I’ve missed the last 4 or 5 episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta because I’ve been gallivanting all over the place and haven’t been home on most Sundays. But I’m back, and playing catch up! I caught last night’s episode so find out all the tea! I missed the drama and the foolery.
Porsha’s Pregnancy Test Confusion – Porsha is unpacking her stuff when Kordell finds a pregnancy test. She says it was in a gift bag she got from her Vegas trip, and she’s afraid to take it. He basically tells her to do it and she does. While trying to figure out the instructions, which tell her it takes 2 minutes to find the result, she thinks it means she has to pee for 2 minutes. Bless her. The test is negative and she seems disappointed while Kordell basically shrugs his shoulders. It’s obvious that he’ont curr bout no babies.
Kandi’s Office Space Upgrade – Kandi is finally getting an office, after years of running a million businesses on a “bootleg budget.” She found a space that she’s remodeling and her assistant is helping her with it. Miss Burruss is not used to spending all this money at the same time because her house is also being furnished. I love Kandi’s thriftiness. That’s why she’s the wealthiest of them all.
Nene’s Press Junket – Nene is on a press tour for her show “The New Normal” and she’s hitting up the Today Show and Kelly and Michael. She slays the interviews and I must say I’m so proud of Lenethia. She’s doing so well, in spite of the fact that she insists on rocking a platinum helmet on her head. GO NENE!
Cynthia’s Closet Choice – Cynthia’s trying to pick an #alphet for the event that Peter is hosting for Men’s Health Magazine. As he helps her out of a dress, he looks at her like he wants to sop her up with a biscuit. I like them. All frisky. OWWW! He also tells her that he invited Walter to the event. Cyn knows this might mean trouble but Uncle Ben gon do as he pleases so she gon need to deal.
Porsha and Kordell’s Conundrum – Porsha and Kordell’s relationship is more daughter-father and wife-husband. She sits down and tells him how the girls weren’t ok with her not going to the strip club with them in Vegas. They didn’t take kindly to her telling them “I’m just glad Kordell let me come to Vegas.” LET? Are you 5 years old? You must be. Kordell tells her “I’m in control but I’m not controlling.” Theo, that’s the dumbest thing. The topic of children comes up and Porsha clearly wants to start having kids. Her caveman hubby tells her that she has to choose between her career and motherhood, because she cannot hire a nanny. First of all, what is Porsha’s career? And b, why is he so archaic? The poor girl ends up in tears.
Salty Kenya, Foolish Walter – It’s the night of the Men’s Health event and everyone shows up, including Walter. Him and the husbands have bonded so they’re pleased to see him. Kenya rolls in with Jamaal Anderson, former NFL player, looking like a woman with something to prove. She sees Walter and spends the entire evening saying how much she doesn’t care he’s there. But she keeps clocking to see where he is. She then tells the ladies that she’s having a costume party honoring Black women in film. She tells Cynthia she wants her to be Diana Ross, and Kandi to be Tina Turner from “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” THEN she tells Porsha she wants her to be Halle Berry from BAPS. ALL OF THE SHADE!
Meanwhile, Walter tells the other fellas that Kenya is just too old for him, at 42. “I like my women like I like my rims. 22s, 24s, 26s.” Walter (aka Frank from Moesha) needs to have a damb seat!
Shopping and Shade – Kenya and Cynthia go shopping for outfits for the costume party and Walter comes up, of course. Cyn says he was talking smack about her, saying he wasn’t attracted to her at all in Anguilla. Kenya says she hasn’t ever seen the man have an erection. Ma’am, did you not say y’all dated for two years? Surely you lie or you’re dumb for sticking around as this man friend zoned you from the start. And then she implies that she thinks he’s gay. BUT YOU DATED HIM FOR TWO YEARS SO IF HE IS, YOU LOOK THE FOOL! Chile… womp.
Kandi’s Grand Housewarming – Kandi’s new house is finally ready so she has a housewarming to celebrate. She gives Peter and Cynthia a tour and the place is amazing! It’s so doggone huge, and everyone is surprised because they weren’t expecting that from Kandi, who downplays her wealth. Because REAL wealth isn’t loud and doesn’t have to say “I’m rich, bitch.” They walk into Riley, Kandi’s daughter’s room and it’s ginormous. It’s bigger than my apartment and it made me feel inadequate. I mean DAMB! Must be nice.
Walter shows up to the party, at most folks’ surprise, and brings a date. He introduces her as Chemecia (or something) and promptly abandons her to go talk to the fellas. Everyone knows that when Kenya shows up, she’s gon be all butthurt so they get ready for the show that is surely about to go down. When she does show up, she doesn’t notice he’s there. But Kandi, being the gracious host she is, pulls her to the side to explain that she wasn’t the person who invited him. At the realization that he’s in the building, she storms out. This is the same person who said she’s over it. Girl… WOMP.
Next week, Cynthia and Kenya are about to have a falling out, it seems. Kenya STAYS falling out with folks.