The 5 Stages of Watching Scandal

[ 58 ] August 9, 2013 |

It’s been two and a half months since the Scandal season 2 finale episode left us all unable to deal. We wailed in despair for Scandal’s summer neglect, wondering what we were going to do to occupy our time and cope with the withdrawal. Chile, the struggle for us Gladiators is REAL outchea!

But I gotta admit it. We needed summer break from Scandal because watching it is stressful. It’s a weekly journey into a glass case of emotions and it’s probably healthy for us to take a break. HOWEVER, since BET got the rights to air Scandal reruns, we can now get back to watching it together!

For those of you who have never watched Scandal and will be catching the episodes for the first time during BET’s marathon this Saturday, then let me school you on the process of watching the show everyone is obsessed with. For those of us veteran Gladiators, I wanted you to know we’re in this together!

Stages of Watching Scandal

The 5 Stages of Watching Scandal

Stage 1: Prepare for Scandal to come on.

Scandal might be a one hour show but it’s a multi-hour event for us Gladiators. There are LEVELS to this standom! About an hour before Olivia Pope and Associates grace our screens, we have to prepare to receive the drama they are sure to bring.

First, you must polish your walls. You need them to be nice, shiny and slippery so when you slide down them at the end of the episodes, there’s little resistance. Then, you drink a lot of water to make sure you aren’t dehydrated. Then you must go pee because ain’t nobody got time to have to make potty breaks during Scandal. NO ONE HAS TAHM!

Nobody Got Time for that willow gif

Finally, with 5 minutes left to go, you use some deodorant. This show will make you sweat and you wanna stay fresh and make sure your SECRET isn’t told. You then put your phone on mute and put up a Facebook status telling warning people not to call you for the next hour “OR ELSE!” This is important. Because friendships can be lost if someone distracts you from the Scandal. It’s not a game.

Stage 1.5: Pack away your moral compass. 

Also important in your Scandal prep is your ability to tuck away your moral compass temporarily, because it will serve you no purpose. Scandal is full of bad guys. In fact, there are very few good guys or “white hats” in this show, because even the good guys do bad things. Yes, that includes Olivia Pope.

So if you watch Scandal with your scales of justice, they will break. You will want Huck to kill someone. You might root for Olivia and Fitz’s truly scandalous affair, and hate Mellie (the wife) for standing in the way. Sometimes, you will even wish one of the few good folks lose. Why? Because this is a show that doesn’t operate in black and whites. Everything is in shades of gray. In fact, the only thing that’s usually pure is the color of Liv’s outfits. YESSS POPE WHITE!

ITs Handled Olivia Pope gif

Stage 1.8: Get on Twitter. Log off Facebook.

Because what makes watching Scandal so fun is watching it with other people, and Twitter makes TV social and awesome. Besides, seeing everyone freak out at the same time is comforting. A Twitfam that gladiates together, stays together.

And you log off Facebook because folks can’t keep up over there. Statuses being updated about 3 scenes ago gets no love! (-___-)

Stage 2: Watch it and be on the edge of your seat

From the moment the show starts, you will be unable to relax. Shonda and her team have NO chill and they seldom ease us into stuff so the next sentence after opening credits might be super important.

Your heart rate will stay elevated and you will hyper focus on everything! You’ll start noticing what happens in the backgrounds of scenes, and the use of colors and gradients and silk blouses. Because everything means something in Scandal.

What Just Happened gif

You will even squint to listen because somehow, squinting makes you think you can hear better. Especially since the Gladiators talk in fast forward. Sharrap. It makes sense. Yes, you will spend the entire hour watching Scandal on the edge of your seat.

Stage 3: Be SLAYED in the last 5 minutes

Without fail, every episode of Scandal ends with a proverbial punch to all our guts. With 5 minutes left, we usually get one gasp-worthy scene or line. And then with 30 seconds left, something happens that’s so shocking and mind-blowing that by the time you grasp it, the ending credits are rolling. And then you will be LAID out on the floor like you just gave a testimony. Without fail.

Stage 3.5: Cuss out Shonda for killing you softly.

When you see that final SCANDAL sign flash on your screen, right after a scene that leaves your mouth wide open, you will cuss Shonda Rhimes out. This is a rite of passage. You will cuss her out so damb good that you have to ask for forgiveness for the words you used.

Dishonor gif

Because no one plays with your emotions so consistently like Ms. Rhimes does. She’s like the best and worst ex. But you love her so much and wanna buy her ALL THE THINGS and cook her all your favorite meals.

Stage 4: Be in your feelings for an hour after

Right after you cuss out Shonda, you will proceed to fall out your chair so you can lay on the floor because you are now officially dead. Because surely what just happened didn’t happen and OMG WHAT IS AIR AND I AM SO UNABLE. AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!! This is you:

What is my life gif

Scandal will leave you so deep in your feelings after each episode that you just won’t be able to function well for at least an hour. Your feelings will have their own feelings and those feelings will be hurt.

Stage 5: Talk theories about what happened on Scandal

After you are able to peel yourself off the floor, you will then begin to talk about what you THINK just happened. The theories will flood into your brain and you will question everything. You’ll remember all those colors and those background things that seemed insignificant. And you will spend over an hour after the episode ends recalling them all and trying to connect the dots.

You’ll get into debates on Twitter about who that guy was. Why did Liv’s bang swoop 75 degrees to the left instead of 46 degrees to the right? How many times can we tell Quinn to shut up? You know. THE IMPORTANT THINGS!

Stage 5.5: You rewatch the episode

Because clearly, watching Scandal once isn’t enough. There are things you missed and things you need to zoom in on and things you need to hear again. Also, if it’s a scene where Fitz and Liv are in a closet, you might want to make sure everything checks out right. For one minute. *coughs*

And sometimes, you catch something you suspected your second time watching and you feel like you just solved a Rubik’s cube.

i knew it gif

Then you will discuss the episode and details and random thoughts in your secret SCANDAL Facebook group. This will go on for the entire week until the next episode comes on when you find yourself back at stage 1.

You are a prisoner to the Scandal fandom and there’s nothing you can do about it. Use me as you wish, Shonda. USE MY HEART AND MY EMOTIONS!

So yes. I’m back in Gladiator mode and will be watching BET’s marathon of the first two seasons of Scandal. The first marathon block kicks off tomorrow (Saturday, August 10) from 8 am to 10 pm EST. They’ll be showing all of season one and some of season two. And the second marathon with most of season 2 happens next Saturday (August 17) from 8am to 10 pm also. Finally, on Wednesday, August 21, BET will finish airing the complete second season with a two-hour, back-to-back block, which starts at 9pm EST.

CHILE, my body is READY! I’ll be livetweeting some of these eps too and using the hashtag #ScandalBET so getchu a piece on my @Luvvie Twitter account.

Are y’all gonna be watching the marathons too? And did I get the stages right? Tell a G. And GLADIATORS ROAR!!!

Scandal on BET

Disclosure: Compensation was provided by BET but the opinions expressed are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of BET (aka don’t get it twisted. This post was ALL ME, SON. You know I love me some Scandal)!

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Comments (58)

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  1. KJF says:

    Right. On. Point. !

  2. Dang Luvvie you busted us! On point!

  3. Adrina says:

    First I would like to say “YAAAAAAAASSSSSSS” because that sums up how I feel about your “Stages of Watching Scandal”. Thank you for describing them to a T! Second, I am beyond excited Oct. 3rd can’t get here soon enough, in the mean time I’m going to turn mom dukes into a goon this weekend and turn her out on this Scandal train!

  4. Lisa says:

    You betta get compensated for this awesome post! Yes! On.point.

    But somewhere on here you need to add a warning to the west coast haters who don’t want you to post spoilers on FB and Twitter or tell them to LOG OFF OF LIFE until after they’ve seen the show air.

    • Ashamai says:

      Now whycome we gotta be haters on the West Side??? I don’t even bother to log in on Twitter cuz I’ll just get my feelings hurt, but I have trained both my friends to not spoil it for me (other than egging me on with random OH MY GAWDS!!!)..and plus, I just log off until I can watch it.

      We may be three hours behind but that is just an additional stage for us!

    • Erin says:

      YES. Except that it’s not ONLY West Coasters ( I’m one, but I log ALL THE WAY OUT at 6:59 pm every Thursday… LOL) It’s people who have to work at night, people who like to DVR it and watch without commercials, etc. Bottom line…if you haven’t watched, the internet is NOT the place to be!

  5. Catherine says:

    This was so on point.

  6. Amber says:

    i love this! so true! luvvie, you stay on point with the scandal posts! can’t wait til season 3 starts!

  7. Deja says:

    Please allow me to take a moment to body roll through your comment section…this article wins all the awards AND has no obligation to escort its +1 on the red carpet…

    #imready

  8. Erica says:

    This is HILARIOUS….but true!

  9. Jabari says:

    *stands up while slow-clapping* YAAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!!

    Also you forgot the step where we are told that Scandal is on a mini-hiatus and we all cuss out Shonda’s mama, granny and ancestors for once again screwing with our emotions. We then walk around like zombie crackheads for whatever time period was given.

    #DAMBYOUSHONDAANDABC *resumes fetal position in the dark corner*

  10. Yolanda says:

    YAAAAAS!!!

    • Londa says:

      My name is Yolanda, as well. And, I was like, when the heck did I type this? Because this would have been my exact response. Thanks for representing. :-)

      Secondly, I co-sign the additional stage of absolute pissivity (the highest level of being pissed off) at ABC and Shonda that is described up-thread because of those treacherous Scandal hiatuses.

  11. Silk! says:

    I blame Twitter for my Scandal addiction. Y’all east of me sucked me in on Thursdays at 7 pm pacific to the point that I had opinions of characters I’d never seen before. I started watching in Feb.

    And I was a hot mess after every episode. And I learned to stay off the medias sociales at 7pm.

    I’ve since gotten Hulu and have seen all the episodes. At least five times. Can’t wait for BET tomorrow.

  12. Bunny says:

    Have to add needing a glass of wine, a shot of 1800 or some brown likka after those credits roll. Cause dambit all to hell, your feelings WILL INDEED be all outta whack!!! You need the likka to calm the eff down! LOL!!! #Gladiatorsbaby

  13. SanTara says:

    Yas! The “I knew it” gif!!! I’m amped about tomorrow like I’ve never seen the show before. *sets alarm for 8am show*

  14. KemaB says:

    200% accurate this is every Thursday night 10-11pm eastern time for me but you forgot wait patiently for Luvvie to get het life together to post recap :)

    • Me Talk Pretty says:

      YYYEEEEESSS!!!!

      Reading the Luvvie recap is an important part of the “getting my life back in order” process. I need to laugh at the trauma my whole being has just been through to get perspective. Gladiators e-hug me with their funny gifs and whatnot. Mmmhmmm.

    • Londa says:

      Luvvie Recap is EVERYTHING!!! Scandal Thursday ain’t the same without it.

      Luvvie, I swear Shonda & Company need to pay you for what you add to the show. And, then, you need to pay me, because I’m usually reading your recap at work the next day trying my best to stifle my chuckles. Then, something you write makes me burst out in a full-blown laughing fit and I swear-fo-God I know I’ma get fired for this one day. So, I need you to set aside a Scandal Emergency Fund for the Fired Friends of Luvvie Society.

    • Luvvie says:

      Oh I never get my life together until like 10am the day after. lol

    • Lerato says:

      I agree with Kema, that’s my experience as well. I’m in South Africa so I watch it online and the first thing I used to do on Friday mornings was check twitter, refresh a thousand times for Luvvie’s recap and then watch the show. On days when her wall slide is on super slow motion and therefore take her ‘forever’ to post her review, I would go through a different type of withdrawal. In fact, I believe I sulk!!!The complete scandal ritual has to include a Luvvie recap.

      Keep up the great work Luvvie

  15. IndigoT says:

    I must love this show because I’m planning to wake up early on a Saturday morning to watch (6:00 AM in my time zone!). What?!??!!?!?!?

    Great blog!

  16. milaxx says:

    Imma watch on Saturday definitely On Sunday they will lose me to the return of Breaking Bad.

  17. pup says:

    I saw the one where dude trying to have her killed was her dad. Well Jeebus. Since I haven’t seen any others….to Netflix tonight I go. Life can be so nice!

  18. Dee says:

    These steps are so on point! I also have to watch it again to see what I missed. And I loeve watching it with twitter because lawd knows what I missed while tweeting, someone else saw and can help me out. Shonda be having me scared to blink or I’ll miss something!

  19. Bre' says:

    I don’t know what they were thinking airing this show on Thursday right after Grey’s Anatomy. Clearly ABC has no regard for my nerves and mental stability. And how am I supposed to live after the season finales?!

  20. Margaret says:

    *twitching* OK uhmmmmm *still twitching* why is you telling all of my story. Oh Lawd, I know I need rehab but I aint going. They might not lemme watch tv and that would be a major problem.

    Ya know Im still stuck on “Dad?” *slowwwwwww wallllll slideeeeee*

  21. Kwan says:

    I know I love this show I don’t wake up early on a Saturday unless I’m attending a home-going ceremony for a family member or in a wedding. I’m def. watching and live tweeting like I’m 7 and it’s my first trip to Disney World.

    Luvvie you described us perfectly but yes def. add a step in there warning the west coasters and night-shift folks not to worry us with their whining “don’t spoil it”. Excuse me how about you just log out and return to social media everything once you watch this episode. If you think we aren’t going to tweet the life Shonda is feeding us through our television screens just for ya’ll haha: http://31.media.tumblr.com/2ad5dd813aa2863441eb340c74f0c644/tumblr_mr4u44aQDU1rnzh9xo1_400.gif

  22. rikyrah says:

    you got all the stages right. thanks so much for the heads up about Scandal on BET.

  23. Xtel Bond says:

    I keep slacking on the 1st stages. I usually just take about 5 mins to prp talk my brain/body to prepare them for the rollercoaster ride Shonda n em got in store.
    But that recovery time! Mannnnn. It takes me about an hr to gather myself, so I can properly fall out n lose my mind all over again as my brain catches up with what I just watched… N Luvvie u forgot to add the random moments of WTF Scandals at random times during the next days.
    Ugh CANNOT WAIT for season 3!

  24. eulalia says:

    i’m crying b/c stages 1 and 4 are so very real in my life. there have been many a thursday night where i need to be going the fuck to sleep as soon as scandal’s over, but i can’t b/c my brain is in overdrive on some “did that just happen? did s/he say that out loud in front of god and everybody? omg shonda i hate that i love you whyyyyy?” and so on and so forth.

    as for preparation – make sure your laptop & phone are charged, and have your beverages of choice w/in easy reaching distance even though you won’t drink anything until the 1st commercial break b/c you’ll be too busy trying to remember how to breathe.

  25. Lee says:

    Luvvie clearly your hands are ordained by Gawdt to give us that which we are in need of! Your recaps have had me and my coworkers slain in the spirit that is #Scandal….We love u, we adore you, You are our queen lol OCT HURRY UP!!!! Whew lawd somebody give me shonda’s cell number, she needs to slide me a script or sum, i looks good in a suit, can i be a gladiator?? PICK ME SHONDA, PICK ME!!!!

  26. Jai says:

    This post is spot on and it is the perfect guide for newcomers. I vote yes! Now if you’ll excuse me while I go wait in my tent until October 3….. Lol

  27. Karin says:

    Luvvie, you haven never lied! At least not about this post. I actually had chills reading it because this is the most accurate description of the Scandal experience that I have ever read!

  28. Rhonda says:

    Luvvie, I was shaking my head in agreement with every sentence! Everything in my house shuts down when it’s time for Scandal. Before the season ended, I had class on Thursdays, so you can imagine I was the first one out of the classroom and then driving like a bat out of hell to get home in time! LOL! I would love to see your reviews on a few of my other favorites: The Following and Orphan Black.

  29. Tara says:

    You nailed those stages on the head! We watched the marathon today from beginning to end. It felt like a reunion that I couldn’t miss! We relived those edge of your seat, heart palpitating moments and can’t wait to do it all again next Saturday. I hope I don’t have plans.

  30. Alishia says:

    I have blocked and/or deleted folks for not understanding my Scandal obsession. I now have a point of reference here. THANKS!!

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