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The Worst Person Ever and the Scorned Never Ex: Dating Fails

Many people are single because they want to be and others haven’t found THE ONE or ONES (hey, roll like you want). But many are single because they’re self-absorbed douchebags who can’t have nice things because they don’t know how to behave like decent human beings. Long story short: it’s easy to see why some people are forever alone.

Tacky and I Hate You gif

There are TWO people that have recently won the prize for “You will die with cobwebs in your nether regions because you’re both assholes.” Let’s get into it.

First there’s a dude who goes by Romeo Rose. His real name is Asshat McDickwad Larry Busby, and he’s a wedding photographer in Austin. He wants a girlfriend so bad that he is willing to pay someone $1,500 to help him find one. And he has a long list of requests for whoever he dates. Gawker has the highlights of his requests:

“I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl.”

“I also like girls with long hair. I like a girl to look like a girl, not a man, I like a feminine, pretty girl.”

“I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.”

“I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.”

“I also do not like piercings on a woman. I do not like a woman to have anything pireced other than her Ears. If she has other piercings it’s not a dealbreaker as long as she removes them and never wears them again.”

WTF is That gif

Anddd these are the NICE things he said. He goes on to say such gems as:

Furthermore, I do not believe homosexuals should be allowed to teach in schools or hold any type of job in which they have any type of interactions with children in which they could leave a false impression that homosexuality is ok on their young minds.”

This is just so dumb that the word dumb is mad as hell at me for bringing it into this situation.

Looooonnnngggg story short, this guy is just the most awful specimen. He’s ever “ist” you can think of. Either that, or we’re all being royally trolled. In fact, I’ll believe the latter just so I can sleep better. Oh and the beauty in all this is that Romeo looks like this:

Romeo Rose

He got his nerve to look like the living embodiment of athlete’s foot and gangrene. I don’t have the TAHM nor patience! How do you look like a horror movie villain WITHOUT the need for makeup and be this choosy and racist and chauvinistic and just a terrible human being? If you look like this, you need to be so charming that every time you open your mouth, glitter, tax credits and life’s secrets fall out.

Got the face for radio and the teeth for digging and wants to be choosy. NO SIR! Get the ENTIRE hell up outta dodge.

Chile, BYE! He ain’t got the right or the privilege!

Fuck You And Eyebrows gif

Him and his refrigerator-sized veneers need to have an everlasting seat some damb where. He reminds me of  TEEF KEEF aka TOOTHER VANDROSS (if you click that link, you will CRY laughing. Do not do it while you’re at work because I WILL NOT be responsible for you getting fired).

Again, I think Romeo created a gimmick to get attention and troll us all. He deserves ALLLLL the ridicule. Ugh.

But in the second dating fail of the week, we have Quinn Woodward Pu, a blogger who went on a couple of dates with some dude.

Quinn Qoodward Pu

After a couple of dates, he sent her a text that said:

“I had fun on Sat but quite honestly I am in a state of flux right now and am really not looking for a relationship. Sorry to be a downer before your birthday but I have no doubt you’ll move on quickly as you are a funny, smart, cool girl! Good luck.”

Now homeboy thinks VERY highly of himself to assume she’s looking for a relationship with him after two dates. He must think he’s the bee’s knees and the crocodile’s teeth. Bless his heart. HOWEVER, what Quinn did next is what I’d like to call “the most with the least.”

She decides to shame the dude on her blog by posting their text exchange to show how little she cares about him and how much she loves being single and how ridiculous he was. AND she sent their sexting screenshots to his bosses!!! Props to Jezebel.

Quinn Qoodard bitter

Then she went on her blog to call the dude misogynistic and chauvinistic, as if she just learned two new big words she just HAD to use!

COMME DES FUCKON, LADY!!! Seriously?? All this because he text you that he didn’t wanna pursue a relationship? Yes, he was being presumptuous to think you wanted his ass but it wasn’t e’em THAT DEEP!

This is a punk move on her part. Ma’am, you’re clearly saltier than the ocean and I request that you tuck that shit in and DEAL.

You Mad Patti gif

My goodness. I’m not a fan of text breakups because they’re immature and stupid. Call some damb body if you’re done with them. That’s common courtesy. However, this chick took her scorn to a new level. It’s so blown out of proportion that the Incredible Hulk is somewhere like “yo, you gotta chill.”

And what makes it even more side-eye worthy is that Quinn’s blogpost on this is how she thinks she’s helping womankind by being a petty, scorned never ex. Talmbout “May I (and you, and your girlfriends, moms, grandmothers, daughters, etc.) never remain silent in the bombastic, outrageously chauvinistic face of an insecure man.” Girl STFU, doe!

Romeo and Quinn gotta go find some damb hobbies and sense. This is why n’an one of them can have nice things. Because they’re both awful. However, some poor unfortunate souls will probably date them. Because: desperation.

Chile… ugh.

So what do you think about these two? Do you think Quinn was right to react like that? Also, what specimen does Romeo look like to you?

I ain’t gon lie. I’m EXTRA looking forward to your comments on this.

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129 Comments

  1. Tracey
    September 26, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Ugh! I hope Mr. I’m the Twin of Eric Stolz from ‘Mask,’ and Ms. Real Housewife of Overreactionville are both sterile. That way, when they find The One (who’s just as f*cked up as they are) the world won’t have to worry about having to deal with their destined to be cuckoo spawn.

    Woosah…these two just worked my last nerve. This is why we can’t have a nice dating pool….

    • squashbanana
      September 26, 2013 at 12:18 pm

      Ok I live in Austin, no one is checking for that dude here. He needs to mooove! There isn’t anything but fit tattooed pretty things of all colors shapes and sizes here, Austin doesn’t claim him. These two need to soul search, run a personal inventory to figure out 1. Why people run screaming from them, and 2. How to be happy alone. Either way your ok.

      • September 26, 2013 at 6:55 pm
      • My2Cents
        September 27, 2013 at 10:00 am

        I too live in Austin and he has been laughed at all up and down SoCo. As my grandmother would say “Bless his heart” smh

        • Tracey
          September 27, 2013 at 3:55 pm

          My grandmother would’ve said, “F*ck him…Jesus wept,” but that’s just how my family rolls….

          • Sunny
            October 3, 2013 at 3:14 pm

            HAHAHA I thought my Grandmother was the only one who said that.

    • Tangie
      September 26, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      Not Eric Stoltz from ‘Mask’ though. I can’t breeeeaaaave!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!

      • Margarita
        October 17, 2013 at 5:12 pm

        You know you just about died laughing because you thought the same thing! Lmao
        I know I did.

    • Jabari
      September 26, 2013 at 3:16 pm

      @Tracey: Woo Woo Woo….

      Once the technology where folks can build their own mates gets invented, we can be rid of mistakes such as these two….

    • Randomly Jazzy
      September 26, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      “Mr. I’m the Twin of Eric Stolz from ‘Mask,’” See I didn’t even think of that, and now I can’t stop laughing at comparing the two.

  2. September 26, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    I’m just gone say this…

    Between Douchbag McDouchery not wanting us and Ms. Thumb Thuggin’ not being one of us…it’s a great day to be a black woman!

    • negritude
      September 26, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Best response ever!

    • Gracie
      September 26, 2013 at 1:38 pm

      Amen to that one!

    • Akua
      September 26, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      PREACH!

    • September 26, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      YASSSSS GAWD!

    • Kwan
      September 26, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      HELL YES!

    • Tracey
      September 27, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      Blake Von D FTW!

  3. ZaidahNicole
    September 26, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    “Romeo” looks like the trainman from the Matrix. Only 25 years younger.
    If he wasn’t such a Summer’s Eve, and his teeth were a half in smaller, he’d be halfway handsome. Maybe. After a few shots of Patron.

  4. ZaidahNicole
    September 26, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    …half INCH smaller*

  5. September 26, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    First guy is so awesome, which is why his ex of 11 yrs who he has a tattoo of (although he won’t date a woman with one) has a restraining order out on him.

    The second woman is salty and mad. She should have just chuckled at the text and sent back a pithy reply.

    But you forgot about my favorite entitled asshole of the week and that’s sandwich girl’s not-fiance. With his non-Sarsgard looking, Vampire lacefront looking hair, B*ch get me a sandwich self. http://nypost.com/2013/09/24/i-wooed-my-man-with-a-sandwich/

    • MzQuinn
      September 26, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      *punts my phone over the back fence and proceeds to drop kick all the trash cans in my house*
      I CANNOT with her! I couldn’t even finish the article! I got to “You’re 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring” and had to exit out. I don’t even have words. Anyone who degrades themself (selves? English class has failed me :P) to making sandwiches for an engagement ring has some serious personal image issues they need to sort out. That’s just pitiful and sad. He KNOW he need to take his Edward Cullen wanna be lookin self on somewhere! Got me searching my house for a damn stake >.>

    • Evelyn
      September 26, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      THAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU!!!! *stomps around office Steve Carell style*

      Luvvie. Please speak on this… I can’t even get my thoughts in order with this chick…

    • Gracie
      September 26, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      THANK YOU! I knew I wasn’t the only one not feeling that 300sandwhich bs. A friend posted that link on Facebook and was like “um no ma’am” and then someone else (read black woman) said it was a good lesson in patience and submission. Excuse me? The devil is a lie and I rebuke you and every sandwhich that has been made in the name of that wig wearing man. We have got to do better.

      • A'isha
        October 2, 2013 at 6:11 pm

        “The devil is a lie and I rebuke you and every sandwhich that has been made in the name of that wig wearing man. We have got to do better.”

        I am at work. My office door is closed. I had to put my head down on my desk and weep with mirth over this comment. My soul cried out!

    • yellowbelle
      September 26, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      This chick is in for a rude surprise when her sandwich loving non-fiance comes out of the closet after that 300th sandwich. That hair, pout, stance and those eyebrows all scream “HowYou Dzoin” to me.

    • Chime
      September 26, 2013 at 8:06 pm

      Umm, go ahead a finish reading her article, and also her reply, “This is a blog, not a witch hunt!” I think she explains herself a LOT better in her response to the responses of the original one. She started making the sandwiches as a halfway serious/halfway joking thing, and it turned into a growing experience for them as a couple.

      I love being a feminist, but I think a LOT of us get caught up in thinking what WE, ourselves, wouldn’t do for a man, for anyone, for blah blah blah, etc. I feel like another important component of feminism, in addition to securing rights for women, is allowing women the space to do what makes them personally happy. I ain’t mad at her.

      • HM
        September 27, 2013 at 8:47 am

        Felt the same way about that situation…

      • AnointedTouch
        September 27, 2013 at 9:39 am

        I’m most definitely am not mad or upset about her making the sandwiches. Whatever a couple has to do to grow closer together is fine by me. That’s their relationship, not mine. People take things way to serious. Even though the man is a chef and does most of the cooking in the house, he loves the way she fixes sandwiches, and as a woman who loves her man, she is giving that to him. She said it best when she said,
        “If he wasn’t worth making one sandwich for, do you think I’d be making 300 of them?”…Do you, sweetheart. Take care of your man, cater to your man. Grow and have fun with your man. Your relationship will be much stronger because you can laugh and have an open mind about things.

        Most of the ones who are complaining about your man and how he looks, probably don’t even have a man. Despite how that man may look to others, I bet he treats her like an Empress, with the empire included.

        • MzQuinn
          September 27, 2013 at 1:28 pm

          I’m actually very happily married. I didn’t dislike the story because I believe it’s my “feminist ways”. I don’t even consider myself a feminist. I just thought it was plain rude. If my husband looked at me and asked “You’ve been awake for 15 minutes? Why don’t I have a sandwich yet?” I’d give him the worst side-eye of his life. You just don’t talk to people like that. Just my feelings on it, I guess. -shrugs-

          • MzQuinn
            September 27, 2013 at 1:33 pm

            *believe it’s against

          • September 30, 2013 at 1:11 pm

            Exactly.

      • September 30, 2013 at 1:15 pm

        I too believe feminism is about choices and if she chooses to make sandwiches for her non-fiance, that’s her choice. But the way he “asked” her to make a sandwich and then his response after the sandwich is what has me crying foul.

        I am married and I make dinner for my entire family most nights of the week, but my husband would never utter something like “you’ve been up X minutes, where’s my sandwich”. And she can act like she thought the whole 300 sandwich thing was an inside joke, but #1 she started making sandwiches like a mofo and asked her mom’s advice on it and #2 she let the world in on the “joke” and therefor opened herself up to the responses she’s getting. Belive me people aren’t pissed because she’s cooking for her man, it’s how everyone in the situation went about everything.

    • Everfab
      September 27, 2013 at 9:31 am

      Oh yes. That sandwich maker chic’s ‘man’ looks like Carson Kressley. He seems like he’s playing a game with her. They’ve already lived together for 2 years and there is no deeper committment and now he’s dangling the idea in front of her of well, if you make me 300 sandwiches I’ll marry you. FOH with that Boolshyt! What happens when he digests sandwich 300 and decides he’s still not marrying her? She’s basically been giving him husband privileges all this time with the HOPE that he will eventually marry her and since he’s already reaping those benefits, why should he marry her?

      • LaToya
        September 27, 2013 at 10:45 am

        Wake up!! This man most likely will not marry her b/c he is GAY!! Look at him, if he does marry her he will be cheating on her with man who makes him “beef” sandwiches. His eyebrows are more arched than hers.. chile please!!!

  6. September 26, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    I’m just glad to know that Cheef Teef is a nickname that can be shared by all the races of our great land.

    And for Quinn, well, honey, if your life is going SO WELL, why are you SEXTING with someone you’ve only known for less than 20 hours, as you put it so eloquently? Because nothing says “I’m a quality woman worth spending time with” like sexting with someone you barely know.

    • September 26, 2013 at 12:19 pm

      CHEEF TEEF??! LMAOOOOOOOOO!!! *dead* #DNR

      • September 26, 2013 at 12:28 pm

        Hey, I didn’t come up with that one! That was from a previous Luvvie gem!!!

  7. Eve Tey
    September 26, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Romeo looks like a greasy villager from the Renaissance era, YUCK…and needs to let go of that comb over (or should I say comb forward) cuz it’s not the business. Also, i think he’s trying to compete with Teef Keef LMAO!!!

  8. September 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    First, did he go to the same dentist as Chief Teef? If so, we need to go snatch his spitbowl and drills away from his ass. His veneers are go big they hang over his lip – teeth look like they are dry as hell from an inability to keep his lips shut over them. It’s funny how the least of ’em are always trying to do the most.

    He wants a girl to look like a girl, but most women want a man to look like a human – this is why he cannot have nice things. He is prime target for some serious catfishing. When you look like a big toe wih a bunyun for a face, you cannot be picky. Plus, he doesn’t look like he tested well in school – low forehead, dull, sloped eyes.

    As for the butthurt blogger, her response was way overboard and did not make her look clever or cool. It made her look desperate, whiny, and altogether just messy. What would’ve happened if he decided further in that he wanted out? This heffa is a car-keying, rabbit-boiling nutjob waiting to happen. She should tone it alla way down and learn to chill.

    BTW – thanks for the best round of GIFs ever!

    • September 26, 2013 at 12:29 pm

      As someone who is currently suffering with a bunion on my big toe, I’d like to say that, from experience, this guy is more of a Plantar’s wart with a face. My bunion ain’t that bad.

      • September 26, 2013 at 12:46 pm

        I did not mean to insult your bunion. My bad. He does look like a bent, dirty sh!#can though.

        • September 26, 2013 at 9:48 pm

          My bunion accepts your apology. And yes, he looks EXACTLY like a bent, dirty shitcan.

    • Claire
      September 26, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      “He wants a girl to look like a girl, but most women want a man to look like a human”

      *dead*

      This is my first ever AL comment just to say…*DEAD*. Someone console my folks.

    • LaToya
      September 27, 2013 at 10:49 am

      “look like a big toe with a bunyun for a face”…..wall slides down to my death…I am too weak!!

  9. Yonnie
    September 26, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    The first guy is a RIDICULOUS!! “I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry.” Like Halle Berry would even use his face for Halloween decorations.

    The 2nd guy however, I don’t see anything wrong with his text message. I feel like that at the end of most of my dates and I wish I had the courage to send an honest text like that. Her reaction screams of insecurity and immaturity. I swear the Internet turns people into 13 year olds. Why would she send it to his boss? I mean, what message is she trying to send to the boss: “Look how up front and honest about his intentions this guy was with me in his dating life which has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with his role as an employee.”

    • MzQuinn
      September 26, 2013 at 12:32 pm

      *DEAD* at Halloween decorations!

  10. September 26, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    thank you for the patti .gif

    that is all

  11. Aras
    September 26, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Romeo looks like he could have been an extra in the movie Willow…without any costuming needed.

    And I’m mad that the girl is acting exactly like she claims she isn’t: “a girl hysterical with emotions.” Boo, you just showed your ass in the most hysterical of ways.

  12. KemaB
    September 26, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Lawwd where to begin Tooth’s McGhee may I direct you to your sit located west of who the fcuk wants you and east of you can’t be serious with your smeagle looking ass and that list <<<Jesus be a clue cuz surely he is in need of one.

    Madam Quinn this is why you'll never have nice things with your bitter ass. What he did was lame and your response made you look petty and desperate.

    That sandwich for a ring is ridiculous and I will not comment on it. No ma'am.

  13. Gennatay
    September 26, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    So, they went on 2 dates together and “spent a total of 20 hours together”? Sounds like he got some and moved on. That’s the only reason I can see her being that bitter and angry.

    • September 26, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      I was thinking the same thing! Who spends 20 hours with someone on only 2 dates? Unless he spent the night a couple times and she’s now pissed that she gave it up.

      • Everfab
        September 27, 2013 at 9:25 am

        Exactly. All she needed to do was reply that she wasn’t checkin for him anyway and he only did that because he knew her birthday was coming and wasn’t trying to have her looking for a gift. For her to admit that they spent that much time together after just 2 dates says they bumped uglies and that’s why she stewed long enough that she decided to embarass him by sending that mess to his job. She did say it was a ‘taxpayer funded blacbkerry’, so he is stupid too for sending his personal business on a more than likely government issued blackberry – as if they didn’t already know and see the messages they were sending each other back & forth on that phone. SMH

  14. RoxyWTF
    September 26, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    This man looks like dropsy with veneers.

  15. YoMomma
    September 26, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    If you go to amazon you’ll see Quinn’s bullshit book. You’ll also see people quote from the book. She’s racist as hell and is quoted as saying she wishes she can send one patient with Dave Chapelle vernacular back to the projects.

    She deserves the internet justice she’s getting.

  16. Shelby
    September 26, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Can someone please arrange for these two to go on a date?

    • Tracey
      September 27, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      NOOOOOOOOO! They might reproduce and then we’ll have big teethed, horse faced chilren with overly threaded eyebrows and underdeveloped brain cells running rampant all over the interwebs. For the love of all humanity and late night surfing sessions, we can’t have that happening.

  17. Kate
    September 26, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Look at the fresh row of chiclets that dude is sporting, looking like the offspring Lurch and Droopy Dog. And he has the audacity to make all these demands? Sir, the only relationship you’re going to have is with Mr. Right Hand, enjoy your lonely ass life with that Jim Crow attitude and Quasimodo swagger.

    • negritude
      September 26, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      I’m not at work but I swear you’ll get me kicked out of this condo if you don’t quit with that quasimodo swagger talk!

  18. September 26, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    i never knew Mr. Ed had so may requirements lol.

    • Nai
      September 26, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      Gurrrrrrl lol

    • Sane Jane
      September 27, 2013 at 10:11 pm

      Ah Lawd! rotfl

  19. September 26, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    […] tax credits and life’s secrets fall out. she's such a mean girl when she wants to be The Worst Person Ever and the Scorned Never Ex: Dating Fails | Awesomely Luvvie Reply With […]

  20. September 26, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and say, “Maybe it’s me.”

  21. September 26, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    This sentence right here = greatness:

    “This is just so dumb that the word dumb is mad as hell at me for bringing it into this situation.”

    That dude looks like Tony Robbins if someone stretched his head out & hit him w/a mallet. I believe the professional psychological term for this is “He mad cause he ugly.”

  22. September 26, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    He looks like a melty Dave Grohl.

    • Jabari
      September 26, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      Hay Zeus, please be a fence for my feelings!!!!!!!!!!

    • September 26, 2013 at 11:23 pm

      *puts down laptop* *slides out of chair* *rolls around on the floor laughing and crying*

    • Sane Jane
      September 27, 2013 at 10:13 pm

      Don’t put that on Dave Grohl…….. well maybe in a funhouse mirror kind of way.

  23. Serenity
    September 26, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I think texts are the perfect way to break up with someone when you are REALLY done. But you have to be really done. That way you don’t have to deal with their comments and tears. Let them know that any additional contact will be considered stalking and that you will call the police. That should just about do it….

  24. Michelle
    September 26, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Dude must’ve thought that Matt Dillon’s teeth in “Something ABout Mary” weren’t a funny, but truly an attractive thing.

    And the woman? Dear lord…talk about a contradiction. If the guy really wasn’t worth her time, why’d she go through so much trouble and effort to “scorn” him.

    Self-awareness. It really is a good thing.

  25. Fantasia
    September 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Omg I clicked the link to his whole list and it is… Soo. I just Jesus be some words. He will date every race but black, but considers tattoos to be white trash, which he won’t date either.
    wait what??? Sir be prepared to be #teamsingle til the end.

  26. Jabari
    September 26, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Ugh ok….

    Let’s start with the fact that dude’s name is Larry. Busby. That’s like saying your athlete’s foot’s ugly step-cousin. Sir, take a seat, any seat you can find. AND THEN, had the gall to have a screenname thrown back from 1998. But, sweaterGawd, ugly mugs be the main ones with requirements and lists. Sirmaams and Maamsirs, when you look like def (cause folks can’t get the entire word out looking at you) and ain’t got a 10 figure check or Stebbie J/Marley quailty secks to combat your ugly, you need to hursh and take what’s given to you.

    Then little Sally Suchen, standing there looking like a bootleg Mulan, went in on dude for telling her he ain’t want a relationship. True, dude was hella presumptuous in his text but Ms. Lady did not have to read him like that. And messing with money or talking about folks’ kids (yea, I peeped the “9 yr. old” thing), thems is fighting words. Sweetie, you decent enough but get your entire life ASAP. And from where I’m standing, you musta wanted a relationship with this clown if went in this hard. Madame, head to the corner and tend to your wounded pride.

    Lastly, Luvvie, why did u show us that abomination’s picture. What evil have we committed against you?!?!?! We sorry….

    • Ashamai
      September 26, 2013 at 4:09 pm

      I.hate.you.

      *throws computer in the gutter and wall slides*

    • Tracey
      September 27, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      A bootleg Mulan? I’m done…please tell me you dropped the mic and walked off the stage once you hit “submit.”

  27. Justina
    September 26, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    LMAO…I am crying because he looks like Donkey from Shrek!

    • Sane Jane
      September 27, 2013 at 10:07 pm

      This dude looks like the metamorphosis part of Michael Jackson’s “black or white video”.

  28. Nptexas
    September 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    I wasn’t convinced he wasn’t trolling until I clicked the Gawker link. Then got sucked into the abyss of comments. He is nasty in the extreme. And, for the love of all that’s holy, who can’t find a date in a college town where the school has 50k students? Oh yeah. This disgusting, repulsive, repugnant guy.

    Black women and fat girls the world over can be thankful he won’t date them.

    I guess he won’t date a smart woman either since that wasn’t on the list. For reasons.

    The scorned woman probably just shouldnt have responded. His text sounded like he was trying to be polite instead of just never calling again. Kinda lame (maybe?) but not flame-worthy.

  29. September 26, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Romeo’s teeth are taken from Jim Carrey’s film ‘The Mask’. “Shhhhhmokin’!” Can you imagine kissing him though? How much of your face do you think you’ll come back with?

    • Sane Jane
      September 27, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      I am so glad I am not at work reading this right now. I would get put out.

  30. September 26, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    He laid me out with the black woman comment…haa. Like umm…where did that come from? We were never checking for you anyway. Ewww…not with those same teeth consequence from Love and Hip Hop NY got.

    • Everfab
      September 27, 2013 at 9:20 am

      LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. kamakula
    September 26, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    In defense of the 2nd guy – it was only two dates. That text wasn’t a breakup text, it was a courtesy text explaining why he’s no longer going to return calls, etc.

    We’re not even sure his text was presumptuous. Sure, her response seems to indicate that it is, but let’s say they were both on a dating site and indicated they were looking for something long term. Even if they were both lying and nobody can be expected to have reached that point in two dates, if you don’t see long term potential in that person, one should break things off since that doesn’t jive with how you’ve represented yourselves. Otherwise, you’d go through having a “well, I don’t know if there is long term compatibility, would you like to fall back on something casual” conversation. . . which in his case, would probably have resulted in similar backlash.

    • kamakula
      September 26, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      I’m also guessing that she’d intimated or invited him to her birthday celebration/whatever which after two dates. . . would indicate she digs him enough to introduce to friends etc. Now, that’s not always an indication of anything – but some people reserve that for when they feel things are going somewhere. So, if he’s that kind of person, his perception of where she’s at in their nascent relationship would be different.

  32. Deetzi
    September 26, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    How do you spend 20 hours with someone over 2 dates?

  33. Camilleblu
    September 26, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    I just want him to give Andre The Giant his dentures back so that he can rest in peace.

    • Sane Jane
      September 27, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      I am crying with laughter right now!

  34. September 26, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Yeah, so, my friends and I decided that Ms. Construed should start naming her sandwiches:
    Sandwich #182 “The Delusional Chicken Breast on Rye”
    Sandwich #183 “The I’m Worried About My Eggs Sandwich”
    Sandwich #184 “The I Don’t Wanna Die Alone Tuna Melt”
    Sandwich #185 “The Lettuce Wrap this Up with 2 Carrots”
    Sandwich #186 “The Who’s the Turkey on White”

    As for Bachelorette #2, no man spends 20 hours with somebody on the first two dates unless he is stranded or straddling.

    • 3xsalady
      September 27, 2013 at 9:21 am

       “The I’m Worried About My Eggs Sandwich”

      Now see, I wasn’t even gonna comment, but this right here? Woooo, I’m hollerin!

    • Alysia
      September 27, 2013 at 10:32 am

      iDied! lmao!!!!!

    • Gracie
      September 27, 2013 at 11:36 am

      Yes, yes and YES!

    • Shon T
      September 27, 2013 at 10:22 pm

      He’s the real deal. He has been an underground internet sensation for years as the worst blues guitarist alive. He has ALWAYS been like this. The photography gig and the teeth are new. He only had about three teeth before this. Google him and you’ll be amazed.

  35. September 26, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    This Shaggy looking mofo needs to have a seat in the Mystery Machine with Velma, Scooby and ‘nem!!!!!!!!

  36. September 27, 2013 at 3:01 am

    Wow – what a nuts dating experience. Some guys just have no idea do they!

  37. September 27, 2013 at 8:02 am

    I think Quinn needs to have several seats. I’m not a fan of people that post screen shots of conversations now, just because technology has advanced in that direction. I think it immature, regardless of how the relationship turned out. Screen shots are not to be shared with the public.

    And that man… WHOA! I hope there’s an update on him at some point. I’d like to see the psychiatry bill for the woman he DOES end up with.

  38. September 27, 2013 at 8:10 am

    I just love that I hear a familiar voice in my head when I read your posts. You write just like I talk to my friends and I have no idea if you’re from the south or not, but it’s totally awesome Luvvie. And hilarious. And clever. And over time you have honed & trained your following because often their comments are just as funny as your post.

  39. Amy M
    September 27, 2013 at 8:14 am

    Woooooow, so Asshat McDickwad looks like Mr Eds spawn but wants to date Barbie? FOH!!!! First of all sweetie I’m not aware of any women, let alone black women, that want to date an animal look alike. I do agree that your “woman” should need glasses and never wear them in your presence because its hard to look at you and not laugh or grab a carrot and ask if the horsie would like a treat.
    As for ol girl, she made some valid points in her text but that shouldve only been shared with her bestie, publicly after 2 dates you end up looking like the douche. And texting the boss, that was a lil weird.

    • KRYSTAL
      September 29, 2013 at 7:45 pm

      “ASK IF THE HORSEY WOULD LIKE A TREAT” OH LORD JESUS PLEASE BE A JOB FOR ME CAUSE IM ABOUT TO LOSE MINES!!!

  40. Denise
    September 27, 2013 at 8:15 am

    This is just so dumb that the word dumb is mad as hell at me for bringing it into this situation….Pretty much sums up how I feel.

    Her with her prissy “i can’t believe he broke up with me via text” ass has my insides balled up into the fetal position rocking back and forth. the way she is taking this i think she did want a relationship with him and then when she started naming all the kids names that all start with a T he was ready to get the hell on.

    Mr. I don’t know why I am of this earth Rose…smh…his teeth looks like there is a fire at the back of his mouth and they are all running for the closest exit…his teeth looks like doors in a fun house…his teeth should have their own theme song, his teeth, damn his teeth….his teeth…#lawdhamercy his teeth

    • KRYSTAL
      September 29, 2013 at 7:43 pm

      OH MY MY MY IM AT WORK READING THIS AND THE WAY I JUST HOLLERED IT MAY JUST BE MY LAST DAY.. **HEAD TO UMEPLOYMENT OFFICE*

  41. nykeya2013
    September 27, 2013 at 8:42 am

    dude with the damn brick veneers, lazy eyelids and matted dog rug on his head shoud hook up with drama mama. then they can litter the world with ugly insecure seamonkeys.

  42. April
    September 27, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Romeo (ugh) looks like Tony Robbins mixed with Ross Gellar in that one episode of Friends where Ross overbleached his teeth. He is the epitome of #ForeverAlone. Dude needs to change his name (again) and move somewhere else. And of all of the places to live in Texas where he’d be surrounded by a bunch of racist, sexist, conservative types, he chooses Austin? Isn’t that like the ONE liberal, most diverse city in the whole state?

    And we all know that Ms. Pu’s ego just couldn’t handle being the dumpee instead of the dumper. She’s going to claim she was so upset that she had to leave opera rehearsal but now she’s talking about how she didn’t even like the guy. Keep telling yourself that, honey. And, good lord, use some of the money from your supposed increase in book sales to buy a new dress and stop wearing that green nightie in all of your pictures. Also, dragging the guy’s job and kid into it? Classy.

    I’ve tried to resist the urge to badmouth on either of them too much because clearly they’ve both got some mental illness going on but lines between mental illness and just being a jerk have got to be drawn.

  43. September 27, 2013 at 8:52 am

    That dude looks like Vaseline Queen. How dare someone have a Sister Jenkins fresh press look about these head and have choosy-ness about their dating requests. He needs to date Quinn and have some misguided interactions.

  44. Siddy
    September 27, 2013 at 8:55 am

    Double double toil and trouble… he is what the three hags fron Macbeth(?) pulled out their cauldron but being the pimple on the worlds derriere he wouldn’t go back in it..

    And that chick is so salty she poops caviar and salt & vinegar chips

  45. jbug
    September 27, 2013 at 9:32 am

    Why does that man have chicklets in his mouth momma?

  46. ChunkyDlyte
    September 27, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I am DEAD and so mad at you for making me die laughing this morning at work, lol. We really need to start an unemployment fund on this website, lol! The only thing this Mr. Ed could do for women (and men) everywhere is to tell us the name of your dentist so that this can be STOPPED! Looking like you give out free hysterectomys every time you go down on a woman. Those big ass teeth could probably circumcise Mr. Marcus in one bite.

    • LaToya
      September 27, 2013 at 10:58 am

      “looking like you give out free hysterectomys every time you go down on a woman”..I need to text you my mom’s number so you can help pay for my funeral!! “Lizabeth I’m coming home!!” (in my sandford’s voice)

      • ChunkyDllyte
        September 27, 2013 at 5:39 pm

        Girl, if he french kisses you, you just had a tonsillectomy. He needs to be covered under Obamacare as a mobile surgery unit, cause those veneers WILL cut you! I blame Luvvie for reminding me of that damn Keef Teef post she linked, had me hollering at work.

  47. blackprofessor
    September 27, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Longtime lurker, first time commenter!

    This made me fall out of my chair and cough up phlegm because I am sick – “If you look like this, you need to be so charming that every time you open your mouth, glitter, tax credits and life’s secrets fall out”

  48. September 27, 2013 at 10:33 am

    That guy was just awful; he will and should forever remain single. He’s not wrong for having a preference but being overly picky, mean and a bigot will land him a long, lonely life.

  49. LaToya
    September 27, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Romeo is one chromosome away from having down syndrone. He needs to have a seat in the back of a fiery pit!!!

  50. LVY
    September 27, 2013 at 10:57 am

    brokeass tyrion lannister lookin motherfucka

  51. carrie
    September 27, 2013 at 11:56 am

    he looks like he ate Mr. Ed and kept his teeth….He looks like Jim Carey in Dumb in Dumber…..he looks like he stole all the teeth from everyone in WHOVILLE…..and she oh boy she looks like a bulimic Tila Tequila….like get of your high horse(aka the guy with big teeth) and stop thinking your swamp ass doesn’t stink…at least the guy had the courtesy of telling you he was no longer interested in you defective Racheal Ray looken self…he could of just boned you and never called….but damn 20 hours only 2 dates.You must of wore him out to soon..thats a lot ..usually first dates are a few hours…what did you take him home to your family and maybe Scare the shit out of him…seems like you may be upset because you got attatched to soon and he recognized it…yep…..nuff said

  52. carrie
    September 27, 2013 at 11:58 am

    oh wait one more thing…he looks like Sylvester Stallone crossed with the hills have eyes..yea..that sounds about right

  53. Monie
    September 27, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    I unraveled when you said he has teeth made for digging! Lmao!!! I can’t get up.

  54. September 27, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Not sure who faux Eric Stoltz’s mama is, but I know who might be his daddy:

    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://siciliana.it/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Schiavelli-young.gif&imgrefurl=http://siciliana.it/blog/tag/vincent-andrew-schiavelli/&h=240&w=320&sz=50&tbnid=gN37P-rgg84TzM:&tbnh=102&tbnw=136&zoom=1&usg=__-DF3_jdio-eQo6zptRUVeW90Two=&docid=Ljm4LQFET4jZ2M&sa=X&ei=f7xFUoeAKsmbiQL9z4CwBA&ved=0CKABEP4dMAw

    And this Quinn is just as extra as I don’t know what (Abby from Scandal? Sorry. Can’t wait til next week + Luvvie’s recaps!)…alladat might have been worthy of someone she was in a relationship with, but two dates?

  55. Char
    September 27, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    I love this blog! But I have to side with the girl who sent the texts. Maybe it’s my all-women’s undergraduate education that has me on my “I am woman hear me roar” ish (shoutout to SPELMAN!) but he’s an idiot for sending that text to her. Granted we dont have much background on the situation aside from the fact they didnt know each other very well, but for the sake of argument lets say nothing besides a few dates happened between them. If somebody text me some bull like that I’d probably say something like that to. I mean, how would yall have responded to him? “Lol ok” wouldn’t cut it for me. She put his ass in his place and I’m sure he’ll think twice before he allows his ego and arrogance to let him send a text like that to somebody again.

  56. Annette
    September 27, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Well she should have played it cool from the get go. I think she came on forceful and all that. Also who knows if he has someone. That is why you take it slow until you figure out what is what. Just too many acting like they aren’t married or with someone. Also he shouldn’t have told someone he just met enough to fry his but if it didn’t work out. Looks like she is an intense peace of work. He probably got what he wanted and now he will move on.

    The guy must have had his picture photo-shopped. I think this is a straight up prank. Yeah there is someone for everyone. I am sure some girl will twist herself into his ideal if he is rich enough or has enough. They will give him a try then dump him.

  57. NeNePoshNailz73
    September 27, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    This fool looks like the Aardvark from the old Pink Panther cartoon!!!!

  58. Christa
    September 28, 2013 at 12:40 am

    You can’t be looking like the Neanderthal from thousand year past and expect to subway have it your way. He won’t ever pass go, get a payday, or a snicker! Maybe Mars…you know cause they found some water…deposits but still.

    And the only highlight about him is that he vows to never reproduce, but we all know he won’t even get(swim) that far. He can give Woody Woodpecker a run for his money on a pine tree with those struggle teefs.

  59. wholovesyababy
    September 28, 2013 at 12:50 am

    I knew a man who worked at a girls group home (read disturbed childhood) and looked like the white embodiment of Frankinstein, dated one of the girls (age 16) in the home. Sad story, this is EXACTLY who dude number 1 will probably be. And real talk, he looks like a horse that just got over the flu, with that sweaty hair, and had an eye infection. These dudes seem to get mad at the world then doing some shady sh*t with someone underage.

  60. Lauren C
    September 30, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Lawd….he is just…an asshole.

  61. milaxx
    September 30, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    People like this need to find each other and save the rest of humanity the pain of every mistakenly dating them.

  62. A. Linda
    September 30, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    My husband says he hopes homeboy gets attracted to a guy who’s had a sex change to become a woman, and has black ancestry!

    As for me, I’m at a loss for words. This can’t be real. I mean… WHAAAAT??? 0_o Homeboy needs prayers. And I’m not even joking.

  63. LD
    October 3, 2013 at 4:11 am

    ‘ I invited him to my birthday party, which I’m holding this weekend for my closest 125 friends.”

    um wat? i stopped there

  64. Lisa S
    October 4, 2013 at 10:33 am

    First and foremost OLE ROME’NO” looks like a vampire sucks the life outta his azz and left nothing but them teef (too jacked up to be considered teeth)….and has ZERO INFINITY room for being that damn picky….(take several seats on a chair filled with fire ants)….

    and miss “bad body” Pu (the last name fits her perfectly) went overboard like the Titanic with her saltiness…can we all say it together….”HANDLES REJECTION BADLY”!!!!…AMAN…THE DOORS OF THE CHURCH ARE NOW OPEN!….

  65. […] people are single by choice and others are single because they’re probably self-absorbed, obnoxious, narcissistic or all of the above plus also in denial douchebags. Enter the case of the #StarbucksDrakeHands […]

  66. Jason
    March 28, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Romeo’s requests seemed rather reasonable, although if I were him, I wouldn’t have really said much about body types or tats/hair. I’d just screen the girls after talking with them. There’s nothing wrong about his preferences- they’re typical male preferences. You just don’t broadcast those. You talk about common interests, and of you want a fit girl, you talk about how much you love the gym. The Internet is not a place to express political views; I’d keep the gay thing to myself. Finally, he asks for a hot woman, but he better look good and have money- all it takes is a 200k a year job and some muscle ( or a lot of either). Otherwise the requests are unrealistic, because he’d have to settle. Quinn on the other hand, just went completely berserk. I get that girls would rather breakup in person/on the phone so they can cuss or scratch, but the guy was incredibly polite over text. I think the moral here is that if you’re a guy who wants to breakup, just stop talking to the girl, because she’ll go berserk with rage if you give her anything. That, or you make her not like you. Women just don’t handle rejection well. I could smell the shitstorm as soon as I saw that text.