Mimi Faust Lost But the Shower Rod Won
Sometimes, I wonder why people don’t wanna win life, business and the pursuit of their happiness.
Today, TMZ announced that a sex tape starring Mimi Faust of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta infamy would be released by Vivid Entertainment. It stars Mimi and her boyfriend, Nikko Smith, who resembles the sloth from Ice Age – but that’s neither here nor there. I’m just petty so I had to point it out. Seriously, they’re twins.
Mimi is already known for the being Chairman of the Board of Team Bad Decisions Corp. because of her volatile relationship with the father of her daughter, Stevie J. Some of you might know him as Master Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Joseline Hernandez’s current boo. Any woman who voluntarily deals with him should be questioned for her judgment.
Still, although Mimi’s career path has been lined with foolishness, this sex tape is a new low even for her.
I may or may not have seen a clip of the video (I did) and it’s clear that this isn’t a sex tape. This isn’t some sort of footage they captured for each other’s private collection that sort of kinda leaked from a hacked computer or MySpace inbox. Nope. This video appears to have a camera man, a production team and a director because some of these angles aren’t from a camera tripod. In other words, Mimi and Nikko consciously made a porn.
READ THE REST of my piece on “Love & Hip-Hop’s Mimi Faust ‘sex tape’: The Kim Kardashian Model doesn’t work for black women” on The Grio.
What is clear is that the winner in all this is neither Mimi or Nikko. Nawl. The only thing that prospers in this secks tape debacle is the shower rod that Mimi was hanging off of as she got snacked on. It was super impressive. I just wonder how she did not die.
Where did Mimi buy that rod and who installed it for her? Did they use indestructible titanium? How did it withhold all that weight? Not to say Mimi is big or anything. But I changed the rings on my shower curtain and my rod did a wall slide to the floor. Don’t make me put TWO curtains on it (one for the inside to stop the water and one for the outside for the pretty). The rod be all “I can’t even do it.” I ask it to do it for the Vine and it tells me “I ain’t gon do it.”
I’m still size schmedium soaking wet with Timbs on and lemme try to do pull-ups on my shower curtain rod. It’d come crashing down like the Byzantine empire. I don’t have the nerve and I hope y’all don’t either. Don’t try to do like Mimi did and lose your life outchea. You follow the drinking gourd to our Lord cuz you wanted to play these bald-headed games. DON’T DO IT, MISS CELIE! IT AIN’T WORF IT!”
Meanwhile, Mimi outchea doing sexual acrobatics and calisthenics on her shower rod and the thing stole her show. Bless her heart.
Oooo chile. The moral of this story is that I’m so ready for Love and Hip Hop Atlanta to return. I’ve missed the shenanigans of Joseline Hernandez dearly. And I never thought I’d see the day when she’d have more sense than Mimi.
No, I can’t share the link to the trailer of that tape. Yuppp it has a trailer. Use your Google powers. Also: EYYYYY!!! Lemme know if you saw it and what your thoughts are. Cuz… gossip.