The 5 Stages of Watching Scandal
It’s been two and a half months since the Scandal season 2 finale episode left us all unable to deal. We wailed in despair for Scandal’s summer neglect, wondering what we were going to do to occupy our time and cope with the withdrawal. Chile, the struggle for us Gladiators is REAL outchea!
But I gotta admit it. We needed summer break from Scandal because watching it is stressful. It’s a weekly journey into a glass case of emotions and it’s probably healthy for us to take a break. HOWEVER, since BET got the rights to air Scandal reruns, we can now get back to watching it together!
For those of you who have never watched Scandal and will be catching the episodes for the first time during BET’s marathon this Saturday, then let me school you on the process of watching the show everyone is obsessed with. For those of us veteran Gladiators, I wanted you to know we’re in this together!
The 5 Stages of Watching Scandal
Stage 1: Prepare for Scandal to come on.
Scandal might be a one hour show but it’s a multi-hour event for us Gladiators. There are LEVELS to this standom! About an hour before Olivia Pope and Associates grace our screens, we have to prepare to receive the drama they are sure to bring.
First, you must polish your walls. You need them to be nice, shiny and slippery so when you slide down them at the end of the episodes, there’s little resistance. Then, you drink a lot of water to make sure you aren’t dehydrated. Then you must go pee because ain’t nobody got time to have to make potty breaks during Scandal. NO ONE HAS TAHM!
Finally, with 5 minutes left to go, you use some deodorant. This show will make you sweat and you wanna stay fresh and make sure your SECRET isn’t told. You then put your phone on mute and put up a Facebook status
telling warning people not to call you for the next hour “OR ELSE!” This is important. Because friendships can be lost if someone distracts you from the Scandal. It’s not a game.
Stage 1.5: Pack away your moral compass.
Also important in your Scandal prep is your ability to tuck away your moral compass temporarily, because it will serve you no purpose. Scandal is full of bad guys. In fact, there are very few good guys or “white hats” in this show, because even the good guys do bad things. Yes, that includes Olivia Pope.
So if you watch Scandal with your scales of justice, they will break. You will want Huck to kill someone. You might root for Olivia and Fitz’s truly scandalous affair, and hate Mellie (the wife) for standing in the way. Sometimes, you will even wish one of the few good folks lose. Why? Because this is a show that doesn’t operate in black and whites. Everything is in shades of gray. In fact, the only thing that’s usually pure is the color of Liv’s outfits. YESSS POPE WHITE!
Stage 1.8: Get on Twitter. Log off Facebook.
Because what makes watching Scandal so fun is watching it with other people, and Twitter makes TV social and awesome. Besides, seeing everyone freak out at the same time is comforting. A Twitfam that gladiates together, stays together.
And you log off Facebook because folks can’t keep up over there. Statuses being updated about 3 scenes ago gets no love! (-___-)
Stage 2: Watch it and be on the edge of your seat
From the moment the show starts, you will be unable to relax. Shonda and her team have NO chill and they seldom ease us into stuff so the next sentence after opening credits might be super important.
Your heart rate will stay elevated and you will hyper focus on everything! You’ll start noticing what happens in the backgrounds of scenes, and the use of colors and gradients and silk blouses. Because everything means something in Scandal.
You will even squint to listen because somehow, squinting makes you think you can hear better. Especially since the Gladiators talk in fast forward. Sharrap. It makes sense. Yes, you will spend the entire hour watching Scandal on the edge of your seat.
Stage 3: Be SLAYED in the last 5 minutes
Without fail, every episode of Scandal ends with a proverbial punch to all our guts. With 5 minutes left, we usually get one gasp-worthy scene or line. And then with 30 seconds left, something happens that’s so shocking and mind-blowing that by the time you grasp it, the ending credits are rolling. And then you will be LAID out on the floor like you just gave a testimony. Without fail.
Stage 3.5: Cuss out Shonda for killing you softly.
When you see that final SCANDAL sign flash on your screen, right after a scene that leaves your mouth wide open, you will cuss Shonda Rhimes out. This is a rite of passage. You will cuss her out so damb good that you have to ask for forgiveness for the words you used.
Because no one plays with your emotions so consistently like Ms. Rhimes does. She’s like the best and worst ex. But you love her so much and wanna buy her ALL THE THINGS and cook her all your favorite meals.
Stage 4: Be in your feelings for an hour after
Right after you cuss out Shonda, you will proceed to fall out your chair so you can lay on the floor because you are now officially dead. Because surely what just happened didn’t happen and OMG WHAT IS AIR AND I AM SO UNABLE. AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!! This is you:
Scandal will leave you so deep in your feelings after each episode that you just won’t be able to function well for at least an hour. Your feelings will have their own feelings and those feelings will be hurt.
Stage 5: Talk theories about what happened on Scandal
After you are able to peel yourself off the floor, you will then begin to talk about what you THINK just happened. The theories will flood into your brain and you will question everything. You’ll remember all those colors and those background things that seemed insignificant. And you will spend over an hour after the episode ends recalling them all and trying to connect the dots.
You’ll get into debates on Twitter about who that guy was. Why did Liv’s bang swoop 75 degrees to the left instead of 46 degrees to the right? How many times can we tell Quinn to shut up? You know. THE IMPORTANT THINGS!
Stage 5.5: You rewatch the episode
Because clearly, watching Scandal once isn’t enough. There are things you missed and things you need to zoom in on and things you need to hear again. Also, if it’s a scene where Fitz and Liv are in a closet, you might want to make sure everything checks out right. For one minute. *coughs*
And sometimes, you catch something you suspected your second time watching and you feel like you just solved a Rubik’s cube.
Then you will discuss the episode and details and random thoughts in your secret SCANDAL Facebook group. This will go on for the entire week until the next episode comes on when you find yourself back at stage 1.
You are a prisoner to the Scandal fandom and there’s nothing you can do about it. Use me as you wish, Shonda. USE MY HEART AND MY EMOTIONS!
So yes. I’m back in Gladiator mode and will be watching BET’s marathon of the first two seasons of Scandal. The first marathon block kicks off tomorrow (Saturday, August 10) from 8 am to 10 pm EST. They’ll be showing all of season one and some of season two. And the second marathon with most of season 2 happens next Saturday (August 17) from 8am to 10 pm also. Finally, on Wednesday, August 21, BET will finish airing the complete second season with a two-hour, back-to-back block, which starts at 9pm EST.
CHILE, my body is READY! I’ll be livetweeting some of these eps too and using the hashtag #ScandalBET so getchu a piece on my @Luvvie Twitter account.
Are y’all gonna be watching the marathons too? And did I get the stages right? Tell a G. And GLADIATORS ROAR!!!
Disclosure: Compensation was provided by BET but the opinions expressed are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of BET (aka don’t get it twisted. This post was ALL ME, SON. You know I love me some Scandal)!