Whose is this?

Whose Hipster Cousin is in These Super Tight Jeggings?

I love skinny jeans and jeggings just as much as the next person; when they fit well, they leave your yansh SITTING! For women, when skinny jeans don’t fit or are too tight, we end up looking like toothpaste tubes being squozed out (yes, squozed). I’ma throw jeggings in this equation too.

Too tight pants on men pose a different problem though and I have a prime example of that (found on Imgur).

Disclaimer: If there’s a kid in the room of looking over your shoulder, tell them to vamoose because… well when you scroll down, you will see why. Trust me though.

Skinniest Jeans

Image from Imgur

GAHTDAMB them pants tights dinnamug!

Ok couple of things. First of all, he walked out his house with n’an draws on. Not one piece of boxer to be seen anywhere. When you freeball like such, you must expect that certain things will shift and make themselves seen. Just chilling there while scrotum strong.

When you rock the tightest jeggings you own, in a light color, SANS LE DRAWS, then you KNOW you want to present your moose knuckle to the masses for viewing. It’s like a genitalia Netflix. Free trial but you gotta pay (with convo and dinner) to watch for an extended period of time.

I mean it’s RIGHT THERE. On his right thigh. And I can’t look away. Does this make me a perv? I’m just saying. (-_-)

whatevs whatever gif

These skinty jeans, though! They look real uncomfortable. How did he even get them on? Physics must be at play. These pants must be at least 45% spandex or lycra because cotton doesn’t have the same GIVE. And I bet he had to lay on the bed and pull them off from the bottom when his day ended. Just SNUG.

This can’t be great for his blood circulation or sperm count.

Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit. Now you’re just doing too much?” These are the questions *I* got. Because there already seems to be no room for any extra anything. Sooo if his joystick (because I’m 12) decided to expand, where is it gon go?

IT’S ON HIS DAMB THIGH! Chile…

Leggings/jeggings/skinny jean abuse must end, y’all. Buy them in your size. That is all I ask.

Whose hipster cousin is this? And what do y’all think about homeboy in these pants? You gon admit you looking too or nah?

P.S. He has great legs!

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112 Comments

  1. August 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm — Reply

    OH. MY. DAMN.

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm — Reply

      Yeah, girl.

    • August 8, 2013 at 12:08 am — Reply

      IDK…i can’t look away..i think it’s the fact that the top half of this picture is so normal. like, u wouldn’t know, at all, that u were about to scroll into a porno..smh..

  2. August 7, 2013 at 8:11 pm — Reply

    That’s some serious camel toe right there. I can’t live for any of this or be here for it either. Let me go lay by burden down by a size medium because boo bop needs them.

  3. KemaB
    August 7, 2013 at 8:12 pm — Reply

    I will never be able to unsee this thanks Luvvie -_____-

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm — Reply

      You’re welcome! :-D lolol

  4. Jen
    August 7, 2013 at 8:18 pm — Reply

    I’m crying! That’s too much!! That’s not camel toe- that’s a moose knuckle!!

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:20 pm — Reply

      Basically.

  5. Justlikehoney1
    August 7, 2013 at 8:19 pm — Reply

    Bat ‘n balls just on display. He has a yeast infection. I’m sure of it.

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:20 pm — Reply

      I DIEDDD at “bats n balls.” Yeah he might could get a couple of UTIs off these pants.

      • August 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm — Reply

        There will be slow singin’ and flower bringin’ for both of us then, because I just died along with you! #doublefuneral

  6. August 7, 2013 at 8:19 pm — Reply

    I can’t with you right now. This dude is entirely in the wrong. That’s when you put on a DANG JACKET…There are children everywhere! And overprotective moms who WILL call them folks on you!

    • Drea
      August 8, 2013 at 8:42 am — Reply

      Put on a jacket? Hell nawl. He needs to just take those pants off and throw them all the way away. All the way!

      • Renée
        October 11, 2014 at 7:29 am — Reply

        Hahahaha! YES ALL THE WAY AWAY!!!!

  7. Jabari
    August 7, 2013 at 8:19 pm — Reply

    So no kids for him ever huh?…#carryon

  8. August 7, 2013 at 8:23 pm — Reply

    I’ve never liked men in skinny jeans and this pretty much sums up all the reasons why. He must not have friends or just REALLY wanted some attention that day.

  9. MsZ
    August 7, 2013 at 8:24 pm — Reply

    *covers eyes–then peeks* Um………..yeah………I got nothing. (-_-)

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:38 pm — Reply

      And he has a coupla things.

      • Lenore
        August 7, 2013 at 10:35 pm — Reply

        I hate’chu so much right now for this comment Luvvie!

  10. Marcus
    August 7, 2013 at 8:25 pm — Reply

    Speaking as a gay man, I personally don’t mind getting a little sneak peek at the, um, merchandise. That way I already know there’s a better chance I’ll be satisfied should I decide to make a purchase.

    (And I’m overdue for a shopping spree…)

    • Justlikehoney1
      August 7, 2013 at 8:30 pm — Reply

      *dead ‘n gone*

    • August 7, 2013 at 8:38 pm — Reply

      LMAOOOO!

    • Calvin
      August 7, 2013 at 9:21 pm — Reply

      And as long as he’s not hard in this picture, you’ll be purchasing at least 6″. That should be worth it.

    • Jabari
      August 7, 2013 at 10:34 pm — Reply

      Preach that gospel, Marcus….

  11. SanTara
    August 7, 2013 at 8:39 pm — Reply

    LOL ouch! His frank and bean is vacuum sealed.

    • August 8, 2013 at 2:13 pm — Reply

      xXDEADXx

    • Trina
      August 9, 2013 at 12:26 pm — Reply

      My pulse stopped at – VACUUM SEALED!

    • Miss B
      October 9, 2014 at 2:49 am — Reply

      Not frank and bean!!!!!!

  12. August 7, 2013 at 8:41 pm — Reply

    Glory! His poor nuts can’t hang low or wobble to and fro. They are in dire straits just crying forfreedom.

    • Bev
      August 8, 2013 at 4:49 am — Reply

      Go to the corner,Young Lady!

    • vanitaapplebum
      August 8, 2013 at 11:34 am — Reply

      Give us free!

  13. Ms. D
    August 7, 2013 at 8:46 pm — Reply

    Dem paintses is tighter then a pack of pickled peppers! Sidenote: not bad for an anorexic man..*peeks twice*

  14. Tiffani
    August 7, 2013 at 9:00 pm — Reply

    “We quit”!!! I hollered!

  15. Kwan
    August 7, 2013 at 9:12 pm — Reply

    “Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit.”

    *couch slides and rolls on floor*

    Ummm yeah I- I just don’t know what to say.

  16. JazzT
    August 7, 2013 at 10:08 pm — Reply

    He don’t give two fucks.

    • EddieF
      October 8, 2014 at 3:21 pm — Reply

      His kids would be horrified to see this, but with how his balls are strangled, he won’t have any.

  17. Ashamai
    August 7, 2013 at 10:15 pm — Reply

    Wait…I just figured out that is a JUICE BOX this fool is carrying!!!! So…..NAMBLA just wears it all out there, huh?

    • August 8, 2013 at 2:22 pm — Reply

      and here i thought his face was scrunched up because he was focused on rolling his own cig…and then i scrolled down…and saw the jucie box!

  18. August 7, 2013 at 10:30 pm — Reply

    So we just going to say he got dressed during a black out with no mirrors in his home. That’s how we’re going to explain that.

  19. MsDstnctv
    August 7, 2013 at 10:51 pm — Reply

    Maybe it is just the guys I hang around with, but they are always adjusting left and right. You cannot tell me he didn’t adjust just once, then look down like “WTF??” Or is he just like screw it? I mean, didn’t he feel extra sweaty down there?

  20. Denise
    August 7, 2013 at 11:08 pm — Reply

    So that’s how we do now? Just put your twig and berries out on display like it’s ok?

  21. Carriecnh12
    August 8, 2013 at 1:36 am — Reply

    Thrde things ain’t just tight, they’re superman struggling with kryptonite tight. I don’t even have any cans, I have to switch to jars cause this is juat ridonckulous.

  22. Eve Tey
    August 8, 2013 at 1:51 am — Reply

    I’m trying to figure out how he’s just standing there all calm and shit, don’t you hear those billions of sperm screaming for help! smdh

  23. August 8, 2013 at 1:54 am — Reply

    My ovaries hurt looking at his reproductive piece all choked up like that.

  24. Christa
    August 8, 2013 at 2:44 am — Reply

    A deviled egg and a stack of quarters. I don’t see what the problem is?

    • Jerzgrlndc
      August 8, 2013 at 10:42 am — Reply

      weeeeeeak at this comment! lol!

    • mrsbdd1
      August 9, 2013 at 4:22 pm — Reply

      iDIED!!!! Slain, murk’d and destroyed by this comment…..pink and purple orchids please

  25. August 8, 2013 at 2:50 am — Reply

    Dang, for once I’m speechless, and that says A LOT
    My eyeballs are angry at me for looking! ;-)

  26. Neetro
    August 8, 2013 at 7:31 am — Reply

    Never seen anyone give themself a complete circumcision before, and in public too!

    Maybe he was auditioning for the Vagina Monologues or he packed a chick leg quarter in his pants for lunch.

    Idk I’m trying to deal but…

  27. August 8, 2013 at 8:29 am — Reply

    So, Luvvie, I can’t look away for several reasons. You asked what would happen if he got hard. Well, it looks like he’s halfway there presumably from the fabric rubbing against it, being in public, and already being quite hefty there as it is. I mean, I cannot look away. I can’t even tell you what his hair looks like, but I can tell you that he’s probably waxed or shaven there. It’s kind of majestic and I’m a bit jealous. And he’s skinny, and we all know that most skinny guys are well…let me stop. Anyway, *right click*…

    • Miss B
      October 9, 2014 at 2:57 am — Reply

      *right click* was the bullet that got me…#dead

  28. MarvyMds
    August 8, 2013 at 8:35 am — Reply

    I bet you he had a raging yeast infection once he peeled those things off. Just bagels, rolls and biscuits brewing all up in his nether regions.

  29. trina b
    August 8, 2013 at 11:27 am — Reply

    its just laid like kim k! i just cant stop looking! they have to be uber stretchy cause aint no way he can sit in them.

  30. lnedykstra
    August 8, 2013 at 11:27 am — Reply

    He looks like he had to jump off the top of a building into those jeans!!!!

    • HowlingBanshee
      August 9, 2013 at 7:03 pm — Reply

      WIN! I would watch a vine of that

  31. @Darthjaeda
    August 8, 2013 at 11:57 am — Reply

    “On his thigh” is overstating it a bit- Serge Ibaka? ON his thigh. This dude? Pointing TOWARDS his thigh. *sips tea*

  32. Friendaim
    August 8, 2013 at 12:04 pm — Reply

    He’s not just a perv, he’s a passive-aggressive perv.

    • Kk
      October 8, 2014 at 6:09 pm — Reply

      I was just thinking this dude is just a flasher on a slow day….

  33. Dorita
    August 8, 2013 at 1:16 pm — Reply

    Sooo, I was at work reading your blogs as I often do and straight up LOL’D at this unfortunate photograph! LOL LOL LOL, and I did not peak at his Grizzly Bear Paw print but I scrolled down to continue reading and also peak up and have it give me more laughs…I suppose all my giggling invited my Boss over to my area and she literally made me jump out of my seat when I heard her horrific cackling behind me. Thankfully she has a great sense of humor, she walks away from me mosttimes s.her.h in amusement…(i hope). 0_o

  34. August 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm — Reply

    LOL! @dorita…right there w/you! I cannot stop laughing…ever heard suppressed laughter…? Not pretty….cause I’s got a LOUD laugh when something throws me, and boy Luvvie…where in the name did you come across this one!lol! Man, the dude, just stands there w/no care in the world, as if…”hey, dang juice finish…should I buy another one…?” while probably the people around him not sure whether to look or NOT!

  35. Marcos Urias
    August 8, 2013 at 2:57 pm — Reply

    Honey that’s what you call 10 pounds of poop in a 5 pound bag!! YUK!!!!

  36. Sunny
    August 8, 2013 at 3:22 pm — Reply

    OK so all I could think of it looks like he’s in the city – and lets assume he doesn’t have a car and let assume he’s riding the subway and lets assume that subway car is crowded and lets assume everyone is packed like sardines at rush hour……..

  37. August 8, 2013 at 5:10 pm — Reply

    He’s not serious. He can’t be. No way are you purposefully leaving your house like that unless it’s a joke. Maybe it’s a public service thing basically saying: “You too could look this ridiculous if you buy circulation stopping skinny jeans.” I dunno but I can’t help looking and laughing.

  38. Seven
    August 8, 2013 at 6:55 pm — Reply

    If he was a bit bigg…you know what let me not.

  39. Justina
    August 8, 2013 at 10:34 pm — Reply

    OMG…I just about fell on the floor with this one. I think I saw his cousin a few years ago. I’ll never forget it. *Uses Sophia Petrillo voice*

    Picture it. It was 2001 and I was walking down 42nd and 8th avenue when this skinny dude was walking towards me real fast in some sweat pants. The strange thing about him is that it looked as if he had a windmill going around in the front of his pants.

    As he got closer I saw that even though his sweatpants was fairly loose, he was strutting down 8th avenue commando. The thing is that he was very well endowed. Huge! It looked liked a damn Ananconda was attacking him down there. At first I thought my eyes were deceiving me but then I noticed that men were starting to turn around and look at him as he passed by. The funny thing is how oblivious this guy was to the fact that he was literally swinging his stuff down the damn street.

    • ibmymy
      August 9, 2013 at 1:53 pm — Reply

      Yes. I love my some Sophia. Thank you!

  40. August 8, 2013 at 11:51 pm — Reply

    Cue Royce The 5’9″ ‘s song “I Hate Your Pants” … He is out of order here!! The comments slay me almost as much as the article did!!!

  41. Ms. Brome
    August 9, 2013 at 12:32 am — Reply

    Moar junk shots, thank you

  42. August 9, 2013 at 2:00 pm — Reply

    “moose knuckle”… iCan’t with this LMAO!!!!! I cried from laughing so damn hard and here come my boss asking me “what’s wrong?”

    You see why I can’t visit this site during work hours?

    PS: Ms Luvvie. I don’t know why, but I’m waiting on your words regarding the “Big Chop”… you KNOW what I’m talmbout!!!

    Besos :)

  43. CaspercutieSTL
    August 9, 2013 at 3:30 pm — Reply

    His poor genitals are screaming for respect and freedom.

  44. WhiskeyOnTheRox
    August 9, 2013 at 6:32 pm — Reply

    Luvie. Ma’am I was in the midst of drinking Ginger Ale when I scrolled down…I’ll be sending my doctor and computer repair bill to your address.

  45. Shakira
    August 9, 2013 at 11:56 pm — Reply

    But he’s just chillin like his schlong isn’t ULTRA pressed up against those pants. Like “yup, my thang is showin. No big deal”. Lawd…

  46. Absurdist
    August 10, 2013 at 7:09 am — Reply

    Ah, well, somebody took down the original. Maybe he got a clue.

  47. August 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm — Reply

    I have the worst gag reflex…. This gaged me from the computer screen…

  48. Helen381
    October 4, 2013 at 5:54 pm — Reply

    Camel toe for women, I call that elephant toes ROFl.

  49. TyrenM
    November 20, 2013 at 5:41 pm — Reply

    Ouch,
    I see what you did there. You took SexyTextingPervyPerv… and brought it to Wednesday right?
    Nevermind. This is dated. I gots nothing. I’ll be back Friday morning. Imma have to leave you alone on other dayz lol.

  50. […] Via awesomelyluvvie.com […]

  51. […] Via awesomelyluvvie.com […]

  52. […] Via awesomelyluvvie.com […]

  53. […] Via awesomelyluvvie.com […]

  54. Aisha
    October 8, 2014 at 2:21 pm — Reply

    I don’t have any words, really. It reminds me of camel toe sittin’ on swoll’.

  55. October 8, 2014 at 2:23 pm — Reply

    Someone pass the eye bleach please!!!!

  56. My Beautiful Life
    October 8, 2014 at 2:35 pm — Reply

    That pic is killing me :-)

  57. [email protected]
    October 8, 2014 at 2:41 pm — Reply

    Every time I see someone in leggings, whether they fit well or not, I have Tim Gunn in my head screaming, “Leggings are NOT PANTS!” I just wish he’d put the megaphone down, though.

  58. Jenn
    October 8, 2014 at 2:41 pm — Reply

    His sperm transformed into some Smooth Skippy peanut butter cuz THOSE nuts are SMASHED!

  59. Elizabeth w
    October 8, 2014 at 2:46 pm — Reply

    Least wise if he was nekkid, small children would recognize that trouser snake. With his skillfull scrotal arranging skills, poor things are just gonna be scared it could happen to them.

    Oh. And he’s a shower, not a grower.

  60. Asia E.
    October 8, 2014 at 2:57 pm — Reply

    Wait. What??! NO. Big ass NO!

  61. Ebony
    October 8, 2014 at 3:15 pm — Reply

    this picture is like the last 15 minutes of scandal last week business as usual and then………BAM it turned into the worst porn movie ever…. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD BATMAN!!!! does this man not have a mirror or a friend to tell him take your 12 year old sister’s pants off………..#icant #whataboutyourfriends

  62. October 8, 2014 at 3:18 pm — Reply

    When I can tell that you dress right and whether you are circumcised, your pants may be too tight.

  63. Tracy
    October 8, 2014 at 3:36 pm — Reply

    I am PISSED! After alls that this man decides to wear SOCKS! Because god forbid he show his ankles *cluthches pearls*

  64. October 8, 2014 at 3:42 pm — Reply

    I know that I am so wrong for thinking this, but if he were to approach me with the D, I ain’t running from it, cos right now, the way my girth and resting length is set up? HE IS PRE APPROVED!!! #sorrynotsorry

  65. Yulanda
    October 8, 2014 at 4:26 pm — Reply

    Kill the visual Jesus. PLEASE!!!

  66. Pria
    October 8, 2014 at 4:35 pm — Reply

    DAYIUMMMMMMMM!!! “Franks and Beans” all on display! “Twigs and Berries” all up in those “Nut Huggers.”
    #EWWWWWW

  67. October 8, 2014 at 4:58 pm — Reply

    Umm, I think he WAS hard. Yikes! LOL

  68. MsOand
    October 8, 2014 at 5:02 pm — Reply

    My first thought is he going to get a yeast infection. Then, I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and say maybe he is working (hence, standing on the corner) and that’s the way he market his goods……He “woke up like that, Flawless”! You think that is why Bey says gahtdamb! gahtdamb! in Flawless….lol
    These comments are giving me life…LMAO!

  69. J'Monae
    October 8, 2014 at 5:12 pm — Reply

    MOOSE KNUCKLE . I’m dead lol. There is so many things wrong with this pic!! & I too have so many questions.

  70. Mister
    October 8, 2014 at 5:34 pm — Reply

    you are hilarious :)

  71. Mikki
    October 8, 2014 at 5:46 pm — Reply

    Moose Knuckle –

  72. October 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm — Reply

    I think you just caused my appendix to rupture. I broke my insides from howling.

  73. Shanise
    October 8, 2014 at 6:39 pm — Reply

    I am reading this article and the comments on the bus and I am LMBO!!! The other passengers think I’m the “crazy” one!

  74. MzH2Os
    October 8, 2014 at 8:07 pm — Reply

    Whyyyyy do I insist on trying to read Luvvie on the low, while sitting in a business meeting?!!! …snickering/coughing abounds!

  75. D. Moore
    October 8, 2014 at 9:49 pm — Reply

    He gon git arrested for indecent exposure! This boy need some “truth tellers” in his life frfr!

  76. Kelli
    October 8, 2014 at 11:09 pm — Reply

    Just looking at this pic, I can tell he was circumsized so he must be either Catholic or Baptist. A man in jeans that are tighter than a virgin can venture…YIKES and OUCH!!!

  77. Safirestare
    October 8, 2014 at 11:36 pm — Reply

    Put the mouse in the house! This is a family place! Geez!

  78. Ms Jinx
    October 9, 2014 at 4:24 am — Reply

    The article, the picture, the COMMENTS!!! (smh) It’s official…..
    I’m… I can’t…. Y’all are a bunch of NutJobs !!!

  79. October 9, 2014 at 6:08 pm — Reply

    He can’t even donate those pants anywhere! Those things have seen too much! He needs to put on a condom before he gets some innocent bystander pregnant!

  80. October 10, 2014 at 12:21 am — Reply

    How did he walk in those from his house to this point? He dare not FART…

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