I didn’t have any intentions of watching the TLC’s newest show Best Funeral Ever because it just sounded like a hot mess to me. But last night, Angel Laws and Joanna Simkin were live-tweeting it and I was pulled in. And they told me I needed to watch it because it’s all the ratchetness I’d love. Angel said it was drama, funerals and BBQ sauce. And she hooked me. So I DVRed it and watched it.
Best Funegro Ever might be my newest guilty pleasure. Unlike the other ratchet shows, this one has an underlying great message. The show is all about sending people to the Golden Gates of Glory in style, giving their families one last chance to really celebrate their lives. Under all the ratchet, it’s really kinda sweet.
The show is about a Black-owned funeral home in Dallas, Texas, called Golden Gates. They pride themselves on over the top homegoings, sending people off in style and fulfilling any wishes of family members. Their motto is “You may be in a casket but it can still be fantastic.” HA1
Golden Gates is run by John Beckwith Jr., an older gentleman with a penchant for loud suits, and employs a large staff of interesting funeral planners. One of them is a neck-swerving dude named Trendnard, who seems to enjoy the use of crisco in his hair, which is slicked down and greasier than ever. Then we got E, a too-sensitive chick who doesn’t get along with Trendnard even though they gotta work together often. There’s B3, Mr. Beckwith’s son, and Shondrea, who rocks a gold tooth in one of her front teeth. Chile… the characters.
Within the first 10 minutes of the show, I was already unable to handle to foolery and was cackling like a cartoon. In came a woman named Shirley, who was burying her brother, Wolf. His legacy is being the dude who sang the Chilli’s Baby Back Ribs jingle. They came up with the idea to have a BBQ-themed funeral for him, to truly honor his memory.
And then we were introduced to the professional mourners and I just bouta hollered. They are a group of people who take classes to become better at crying on command at other people’s funerals. They “help the family get started.” And they even practice techniques of sobbing and grieving. When one of them demonstrated the “Tornado Roll” I wanted to fall out my chair.
LMAOOOOOOOOO!!! This dude hit his Tazmanian Devil ALL over the pews!!! iCan’t. Who is doing that at funerals??? What if there are other people sitting next to him? What in the world?
Whooooo! I tell you.
At the BBQ-themed funeral held in a barn, they had this man in a BBQ grill casket. And there was a barbecue sauce fondue fountain. And they sang “Chilli’s baby back ribs” as they carried his BBQ grill casket.
And the person doing his eulogy was in a chef hat. And he ended his kind words with “I don’t know about anybody else but I want my baby baby baby back ribs!” Then to give real honor, the family dipped ribs in the sauce fountain and took a bite in a touching ceremony. FOR WOLF. What if someone in the family was a vegetarian? Would it be disrespect to turn it down? I had questions but no answers. The family was TURNT UP and had a good time for Wolf.
The other funerals they had were just as ocrazy. There was the Christmas-themed one for a man who loved, well, Jesus’ birthday. So the reverend put on a Santa costume, they brought the casket down the aisles in a sleigh and there was a manger with live animals. As they preached and eulogized the deceased, fake snow started falling from the ceiling. And one professional mourner was hot stepping in the pews for her life. People were all touched in the spirit in the midst of the tacky decorations. It was nice. O_O
Then we had the Carnival funeral, for Jerry, a man who had spina bifida. He loved the fair but could never go on any of the rides since he was wheelchair-bound all his life. So they cremated him and decided to take his ashes (in an urn) to the state fair for a day and get on all the rides. I just hoped Jerry ain’t end up all over the coasters. Thankfully he didn’t. They played ring toss with the urn, took it for bumper cars (Lawd), and even went down slides with it. I was nervous but all was well. The family got the closure they needed and Jerry got to “have the time of his eternal life” according to Pastor Eaton.
Yes. This show is everything. It’s foolery and I’m appalled and amazed and I think I love it. TLC’s clearly in the ratchet TV game now, with Honey Boo Boo and now this.
Did y’all watch it? Lemme know whatcha thought. Also, I SEE YOU, TEXAS!