One time while I was in undergrad, someone asked me “Is your roommate Greek?” And my dumbass replied with “No, she’s Puerto Rican.” I really didn’t know what they meant til they laughed at me. I’m slow.
I never joined a sorority in college. Not because I didn’t like them or didn’t see the point. But because I was lazy and didn’t wanna pay someone else money to force me to do stuff that would take effort. Plus, I was not about that whole being hazed life. But mostly because I was lazy at the time.
But folks take Greek life very seriously because there are admittedly some benefits with being a part of a sisterhood/brotherhood like that. But sometimes, folks take it TOO seriously.
There’s been a email circulating these interwebs in the past day, sent by a Delta Gamma sorority girl from the University of Maryland. I guess her sorors weren’t conducting themselves like she’d like and she set them straight in the rudest email EVER. Which kinda means it’s the best.
She starts it off with:
“If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.”
And she was NOT kidding. She wanted to warn people about the verbal asswhopping she was about to dish out. She was definitely being considerate by giving them this warning first. This is one classy jerk, ladies and gents.
“If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee [first name redacted], I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.”
Yo. She told people to punch themselves in the face so she won’t have to. See? She’s so kind. At least she lets them know they have the option of either self-administering the face punch or having it externally done. KEEPING IT GAHTDAMB CLASSY!
Then she cusses them out more before saying
“I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.”
CUNT. PUNT. She’s threatening to cunt punt someone. She’s straight ready to dropkick folks through the goalposts of life. First of all, where has that phrase been ALL my life? Because it’s pretty damb awesome. Also, why did I not think of it first? Clearly, I’m not as much of a jerk as I thought I was. Who is this girl and
where can I get her autograph why is she is the rudest person ever?
She used the word “fuck” or “fucking” in this email at least 25 times. She clearly had no dambs left to give about anyone’s feelings. It is a recession and giving dambs is a luxury that not everyone can afford. To drive that fact home, she ended the email with “go fuck yourself.”
WELP! As she snatched ALL her sorority sisters’ wigs by telling them how much they suck. They are all probably in lacefronts as we speak.
She clearly needs a hobby besides this sorority. She actually seems to be a pretty terrible person. But she’s pretty damb gifted at the art of cussing folks out into oblivion. Deadspin has the entire email. You should read it so you can cackle.
Who knew sorority business was this serious? WHO KNEW? Also, whatchu think of this email, and what would you do if you got something like this?
P.S. Oh college… I miss you.