Whose Hipster Cousin is in These Super Tight Jeggings?

[ 79 ] August 7, 2013 |

I love skinny jeans and jeggings just as much as the next person; when they fit well, they leave your yansh SITTING! For women, when skinny jeans don’t fit or are too tight, we end up looking like toothpaste tubes being squozed out (yes, squozed). I’ma throw jeggings in this equation too.

Too tight pants on men pose a different problem though and I have a prime example of that (found on Imgur).

Disclaimer: If there’s a kid in the room of looking over your shoulder, tell them to vamoose because… well when you scroll down, you will see why. Trust me though.

Skinniest Jeans

Image from Imgur

GAHTDAMB them pants tights dinnamug!

Ok couple of things. First of all, he walked out his house with n’an draws on. Not one piece of boxer to be seen anywhere. When you freeball like such, you must expect that certain things will shift and make themselves seen. Just chilling there while scrotum strong.

When you rock the tightest jeggings you own, in a light color, SANS LE DRAWS, then you KNOW you want to present your moose knuckle to the masses for viewing. It’s like a genitalia Netflix. Free trial but you gotta pay (with convo and dinner) to watch for an extended period of time.

I mean it’s RIGHT THERE. On his right thigh. And I can’t look away. Does this make me a perv? I’m just saying. (-_-)

whatevs whatever gif

These skinty jeans, though! They look real uncomfortable. How did he even get them on? Physics must be at play. These pants must be at least 45% spandex or lycra because cotton doesn’t have the same GIVE. And I bet he had to lay on the bed and pull them off from the bottom when his day ended. Just SNUG.

This can’t be great for his blood circulation or sperm count.

Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit. Now you’re just doing too much?” These are the questions *I* got. Because there already seems to be no room for any extra anything. Sooo if his joystick (because I’m 12) decided to expand, where is it gon go?


Leggings/jeggings/skinny jean abuse must end, y’all. Buy them in your size. That is all I ask.

Whose hipster cousin is this? And what do y’all think about homeboy in these pants? You gon admit you looking too or nah?

P.S. He has great legs!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tags: , ,

Category: Whose is this?

Comments (79)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. That’s some serious camel toe right there. I can’t live for any of this or be here for it either. Let me go lay by burden down by a size medium because boo bop needs them.

  2. KemaB says:

    I will never be able to unsee this thanks Luvvie -_____-

  3. Jen says:

    I’m crying! That’s too much!! That’s not camel toe- that’s a moose knuckle!!

  4. Justlikehoney1 says:

    Bat ‘n balls just on display. He has a yeast infection. I’m sure of it.

  5. OneJillian says:

    I can’t with you right now. This dude is entirely in the wrong. That’s when you put on a DANG JACKET…There are children everywhere! And overprotective moms who WILL call them folks on you!

    • Drea says:

      Put on a jacket? Hell nawl. He needs to just take those pants off and throw them all the way away. All the way!

  6. Jabari says:

    So no kids for him ever huh?…#carryon

  7. Amber says:

    I’ve never liked men in skinny jeans and this pretty much sums up all the reasons why. He must not have friends or just REALLY wanted some attention that day.

  8. Michele Sometimes says:

    The photo should not have included this fellow’s face.

  9. MsZ says:

    *covers eyes–then peeks* Um………..yeah………I got nothing. (-_-)

  10. Marcus says:

    Speaking as a gay man, I personally don’t mind getting a little sneak peek at the, um, merchandise. That way I already know there’s a better chance I’ll be satisfied should I decide to make a purchase.

    (And I’m overdue for a shopping spree…)

  11. SanTara says:

    LOL ouch! His frank and bean is vacuum sealed.

  12. Makeup4play says:

    Glory! His poor nuts can’t hang low or wobble to and fro. They are in dire straits just crying forfreedom.

  13. Ms. D says:

    Dem paintses is tighter then a pack of pickled peppers! Sidenote: not bad for an anorexic man..*peeks twice*

  14. Tiffani says:

    “We quit”!!! I hollered!

  15. Kwan says:

    “Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit.”

    *couch slides and rolls on floor*

    Ummm yeah I- I just don’t know what to say.

  16. JazzT says:

    He don’t give two fucks.

  17. Ashamai says:

    Wait…I just figured out that is a JUICE BOX this fool is carrying!!!! So…..NAMBLA just wears it all out there, huh?

  18. So we just going to say he got dressed during a black out with no mirrors in his home. That’s how we’re going to explain that.

  19. MsDstnctv says:

    Maybe it is just the guys I hang around with, but they are always adjusting left and right. You cannot tell me he didn’t adjust just once, then look down like “WTF??” Or is he just like screw it? I mean, didn’t he feel extra sweaty down there?

  20. Denise says:

    So that’s how we do now? Just put your twig and berries out on display like it’s ok?

  21. Carriecnh12 says:

    Thrde things ain’t just tight, they’re superman struggling with kryptonite tight. I don’t even have any cans, I have to switch to jars cause this is juat ridonckulous.

  22. Eve Tey says:

    I’m trying to figure out how he’s just standing there all calm and shit, don’t you hear those billions of sperm screaming for help! smdh

  23. Em. says:

    My ovaries hurt looking at his reproductive piece all choked up like that.

  24. Christa says:

    A deviled egg and a stack of quarters. I don’t see what the problem is?

  25. Dang, for once I’m speechless, and that says A LOT
    My eyeballs are angry at me for looking! ;-)

  26. Neetro says:

    Never seen anyone give themself a complete circumcision before, and in public too!

    Maybe he was auditioning for the Vagina Monologues or he packed a chick leg quarter in his pants for lunch.

    Idk I’m trying to deal but…

  27. So, Luvvie, I can’t look away for several reasons. You asked what would happen if he got hard. Well, it looks like he’s halfway there presumably from the fabric rubbing against it, being in public, and already being quite hefty there as it is. I mean, I cannot look away. I can’t even tell you what his hair looks like, but I can tell you that he’s probably waxed or shaven there. It’s kind of majestic and I’m a bit jealous. And he’s skinny, and we all know that most skinny guys are well…let me stop. Anyway, *right click*…

  28. MarvyMds says:

    I bet you he had a raging yeast infection once he peeled those things off. Just bagels, rolls and biscuits brewing all up in his nether regions.

  29. trina b says:

    its just laid like kim k! i just cant stop looking! they have to be uber stretchy cause aint no way he can sit in them.

  30. lnedykstra says:

    He looks like he had to jump off the top of a building into those jeans!!!!

  31. @Darthjaeda says:

    “On his thigh” is overstating it a bit- Serge Ibaka? ON his thigh. This dude? Pointing TOWARDS his thigh. *sips tea*

  32. Friendaim says:

    He’s not just a perv, he’s a passive-aggressive perv.

  33. Dorita says:

    Sooo, I was at work reading your blogs as I often do and straight up LOL’D at this unfortunate photograph! LOL LOL LOL, and I did not peak at his Grizzly Bear Paw print but I scrolled down to continue reading and also peak up and have it give me more laughs…I suppose all my giggling invited my Boss over to my area and she literally made me jump out of my seat when I heard her horrific cackling behind me. Thankfully she has a great sense of humor, she walks away from me mosttimes s.her.h in amusement…(i hope). 0_o

  34. Donna says:

    LOL! @dorita…right there w/you! I cannot stop laughing…ever heard suppressed laughter…? Not pretty….cause I’s got a LOUD laugh when something throws me, and boy Luvvie…where in the name did you come across this one!lol! Man, the dude, just stands there w/no care in the world, as if…”hey, dang juice finish…should I buy another one…?” while probably the people around him not sure whether to look or NOT!

  35. Marcos Urias says:

    Honey that’s what you call 10 pounds of poop in a 5 pound bag!! YUK!!!!

  36. Sunny says:

    OK so all I could think of it looks like he’s in the city – and lets assume he doesn’t have a car and let assume he’s riding the subway and lets assume that subway car is crowded and lets assume everyone is packed like sardines at rush hour……..

  37. Pasha says:

    He’s not serious. He can’t be. No way are you purposefully leaving your house like that unless it’s a joke. Maybe it’s a public service thing basically saying: “You too could look this ridiculous if you buy circulation stopping skinny jeans.” I dunno but I can’t help looking and laughing.

  38. Seven says:

    If he was a bit bigg…you know what let me not.

  39. Justina says:

    OMG…I just about fell on the floor with this one. I think I saw his cousin a few years ago. I’ll never forget it. *Uses Sophia Petrillo voice*

    Picture it. It was 2001 and I was walking down 42nd and 8th avenue when this skinny dude was walking towards me real fast in some sweat pants. The strange thing about him is that it looked as if he had a windmill going around in the front of his pants.

    As he got closer I saw that even though his sweatpants was fairly loose, he was strutting down 8th avenue commando. The thing is that he was very well endowed. Huge! It looked liked a damn Ananconda was attacking him down there. At first I thought my eyes were deceiving me but then I noticed that men were starting to turn around and look at him as he passed by. The funny thing is how oblivious this guy was to the fact that he was literally swinging his stuff down the damn street.

  40. Cue Royce The 5’9″ ‘s song “I Hate Your Pants” … He is out of order here!! The comments slay me almost as much as the article did!!!

  41. Ms. Brome says:

    Moar junk shots, thank you

  42. MsTwix says:

    “moose knuckle”… iCan’t with this LMAO!!!!! I cried from laughing so damn hard and here come my boss asking me “what’s wrong?”

    You see why I can’t visit this site during work hours?

    PS: Ms Luvvie. I don’t know why, but I’m waiting on your words regarding the “Big Chop”… you KNOW what I’m talmbout!!!

    Besos :)

  43. CaspercutieSTL says:

    His poor genitals are screaming for respect and freedom.

  44. WhiskeyOnTheRox says:

    Luvie. Ma’am I was in the midst of drinking Ginger Ale when I scrolled down…I’ll be sending my doctor and computer repair bill to your address.

  45. Shakira says:

    But he’s just chillin like his schlong isn’t ULTRA pressed up against those pants. Like “yup, my thang is showin. No big deal”. Lawd…

  46. Absurdist says:

    Ah, well, somebody took down the original. Maybe he got a clue.

  47. I have the worst gag reflex…. This gaged me from the computer screen…

  48. Helen381 says:

    Camel toe for women, I call that elephant toes ROFl.

  49. TyrenM says:

    I see what you did there. You took SexyTextingPervyPerv… and brought it to Wednesday right?
    Nevermind. This is dated. I gots nothing. I’ll be back Friday morning. Imma have to leave you alone on other dayz lol.

Leave a Reply