Stallion Booty, Crazy Kenya: RHOA Episode 13 Recap
I didn’t get a chance to watch last week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta episode until yesterday since I was in DC running the streets for Inauguration weekend. For those who realized my site was recap-deficient last week, that’s what happened. But I caught up to the haps, and it seems that Kenya is feeling butthurt about her business deal with Phaedraw falling through. Naturally (O_O), her reaction is to steal Phaedra’s idea and name it something incredibly similar. The mark of unoriginal punk asses everywhere who aren’t about that life. UGH. But let’s get into last night’s episode.
Stallion and Donkey In Effect – Phaedra is getting ready for a photoshoot for the Donkey Booty video, while Kenya is working out with her trainer to get ready for the Stallion Booty video. Too bad Kenya’s yansh looks like two volleyballs in her workout pants. And this is not a compliment. The rumor is that Miss Moore’s booty ain’t homegrown, but injected. So her tryna teach folks how to have huge asses is like Star Jones teaching folks who to lose weight naturally. But I’m sleep. (-___-)
Bailey Pageants – Cynthia is looking to expand the Bailey Agency to start doing pageants so she gets an expert to come talk to her. I gave her much credit for her dope seersucker pencil skirt but had to take it away when I noticed her rocking cobalt eyeshadow over her entire eyelids. At 2pm. Where is that ok???
Lunch Meeting For Dummies – Kenya has summoned Porsha to come to lunch with her, and like the fool she is, Porsha goes. She shows up and Kenya starts telling her that she wants to make sure she gets her side of the booty video workout drama. Why do these women care so much about what folks they don’t like think? Chile, BOOO! Before long, the ladies are yelling at each other, picking up their purses and leaving. As she walks away, Porsha looks at Kenya’s feet and says “BYE ASHY!” They’re 5 years old.
Put a Couch On It – Nene and Gregg go furniture shopping for their new LA home. Lenethia reminisces about how much of a difference a year makes, since this time last year, they had just gotten a divorce. Now, they’re picking out furniture together and rekindling their romance. Nene says she’s considering marrying him, and if they do and he acts up, she’ll just divorce him again. Welp.
Pageant Planning – Cynthia and Porsha meet with a pageant planner at a proposed venue to talk about what’s needed to put on this pageant. She’s super clueless about how to put one on and enlists Porsha to be her assistant. LAWD! She doesn’t learn because every time she mixes business with pleasure, it doesn’t go well.
Exotic Night of Shade – The ladies decide to switch it up and go to a Mediterranean restaurant. For the occasion, Porsha and Cynthia rock non-matching jeweled headbands. Lawdt. The convo turns to Kenya, who is MIA, and Phaedra throws all the shade in her little big bootied body. She says she believes Kenya has a drinking problem and might be bipolar. “The day Kenya Moore shows me up is the day this donkey booty becomes as flat as a pancake.” HA! The subject changes to pageants and apparently Porsha might be singing at the Bailey Pageant. That fool said her singing voice is a combo of Mary J. Blige, Beyonce and Rihanna. Talmbout it’s a “congloboration” of them. Girl, next time, stick to penny words, not $10 ones. Also, NAWL. Get your LIFE!
White Woman of Color – Nene meets with her acting coach, Lee, to talk about her role on “The New Normal.” She wants to make sure she plays it well and says she didn’t see a “Black” character on paper. Lee tells her she can channel it and asks “Where’s the white woman in you?” Well, clearly, she’s in that platinum blonde hairhat on Nene’s head.
Golf and Instigating – With a sweater hanging from her shoulders like her name is Carlton Banks, Cynthia meets with Kenya for a game of golf. She fills her in on everything Phaedra said at dinner, and adding some “Girlll and then she went…” of her own. Ma’am, why are you instigating??? Kenya says she won’t accept the disrespect and “I don’t take it lying down. Even from my man.” What man, Manti Te’o? WHAT MAN DO YOU HAVE??? WOMP.
Lunch with Lawrence – Kenya and RHOA’s purse, Miss Lawrence, hang out and she immediately launches into the salty story of how she feels wronged by Phaedra. I was too busy being distracted by Lawrence’s too-red lipstick. What was his reason for being on my screen looking like blackface? Unacceptable.
Shoe Launch, Crazy Fool – Nene partners with ShoeDazzle to launch a new shoe named “Lenethia” and she invites all the ladies to come. Proceeds of the event and the shoe are going to a domestic violence charity. Kenya is the last to arrive, and she comes with Miss Lawrence, with the mission of making fun of Phaedra for making fun of her. The moment she walks in, everyone’s jaw drops. Kenya is rocking her version of Phae’s Anguilla fishnet bathing suit outfit, with buttpads. It was SOOOO tacky and classless.
If you want to make fun of Phaedra, find the correct venue for it because that wasn’t it! She then starts yelling about how Phaedra ain’t got the body to do a video and just being a squawking bird. Ms. Parks responds to her with side-eyes and sentences in hush tones, making Kenya look like the ENTIRE fool she is. The woman got about 15 screws loose. Can’t nobody tell me otherwise.
Next week, Walter is back and Porsha gets checked by Kordell. Chile… stay tuned.
Anywho, how is it that Kenya gets crazier by the week? Is this really her plan to success?
Edit: Ok so I’m goofy. I was wondering why I hadn’t got any comments on my latest post, which is the RHOA recap, and it turns out that I accidentally turned off the comments. I just noticed. WOMPS! Comments back up!