The U.S. Olympics Team is Gonna Win the Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest
As if the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics weren’t already steeped in ugliness from Russia’s terrible anti-gay laws. AS IF. All that madness wasn’t enough. The U.S. Olympics team is adding to the ugly with their uniforms, designed by the Silver Fox, Ralph Lauren.
WUT?!? I mean what in the name of all that is good and tacky are these ALPHETS?!? These sweaters look like someone’s aunt Beula made it for them and since she put it in her last will and testament, they were guilted into rocking them.
We got giant stars and stripes by themselves and a couple of U.S. flags, just in case people don’t understand that YAY AMERICA! And then we don’t want the athletes to forget where they’re going so the Olympic rings were really necessary. These sweaters do the absolute most with the most.
I’m a Ralph Lauren fan. He GETS the prep in me and enables my love for oxfords and everything else that people who like to dress like they own boats and go sailing in Maine rock. I even have too many of those polos with the obnoxiously large logo, and 3 of them are the custom ones with my name on the back (what? I’m a flashy Nigerian. This is what we do). HOWEVER, I cannot stand behind these uniforms. So I will sit and laugh at them. Won’t you join me?
UNLESS… maybe they’re a prank. Maybe this is Ralph’s way of showing his disdain for what’s happening in Russia. “Ugh. These Russian Olympics. Ok since they HAVE to be there, make sure they are a sight for sore eyes. We’ll let our uniforms speak about our unhappiness to be there.” That musta been it.
But nay. NY Daily News quoted David Lauren, Executive VP of the RL’s advertising saying “We wanted to honor the heritage of the Olympics, the athletes and celebrate our country. The handcrafted patchwork of the sweater is an icon of Americana.”
Yes. The Star-Spangled banner basically threw up on a sweater and TADA!!! UNIFORMS!
Oh and for $595, you too coulda looked like a patchwork quilt! But ummm… they’re sold out (but the REALLY CUTE pea coats are not. If only I could come up with $750, cuz I WANT IT!). Rich people got money to waste or no taste because for those UGLASS sweaters to be gone already? Chile… I guess. Silver lining: if you don this at an ugly Christmas sweater party, you’re sure to win. No one can compete with this.
On a good note, the U.S. team isn’t alone. Norway’s curling team is gonna come through looking like crazy straws or a fantasy that Ron Burgundy might have.
Did everyone take an oath to show up at the winter Olympics looking like Tim Gunn’s worst nightmare? If so, I need to make sure I watch the opening ceremonies because there will be many laughs to be had as everyone out-tackies everyone else.
Soooo what do you think of the U.S. Olympic sweaters? Also: how much would someone have to pay you to wear it? Norway’s suits though… LMAO for real!