We Don’t Believe You. You Need More People on April Fools Day
Today is April Fools Day and I hate this annual tradition with the intensity of 1,000 African suns at high noon. HATE HATE HATE. People take it upon themselves to let their inner FOOLS come out and call it “pranking.” iSweahfoLAWD some people play too gahtdamb much on April Fool’s because their pranks aren’t even funny. They’re just evil.
All those who commemorate the day by lying to their parents by telling them they’re pregnant should just got written out of their legally binding will on the 2nd. Try it if you want to but ummm… don’t be mad when they leave you with one toothbrush and your childhood pictures.
For all those men who may be tryna prank their girlfriends and fake propose, remember that the kick to your gonads when you say “April Fools! I was just kidding” is gonna feel very real. Your balls ain’t gon get the joke. Also, you’re an ultimate douchebag if you fake propose.
And if you’re an evil bastid who wants to play today by saying someone died, I wish you a plague of yellow starbursts and kale smoothies and Justin Bieber’s audio recordings of his life philosophies to assault your sensibilities. There is not a thing funny about that and you’re being terrible. Go have ALL the gahtdamb seats.
I’m looking forward to seeing all the people in my Facebook newsfeeds who’ll put up fake diamonds and whatnots. Ain’t NOBODY gon get a “Like” on their news today.
Please don’t announce your engagement, new baby, new wig or arrest in the next two days. We won’t believe you and we will request that you gather more people.
If anyone has something important to tell me, they should refrain from doing it within the next couple of days. Otherwise, they will get the Ron Swanson face.
Call me a spoil sport or wet blanket but I wants no parts of the pranks on this day. April Fools jokes seldom end with BOTH parties finding it funny. Ha ha hayell. Some folks get traumatized with jokes that went too far.
Are any of y’all big pranksters? If so, are you planning on playing a joke today? Am I the only one who wants no parts of April Fools Day?