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Phaedra and Porsha Let Kenya HAVE IT on RHOA Reunion Part 1

I have been ready for the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion since I saw previews last week and knew it was gon be good. I knew so much tea would be spilled that Lipton might cry. Well, it’s a three-part reunion and if each one had a theme, this one’s was the wig snatch of Kenya.

First of all, the ladies of RHOA took this reunion seriously, well as far as their looks went. They ALL looked amazing. Even Kenya. In spite of the moon surface skin. And the raccoon eye makeup. She looked good. BUT, methinks the person who came through and SLAYED EVERYONE was Cynthia Bailey.

Cynthia RHOA Reunion

Picture from BravoTV.com

BEEEESSSSHHH WERK!!! You Black Nubian Queen under velvet moonlight!!! GIRL! What??? Cynthia looked FLAWLESS. Her boobs were SITTING like kids on a yellow school bus. Her hair was LAIDT like pride, joy and opulence. And that dress was MADE for her. I am just… *stands up and gives her a standing ovation*. Peter better know he is a lucky man. GOODNESS! Slayed. SLAYED!

The rest of the ladies looked nice too, of course.

RHOA Reunion Season 5

Picture from BravoTV.com

Andy kicked it off by introducing the ladies. And Nene MIGHT be his favorite because he surely called her by her FULL name: Linnethia Monique Leakes. But he dove right into the hot button topics, and the ladies came with their claws out, ready to read each other.

One of the first memorable lines of the reunion was from Phaedra, who said “Everyone up here is a lady.” *looks at Kenya* “Well everyone up here is a female.” And I cackled. And knew this hour was gon be nothing but the utmost shade being thrown around.

We find out that Kandi is suing Kim Zolciak for “Tardy for the Party.” And then we get confirmation that Kenya is a special kind of delusional. The kind that will watch you sleep. They bring up how she said everyday, someone mistakes her for Beyoncé and I realize that it might be the craziest line I’ve ever heard on ANY RHOA episode EVER.

The issue of Kenya’s cancer scare came up and she was salty that none of the women called her to check up on her. Ma’am. They were supposed to call you to cheer you on for not having cancer? ESPECIALLY since y’all aren’t friends? Girl SHET UP. And this is when she started getting on everyone’s nerves with the prop she brought to add a bit more extra to her ALREADY overflowing extraness: a fan.

 photo KenyaMoorefan_zpsdddfca87.gif

She almost hit herself in the chin a couple of times, and Kandi too. Girl, BOOM! Always doing the most with the least. Some folks on Twitter said maybe she was having hot flashes from menopause. Maybe. But the fool coulda been less dramatic with it.

Speaking of Kandi, her and Nene have this weird relationship where they KNOW they should be friends on paper but they throw so much shade at each other that they can’t get it together. And I want them to be friends, too. It makes sense. They end up having an argument on the show where Nene doesn’t acknowledge that she can be shadeful and mean about Kandi and it ends with no resolution. Womp.

Then Andy turns to Porsha about whether her getting Kenya’s title wrong was shade and she said it honestly wasn’t. Kenya gets all up in a tizzy and I need her to realize that she was Miss USA AMERICA NORTH WHATEVER about 25 years ago. She should be happy people remember she won anything. She admits to not liking Porsha when she first met her because she was such a cheerleader and all bubbly. Sooo she basically didn’t like her because was CHEERFUL? BEESH YOU MAD THAT SHE’S HAPPY?!? Girl, go sit down.

And here’s where Porsha started reading Kenya like Microsoft Encarta. First, she asked her why she doesn’t acknowledge Carolyn Gist as the first Black Miss USA. I said LOOK AT MY PORSHA! My boo don found Google, yall! And then she told her not to dry out her contacts with that fan and iHOLLERED! I was at home like:

Bloop nene gif

Next, the topic of the booty workout tapes comes up and Kenya says she didn’t steal the idea from Phaedra. Andy asked her if she was going to make a workout tape before she heard of “Donkey Booty” and she said “No.” Ma’am. You stole. Get your life. She started talmbout how her tape is doing better than Phae’s and can’t e’em back it up with real proof. Talmbout it’s “all over the internet.” When? What internet? Is there another internet I don’t know about? Cuz… NO MA’AM! Just delusional. Phaedra asked her if she’s getting her info from some “urban blogs” and more than a coupla folks thought she needed to keep it cute because she was potentially biting the hand that was giving the spoon that was helping to feed her.

And Phaedra proceeded to let Kenya HAVE IT! Hitting us with such gems as “We got single white female. Now we got black delusional Kenya.” and “You selling a booty made in Mexico!” and “I don’t delight in this.” She made me forgive her for lying about never wearing fake hair. Girl… ok. But Kenya couldn’t think quick so her edges KEPT getting snatched.

Kenya came to a battle of wits with a q-tip when everyone else brought AK-47s. She lost SO hard. So much that she even threatened to fight a very pregnant Phaedra. The last resort of butthurt fools everywhere. Threatening an asswhopping.

At the end, all she could muster up was a line she must have been holding in her proverbial back pocket for such a time as this. She yelled at Phaedra “Don’t come for me unless I send for you.”

Dont Come For Me gif

Well GOOD for you, Kenya! I do love that line and I will be using it. and I know you didn’t come up with it. But good for you!

Next reunion, Kim Zolciak is gonna make an appearance and Nene is gon welcome her with “C’MON, WIG!” LMAO! I’m ready.

Did y’all watch? Who read Kenya for filth the best?

32 Comments

  1. Quetta
    April 8, 2013 at 7:17 am — Reply

    Porsha did her share of reading, but that Phaedra read Kenya from the table of contents all the way to the epilogue! I am all the way here for Phaedra!! iBout flatlined when Kenya mentioned “bringing a gun to a knife fight.” o_O Girl….whet?!?! iLaughed so hard. Poor Kenya.

  2. Genee
    April 8, 2013 at 7:25 am — Reply

    The Best Reader ‘O Da Nite IMO had to be very preggo Phae-Phae. Especially reminding Ms. Kenya that she claimed the reason she did the booty workout vid, was ’cause she had a distribution deal – Nah she on Amazon jus’ like Phaedra!*round of applause* Million Dollar movie producer… Riiiight. #KenyaGitYoLife

  3. April 8, 2013 at 7:59 am — Reply

    Kenya is a filthy liar. She specifically said people were asking for autographs for her during inauguration. I was a few feet from her in a restaurant for at least 3/4th of a meal. She was right by the door. Not nary person thought she was Beyonce or even acknowledged her. Her delusions are the stuff of legends.

  4. LalA
    April 8, 2013 at 9:33 am — Reply

    Kenya was a mess but I am here for that fan snap. I loved that as over the top as it was lol

  5. Erica
    April 8, 2013 at 9:39 am — Reply

    I also must add that I did see reviews (5 star) on Kenya work out video BEFORE it was released now if that don’t make you say hum????? I’m not saying Kenya wrote her own reviews but um… well Kenya wrote her own reviews she got read for FILTH so much tea and shade was thrown her way and I was here for it she gets on my emergency nerve and plays *luvvie voice* Bald-headed games! AND did anyone notice her smiling when everyone said she was trying to be shady when she told Porsha to come as B.A.P.S she knew what the hell she was doing! Ok I’m done

    • Erica
      April 8, 2013 at 9:40 am — Reply

      Oh and yes Cynthia looked like a Greek Goddess

    • Trina
      April 8, 2013 at 2:57 pm — Reply

      “…. she gets on my emergency nerve and plays *luvvie voice* Bald-headed games!”

      Yep

  6. Yadi
    April 8, 2013 at 9:48 am — Reply

    Phaedra went in and let have on Kenya. However, she sort of makes herself an easy target. As for Porsha, I would have ignored her simple arse just like Kenya did. When Cynthia said she was glad to have dismissed Porsha from the pageant, Ms.Picture-Perfect-Life had nothing to say.womp. The overly bubbly, valley girl cheerleader-type is not my taste either…ijs.

    • Yadi
      April 8, 2013 at 9:56 am — Reply

      oh and Ms. Cynthia has been my favorite from the time she arrived on the scene. I wish she would rock her short pixie sometimes like she did in past seasons. Ms.Thang gives it to the kids, honey!

      • Joe Beau
        April 10, 2013 at 3:20 pm — Reply

        Cynthia read Porsha when she fired her from pageant duty. As bootleg as that pageant ended up being, at least Kenya didn’t get fired. That fan was the MVP of the reunion, btw. I got my life and Kandi got brushed back… two butterflies, one net!

        Kenya was correct in saying Phaedra has no business coming out with an exercise video. It would be like Obama studying the George W. Bush archives to learn how to be President… No Ma’am!

        Also, I sympathize with Kenya when it comes to Porsha. I cannot abide any shade from someone who believes there are 265 days in the year. Porsha is Hooked on Phonics for Porsha all year long.

        That’s not even to mention the fact that Porsha is normally spelled Portia. So you know she comes from ignance as well. I’m an Ivy League educated Comp Lit major in Italian, with honors, and it pains me to see a beautiful sister named Portia spelled Porsha. Put down the pom-poms and pick up a book. Neither I nor Kenya abide you or your family’s stupidity..

        • Prissy Girls
          April 21, 2013 at 10:17 pm — Reply

          Her mother can spell her child’s name anyway she want too. Get your life. Have several seats!!!!

  7. Rachael
    April 8, 2013 at 9:56 am — Reply

    Andy LOVES Nene, because she’s the ONLY original housewife left.

    Porsha was trying too hard with that Carol Gist thing. It’s like when someone blasts you and you can’t come up with a good come back at the moment, and then later you think of something, but the moment has passed. The moment passed Miss Porsha.

    Phaedra wins for reading last night. She does it with such ease, its a beauty to watch. I don’t think they called Cynthia out about her shat stirring enough. She was kinda in the middle of the mess this season.

    And YES Kandi! Hire that stylist that did you up last night, because for once this season you were a win in fashion.

    • YogiG
      April 8, 2013 at 10:07 am — Reply

      Yes, you’re right about Andy. He’s like that with Vicki as well.

      And that Porsha…it was almost as if she did some googling to prepare for the epic reunion and then she read her little notes she, no doubt, made for herself just before taping.

  8. Brittni
    April 8, 2013 at 10:15 am — Reply

    I usually appreciate it when folks go out of their way to stay relevant, but Kenya has broken my sigh bone. Every one of her acts is so contrived and extra that I feel the need to call in the Mothers Board and pray over her idiocy.

    You cannot behave like a petulant child for an entire season of the show and then be queen of sophistication during the reunion. Ma’am, you have to pick one.

    I truly hope her performance improves in the next reunion recap. Because if not, I might just transport myself back in time and go to the taping myself just so I can turn the air up to be rid of that damn fan. Besides, it cannot be THAT hot, they invited Kim, white girl weave melts in the heat.

    • April 8, 2013 at 1:35 pm — Reply

      “broken my sigh bone”
      i am SO stealing that!!!

    • Tesha
      April 9, 2013 at 3:58 pm — Reply

      “sigh bone” – Imma use it like it’s mine from this moment on. Thank ya!

  9. Serenity
    April 8, 2013 at 10:47 am — Reply

    “Her boobs were SITTING like kids on a yellow school bus.” DAMN!!!! I have learned to put my tea down when reading your blog else it will be on my monitor.

    • Serenity
      April 8, 2013 at 10:59 am — Reply

      Come on now Luvvie… Not all the ladies looked good. NeNe had on an embellished mumu. My mother wears one every day of her retirement; But only in the house only. And Kenya’s over full dress blended in to the sofa.

      Kandi… Damn she looked good!!!! Every bit of her. And I was in shock for a minute. And I don’t know why NeNe and Kandi have continued beef. B.U.T. NeNe does go after anyone she deems as successful. And Kandi is that. Kandi has no need to kiss NeNe’s ass.

  10. Kandra
    April 8, 2013 at 11:39 am — Reply

    “Kenya came to a battle of wits with a q-tip when everyone else brought AK-47s.” Too funny!

    Well Kenya wanted to be in the spotlight and she was last night. I almost fell out of bed when Kenya was called out for not acknowledging Carole Gist who is right from Detroit too, so there is no way she didn’t know about her. I mean she even bought Cynthia a book to school her when she clearly missing some pagentry history classes too.

    If I were Kandy I would have snatched that fan and thrown it to the floor. I loved how Pheadra stole Kenya’s Beyonce glory by saying that she hear Beyonce was a fan of the show and she only picked up one of the standout sayings. LOL

    Ok that brings me to Kenya still holding onto that story about signing autographs on behalf of Beyonce. I wonder if she really signs Beyonce’s name too. I’m sure she does because after the first perosn would have read the signature as Kenya instead of Beyonce, the line would have gone away. And the urban blogs that Phaedra is hating on would have certainly reported it.

    Oh final comment that is really not a comment….Phaedra–no weaves. #Dead.

  11. April 8, 2013 at 12:45 pm — Reply

    Kenya gets the award for RHOA classic lines by far. I too will be using “Don’t come for me, unless I send for you”…just as I and others kill “gone with the wind fabulous”. We have to give it to the new Shere..who gone check me boo??? They can read all they want..I’m not remembering anything anyone of them said all season.

    I am ready for the is Apollo texting Kenya business!!!

    • TruthBeTold
      April 8, 2013 at 5:16 pm — Reply

      No she doesn’t. The line is not original. Somebody else came up with it first. She stole it. Big FAIL. Kenya tore her a new asshole and there was no turning back. Porsha did her in too, bless her heart. Kenya is jealous of these ladies because they have husbands, kids, and homes. She got nothing. Can’t wait for next week for Apollo to tear her another new hole.

    • Jayday
      April 10, 2013 at 6:58 pm — Reply

      I first heard that line about 15 years ago during one of Vickie Winans’s “comedy” routines at a gospel concert. I don’t think she originated either.

  12. Shells
    April 8, 2013 at 3:07 pm — Reply

    I must say that I had to keep adjusting the lighting in my house from all the shade being thrown about but I was most proud of ms Porsha. That girl redeemed herself with me because she made ME use Google instead of trying to throw my shoe at the tv. Phae Phae as always was smooth as the hello kitty on the “scripper” in vegas. NeeNee was not at all here for Kandi and neither was I she a dollar short and a day late LITERALLY…how are you suing Kim NOW!You pick now to get a backbone? It’s because Kim’s about to try to snatch YOUR wig now…Cynthia made out like a theif in the night on this one and looked FIERCE whilst doing so….Kenya…time of death…the first flap of that damn fan! I cannot wait for the Apollo and Kenya reading that I believe ms Phae Phae will be handing out…she pregnant y’all and she ain’t here for NOBOTTY!!!!!oh and kim too….

    • Ksmalls
      April 10, 2013 at 8:59 am — Reply

      Let stop right there! Phaedra is no saint either. She comes across like she this really nice person and don’t rise her voice, good for her. I’ve seen her kind before and I know what she is capable of doing to people.(Sneaky)not to be trusted at all. On the other hand I think Kenya needs to stop over reacting that’s what getting her into trouble. And Phaedra like to stir the pot and knows how to push Kenya’s buttons, so I understand the frustration Kenya must feel. I’ve myself been in similar situation and would blow up at people for messing with me over and over again. And that is what been happening throughout the whole season. My suggestion to Kenya pay Phaedra no attention she a dirty so and so. This is something NeNe knew about her from the very beginning and I noticed it too!

  13. mz.niecy
    April 8, 2013 at 3:37 pm — Reply

    Kenya came to a battle of wits with a q-tip when everyone else brought AK-47s. She lost SO hard.<<<>>>

    I also am awaiting the Kenya/Apollo fiasco…I mean what does she have in that phone. It’s like the day before the reunion they sit up with their friends and come up with snappy comebacks “just in case” LOL

    And that don’t come for me line, not hers she stole it from one of the drag queens because Quad from Married to Medicine used that a while ago.

    I want to know too: who told Kenya that SHE made Phaedra relevant on the show? I mean hell not knowing your own babies due date had her relevant and being married to Apollo with the background and all. IJS, the only reason we pay any attn to Kenya is on account of her over the top antics, but she doesn’t want us to think she is loopy…sure

    • Ksmalls
      April 10, 2013 at 8:24 am — Reply

      I am a older viewer and I know most of these people are younger on this blog and don’t know the real deal about reality T.V. First of all most of the time the producers show you what they want to show you. And the participants don’t have control over that. I know for a fact that Kenya is really not the bad person yall think she is. I bet next season on RHOA you will know who the real shady characters are. The producers already showed you but you miss who they really are.

    • Ksmalls
      April 10, 2013 at 9:02 am — Reply

      For your information Married to Medicine just came on two weeks ago and that saying been around for decades. It wasn’t stolen it’s a slang word.

  14. April 9, 2013 at 5:32 pm — Reply

    Fan: “I have my own tumblr page, bitches! KenyasFan.Tumblr.com”

    • Ksmalls
      April 10, 2013 at 9:10 am — Reply

      I am a fan of Kenya Moore too. I think it a shame that people don’t see the real deal. Phaedra is the one you have to watch out for. She is the type of person if she can’t get something from you she don’t want to be bothered. Or she will use you for what she feels you are worth and leave you high and dry. And Apollo was up for sale, please a woman of her caliber shouldn’t have to buy a husband straight out of the state pen. Seem suspect to me. I’m just saying.

  15. April 9, 2013 at 7:48 pm — Reply

    Unfortunately, Kenya’s line “Don’t come for me unless I send for you” was not original. She’s not that clever. An Atlanta blogger, Funky Dineva has been saying that for the longest time. He joked that he might sue her for the use of it. LOL

    • Ksmalls
      April 10, 2013 at 8:39 am — Reply

      The first part of that statement Kenya made is an old saying gay black men use when reading each other and that was years ago in the 70’s and 80’s. And it was used all the time by many in the community. Now the second part of that statement is new to me which kept those bitches quiet for a minute. So she (Kenya)did get a good read in. And with that said it’s not about being clever it’s all about timing. Her rhythm was off which many of us in the gay community have experienced, but one thing I can say is Kenya “can show you better than she can tell you” now that shade! I love it.

  16. U not ready
    April 9, 2013 at 9:53 pm — Reply

    Did anyone catch when Phaedra called Kenya out for having a fake boyfriend? Hilarious. I was wonduring was the whole Walter issue going to arise. Especially since he came out on the radio saying that thier relationship was fake.

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