they come across this, they’re gonna think we’re all walking around with IQs of 60. They’ll probably be like “they must have walked sideways.” This is so terrible. It’s so terrible that it’s awesome.

Also, to make myself feel better, I’m gonna say this is a prank. This story was written by staffers of “The Onion.” Sharrap. Let’s go with that. For all our peace of mind. Because surely… NAWL.

The Poptart Tragedy gets better though. Someone had the AMAZING idea to animate this tragedy. With narrations and pronunciation of the story JUST LIKE IT’S SPELLED.

*laughs so hard I make no sound* My chest hurts. HURTS! WHY MUST I CRY?!?!? This animation is EVERYTHING. EVER-REE-THANG. I am wheezing from ALL OF THE LAUGHS.

*wipes eyes* Seriously. You guys. I’ma go have another sip of water. I am cackling and I need to go calm myself down.

I bet y’all are like “Luvvie don lost it. It wasn’t that funny.” IT WAS! Or maybe I’m just easily amused. (-__-)

91 Comments

  1. December 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm — Reply

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol. ::cries::

  2. deandrea
    December 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm — Reply

    I thought pregnant women experienced the exact opposite of LOW blood sugar.

    I will not watch this video at work. I refuse to be fired over some nonsense.

  3. PeachyKeen
    December 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    Luvvie im here moderating a damn webinar and read this and damn near lost mah damn job!!!!
    WHAT THHHHHEEEE HELL!!

  4. December 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    My daughter made me watch this. I didn’t think it was funny the first time. So she made my husband watch it & for some reason it was hilarious. “Lik this is you cry every tim” is funny as heck & I have no idea why!!!

  5. December 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    No words.

  6. M.J.
    December 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm — Reply

    Pop tarts (or as this shining piece of literature calls it, “poptartz”)? That’s considered romantic nowadays? The only way to this guy’s heart is copious amounts of Cap’n Crunch.

    • Siddy
      December 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm — Reply

      I see you don’t want to ever eat anything again, with the roof of your mouth gone and everything… ha

      • Scorpiona
        December 13, 2012 at 12:42 am — Reply

        ^^THIS!!^^ bwahahahahahahahaha *wipes tears* bwahahahahahahahaha *whoooo chile* bwahahahahahahahaha …

  7. TeeNikki
    December 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    The written story was just hoodtastic shenanigans. Bleh.

    That daggone animation…………..#slain.

    When he rolled her over and she had the Rudolph X eyes and she ded, I lost my breff.

    Luvvie, I’ma have to send you my doctor’s bill cuz I gots the Askmah and I already cain’t breeff in the winter.

  8. December 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    *so many tears……..tears blanketing my Excel spreadsheets nshit at work*

    OMG!!! SOunds like someone whose 4th language is ENglish wrote this

    “She DED”

    *chokes*

    *No..literally chokes cause I was eating Popcorn and our water cooler is out water*

    I ded (LOL)

  9. donell
    December 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm — Reply

    errrrm – when you through howling…and before you pass out – view this video stat. perhaps that explains your loopiness? http://www.ehow.com/video_12220845_check-gas-leaks-home.html

  10. December 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm — Reply

    I. Just. Can’t. Right. Now!!!!! The video made me laugh after struggling w/ reading comprehension! LOLOLOL

  11. December 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    *tears*

    “SHE DED”……….. who WROTE THIS? Someone who’s 8th language is English? I cant…and I wont…LOL

    Why was I watching this eating Popcorn?? I almost “ded” my damn self!!

    • viimo
      December 12, 2012 at 5:38 pm — Reply

      8Th language though???!?!?!Rotf I’m ded

  12. Nesta
    December 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm — Reply

    So you haven’t seen the Dumbledore one yet huh? Yeah it’s tumblr speak. tumblr. good ol tumblr!

  13. AnnT
    December 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm — Reply

    The sheer anguish the boi utters at :59 has murked my soul.
    Murked>My>Soul

  14. December 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm — Reply

    OMG! I’m currently boarding a plane and I watched that video and I promise I got looks! I laughed so hard I cried. Weak with laughter!

  15. siddy
    December 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm — Reply

    OH MY GLOB! The story was a red velvet cupcake and the animation was the cream cheese frosting! Who is that narrator? I need him to narrate my life so it seems more interesting LMAO!

    • December 14, 2012 at 9:15 am — Reply

      And Oh my glob just made it that much better because now I want to reread it in my Lumpy Space Princess voice.

  16. Aisha
    December 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm — Reply

    I love these youtube and facebook sad stories!!! My favorite:

    - A gurl was walkin 2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode. she sed “bbz will u luv me 4evr” he said “NO..””

    - da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.

    - she was ded.

    - he whsipered 2 her corpse
    “I ment to sey I will luv u FIVE-ever……” (dat mean he luv her moar dan 4evr)

    • MissMe
      December 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm — Reply

      I hate you making me laugh even harder after I am already literally crying over this video!

    • Taj Mahal
      December 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm — Reply
    • M
      December 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm — Reply

      Here’s the video for the 5ever animation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE

      Now I’m ded…bury in my good white dress please.

      • December 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm — Reply

        I. JUST. FELL. OUT! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

      • Bukky
        December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm — Reply

        Real MFing tears are streaming down my face…I’m in my office dying of laughter.

    • mskay
      December 12, 2012 at 9:33 pm — Reply

      Damn you, Aisha! As if Luvvie’s post wasnt enough. You done made me kaugh so hard, I have a headache.

    • Antonio
      December 13, 2012 at 12:22 am — Reply

      I JUST CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. December 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm — Reply

    I’mm cry-laughing over this … omg … I can’t breath.

    That animation was … just … everything.

    LMBO

  18. BE
    December 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm — Reply

    First of all, you need to stop posting stuff like this during work hours. I am hollering and sliding our of my chair, getting choked by my headset cord. We don’t have workers comp over here.

    Secondly, that video just took it to a HNL..Hole Nother Level. I can. But I just gadammit refuse to.

  19. Sadiqua
    December 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm — Reply

    bootiful. dee-ah-mon. ring.

    Everyone involved can get their HellBus 384 ticket validated over here.

  20. Shevonne
    December 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm — Reply

    (-_____________________-)

  21. Naomi
    December 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm — Reply

    Now I’m very picky about my comedy and usually when people say “OMG I’m crying and hollering” I’m not because I don’t think it’s that funny, but THIS! I seriously was at work with TEARS in my eyes because it is SO STUPID! The narration, the plot, the drawing….I can’t look at this again….so ded.

  22. janelfelice
    December 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm — Reply

    I got a headache trying to read this. I’m done.

  23. Ms. Niecy
    December 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm — Reply

    One of the housekeepers at my job just came in to clean up my area, all she knows is that a black lady in her office looking at the computer crying laughing but WHY??? i hate this damn languade barrier because I would have shared this piece of hahaha with her. Alas, She speaka no english so I must appear to be the crazy black lady. But this was all sooo worth it!!!! LOL, still wiping tears from the corner of my eyes, maybe he meant who was crying laughing every time???

  24. December 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm — Reply

    *TEARS* This is the best piece of phuckery i’ve seen all week. Damn you Luvvie for giving me another reason to not be productive! *shakes fists*

  25. Tassi
    December 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm — Reply

    Longtime lurker here…THIS made me come out of the shadows!!! I’m doing the silent laugh at work so hard that I am crying! That video is EVERYTHING I needed today!

    Now I’m bout to go home and show the hubby and play the video until we DED.

  26. December 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm — Reply

    This is hilarious to me. When I first read it a few weeks ago I just wondered if the girlfriend would know which pop tart contained the diamond ring so she wouldn’t choke on it while eating it. She asked for the pop tart specifically, right? Did he slip the ring in when he was cooking them?

  27. Jaedalaurez
    December 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm — Reply

    I just…they really did the Intervention Wail at the end, hunh?

    My ability to Can is seriously impaired right now.

  28. MissMe
    December 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    I have snorted, I have cried, I have a headache… and I will watch it again and again and again… omg this was so funny!

  29. Lexi
    December 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm — Reply

    *Flatline* Luvvie I can not today lmao!!!! what was that?! huh? I have so many questions! lmao! I can’t.

  30. That Dude
    December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm — Reply

    *blink blink*

    I officially quit you!

    *fights air like ‘Tasia Mae…who may actually have written these*

    • Raspberry Jones
      December 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm — Reply

      *fights air like ‘Tasia Mae…who may actually have written these* <——- THIS! Lmaooooo!!!

      I can't! I'm "DED"!

      • December 13, 2012 at 12:45 am — Reply

        Oooh I’m finna buy some stock in gasoline cuz the amount God gonna pour on ya draws to hell is gonna make me an Oprahnaire!

  31. Mikkimu
    December 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm — Reply

    ______________________________________ *flatline* OMG (my stomach hurts….too many tears….headache from hysterical laughter) That is all!

  32. December 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    Ok, when I read the story last week I just rolled my eyes because it was so stupid. But I am WEEEEAAAK at the animation!! Bad idea to watch it at work because I hollered at “she ded” and at that wailing at the end!

  33. kiera
    December 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm — Reply

    At first i kinda just chuckled until the end of the video when “she ded” & he let out that wail! Now the tears are flowing! Lmao!

  34. just_ari87
    December 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm — Reply

    omg!!!! i am done! my eyes and stomach hurt from crying/ laughing so damn much. this is just…. i have no words. thank god i did not read this while i was on a call (i work in a call center). whew.

    luvvie, thanks so much for keeping me in stitches @ work.

  35. December 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm — Reply

    My whole face and head hurts from laughing and I am using my inhaler after seeing the video. I swear there are some twisted folk in this world and I am here for alla it!

  36. KemaB
    December 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm — Reply

    Word to the wise do not read luvvie posts while walking I almost broke my behind cause my eyes were closed from laughing so hard and because I value my life I will not watch that video nope I won’t. Seriously though as funny as this stupidity is I worry for the next generation because writing like this has become the norm…..

  37. Tasha
    December 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm — Reply

    I wish I could believe that this was all a parody by the fine folks over at The Onion, but I work with kids everyday and I’ve actually seen some of this in their homework! I’m correcting math homework right now and this little 4th grader swears that she’s got all of it right, but she only got 4 out of the 12 right and I strongly suspect somebody else gave her those 4! When I tried to help her work the last problem, she started counting on her fingers to figure out 10-5=5. True story! What the hell are her teachers doing all day?

  38. MimiLuvs
    December 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm — Reply

    Awkward moment:
    After you show this blog post and the animation video, your boss stares at the monitor for a full minute and then says ‘I weep for the children’.

  39. Chandi
    December 12, 2012 at 7:54 pm — Reply

    Luvvie!! You lured me here a month ago with your Scandal recaps & I’ve been lurking ever since…but this ish right here?! This ish right here…is pure gold!! Laughing…crying…can’t breathe…hurting…nose running…all that!! I’m ded & your commentary made it worth it!!

  40. Princess
    December 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm — Reply

    I want to thank you for giving me my first milk through the nose experience, ma’am. I laughed so hard after reading this… and that video. Staight dead.

  41. YoYo Marie
    December 12, 2012 at 10:14 pm — Reply

    I am literally in TEARS!!! Reading it was funny but that VIDEO!!! I haven’t laughed that damn hard in so long. I was crying in the first 5 seconds. LMAO! I gotta watch that again… “evrytim” I get sad I’m gonna watch this.

  42. Scorpiona
    December 13, 2012 at 12:51 am — Reply

    Oh. My. DearSweetPatchouliBabyJesus! Lubie, u wrung 4 dat! LMAOOOOO

  43. December 13, 2012 at 1:57 am — Reply

    i find it VERY difficult to judge this story as better than the boyfriend dying after donating his ovaries to his girlfriend to save her life. very difficult, but that’s just me.

  44. lawdy
    December 13, 2012 at 2:26 am — Reply

    A girl had ovary cancer and she was terminally going to die,
    So she was going to have ovary implants surgery.
    When the day came when she was having her surgery,
    She said goodbye to her parents and told her boyfriend she loved him.
    She came out of the surgery and had no cancer because she was cured.
    She saw her family but asked where her boyfriend was.
    Her mom then said “Wait, didn’t the doctor tell you who donated the ovaries?”.

    Like this if you love your boyfriend.

    • MJG
      December 13, 2012 at 10:40 am — Reply

      Moral of the story: Your man was a hermaphrodite.

  45. Bey
    December 13, 2012 at 7:14 am — Reply

    Wolks sydwaiia fols ova!

    • Taj Mahal
      December 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm — Reply

      Ha! I see what you did there!

  46. Tainette
    December 13, 2012 at 11:05 am — Reply

    You kow I should know better than reading this at work. My co workers are looking at me all kinda funny. The video has me weak. lolol

  47. Rain
    December 13, 2012 at 11:19 am — Reply

    I love whoever made the video. Lmfaooo

  48. Shavon
    December 13, 2012 at 11:43 am — Reply

    I lost it as soon as the poptarts hit the wall and the narrator said “bootiful diomand” in the animation. Lmao I can’t and won’t deal.

  49. Jos
    December 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm — Reply

    Lmaooo I am at work in tears faking like I have a bad cough! I’m Ded! *epic narrator voice*

  50. December 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm — Reply

    I’m back because I can’t get enough of this phuckery. But how do you get a ring inside of a Pop Tart?

  51. CaliGirlED
    December 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm — Reply

    I hate you Luvvie!!! I hate whoever wrote that story! I want to kill whoever made that video!!! My head is hurting I’m laughing so damn hard!!! And now I’m about to cough up a lung! *wipes tears and catches breath*

  52. lorraine
    December 16, 2012 at 7:16 pm — Reply

    I have this one on my ipod because I could not stop laughing. You should see the other one called 5-ever

  53. Mark the Pilgrim
    December 17, 2012 at 6:58 pm — Reply

    These kinds of stories are parodies of those: “like this if you cry” type of spam stories that were appearing in FB comments about a year or two ago. They’re intentionally spelt poorly and tell stupid stories.
    Luvvie, if you think that’s stupid, you should look up the Kush and lyrikz parody of all those Swag kids. Now, that’s hilarious!

  54. natasha
    December 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm — Reply

    WHY DOES THE NARRATOR SOUND LIKE HE’S RECITING GHETTO SHAKESPEAR?!?

  55. [...] was down. Literally. Especially since yesterday, a huge YouTube named Elle Fowler had linked to my Poptart Tragedy post, and was bringing me thousands of visitors. You know how much ad dollars I lost??? There was [...]

  56. Nerl
    December 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm — Reply

    Me thinks I’m going to HELL cuz I *laugh* *choke* *lost my bref* at “she has low blood suga so she fols”

  57. January 17, 2013 at 10:02 am — Reply

    [...] Favorite Blog Post: The Poptart Tragedy [...]

  58. February 3, 2013 at 2:20 pm — Reply

    AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *DEAD*

  59. [...] looks uneducated and sloppy. For an exaggerated example of this, please read this post on the Pop Tart Tragedy, which had me doubled over in laughter for almost an entire day due to its unabashed [...]

  60. Shar
    May 29, 2013 at 8:38 pm — Reply

    OhhhhhEMmmmmmmmmGeeeeeeeeeee !!!! LOLIRL (laughing out loud in real life). I literally have tears in my eyes. The video didn’t help at ALL! I’m trying to figure out why this is so funny to me. Gonna go read it again and forward it to my sister. This is just horrible. Horribly funny. TThanks for the laugh!!!!

  61. Tanzania
    May 29, 2013 at 9:01 pm — Reply

    That video has me in tears, the narrator is so serious. I got that damn silent laugh going
    Thanks Luvvie for the hiccups.
    *I ded*

  62. May 29, 2013 at 9:18 pm — Reply

    LMFAO IM DED!!! I wants no part of the poptarts now LOL

  63. CaliGirlED
    May 29, 2013 at 9:28 pm — Reply

    I need to like dat cuz I cry evrytim! Bwahahahaha!!! *wipes tears*

  64. Classy
    May 29, 2013 at 10:03 pm — Reply

    When I read it, I was saddened by the state of our educational system and told my husband I worry for put child and she will be left behind with all these idiots. Then I fell dead when I watched the video. Im glad i made it to the bathroom in time. Feather forgive me for being so judgmental and laughing at these poor children.

  65. May 29, 2013 at 11:40 pm — Reply

    No m’am. I cannot be laughing at you after midnight!!!

  66. Sheila
    May 30, 2013 at 1:30 am — Reply

    I simply cannot #icant

  67. Aly
    August 8, 2013 at 10:20 am — Reply

    I feel that I must point this out because it’s bugging me: It’s “damn”

    Really, it should be “damned” but whatever.

    was “damned”
    will be “damned”
    is “damned”
    to “damn”
    the act of “damning”
    the state of “damnation”

    Still a better love story than Twilight.

    • August 8, 2013 at 11:10 am — Reply

      Oh WOW Aly! You just dropped some gems of wisdom. Could it be that I actually like spelling it “damb?” Possibly couldn’t. O______o

  68. Jamie
    October 30, 2013 at 9:09 am — Reply
  69. 23 Awesome Female Bloggers To Follow in 2014 | UrbSocietyMagazine
    November 30, 2013 at 11:08 am — Reply

    […] Favorite Blog Post: The Poptart Tragedy […]

  70. Tracey
    June 22, 2014 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    O/-< *dead*

    The reader's voice and these words…priceless!

  71. Beth
    June 23, 2014 at 10:32 pm — Reply

    You need to leave Pootie Tang and Biggie Shortie’s babies alone! They are trying to get their writing careers going!

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