After last week’s complete emotionally wrecking episode of Scandal, I wondered how the story would continue. Well, 752 made way for A Woman Scorned and we were treated with the return of the segzy. Whoooo, yes MA’AM! Let’s get into it.
Swimming with No Fishes – Olivia is taking laps in a pool in this AMAZING white and black bathing suit that I was totally here for!
When she comes up for air and sees Jake standing there, she goes back under water with a deep sigh.
The Bodyguard - Liv is in her apartment and when she opens her door and Jake is standing there, she tells him there are laws against stalking. He retorts by saying he is there on the President’s orders and if he leaves his post, he will be committing a crime. Olivia calls Fitz, who tells her that she is in danger and Jake is there to keep him safe. Ain’t that misuse of power? Well, Liv gotta deal.
Excuses, Excuses – Cyrus’ secretary is in his office asking for a statement about why Mellie is at the Blair House and he tells her to say something about the baby having chicken pox. Yeah, you’re reaching there, Cy but bless your desperate heart. Meanwhile, James is giddy and cannot wait to tell his hubby that he has a new job, where he will be interviewing people on camera. He promised he would quit working if he got the baby but he’s going to hire a nanny and be home everyday before dinner. He just wants to be the next Anderson Cooper (which he can’t because he doesn’t have the silver foxiness).
Confirming Charlie – The Gladiators (and David) except for Huck are looking at the footage from the storage place, trying to identify the guy in the baseball cap. They’ve exhausted all angles when a voice says “Can I help?” Abby’s abrasive ass replies by saying they needed his help but were waiting for him as he was “shaking off the crazy.” Girl, keep it cute! Huck takes one look at the footage and says it’s Charlie because he recognizes his ear. WELCOME BACK, HUCK!
Underground and Unappreciated – Cyrus power walks through the underground tunnel connecting the White House to the house Mellie’s staying to go see her. She is NOT pleased. She tells him that he “will have the pleasure of seeing the first lady of the United States call her husband a whore-loving bastard” on TV.
WELL DAMBBBB!!! Say how you really feel. She is giving Fitz 36 hours to drop Olivia like a bad habit and recommit himself to their marriage. As Cy storms back, he calls Olivia and asks her if she has anything to do with President Ghost’s foolery and she says she does not. He says he aint got tahm for their heavy phone breathing. HA! Shade.
Spying on Spying – Meanwhile, Charlie is in Jake’s apartment watching footage of Jake watch Olivia on camera. Chile… but get into the fact that Kerry tweeted me. We go together.
— kerry washington (@kerrywashington) May 3, 2013
Rumored Mole – Liv hangs up the phone and walks in the next room to find the Gladiators (and David, who is basically one now) huddled. When they see her, they stop talking and look around guiltily. She asks them to fill her in and they hesitate until she says she will stand there all day until they do. Finally, they say that they think Cyrus is Albatross. Charlie is his hired gun and since he’s who knocked Huck out AND he has access to high level confidential info, it makes sense. Olivia is shocked and tells them to get evidence and be sure because that is one of her best friends. She ain’t tryna hear that because that would break her heart. And mine.
Clocking Charlie – The gladiators put Charlie’s picture on the wall, and Huck starts telling them what he knows about him. He likes killing. And sugar. He surely IS always eating something sweet. They start poking around to find out his habits and life and find out that he gets 2 dozen canolis from a bakery every Thursday. Dang. All that sweet. He gon get the #diabeetus.
No Dambs Given – Cyrus rolls into the Oval Office and tells President Ghost that Mellie is gonna spill the beans on the fact that he has a mistress, in 36 hours. He’s taking her threat very seriously and Fitz has no dambs to give or rent or put up for sale. Fitz is all:
He tells Cyrus to remind to her the “concept of mutual assured destruction.” He was talmbout you take me down and you go down with me too. WELP.
Summoning and Earning - Olivia gets a call and it’s Fitz telling her to come to the White House. She refuses and he says he’ll come to her office then, painting her into a corner. Prez Ghost just be summoning Olivia whenever he wants. Rude as hell. Liv storms into the Oval Office, with Jake in tow (but left outside the door). She snatches off her gloves and says “WHAT?!” Remind me to do that one day if someone calls me. I’ma get gloves ready just to take them off angrily and yell.
“Sit down, Olivia!” Watch that bass in your voice, Mr. President! “What do you want?” “You.” Hey now! Olivia is not amused and tells him “I am not a toy you can play when you’re lonely or bored or horny… If you want me, EARN ME!”
Well then! Liv storm out. Jake follows her and she tells him to give her space. He obliges, and lets her sit in a room by herself to cool off.
Deal or No Deal – Cyrus presents Mellie with a deal, saying if she plays the Good First Lady role through the next term, she will get a politically charged topic to champion and can eventually work her way to the senate. He says if she doesn’t take the deal, she’ll be left with as much clout as the blank pieces of paper in front of her. Well, Mellie ain’t the one to fold that easy so she says a hearty NAWL!
Cyrus, Thou Art Loosed – Cy is in his office in deep thought as his secretary comes in to see if she’s free to go. He doesn’t even look at her and is clearly in his own world. She leaves and he looks up with a “A-HA” look in his face. Whatever idea he just got is probably horrible for everyone but him.
Potomac Warning – Huck walks into Liv’s office and tells her to be careful because although she doesn’t believe Cy could be the mole, there’s a chance. He found out that Charlie killed Amanda Tanner on Beene’s orders. Olivia still doesn’t think she’s in danger and he tells her “The last woman that was sleeping with the President ended up at the bottom of the Potomac.” Huck always be knowing.
Plan OP – Cyrus goes back to Mellie and asks ”What if I could get rid of Olivia Pope?” CYRUS BEENE, if you touch a hair on Olivia Pope’s head!!! I ain’t gon do nothing. I’ma just be mad. BUT STILL! Get your life, sir!
@Luvvie not everything is always what it seems…just sayin
— Jeff Perry (@jscandalp) May 3, 2013
Security! – Jake is still standing guard outside of Liv’s apartment and she tries to protest and he tells her that she might be in danger. If the President is ordering him to stay with her, it’s probably for a good reason. She’s not sold but she goes in and right after, Jake gets an email from a Fitz’s secretary. She tells him that the president is busy but asks him to leave his post. He is confused and hangs up and we see Cyrus is next to her giving instructions. That diabolical douche!
Reading Charlie – The gladiators are still digging into Charlie’s life, trying to find out what he does with his days. Turns out that he is part of a weekly book club, which happens on Thursdays. Explains why he buys those donuts allatahm. Oh, and he has a boothang he met there. I wonder what hired assassins read. Folks on Twitter said: Twilight, Coldest Winter Ever, O Magazine. I hollered.
Entry Denied - The elevator opens and Cyrus steps out of it to discover Jake standing there. He is shocked to see him still there, since his trick to get him to leave musta had him thinking Officer Truman Show was a fool. He wants to go in but Jake won’t let him, telling him that if the Prez finds out his Chief of Staff tried to get him to leave his post, he will not be pleased. Beene gets back on the elevator, clearly not pleased. He’s really gon declare war on Jake now.
Liv watches the whole thing go down from her door thingimajig so as Cy leaves, she opens the door and lets Jake in. They share some wine and he asks her if she believes she’s in danger now. “Cyrus is my friend.” “Then why didn’t you ask me to let him in?” She has no answer, because even she knows that she doesn’t feel safe anymore. Jake tells her he should trust her and then asks how deep she is in with the President. She’s so deep in with the President that her Love Pocket trembles at the thought of him. SO DEEP. Liv kisses him hard and walks away saying “I don’t know what you’re talmbout.” Entry into her head and the truth DENIED.
Boom Chicka Beenes – Cyrus is laying on their bed when James walks in so he jumps up and says he’ll leave but James tells him to stay and sleep in his bed. He misses his husband and wants him to be back where he belongs and he’s so happy because of his new job, which he thinks he got because of Cy. And they make out and then James starts going South. BOOM CHICKA WAH WAH! They shoulda played “all you gotta do is say yes” by Floetry during that scene. OWWWW!
Tammy the Boo – The Gladiators found out that Charlie has been dating a woman named Tammy so they brought her into the office for questioning. She didn’t give them much info with her slow self and they told her not to tell him about their meeting. Yeah…ok. O_O
Blood Pressure and More Pressure – Cyrus is livid and looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel when he walks into President Ghost’s office and tells him he needs to fix this whole Mellie situation. In less than an hour, she’s scheduled to talk to the press. ”You love this job? You love being president? You GIVE for what you love.” Fitz looks at him thoughtfully, picks up his blazer and walks out the office. Could it be that Cy switched a damb-giving switch?
Twenty One Minutes – President Ghost shows up at Liv’s place and tells Jake he can leave his post, since the Secret Service is here. He thanks him for his time and a confused Officer Truman Show gets on the elevator, saltier than a pretzel. Liv opens the door to find Fitz there and she’s shocked. She tells him his wife is about to go nuclear in exactly 22 minutes and he’s at her apartment. President Ghost says someone wise just told him to give the person he loves what she wants.
“I love you more than I love being President… We are going to sit here and the clock on my marriage is going to run out. You’re going to watch me run out this clock… Sit here and watch me choose you! Watch me EARN you.“
And then Shonda cued up “You’re all I need to get by.” ALLTHEPANTIES woulda come off. None woulda been in sight at them words. But I’m sleep.
This kicked off the sexiest staring game I’ve ever seen.
As Mellie sits waiting for someone who isn’t coming. Fitz is watching Olivia with a smirk on his face looking like he ain’t going a damb place. And Liv is watching Fitz with a pained look in her eyes because what she wants is in front of her and he’s giving up a lot for her.
TIME’S UP! And she walks towards him and they engage in serious tongue hockey. OLITZ IS IN THE BUILDING!
Charlie’s Scheme – Tammy has a date with Charlie that night but he never shows up. She ends up at OPA and tells the gladiators, surprised that she got stood up. She looks at Lemony (David) and says he looks really familiar. Turns out, she was court stenographer for the Defiance Grand Jury case. Also, her laptop has been missing lately. WHAT??! They all excuse themselves and figure out that Charlie must have been trying to get to her to get to her laptop which had notes on that case. Which means Cyrus is not Albatross. Aw shiiit.
Fix It – Jake meets up with Senator Whitley’s Byron, who tells him to fix something. At this point, their scenes are so short that I admit I miss most of their convo. But he did tell him to keep someone alive. Ok I was of no help in this scene. Sorry.
Meta Spying – Jake is at home replaying the tape of him and Liv getting it on in his house (because he has cameras in his own place). And then he played it back some more and watched Charlie watching him and Liv when he broke into his place earlier. It’s like spying inception.Whoa.
Shaking the Office – Mellie is on camera being interviewed by who else but JAMES, Cyrus’ husband. Cy knows he is out of time so he SPRINTS through the tunnel, screaming into the phone for them to cut to commercial. When he gets to the set, Mellie is in the middle of admitting that her husband, the POTUS, was unfaithful to her. James almost falls out his chair. MELLIE DON SHOOK THE TABLE!!!
The interview is live, and the Gladiators are back at the office watching it. David wonders “who he banged” and all of them pick up their dereon duffles and exit the room. HA!
Hi. – Back at Liv’s apartment, President Ghost and her are getting ALL of it in. He picked her up and took her where he wanted to be and I was like… WHOOO.
Yea. I needed a moment. I NEED A MOMENT, I SAY! And then they ended up in the shower, clearly hellbent on christening every surface of that place. He says “Hi.” and she melts.
GAAAAHHHHTTTDDDAMMMMMBBBB!!!! OLITZ IS HERE AND NOT ONE SINGLE GRAM OF DAMB GIVEN!!!
Who is the Mole? I don’t e’em much care right now. I just wanna ask Olivia “how was it?” *coughs* I don’t care if they never find the mole. They keep showing scenes of Liv and Fitz get it in and I’ma keep sipping tea with interest. Y’all see Olivia’s GOOD type 4A #NaturalHair in that shower? You’ont be giving a damb sometimes. I love it.
I love how next week, Cyrus is gon barge in on OLITZ frolicking and basically tell them to get the hell up. My body is READY!
Anywho, did them last 5 minutes not give you tea for the fever?? YES GAWD! And who do yall think the mole is? I stopped guessing at this point.
And SHOURROUT to Tony Goldwyn for directing this episode. YESSS! All the kudos!
P.S. If you put “you gotta earn me” as your FB status & someone replies with “But I wanted to use my last $5 for a happy meal,” you lost. Don’t let Olivia and Fitz have you outchea bogus, beloveds.