Mimi Faust Lost But the Shower Rod Won

[ 65 ] April 14, 2014 |

Sometimes, I wonder why people don’t wanna win life, business and the pursuit of their happiness.

Today, TMZ announced that a sex tape starring Mimi Faust of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta infamy would be released by Vivid Entertainment. It stars Mimi and her boyfriend, Nikko Smith, who resembles the sloth from Ice Age – but that’s neither here nor there. I’m just petty so I had to point it out. Seriously, they’re twins.

Mimi is already known for the being Chairman of the Board of Team Bad Decisions Corp. because of her volatile relationship with the father of her daughter, Stevie J. Some of you might know him as Master Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Joseline Hernandez’s current boo. Any woman who voluntarily deals with him should be questioned for her judgment.

Still, although Mimi’s career path has been lined with foolishness, this sex tape is a new low even for her.

Mimi Faust gif

I may or may not have seen a clip of the video (I did) and it’s clear that this isn’t a sex tape. This isn’t some sort of footage they captured for each other’s private collection that sort of kinda leaked from a hacked computer or MySpace inbox. Nope. This video appears to have a camera man, a production team and a director because some of these angles aren’t from a camera tripod. In other words, Mimi and Nikko consciously made a porn.

READ THE REST of my piece on “Love & Hip-Hop’s Mimi Faust ‘sex tape’: The Kim Kardashian Model doesn’t work for black women” on  The Grio.

What is clear is that the winner in all this is neither Mimi or Nikko. Nawl. The only thing that prospers in this secks tape debacle is the shower rod that Mimi was hanging off of as she got snacked on. It was super impressive. I just wonder how she did not die.

Where did Mimi buy that rod and who installed it for her? Did they use indestructible titanium? How did it withhold all that weight? Not to say Mimi is big or anything. But I changed the rings on my shower curtain and my rod did a wall slide to the floor. Don’t make me put TWO curtains on it (one for the inside to stop the water and one for the outside for the pretty). The rod be all “I can’t even do it.” I ask it to do it for the Vine and it tells me “I ain’t gon do it.” 

Nope

Shower rods everywhere

I’m still size schmedium soaking wet with Timbs on and lemme try to do pull-ups on my shower curtain rod. It’d come crashing down like the Byzantine empire. I don’t have the nerve and I hope y’all don’t either. Don’t try to do like Mimi did and lose your life outchea. You follow the drinking gourd to our Lord cuz you wanted to play these bald-headed games. DON’T DO IT, MISS CELIE! IT AIN’T WORF IT!”

Meanwhile, Mimi outchea doing sexual acrobatics and calisthenics on her shower rod and the thing stole her show. Bless her heart.

Oooo chile. The moral of this story is that I’m so ready for Love and Hip Hop Atlanta to return. I’ve missed the shenanigans of Joseline Hernandez dearly. And I never thought I’d see the day when she’d have more sense than Mimi.

Joseline Angry Sip gif

No, I can’t share the link to the trailer of that tape. Yuppp it has a trailer. Use your Google powers. Also: EYYYYY!!! Lemme know if you saw it and what your thoughts are. Cuz… gossip.

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Comments (65)

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  1. First! And ewwwwwww foolishness. The biggest loser here is her daughter when she gets older and realized her mama had sex for money with the sloth and filmed it on purpose. And yeah my curtain rod ain’t mounted to the wall sometimes it falls when no one is in the bathroom. I hope these hoes have signed up Obamacare when the start trying to reenact this shit.

    • Gracie says:

      Obamacare though?!

      #dead Here likes Gracie bury me in my shiny black patent leather church shoes. Ya’ll know the ones!

    • KJ says:

      “I hope these hoes have signed up Obamacare when the start trying to reenact this shit.”

      You killed it. Thank you. Officially the funniest thing I’ve read all day! Crying! And I just found this site today. (Oh Jermaine Jackson…and that darn Eddie and MJ song in my head.)

      I currently live outside of the country so I don’t even know about this foolishment. But sista on a shower rod in a sex video, obviously nothing good can come from that, no matter what country you’re in. And like this person just said, let’s all hope their black asses are insured!

  2. Michelle says:

    Yes I’ve seen it…(twice, ok 3 times)…whatever she feels she has to do to feel relevant…smh. OAN: going to Home Depot tomorrow…don’t judge me…lol

    • Brendadc says:

      Lol! I’m sure Home Depot and Lowe’s will see more inquiries about stronger shower rods! I know somebody tweeted Home Depot a screenshot of Mimi and Kimko, asking if the store had the shower rod. Ha!

    • Robirdie23 says:

      HAHHAHH, got my Obamacare insurance card in one hand and my Home Depot gift card in the other, lol. There is going to be a shortage of steel shower rods for real, lol.

    • Kwan says:

      That shower rod was made by Hephaestus you’ll have to travel to Olympus to get it.

  3. Mai says:

    **Flatline** Somebody just dig a grave, and toss me in. I just woke up half my house laughing at this post!! Mimi gonna have chicks out here loosing their security deposits trying to hang on dem shower rods.

    • Sandy says:

      I promise I’m at work trying so hard to hold it in. Now I have to explain all of the crazy laughter coming from my cubicle. This is not right.

  4. Ambar P. says:

    I saw the trailer, why did her man do more work than her? I paid more attention to him and he isn’t even that good looking (body is nice though). If you are gonna do a porno you can’t just lay there and yes that was a professionally done amateur video.

  5. Kenya says:

    Look, I have stared at my shower rod too long and that heaux came crashing down like it was offended. I’m already in prayer for the people who wind up in the ER trying to be spontaneous…..

  6. Morgan says:

    Don’t shame this woman for making a porno!Don’t shame her on the basis of her children’s future embarrassment,
    Shame her for being so damn foolish that she can’t see this man is using her for her checks not the secks.
    He is only around because she is on tv because SHE is on the blogs (for better or worst). he just want a lil piece of it, and that alone should be enough to make your knees hold together like Celie and Nettie when Mister Kicked her out.

  7. Rubes says:

    Lol… Watched a snippet on WorldStar. Um, yeah, that was proudly produced for public consumption. They had the whole crew. Sigh, this is what people will turn to to be relevant. And have the nerve to say “what about my daughter?” Uhhh, shudda thought of that before you have the okay for the cameras to start rolling. Anywho. SN: that shower curtain is the rounded shower curtain that makes more room in the shower. It’s pretty sturdy, but I wouldn’t hang my big ass on it. Lol

  8. I’m tryna live, so no shower rods in my near future lol. And honestly, Ms. Faust gave me several cases of the sads with this stunt. I thought that child had good sense. When Eva gets old enough to stumble across this (which won’t be long from now because these kids know every damb thang), it’ll be so sad. Smh. Tryna make a dollar. She needs to stick to her actual business, not displaying her business.

  9. Jae says:

    I hit the ugly cry laugh before I even got to the first gif…. lawd

  10. Myssdee says:

    I am pretty sure that the sex tape that came into our lives today is nothing but a trailer. There is no full movie of any sorts.

    The fact that these two with half a gnats brain thought they could play on the #LLHATL viewing audience’s intelligence by saying that it was “leaked”. If my sex tape was leaked, not only I will be embarrassed, but I ain’t sitting in front of no dirty white man talking about getting millions of dollars for it. I will be going after the person who leaked it. And both of these clowns went to VIVID ENTERTAINMENT, who is well known for distributing celebrity tapes. We see these talks about the “leaking” of a sex tape on the Supertrailer like yesterday, then the sex tape trailer is featured on World Star Hip Hop today, Mimi gets slandered on Twitter, the shower rod stocks go up, and the trailer of #LHHATL comes on today talking about that damn sex tape.

    MONA IS GETTING A CUT OF THOSE SEX TAPE CHECKS
    AND I WANT JUSTICE!!!

    • msjai says:

      yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Robirdie23 says:

      OH you can best believe Mona is getting her cut off the top. She is Don King in a bipolar lacefront wig (sometimes its good, sometimes its bad) and she is about that check. She really doesn’t care what happens to these poor people, as long as she gets her cash!

  11. MyTruthNotUrs says:

    Lawd’aMercy. ….There are just no words…#TeamDummy

  12. Sabrina says:

    Following MiMi gonna have chicks on the next episode of “Sex sent me to the ER”

  13. My2Cents says:

    Nothing that MiMi THINKS that she gains from this little stunt is going to be worth the look in her daughters eyes when she goes to her mother for an explanation for this mess. Not the money, the man or the notoriety…nothing.

  14. Milaxx says:

    Not only is she not Kim Kardashian levels of sex tape, she ain’t even teen mom levels of porn. She just losing all around.

    • Kimyatta says:

      “she ain’t even teen mom levels of porn” – fought hard not to burst into laughter in the ear of my caller…this is what I get for reading comments at work!

  15. mb says:

    Its a shame she’s yo old to be making porn thought you might be smarter than that Mimi smh

  16. Omg says:

    This is further proof that Mimi is still a paid whore and Steebie is/was her pimp. I’m sure he’s getting some of the proceeds out of this yawn fest.

  17. Jai Essence says:

    So, uhm….was I the only one was like that was a lot going on? I mean…they have sex like neither one got to wake up and go to the job in the morning…for that 90 seconds clip it was a lot going on. In other news her personal trainer is proud….she been hitting them pull ups.

  18. ToneNotTony says:

    No one wants to see Mimi and her suspect ass man have relations. She’s boring with clothes on. You confirmed for me that she’s boring without. Now if Steebie and Joseline put something out… I would have to gone and watch that.

  19. Tameko P says:

    No Ma’am. Not going to look for it, not going to see it. No bueno!

  20. Me Talk Pretty says:

    This is one of those situations that beg for your grandma Ms. Elsie and her friends to sit around with their deaconess hats on and look her up and down, making that face old southern church ladies make while they say things like “that poor chile” and “bless her heart” and “my goodness she is so… common”. There is no shaming like geriatric Deaconess possee shaming. That will snap your ass out of the depths of hood foolish every single time.

    • GirlYouKnow says:

      You out here trying to make me choke on my morning libation, lose my life and my job. The innerwebs ain’t safe – first Mimi with her igrunt sex tape, now you with your common. This is NOT life.

    • Vanna says:

      That is hysterical. I’m cracking up…..”Geriatric Deaconess possee”

      LOLOLOLLOLOL!!

    • JMFields says:

      “snap your a$$ out of the depths of hood foolishness.”

      Currently doing a show wall-slide at that phrase. Lol.

      Let the church say, amen!

    • Mamasup says:

      I can’t… I can’t see from the tears My husband is asking me to go to another room! Not the deaconess posse, they don’t play!

  21. msjai says:

    Hilarity. MiMi just “offed” herself from the island with this production, because it definitely was not some amateur sex tape. There was a whole production crew for this here foolery.

  22. Aisha says:

    So I watched the trailer for purely informational purposes, obviously.

    At least Mimi didn’t have on her maid outfit like she always do.

  23. nirvana says:

    FYI: you can get the same effect and less injuries with a well-installed sex swing
    …I’ve heard

    • Me Talk Pretty says:

      LMAO! Um, thanks for passing along the… rumor. I may or may not have to test your theory… on paper of cousre. With my computer simulator maybe? Yep.

  24. Tae says:

    Just two days ago, I asked my husband for a stopper pole. You know, for physical fitness and shit. He said to me, “Are you serious? That bitch would come crashing down like ‘TIMMMMM-BURRRRRR! Stick to aerobics, boo.” I was mad. Then I saw this sex tape and realized that I couldn’t do pull up on the monkey bars, let alone on a penis in my shower.

    So while the stripper pole stays in my Amazon wish list, I’ve realized through this video that I would crack my damn neck (pop pop) in two, or three places. And it would suck. My pull ups on a penis ain’t got shit on Mimi’s tricks. And speaking of tricks, is this shower pole antic the same reason why she couldn’t get rid of Stevie J? That’s a old hoe move.

  25. Serenity says:

    Maybe they used crazy glue.. Remember that man used to put 1 drop on a hard hat and hang off a scaffold…. IJS

    • Renners says:

      AHAHA! i remember that commercial. and i remember sticking my fingers together w/crazy glue thinking they’d stay that way.

  26. Lauren says:

    Mimi is in the entertainment industry and this is a gamble likely to pay off financially. Also her body looks great. If anyone should be making a see tape it’s these two. Each are visually pleasing.

  27. shawn says:

    well who want to just lay down and let Mister do his business? lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets! If we had cameras in our bed room we the scenes be different that what we see here? Me hell naw! IJS!

  28. Ra says:

    And see, this is what happens, when you buy into radio music. She is ’bout that money.” She’s “throwing it up throwing it up.” She is doing everything right, according to Black radio.

  29. Jacqueline Strickland says:

    All these shade throwing mfs out here talking shit!! This is a grown ass lady wit her own life to live this aint the first sex tape to surface damn!! Half these bitches hoes and dont be thinking about being parents and got a gang of kids!!!So miss me with tha bullshit u mfs talking frfr!!

  30. Joy n L.A. says:

    “Any woman who voluntarily deals with him should be questioned for her judgment.”

    Say that…

  31. Joy n L.A. says:

    “…crashing down like the Byzantine Empire.”

    I hollered.

  32. Robirdie23 says:

    OMG, dead at SLOTH! Luvvie I hate you SO much for that, never getting that out of my mind as he is a hideous. As much as we hate to admit it, there is a stigma attached to black women doing porn. Unlike the 6 white women that did porn AND got to be on on Game of Thrones, that’s NOT going to happen to MiMi. Sorry not sorry.

    http://live105.cbslocal.com/2014/04/09/the-six-game-of-thrones-actors-with-a-past-in-porn-sibel-kekilli/

  33. Wickedkitten says:

    No, but seriously though. If you want to hang off the shower rod, I mean hang up multiple shower curtains, you need one that is actually screwed into a ceiling joist because one of those ones that just screw into a wall isn’t going to cut it.

    obviously I picked that up from watching the DIY Channel

    ^_^

  34. Tee says:

    Ladies, please have your shower rod game in order before you end up looking like Chris Brown drove you home from the Miguel concert. Not a good look. #noooiwasntready #pineapples #yougonlearntoday

  35. candigirlindmv says:

    I’m here for the comments and yes, I am INDEED entertained!!

  36. SoloDolo says:

    The internet had NOOOOO CHILL all day and night yesterday. So it didn’t and neither did I. I’m pretty sure that Mimi was trolling my instagram she shol did report my picture of her TWICE. I went to Home Depot and Lowes just to see if they had curtain rods available. NOPE all gone. Granted I live in ATL and I swear fo lawd if I see her in the streets I’m gonna ask her did they film that at the Motel 6 on Virgina Ave or Courtland

  37. Tekiebelu says:

    @SoloDolo
    That’s the ticket! Don’t try to Bob Vila you a shower rod to do penis pull-ups on; go to the no tell motel instead! Them damn things be cemented in the wall so good that the entire room could be carried away in a tornado & the shower rod would STILL be intact!

  38. mizzpicklezz says:

    ..you gon follow the drinking gourd to the Lord!! iDie…OMG…LOL that was thee best!!

  39. Ms. D says:

    I’mma say something nice, cuz I’m trying to change my petty ways so here we go…Mimi has a nice body for being 44 with a kid…

  40. Lb says:

    I’m ways late to the party but I’m surprised ppl can’t tell that is a hotel room… And hotel shower rods are installed that way… I’ve tried that move once or twice myself but not for long that’s for sure!

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