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Greyhound’s Roach Ride From Hell

I was loitering on these interwebs when I came across a story of a Greyhound bus that had to be evacuated because a swarm of cockroaches came through as the bus was headed to New York. And I almost PASSED OUT at the thought.

According to the story on Yahoo!, the bus was going from Atlantic City into NYC when roaches started showing up on the seats and floors! So many that the bus driver had to pull over and evacuate everyone.

faints gif

*faints*

The devil is a LAH! I. AM. UNABLE. TO. DEAL. I wasn’t there and I feel like crying. A roach invasion??? In an enclosed space? Is this a horror moving starring Jeff Goldblum? What part of the game is this?Listen, you would have to plan my funegro because I woulda hyperventilated and had a heart attack on the spot. I’d leave my folder of 1,000 GIFs to Michael Arceneaux, my shoes to my cousin Wonu and my gadgets to Scott Hanselman. I’d request that everyone wore fierce shoes to my homegoing because I MIGHT DON’T MAKE IT!

I have a HUGE fear of roaches. Remember the time I wrote a letter to the ONE roach that punked me in my house and made me build a Couch Fort because I didn’t want to face it? You don’t? Read the roach letter.

Roach

Greyhound’s spokesperson replied to the incident talmbout “We at Greyhound apologize for this inconvenience and have spoken with each passenger regarding this incident.”

Inconvenience?? Incident?? NAWL! That is a life-changing traumatic ordeal of the highest proportions! I’d have to sue Greyhound to cover my therapy costs because that is some trauma if I ever heard of it. Multiple roaches crawling all over a bus. I’d lose ALL my mind. The lot of it. And the man’s talmbout “we apologize.” You gon do more than apologize if I was on that bus. You’d need to pay me for all my pain and suffering.

I wonder if the people on that bus freaked out. Also, I would just have to burn all my clothes and shoes. And then I’da showered in RAID spray. And then laid outside my house for 3 days and 3 nights, surely repenting for what I did that cause the plague of roaches. Ooooohhh lawd. Just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Greyhound is cheap but I’ll be dambed if they’re not good for terrible experiences. Good GAWD. How did a swarm of roaches get on that bus? Did they just make a community out of it? EW!

Moral of this story: Greyhound is the devil. Roaches are God’s way of telling us we’re sinners.

So umm… what would you have done had you been on that bus?

26 Comments

  1. JazzT
    March 18, 2013 at 10:49 am — Reply

    That bus should’ve been torched on the spot. Fuck THAT.

    • March 18, 2013 at 10:59 am — Reply

      Basically! They should just blow that bus up.

    • LKJ
      March 20, 2013 at 9:08 pm — Reply

      Cosign,

      Have you ever seen that show on TLC “Infested” me neither, because I can not deal. I saw one commercial about a woman with bedbugs in her house and my response was that they need to burn the house DOWN.

    • March 25, 2013 at 12:52 pm — Reply

      lawdt, jesus be a match and a gallon of gasoline! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UceGF3M56bE

  2. KG
    March 18, 2013 at 10:58 am — Reply

    DIED.

  3. Eatstyleplay
    March 18, 2013 at 11:04 am — Reply

    nah…i mean what about your luggage though? Now you risk bringing those fuckers home or to whoevers house you’re visiting, or even to your hotel. Nah…

  4. Whitney
    March 18, 2013 at 11:17 am — Reply

    I have relinquished my whole house to a piece of vermin before, so they would’ve had to come collect my infantile rolled up ball self from 5 miles back because the emergency exit was made for a time such as this.

  5. freshie85
    March 18, 2013 at 11:22 am — Reply

    My spirit would’ve left my body! Ain’t no way in hell……..I just harlem shake in fear just thinking about it. I would leave EVERYTHING including my phone. They would’ve been tweeting from my phone saying I’m currently being hacked!!!!

    • April
      March 18, 2013 at 10:15 pm — Reply

      LAWL @ “harlem shake in fear”! That’s a good one.

  6. March 18, 2013 at 11:23 am — Reply

    I get severely upset at the sight of ONE gnat so if I were on that bus, I would NOT be able to deal. I would have busted out of that bus like the Kool Aid man. I am in tears!!! Can’t take a cruise, can’t take Greyhound (never have!), somebody please check on Amtrak!

  7. Jasmine
    March 18, 2013 at 12:29 pm — Reply

    I would have DIED! I am terrified of roaches and everyone I know, knows it. I would’ve tapped the person next to me, told them I was about to PASS OUT and if they be so kind as to NOT let me lay on the ground so roaches wouldn’t be able to crawl over my cold body. Prop me up please!

  8. Kezia
    March 18, 2013 at 2:10 pm — Reply

    Listen. All I would have needed to see was ONE roach. Wouldn’ta had time for a whole generation of em to invade my current space of occupancy. Whether the bus was still or in motion, I woulda church fingered my way right off of el autobus and right into the psych ward. I can’t DEAL. And best believe Greyhound woulda been called Keziahound once I was done with their “apology”.

  9. Aisha
    March 18, 2013 at 2:22 pm — Reply

    Luvvie you are a dear friend in my head. I would have screamed and acted a fool if I saw a roach anywhere! Let me tell you his, here in Philly, I was told that on some of our Septa ( public transporation systen) buses are roaches. You can smell the raid and I think it’s completely disgusting. Eggs must be hatching in the seats. I’ve got chills just thinking about it.

  10. TTCox
    March 18, 2013 at 2:58 pm — Reply

    I would have left everything including the weave on my head. What if one had crawled into my braids and laid eggs? This is how I think when pests are involved. No ma’am, not today.

  11. Sunny
    March 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm — Reply

    Now that I’m done LMAO I can respond. Where I grew up there were roaches, we did what we could to keep them in check. I actually stayed at a friend house once where there were so many they CRAWLED INTO HER MOUTH WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING……. it was gross. I still have a complex about it.
    But all I could think of was someones roach great, great grandfather died and they were bringing him home.
    I used to like the bus – my Grandmother and I used to take it from New York to Georgia every summer (with foil wrapped fried chicken and other nibbles). Oh well guess I’ll have to get over my fear of flying or learn to drive……

    • Erin
      March 18, 2013 at 3:21 pm — Reply

      I’m sorry….crawled into her mouth????????? *faints*

      And….you stayed??????? *faints again*

      I couldn’t get past that sentence.

      • Sunny
        March 18, 2013 at 4:02 pm — Reply

        No I didn’t stay, believe me I was out the door. It was about 4am and winter. I went to my job and slept in the breakroom. They had showers and I always keep a spare set of stuff at every job I’ve ever had. So I just went about my work day.
        She called me later on and asked me why I left all my stuff at her house. I told her what happened and said she can just throw it away or keep it, I didn’t want it anymore.
        After that we stoped being friends.

        • keisha brown
          March 18, 2013 at 10:31 pm — Reply

          O_O

  12. MimiLuvs
    March 18, 2013 at 6:43 pm — Reply

    I am glad to know that I am not the only person who is petrified of roaches.
    I am so aghast by them that I actually stripped out of my clothes (down to my underwear), on the side of a road and during a road trip with mixed company that rode in an skeevy Econoline van… all because a roach walked across the top of my sneaker.
    I. Don’t. Like. Roaches.

  13. ayana
    March 18, 2013 at 8:07 pm — Reply

    wow! ***stunned stare*** I. CANNOT! I have not ONE word to express how awful this makes me feel to just READ this!! Reminds me of that 80′s movie Creepshow when the roaches flooded the guys house. (I’m dating myself with that one) it made me squirm and that was fake!! a real life swarm of roaches….shiiiiiiiid!

  14. coko
    March 18, 2013 at 8:47 pm — Reply

    NOPE. NAWL. NEVER. CANNOT DEAL.

  15. Albani
    March 19, 2013 at 6:53 pm — Reply

    I’d probably tell my story through song, “all roach everything ” lol nah I’d be flipping out! I’d abstain from riding busses for life.

  16. Ambar
    March 20, 2013 at 10:27 am — Reply

    I thought I was the only one petrified of roaches. I have always been afraid and I never knew why. A few years ago a giant roach (you know…the ones that weren’t born but came directly from the pits of hell) crawled into my room and it was about 4 am so I couldn’t wake my parents up, I just had to take care of it myself. I took some Raid and sprayed the hell out of it. Well the damn thing didn’t die. I sprayed it from my door all the way back to the door (literally went in a damn circle around the entire room) and used almost the entire can and it would NOT die. By this point I am shaking and freaking out (lie I was doing that the moment I saw it). At one point I couldn’t find it only to turn around and catch it just in time running towards my foot to clearly land an attack on my ass. I jumped on the bed, sprayed the last of the can, watched it slowly drag its body under my bed where it eventually died. I spent the rest of the night clutching the can, in the middle of my bed, butt nekked crying and choking on the spray with tears running down my face and snot running out of my nose. I am not ashamed to admit any of this. It was hell on earth.

  17. Drea
    March 21, 2013 at 8:15 am — Reply

    I am itching reading this. Ewwwww.

  18. […]  (photo from www.awesomelyluvvie.com) […]

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