Sorority Girl Sends Her Sisters the Rudest (But Hilarious) Email Ever

[ 28 ] April 18, 2013 |

One time while I was in undergrad, someone asked me “Is your roommate Greek?” And my dumbass replied with “No, she’s Puerto Rican.” I really didn’t know what they meant til they laughed at me. I’m slow.

I never joined a sorority in college. Not because I didn’t like them or didn’t see the point. But because I was lazy and didn’t wanna pay someone else money to force me to do stuff that would take effort. Plus, I was not about that whole being hazed life. But mostly because I was lazy at the time.

But folks take Greek life very seriously because there are admittedly some benefits with being a part of a sisterhood/brotherhood like that. But sometimes, folks take it TOO seriously.

There’s been a email circulating these interwebs in the past day, sent by a Delta Gamma sorority girl from the University of Maryland. I guess her sorors weren’t conducting themselves like she’d like and she set them straight in the rudest email EVER. Which kinda means it’s the best.

Delta Gamma

She starts it off with:

“If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.”

And she was NOT kidding. She wanted to warn people about the verbal asswhopping she was about to dish out. She was definitely being considerate by giving them this warning first. This is one classy jerk, ladies and gents.

“If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee [first name redacted], I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.”

Yo. She told people to punch themselves in the face so she won’t have to. See? She’s so kind. At least she lets them know they have the option of either self-administering the face punch or having it externally done. KEEPING IT GAHTDAMB CLASSY!

Then she cusses them out more before saying

“I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.”

Damn gif

CUNT. PUNT. She’s threatening to cunt punt someone. She’s straight ready to dropkick folks through the goalposts of life. First of all, where has that phrase been ALL my life? Because it’s pretty damb awesome. Also, why did I not think of it first? Clearly, I’m not as much of a jerk as I thought I was. Who is this girl and where can I get her autograph why is she is the rudest person ever?

She used the word “fuck” or “fucking” in this email at least 25 times. She clearly had no dambs left to give about anyone’s feelings. It is a recession and giving dambs is a luxury that not everyone can afford. To drive that fact home, she ended the email with “go fuck yourself.”

No fucks Given

WELP! As she snatched ALL her sorority sisters’ wigs by telling them how much they suck. They are all probably in lacefronts as we speak.

She clearly needs a hobby besides this sorority. She actually seems to be a pretty terrible person. But she’s pretty damb gifted at the art of cussing folks out into oblivion. Deadspin has the entire email. You should read it so you can cackle.

Who knew sorority business was this serious? WHO KNEW? Also, whatchu think of this email, and what would you do if you got something like this?

P.S. Oh college… I miss you.

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Comments (28)

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  1. Quetta says:

    I totally agree with cunt punt! It’s über awesome & iShall utilize it along with rat cunt whore from the tv series Spartacus!

  2. Adrienne says:

    While rude, that email was high-larious! She sure had a way with some words. People say you cuss because you can’t articulate well, clearly that was not the case here.

  3. Kai says:

    That was beautiful. I’ve heard cunt punt, I just never get the chance to use it. I’m almost sad no one ever makes me that mad.

  4. Luxurylatte says:

    She’s the Iceberg Slim of the sorority scene, and I am here for it. I can totally see Soror Muffaleta sipping on moscato while “If you don’t wanna party take your dead a** home” plays at thuggish levels in the background.

  5. Milaxx says:

    I wonder if she’s related to the woman who threatened the student over her non abstinence stance.

  6. mz.niecy says:

    So read the whole email…Yeah she supah gangsta!

  7. Taylor says:

    I read that email earlier today… what the deuce is cunt punt? lol

  8. Jaz says:

    #WIN I loved it. I must use #cuntpunt asaptually.

  9. JozieGyrl says:

    I read the whole email. Lawd. But my favorite part was after asking if people had(ahhhemmm)”intellectual challenges”…she says…”That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back…” idied at that one.

    • Tonyette says:

      OMG!! That was absolutely my favorite part, as well!! I made the MISTAKE of reading this at work! (Why do I EVER read anything by Luvvie, or Luvvie-introduced at work, I DON’T KNOW!) I have tears in my eyes because I can’t laugh as obnoxiously loud as I want to!

      Girlfriend is PISSED! Hahahaha!!!

  10. Morgan says:

    Not even surprised sororities stay ruthless, like if you want to rep a soroity you not a part (but u a “fan”) of they WILL snatch that shit off of you or tell you you can’t wear it. after they quiz you about why you reppin their colors of course. I’m so sincere when I say these educated women will legit snatch you bald if you play.( i don’t know if it’s the same for frats but my mother and aunt are in sororities.

  11. Nikki says:

    I found the email hilarious, however her tweets are absolutely ridiculous. She is a skanky ass hoe with no respect for herself or others. She is a RACIST!!! If I got a letter like that from her, I’d be the first to cunt punt that bitch.

  12. Pam says:

    Must be a generational thing. Young girls seem to feel no need to couch things in a respectful, polite, nonoffensive manner. It’s the ‘reality TV’ and ‘girls gone wild’ generation.. This girl clearly has the ability to effectively communicate (her email, while vile, was well written). But she chose the low road. It might be funny on some level. But, as the parent of a tween (who I am trying to raise to be a lady in the old style), it is problematic to think that this has become the standard. The age of manners and respectful discourse is over, I fear.

    • Pam says:

      …and, no, I’m not a prude. I swear when it seems justified. I’m also a member of a sorority. I cannot imagine addressing any of my sorors in this manner, or being dressed down in such a way by the chapter president. Not even when I was in college.

  13. Rachmo says:

    Thanks you to you Luvvie I really need to reevaluate my whole life…because I kind of want to go shopping with this vulgar racist white girl (only in Georgetown though so she doesn’t yell at me).

    • Randomly Jazzy says:

      Don’t forget Friendship Heights, even though I wouldn’t mind her calling a few people out for being ass hats with their nannies. LOL

  14. KC says:

    WOW! Tooo funny.

  15. Sunny says:

    Well with the first read through I laughed so hard I clear my congestion. Then I read it again and felt annoyed. I have issues with a lot of these kids whos parents send them to school to do better and this sort of thing happens. She talks about how she’ll kick people out if they sober or not.
    Wait are you saying if there is a drunk girl and she’s being awkward you would throw her out? Not even getting her an escort home?
    Its like a future episode of CSI or something.

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