Honestly, I just wanna lay out until February 27, 2014 because the Scandal winter finale has slayed me completely. I just… OMGGGGGGG!!! I can’t even. Let’s just jump into the happenings.
Sally’s Sin – Sally’s on the phone with Cyrus and she thinks back to what happened that night that led to the body of her husband by her feet. When Daniel enters her office, she basically goes apeshit on him for sleeping with James and putting everything she’s worked for to run for President in jeopardy. She tells him that his freak buddy being Cyrus’ husband was “poison fruit.” Her hubby gets bold and says he knew of his temptations since she saw him screwing a dude in college, and he wants out and he might even tell “The Sally Langston Story” on 60 minutes. That put her over the edge because she literally stabs in the back with a letter opener. WELL DAMB.
And here she stands, calling Beene the Based Goon. Cyrus shows up and she’s having a “752” moment, repeating to herself that she’s a murderer. Chile…
Tracking Trip – Olivia wants the Gladiators to find out about her mother, Maya, as they track down that plane to Hong Kong. Huck tells her that he’s tortured Quinn, who is at B613 at the moment. He put a tracking chip in one of her teeth and sent her on her merry way. When Daddy Goon tells Quinn he doesn’t need her info, she doesn’t get the chance to stab him with the poison syringe. Instead, she goes to the bathroom, flushes it down the toilet and removes the tracking chip. She tries to leave and Charlie says they have an assignment.
Heart Attack - Cyrus tells Sally that the story will be Daniel had a heart attack in his sleep and died. Charlie and Quinn show up, stitch up his stab wounds and move him into bed. He’s looking all clean and peaceful when the doctor shows up. He wants to remove Daniel’s clothes to inspect him when Sally comes out of her shock and throws herself over his body like a grieving widow. AND THE ACADEMY AWARD GOES TO…. SALLY LANGSTON THE NEWEST MURDEROUS GOON!
The Devil - Mellie hears of Daniel’s death and she enters Cyrus’ office all celebratory because it would mean Sally can’t run for President because of grief. Her partner in goon is white boy wasted at 7am and he tells her that it’s because they (him and her) are the reason Douglas is dead. He tells her how Sally stabbed her hubby because of his tryst with Mr. Novak and laments about how he’s officially the Devil. Out of all the things they’ve done, this one is probably the worst. “Hell hath no fury like a woman whose husband is screwing another man.” HA! He remains hilarious even in grief.
Rowan’s READ of LIFE – Rowan Pope was cornered and taken to a dark basement. Strapped to a chair and in walks President Ghost. He wants to keep him there until they’ve assured that Mama Pope is safe and free. With Command in his custody, Fitz feels power drunk and starts goading the goon.
“I’m screwing your girl. Your daughter. Every chance I get. The things I could tell you about the way she tastes. She’s quite a girl. Talented.”
OH. HE FUGGING TRIED IT! SO. HARD. What comes next is the most epic read EVERRRR as Papa Pope scalps Fitz and drags him up and down with truth. In fact, Fitz is lucky he ain’t get his ass whooped for getting so damb froggy.
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“Sadly BOY, I know every thing about you! You disappoint me as a suitor for my daughter’s hand.”
ROWAN MUFUGGING POPE FOR THE ENTIRE WIN!!!! LEMME JUST TAKE THIS MOMENT TO RUN AROUND MY HOUSE!!! That was a lesson in white privilege in America, and that was a READ to all the Fitzes out there. Those who happen to think they’ve done well for themselves when they’ve really been propelled to where they are because of their last names and their fathers. And every time Rowan called Fitz a “BOY” an angel moonwalked. Because yes.
I love the way Shonda Rhimes speaks about the state of race in America through her characters. This season has had a couple of these moments and it seems to be Rowan Pope who delivers it. Joe Morton is a BEAST AND HE DOES IT SO WELL!!! He read Fitzgerald the Black Folk Bill of Rights and I AM HERE FOR IT!
Also, let’s talk about how MESSED UP Fitz was for trying to throw his seckchual relationship with Olivia in her father’s face. To reduce the person you supposedly love to an object like the lollipop you can buy at the store, talmbout “lemme tell you how that strawberry blow pop tastes” is to really show your Aint Shitness. As a wishy washy fan of Olitz and one who is easy to sway into loving them together, I’m all FUCK FITZGERALD GRANT! He did too much.
But next episode, he might show her some superpowers and I might be weak again. I’m terrible. Still though… REAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD, PAPA POPE!
Countryless Maya – After flirting with David, Abby gets info on Maya Pope/Marie Wallace and finds out that she was born in East London, she was Margo Bouvier in Paris. Hannah Stewart in Germany. She came to the U.S. in 1972 and that is when she became Maya Lewis. No country for Mama Pope. Literally. And she was stealing government secrets from Rowan. Abby says this is her only crime, not murder. Uh huh.
Mellie’s Regards – Leo is giddy because widowed Sally can get sympathy votes. Just then, Mellie shows up to give her condolences, and he excuses himself. She tells Sally that “you’re part of our family now” and the VP knows that Cy told her she murdered her hubby. This was First Lady’s way to telling her she better keep her word and not run for president. WELP.
Quinn’s Worry – Quinn is in bed with Charlie, with a life that’s upside down from just the week before. 7 days ago, her biggest worry was if she should get highlights. Now she’s literally in bed with an assassin, has killed a dude, almost killed the head of a top secret black ops gang and had her teeth taken out by her best friend/mentor. Rough.
The Truth – James runs to David’s office to say he has a hunch that Daniel Douglas was murdered by either Cyrus or Sally. Rosen gives him no love from the Defiance betrayal, and I don’t blame him. Meanwhile, Olivia calls Fitz and says she knows her father is with him. She demands to talk to Papa and her bae brings her to the Pentagon to see him face-to-face.
Liv deduces that he had her mom pulled off the plane because she was going to sell government secrets. And when he interrogated her, he found out there was a bomb on it, so he decided to shoot the plane down before it got to London and killed thousands of folks. EXCEPT NO! That makes no sense!
Olivia looks at her father and realizes that it was deeper than that. Maya told Rowan there was a bomb on the plane but there was never one. She tricked him into killing over 300 people! “She fooled you like she fooled me.” AW SHIT! Her father gives a weak nod to confirm it and tears form in his eyes. WELL DAMB!
Liv turns to Fitz and tells him to have her mother arrested when she gets off the plane. GIRL GOODBYE! This is YOUR fault too! Someone needs to build a stadium in Vermont and tell Fitz AND Olivia to HAVE SEVERAL SEATS! NO JAM! Because their decisions that are just based purely off emotions are getting them and everyone around them into foolish situations. Like this mess where the PRESIDENT has let a TREASONOUS goon escape the USA on a PRIVATE MILITARY PLANE! HOW MUCH MESS CAN YOU BE IN?
When she leaves, Rowan asks for his jacket and tie back. He tells Fitz that “b613 is not an individual. Cut off the head of the snake and another will grow in its place.” WELP! Rowan is my new fave.
No More Gladiator – Quinn shows up at the Gladiator office, having left Charlie’s bed in the middle of the night. She goes to see Huck and he tells her the only reason he didn’t peel her like an orange or kill her is because of Olivia. She betrayed the Queen and therefore she is no longer a Gladiator. BYE QUINN!
Cyrus’ Plea – James shows up and see Cyrus looking pitiful. His husband asks him what happens next. “You just never noticed the 666 on my forehead before.…I’m standing here afraid and in my underwear and without my soul asking you what happens now.” Ol’ manipulative ass Cyrus. I can’t help but love him, doe. When he finishes his plea, he leaves James to his thoughts.
Hong Kong Fail - President Ghost calls Olivia and tells her that the plane never made it to Hong Kong. Maya hijacked it, killed the pilots and the army dude on it. It landed in Mongolia. She’s gone with the wind fugitive. And no one should be surprised because you hand a top goon a phone, a gun and think she’ll land where you expected and you’d be a fool.
Jake’s Goodbye - Jake walks in Liv’s office and he kisses her goodbye. He says he loves/loved her no matter what happens next.
Quinn’s Return – As Charlie sits in bed eating takeout, Quinn walks in looking pitiful and wearing a black watch I’ve never noticed before.
2 Legit 2 Quit - After Daniel’s funeral, Sally tells Leo that it’s best if she doesn’t run and he is not tryna hear it one bit. He tells her that her husband is in heaven cheering for her and she flips out! ”Daniel Douglas is in hell. Because he’s a sodomite. He’s a godless sinner and he deserved what he got!” He realizes that she killed him and gets mad that she called Cyrus first, talmbout he’s supposed to be her first call in crisis. Chile…
David’s Snitch – David is at his office minding his business when a woman walks in and says she’s been trying to reach him. She wrote the code for an NSA program that allows them to hack into your cellphone to record convos in any room someone’s in. And she has tea for him. She plays the tape in a cellphone and it’s of Cyrus and Sally’s convo about her murdering her husband. WELL SHIT!
Command’s Surprise – Olivia calls Rowan and asks if he hid her mom for all those years from her to protect her. But our man is FIRMLY of the No Snitching Movement and he tells her that the answers she is looking for won’t be found with him. He hangs up and walks down the halls of Wonderland into his office. Sitting in his chair is Jake from State Farm. Soooo Fitz DID cut off the head and the new one that grew back is his buddy. WHHAAAAAAA?!?!?!
Next Press Secretary – James is lying in bed with Cyrus and he says he wants to be appointed White House Press Secretary. THAT is what’s next. When you lay with the Devil enough, you will join him. Welp!
Mama’s Back – Olivia gets a call and it’s from her mother who calmly says she knows her daughter is probably upset with her but “don’t worry, Sweetheart. I’ll see you real soon.” She hangs up, throws it away and walks off. SHE’S IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE!!! *faints*
JGFORNGRIEPNGIRPMGRO[GKMR[OPGKTOP[K,TP[BH,TP],HP]T4,HPT3HLPT3]HL]3TLH. FEBRUARY 27TH!!!!! *faints* *lays at the altar* LEMME LAY HERE UNTIL FEBRUARY 27!!!
First of all, ALLA YALL ARE DUMB AS HELL!!! OLIVIA. CYRUS. FITZ. QUINN. SALLY. JAMES. ALLA YALL STUPID!
So. Jake is now Command. And it’s because Fitz is butthurt about that READ OF LIFE he got. It was an ego thing. Was he planning on taking down Rowan? Yes he was. But he didn’t have the idea to put his brofriend in his place til just after he was told to have an everlasting seat. But here’s the thing: Jake ain’t goon enough to be Command. AT ALL. How are you ton just think you can slide into the chair of someone who’s been at it for over 20 years, and someone whose wife is more ruthless than any assassin they got? PLUS, Rowan ain’t letting them good gubment benefits go like that. Obamacare or not! He is not ton go easy. Jake, YOU AINT BAD! YOU AINT NOTHING! Watch your back because Daddy Goon ain’t ton be outchea unemployed messing with you two jokers.
But ummmm… CAN SOMEONE GIVE JOE MORTON ALL THE AWARDS FOR THE BEST MONOLOGUE EVER ON TV?!? Emmys. Espys. Grammy. Golden Globe. Blue ribbon. Best dressed. Best fettucine alfredo. Best singing on Idol. Just start awards to give the man. That monologue was EVERYTHING TO ME! He snatched Fitz’s ENTIRE scalp and I’m still getting my life from it.
And I LOVE how Mama Pope’s return #alphet is IDENTICAL to Liv’s first “It’s handled” #alphet. The off-white trench. I need them to do a photoshoot. Yes, please! Also, did she get dropped off in Mongolia and then hitchhike to DC?!? I mean GAHTDAMB! Real Gs move in silence indeed! Also, she’s the type of goon who has a hairdresser on the run with her to hit her coif with that fresh blowout. I believe it.
What is the doggone deal with Quinn, doe? She’s a woman without a home, friends or direction. Right now, what is her purpose? She ran back to Charlie all pitifully but I’m wondering if she’s gonna make herself useful and cross him. I’m so sick her but we need her in the midst, stirring the pot.
Also, David Rosen is gonna probably pursue this murder of Daniel Douglas and he will lose. Because he is Lemony Snicket. Bless his heart.
WHOOOOOOO CHILE! We got TEN weeks before Scandal comes back. Two and a half months! GLADIATORS, what are we gon do???
Check out CelebrateBlackTV.com for my top 10 moments from Scandal episode 310!
Sites That Link to this Post
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- A DOOR MARKED EXIT: What the ‘Scandal’ winter finale teaches us about white male privilege | JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. | December 14, 2013
- Ride Sally Ride. Run Olivia Run: Scandal Episode 311 Recap | Awesomely Luvvie | March 5, 2014