I know I’m 10 days late for this but I had to get my mind right before watching the newest episode of Scandal. Since I missed it when it first came on and folks told me the next new one isn’t coming on til March 21, I wanted to delay my thirst so it took me a week before watching. Last night, I saddown and pressed “play” on my DVR for an hour of Shonda playing my emotions like the world’s smallest violin.
David in the Dark – David Rosen is the last one in the school building and as he’s leaving, he drops the stack of papers he’s holding. The lights go out. He picks them up, then hears footsteps, so he panics and runs out the building. Oh lawd, who’s tryna murk Rosen?
Meeting or Date – Olivia meets up with Jake at a restaurant, apologizes for being late for their meeting and he tells her it’s a date. She tries to argue it but he ain’t hearing it. They leave and go sit in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Liv asks him “what is albatross?” and he agrees to spend only 30 seconds explaining it to her. In Shonda fast forward talk, that’s about 3 minutes in regular conversation.
Jake says there’s a mole who leaked classified info and he is known as Albatross. Now, it’s a name folks blame info leaks on. Liv asks him about Wendy’s (the girl that was killed 2 eps ago) connection to it and he tells her 30 seconds is up. Soon after, Liv’s phone rings and she says “I’ll be right there. Ten minutes.” A fixer’s job is never done! Also, shoutout to those BAD ASS ash gray elbow leather gloves she had on. YESSSS!
Fitz Fail – Fitz is in his office ranting to Mellie about how the press is running tabs on how bad he’s failing on handling the hostage situation he botched. You failed because you didn’t listen to Cyrus so if the papers are putting you on blast, DEAL. Mellie is trying her best to be cheerleader, and she isn’t really that good at it. Then he gets a visitor who turns out to be Jake. They’re old Navy buddies. UH OH!
David Gets the Gladiators – David goes to the Gladiators, concerned that he’s being followed. Liv tells Huck to trail him to ensure his safety. Speaking of trail, Huck is apparently walking around smelling like Pepe Le Peu, leaving funk behind him. The others notice that he isn’t showering and has the office smelling like feet, corn chips and spoiled pickles.
Fitz Follow Scheme – Jake isn’t visiting the White House just to have Scotch with Fitz, but is there to report on his surveillance. The reason he’s been video spying on Liv is because President Ghost asked him to. He says “It’s my professional opinion that she seems harmless.” Ghostie replies with “You’re watching tapes and reviewing videos. You don’t know her. She’s not a good person.” NAWL, FITZ!!! What you NOT gon do is come for Liv like this! ALL THIS HATERATION IN HER DANCERIE! Besides, ain’t that the pot calling the kettle evil when he just murked Justice Verna 15 minutes ago? Keep it cute, Fitz!
The Caldwells in Need – The Caldwells are a legacy political family, known just as much for their drama as their politics.
Peter Caldwell asks Olivia to help his little brother, Will, who’s running for the governor of North Carolina, but isn’t in a relationship. There are rumors that his brother is gay because he doesn’t date nor has he been linked to any women in ten years. Will (I see you, ex-hubby of Joan from Mad Men) insists he’s not gay, and Liv tells him that IF he is, she can still help him but a super single, non-widowed governor is something people cannot grasp. “Give me 10 years and I could make a gay president.” WERK, LIV POPE! He finally says he will allow them to find him a fake wife before his big gala so Harrison and Abby are charged with finding her.
Two jackrabbits – Abby sees David waiting for Huck in the Gladiator office and one sentence leads to her legs up on the wooden desk as David strokes it out. Later on, they also get it ON in parking garage. Those two… lollll.
Hostage Situation Horrid – President Ghost is going off on his defense team when Cyrus comes in and says they have a huge problem. The media has been given a tape by the terrorists holding American citizens hostage. Anchorman Parks & Recs says the video is highly disturbing before it plays. He wasn’t lying cuz what it showed was a hostage’s head being cut off. Everyone looks away as it’s happening but Fitz stares at it. “Turn it off. TURN IT OFF!” is all he can say. AWWW NAWWW!
Wet, Wavy and Vulnerable – Olivia is sitting in her room looking all sad and downtrodden like her puppy got stolen. Our girl is in her bathrobe, rocking her hair in its natural state, like real vulnerable Gs do! I was like “LEMME FIND OUT LIV GOT THAT 3B WET AND WAVY HAIR! YAAASSSSS!”
Meanwhile, Officer Truman touches his TV screen like he wanted to help her detangle it or something. Then he calls, asking her for a 2nd date and she’s in no mood to talk and tells him she doesn’t date. Him: “What was his name? Want me to beat him up for you? Cuz clearly he was no good.” HIS NAME WAS FITZ!!! Go slap him! Oh, he ain’t ask me (-__-). Anyway, Liv goes to change and Jake turns off the TV before she gets nekkid. How gentlemanly.
Not Your League, Mellie – Mellie writes a press release as a way to address the hostage situation gone terrible and Cyrus tells her this is no time for nice notes. He says the real way to go about it is to make drone strikes to get the American confidence back, but since Ghost isn’t listening to him, he cannot advise him on how to deal. “You get revenge. Blood for blood… you hold them accountable and they will find the hostages for us.” First Lady Wackness tells him “I will pass it along and let him know it’s your idea.” Yeah aight. (-__-)
David’s Scared and Huck’s Affected – David is teaching his high school class but is distracted because he keeps looking outside. Homeboy is scared but Huck’s sitting in a car outside looking out for him. Well, Huck is sitting in the car looking more affected than usual. WHASSA MATTER, HUCK?
Boom Goes the Dynamite – Harrison, Abby and Quinn are watching Will and the lady they found for him in the conference room. Harrison asks Quinsey if she told Huck to take a shower yet and she says she thinks there’s something wrong with him. Harrison: “He’s Huck. There’s something VERY wrong with him. That doesn’t give him a pass on hygiene.” HA! But on a good note, the matchup is working and they see a spark between the lady and Will. So “boom goes the dynamite!”
As the lady is leaving, having agreed to be his wife-for-hire and Abby goes after her to tell her to really think about it. Being a Caldwell wife will mean her life is basically not her own anymore. DANG IT, ABBY! Why you always interfering with stuff???
Mellie’s Master Manipulation – The press reports that the President’s choice to strike back for the death of the American hostage was a strong and needed move. Cyrus is pleased that his advise was taken, and goes to report to Ghostie that it came across well. Fitz says “I should listen to my wife more often. The strikes were Mellie’s idea.” Oh. OH. So that heffa took credit for Cyrus’ idea? SMDH. She be TRYING it.
Change of Heart – It’s the day before the Caldwell gala and there still isn’t a fake wife for him yet because the person they chose ran for the hills after that chat with Abby. Liv knows this is why and after chatting with Abby, she says “if one chat with you is all it took, she didn’t have the stomach for it anyway.” I guess.
David’s Followed, Huck’s Stuck – David is last in the school again and he feels uneasy as he’s walking out so he calls Huck. Our main goon is hearing the phone ringing but not moving. He calls him over and over again with no response. Huck is experiencing PTSD from the waterboarding he experienced when he was thought to have been Ghost’s attempted assassinator. Poor dude. David hears footsteps, hides by a stairwell and when the steps get close, he slams the person on a locker. It’s a woman and she says “please don’t kill me. I know who killed Wendy.” OOOOOOO!!!
Snitching to the Gladiators – David and the lady (Molly) end up at the Gladiator office and she apologizes for following him. Life ain’t Twitter, ma’am! You can’t just be following people you don’t know all willy nilly. But she had stuff to tell him and this is how she knew to get his attention. She was best friends with Wendy, and knew that she had some top flight classified intel that people wanted to kill her for. And she saw Wendy arguing with a guy who wanted the info. And the guy saw her so she’s worried he’s going to try to kill her too. Oh Molly…
Gala Plans – Liv tells the Caldwells that wife option 1 is out but she has a runner up. Peter’s wife Marian says she’s worried #2 won’t be good enough and he won’t like her but Peter says they need someone really charming. Because the keynoter of the gala is the POTUS. Liv’s face looks like “NO MA’AM.” Afterwards, Liv asks Cyrus if he can get someone else from the White House to keynote, instead of Ghost. Cy tells her that he didn’t even know he was gonna be there. Now that Mellie is his confidante, he’s extra shut out and doesn’t know how to fight her. Pope tells him to let her do her because “When it comes to Fitz, Mellie is her own worst enemy.” True.
Mellie’s Grand Idea – It’s the day of the gala and Mellie is helping President Ghost adjust his bow tie. She wants to come to the gala but he was not here for it. When Cyrus walks in and he leaves, Mellie says she wants to do something to help the situation so her idea is to have a private conference call with the families of the hostages. She figures she’d talk their talk and “set them at ease.” Cyrus, knowing damb well it’s a terrible idea, tells her to go for it.
White Dress and New Problem – Olivia is dressed and ready for the event when Harrison calls her and says someone snitched to the press that Caldwell’s date is a fake, and she tells him to do whatever he can to SHUT IT DOWN! Meanwhile, lemme take this time to pay ALLA #AMISH to Olivia Pope in that white dress with the black accents!!! YES MADAME! It was slinky, sleek and segzy and I LOVED IT!
Playing Dirty with Dirty – Cyrus slides into a chair next to one of the White House correspondents to tell her about Mellie’s planned call to the hostage families. Welp. One bad deed deserves another.
POPUS in the Same Room – At the Caldwell gala, they announce President Ghost to the stage to give a speech and he gets there and sees Liv standing to the side of the room. Their eyes meet and they both look like they want to turn into puddles right then.
By the time he gets off the stage, Olivia is on the phone. Jake called her and is making her laugh. Ghost stares at her as she giggles and throws her hair back and he cannot look away. He coulda bored a hole through her as hard as he was staring, JEALOUS DINNAMUG!
Harrison Handles It – Harrison pays a visit to the DC Dish, the paper that is planning on saying Will Caldwell is gay and his new boo is hired. He got the editor to promise not to print the story by promising him exclusive pictures to the Caldwell wedding. And he found out that the story of the tale happened within the family itself.
In Law Scandal – Liv gets a hunch and walks out to the garden behind the gala venue and sees Will with Marian, his sister-in-law. She tells him to end it NOW and then proceeds to read him his LIFE, which is really her own life.
“You have nothing. You have a pile of secrets and calling it love. You’re letting your whole life pass you by, while they raise children, celebrate anniversaries and grow old together. You’re frozen in time. You’re holding your breath. You’re a statue… waiting for something that’s never going to happen…”
READ, LIV. Also, absorb it for yourself.
Huck’s Funk – Quinsey busts our “You smell” to Huck and tells him that he needs to shower since he probably smelled like a dead skunk. He says he will clean up once it stops raining outside because rainwater triggers his memories of being water-boarded. “Right now I smell. When the rain stops, I won’t smell. I’m fine.” Aawwwww Hucky! But we gon need you to at least take a hoe bath and use a washcloth to hit the important crevices in the meantime.
Mellie’s Self-Sabotage – Like Liv predicted, Mellie fails all by herself. Media reports on her “private” call and Fitz goes IN on her as Cyrus stands by watching. She looks at him and realizes that he’s probably to blame. OH WELL!!! Ghost tells Cy to arrange a press conference with National Security and other folks. And then he dismisses First Lady. WELP.
Liv Says Yes – Olivia calls Jake, says “Yes. I will go out with you” and then hangs up. Because she’s about that life.
Peter Be Knowing – Big Bro Caldwell comes in bearings gifts for Liv for saving his lil bro’s campaign. Also turns out that Peter knows Will and Marian have been doing the southside slippery slide for years. When Olivia asks why he didn’t stop it, Pete says family comes first and he doesn’t want his bro to tank his political career over it. The Caldwells are twisted.
Data Decrypted, Scandal Renewed – Quinsey and Huck come in to give Liv the contents of the files that were decrypted from Wendy’s drive. It contains the names of the hostages. Albatross leaked the names of these people to the terrorists and killed Wendy. As this is happening, the head of the CIA is briefing President Ghost that the mole isn’t in his agency. Abby and Harrison are with Molly in the conference room, trying to get her to identify the guy on the video footage in front of Wendy’s house. Instead, she points to the TV and says “that’s him.” They look up and Harrison summons Olivia.
Albatross is… THE DIRECTOR OF THE CIA!!! *faints*
It’s Personal – Jake enters the Oval Office as President Ghost pours himself a drink (because he’s now a lush). Ghost asks him “Who’s the guy? I think she’s seeing someone. Who is he?” Jake realizes this assignment IS personal, and says she isn’t seeing anyone.
AW SHIT. It’s REALLY getting real! Fitz is gon SNAP when he finds out Officer Truman is tryna get his Poping on.
All of this. It’s deeper than the Pacific!!! I AM UNABLE! WHAAAA? Shonda! Really? This is what you gon do to me??? But honestly, Fitz is goofy as hell. He knows Olivia Pope is FAHN and most men would think so. What’d he think, that Jake wouldn’t try to smang? WOMPPP!
Yo. YOOOO! We gotta wait til March 21??? DAMBIT!!!
Yea, I’m salty.
But OMMGGGG. The fact that The head of the CIA killed Wendy, though??? I mean… I haz questions. Like why ain’t he got goons to handle his dirty business? Chile…
P.S. I’m speaking on a panel at SXSW called “#SCANDAL: How Television’s Hottest Show is Fueled by Social Media.” Kerry Washington’s social media manager, Allison Peters will be on the panel with me (along with Dr. Goddess, Chescaleigh and Darren Moten). Anything you want me to ask her for yall?
Oh and this happened:
I LIVE. I LOVE. I LIVE AGAIN!!! I cannot help but be a Kerry Washington stan, LAWD!
GIFs of the Scandal scenes are from Scandal Moments tumblr.