FashionWhose is this?

Whose Ombre Crochet Shorts Are These? Also: Why?

Sometimes I be minding my own business when I come across reasons to facepalm. Just look at the picture below and shake your head with me. Or maybe some of you wanna getchu a piece. I don’t know your life.

Crochet shorts

A pair of ombre crochet hot shorts for (what appears to be) a man. I don’t… understand any parts of it. This is not enough fashion and too much at the same time. Ombre. Crochet. Shorts.

Some of you learn a new trade and you want to show it off immejately. The person who did these just upgraded their craft from blanket-making so they came up with the idea of corts (crochet shorts). They didn’t even have the mind to make them bermuda length. These come mid-thigh for an extra ounce of sexy-flexy. I see it.

Plus, we must acknowledge the belt loops. He got the nerve to rock a leather belt with them too. Was rope busyThe leather just doesn’t go allaway with it.

And either they found a willing model or they decided to put it on themselves. I wonder where he wore them to. If it wasn’t a “Tacky Alphets Convention” then it probably wasn’t appropriate. Either way, these shorts should have never happened.

Whose crochet shorts are these? And also: why?

Previous post

Spades Players: How Many Books Does This Hand Have?

Next post

What I Imagine Kanye and Kim's Wedding Day Will Be Like

62 Comments

  1. Kat
    May 23, 2014 at 10:08 am — Reply

    This little tiny article had me in TEARS! From the title to the very last word.
    They even have belt loops #DEAD

    • NikiF
      May 23, 2014 at 10:12 am — Reply

      RIGHT?!? Whoever made these shorts was trying to show off with the belt loops!! :)

      • May 23, 2014 at 11:49 am — Reply

        LOL. The belt loops were the extra OOMPH.

  2. emti
    May 23, 2014 at 10:10 am — Reply

    and had the nerve to belt them…HAHAHA

    • May 23, 2014 at 11:48 am — Reply

      Because the belt is just what it was missing. O_o

  3. Shaz
    May 23, 2014 at 10:11 am — Reply

    Are you sure he didn’t borrow them from his wife?

    • May 23, 2014 at 11:48 am — Reply

      It don’t e’em matter where he got em. Someone made these. It might be him, for all we know.

    • May 25, 2014 at 7:07 am — Reply

      I think his wife had thrown it out and he just grabbed it..lol

  4. MsMWins
    May 23, 2014 at 10:13 am — Reply

    Somebody’s grandmama is about to shut Etsy all the way down with these. Carpal tunnel, be damned.

    The only shorts that keep you hot & cool at the same damn time. Every order includes a trial size of baby powder to keep you fresh to def!

    Come on, corts!

    • Kat
      May 23, 2014 at 10:26 am — Reply

      “shorts that keep you hot & cool at the same damn time” I CAIN’T

      • lurker
        May 23, 2014 at 11:24 am — Reply

        “come on, corts!”

    • NannyKells
      May 23, 2014 at 11:23 am — Reply

      *gasping for air* #dead

    • MissMelia
      May 23, 2014 at 11:35 am — Reply

      And you know the baby powder is a must. I bet those corts chafe like a mug!

    • May 23, 2014 at 11:49 am — Reply

      I be tryna quit you so bad! lolol

    • SupaVal
      May 24, 2014 at 1:02 pm — Reply

      Carpal tunnel be damned???
      #DEAD

    • tye
      May 24, 2014 at 1:58 pm — Reply

      Lmbo,stop it I say my side hurt. Thanks for the tears of joy.

    • May 27, 2014 at 12:55 pm — Reply

      This whole comment had me crying. I am kind of hoping they went the extra mile by adding a button and a zipper. I say go big or go home…LOL

  5. L
    May 23, 2014 at 10:16 am — Reply

    The belt loops and the back pocket really took it over the edge for me….like that means this wasn’t just for a costume or an experiment…these were for real life going out somewhere. He’s like “Corts. For when it’s 100 degrees outside and you just need to breathe.”

    • May 23, 2014 at 11:49 am — Reply

      Yeah the back pockets did do a lot too. They just wanted to show off their talent.

      • SupaVal
        May 24, 2014 at 1:10 pm — Reply

        He had to have someplace to put his wallet…

  6. Milaxx
    May 23, 2014 at 10:17 am — Reply

    My question is why did he think it was a good idea to make the darkest, brownish part of the ombre on the butt crack?

    • JenniferG
      May 23, 2014 at 11:02 am — Reply

      Yes! My thoughts exactly! After all the OMG WHY? thoughts.

    • MissMelia
      May 23, 2014 at 11:37 am — Reply

      Why did I just scroll back up to look? Now I’m sad.

    • Danielle
      May 23, 2014 at 12:48 pm — Reply

      Realism, maybe?

    • Barbara
      May 23, 2014 at 1:09 pm — Reply

      Self striping yarn can be the very devil. It don’t never want you to getcho life.

  7. Ivett
    May 23, 2014 at 10:26 am — Reply

    Luvvie if those shorts got your attention i wonder what you would say about this pic?

    http://www.subwayknitter.com/images/MajorSubwayCrochet.jpg

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:11 pm — Reply

      I don’t care what NAN NONE of y’all say….that’s Andre3000 on the subway. #truth

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm — Reply

      I cannot deal.

    • Patrisms
      May 23, 2014 at 3:12 pm — Reply

      Is that ol’ boy from Yo Gabba Gabba??

      • Sane Jane
        May 27, 2014 at 12:42 am — Reply

        DJ Lance!!? ROFL…….

  8. May 23, 2014 at 10:29 am — Reply

    Can I just say I think it was a bad move to make the brown fall directly between his bum crackage? It just conjures up very non-pleasant mental images.

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm — Reply

      Well now I can’t stop scowling. Thanks for nothing.

  9. May 23, 2014 at 10:32 am — Reply

    I KNOW they have a hot crotch. It’s 90 degrees outside. This isn’t right. Boiled balls can’t be a pleasant scent. Hep.

    • MissMelia
      May 23, 2014 at 11:41 am — Reply

      Hot crotch?? Boiled balls?? I’m DONE!!! I’m taking my toys and I’m going home. LMAO!!!!!!

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm — Reply

      “Boiled balls.” *faints*

    • tye
      May 24, 2014 at 2:04 pm — Reply

      Omg, y’all got me rolling with these comments.

  10. Tracey
    May 23, 2014 at 10:44 am — Reply

    When I saw the picture, my first thought…and belts loops too? Gone with the wind ombre!

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:29 pm — Reply

      LMAOOOO at “gone with the wind” ombre! You stoopid

  11. Fran
    May 23, 2014 at 10:56 am — Reply

    I am an avid crocheter and this photo continues to generate wondorous delight for me. I posted it on my fb page recently and the orders just poured in!! Signifying that my FBF is obviously insane!! Fashion forward indeed! #laughoftheday

  12. Sarah Wagner
    May 23, 2014 at 11:12 am — Reply

    Ombre? You mean the dude wearing them, or the color ochre? Or amber?

    In TEARS you’re so damb funny!

    • May 23, 2014 at 11:17 am — Reply

      I mean “ombre.” It means something that goes from one color to another. It’s a gradient.

  13. Bijoux
    May 23, 2014 at 12:08 pm — Reply

    Spongebob square ass.

    • dawn
      May 24, 2014 at 7:51 pm — Reply

      hahahaha

  14. May 23, 2014 at 12:13 pm — Reply

    Turn around. Let’s see the fronts. Button up fly? Personally, I’d go for a lace up, codpiece sort of dilly.

    • arma109
      May 23, 2014 at 3:52 pm — Reply

      I bet they lace up like a bustier with a nice silk ribbon. That would really set these off. Is there a matching crocheted cap? I have so many querstions.

  15. Danielle
    May 23, 2014 at 12:50 pm — Reply

    These shorts have me confused like Miss Sophia at the Christmas dinner table. I just don’t know how I feel about this, but it isn’t good.

  16. Nellie bean
    May 23, 2014 at 1:40 pm — Reply

    But… Can you imagine what nut-hugging foolishness is portrayed in the front? I am gleeful that we are only able to view these from the front, luvvie.

  17. Nellie bean
    May 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm — Reply

    I mean from the back :)

  18. May 23, 2014 at 2:12 pm — Reply

    OMG Why o why, Jesus, did the brown portion of this Ensemb hit’em where the good lord split’em?

  19. Spoonyluv
    May 23, 2014 at 6:14 pm — Reply

    That’s a Common fashion throwback….y’all know he was bout that crochet #alphet life!!!

  20. MrsABSdeux
    May 23, 2014 at 6:39 pm — Reply

    I know this may come out the wrong way, but,I need a front shot!!!

  21. MrsABSdeux
    May 23, 2014 at 6:54 pm — Reply

    http://media-cache-cd0.pinimg.com/736x/e6/14/3c/e6143ce9ada0c7a305c9b70a905f97b9.jpg

    They pull up!!! Smh… the devil is a lie. These need to be called “nusty muts”.

    • Lurker
      May 23, 2014 at 9:28 pm — Reply

      Omg …. Why Lord

    • isonprize
      May 24, 2014 at 8:41 pm — Reply

      MrsABS — OR Does he have them on BACKWARDS!!!???!!

  22. Emily
    May 23, 2014 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    I think we are missing a part here. That buttcrack area is….an odd shade. Did he shart?

  23. May 24, 2014 at 2:18 pm — Reply

    Was rope busy? Rope made other plans immediately as soon as those came out of the…drawer? Hope chest? Fresh off the crochet hook? I don’t know about this garment.

  24. misstish
    May 24, 2014 at 3:11 pm — Reply

    The only series of unfortunate events that could have produced…this…is liquor, drugs, and Baduizm.

  25. Christie
    May 24, 2014 at 9:03 pm — Reply

    I bet his nanna is pissed he used all her doilies to make these shorts.

  26. Ronnielynn
    May 25, 2014 at 12:53 am — Reply

    That HAS to feel like wearing a diaper!

  27. June 1, 2014 at 12:21 am — Reply

    Luvvie, I came across your post a couple of days ago (I can’t even remember how or why now -does that matter?). I have to tell you and your nutty readers/followers/commenters have made my day. Nah, my year. Or, to paraphrase y’all, “you’ve gave me life”.
    Oh, I must explain myself: I am a white Latino (that is, not a native speaker of English nor living anywhere near an En-speaking country), so perhaps this should not appeal to me; but OMG I can’t begin to tell you the loads of stuff I’ve been learning. And what I read here is not even the variety of English I’ve studied! You’re all doing me a lot of harm… I’m not supposed to be learning this for my own sake, AND I have no-one to share it with.
    Simply thanks :)

  28. mz.niecy
    July 7, 2014 at 10:57 am — Reply

    I just wanna know how I missed this post??? Smh, I bet his bawls are sweating some fierce

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>