Whose Ombre Crochet Shorts Are These? Also: Why?

[ 62 ] May 23, 2014 |

Sometimes I be minding my own business when I come across reasons to facepalm. Just look at the picture below and shake your head with me. Or maybe some of you wanna getchu a piece. I don’t know your life.

Crochet shorts

A pair of ombre crochet hot shorts for (what appears to be) a man. I don’t… understand any parts of it. This is not enough fashion and too much at the same time. Ombre. Crochet. Shorts.

Some of you learn a new trade and you want to show it off immejately. The person who did these just upgraded their craft from blanket-making so they came up with the idea of corts (crochet shorts). They didn’t even have the mind to make them bermuda length. These come mid-thigh for an extra ounce of sexy-flexy. I see it.

Plus, we must acknowledge the belt loops. He got the nerve to rock a leather belt with them too. Was rope busyThe leather just doesn’t go allaway with it.

And either they found a willing model or they decided to put it on themselves. I wonder where he wore them to. If it wasn’t a “Tacky Alphets Convention” then it probably wasn’t appropriate. Either way, these shorts should have never happened.

Whose crochet shorts are these? And also: why?

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Category: Fashion, Whose is this?

Comments (62)

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  1. Kat says:

    This little tiny article had me in TEARS! From the title to the very last word.
    They even have belt loops #DEAD

  2. emti says:

    and had the nerve to belt them…HAHAHA

  3. Shaz says:

    Are you sure he didn’t borrow them from his wife?

  4. MsMWins says:

    Somebody’s grandmama is about to shut Etsy all the way down with these. Carpal tunnel, be damned.

    The only shorts that keep you hot & cool at the same damn time. Every order includes a trial size of baby powder to keep you fresh to def!

    Come on, corts!

  5. L says:

    The belt loops and the back pocket really took it over the edge for me….like that means this wasn’t just for a costume or an experiment…these were for real life going out somewhere. He’s like “Corts. For when it’s 100 degrees outside and you just need to breathe.”

  6. Milaxx says:

    My question is why did he think it was a good idea to make the darkest, brownish part of the ombre on the butt crack?

  7. Ivett says:

    Luvvie if those shorts got your attention i wonder what you would say about this pic?


  8. max says:

    Can I just say I think it was a bad move to make the brown fall directly between his bum crackage? It just conjures up very non-pleasant mental images.

  9. Tierra says:

    I KNOW they have a hot crotch. It’s 90 degrees outside. This isn’t right. Boiled balls can’t be a pleasant scent. Hep.

  10. Tracey says:

    When I saw the picture, my first thought…and belts loops too? Gone with the wind ombre!

  11. Fran says:

    I am an avid crocheter and this photo continues to generate wondorous delight for me. I posted it on my fb page recently and the orders just poured in!! Signifying that my FBF is obviously insane!! Fashion forward indeed! #laughoftheday

  12. Sarah Wagner says:

    Ombre? You mean the dude wearing them, or the color ochre? Or amber?

    In TEARS you’re so damb funny!

  13. Bijoux says:

    Spongebob square ass.

  14. Shelly says:

    Turn around. Let’s see the fronts. Button up fly? Personally, I’d go for a lace up, codpiece sort of dilly.

    • arma109 says:

      I bet they lace up like a bustier with a nice silk ribbon. That would really set these off. Is there a matching crocheted cap? I have so many querstions.

  15. Danielle says:

    These shorts have me confused like Miss Sophia at the Christmas dinner table. I just don’t know how I feel about this, but it isn’t good.

  16. Nellie bean says:

    But… Can you imagine what nut-hugging foolishness is portrayed in the front? I am gleeful that we are only able to view these from the front, luvvie.

  17. Nellie bean says:

    I mean from the back :)

  18. ametia says:

    OMG Why o why, Jesus, did the brown portion of this Ensemb hit’em where the good lord split’em?

  19. Spoonyluv says:

    That’s a Common fashion throwback….y’all know he was bout that crochet #alphet life!!!

  20. MrsABSdeux says:

    I know this may come out the wrong way, but,I need a front shot!!!

  21. MrsABSdeux says:


    They pull up!!! Smh… the devil is a lie. These need to be called “nusty muts”.

  22. Emily says:

    I think we are missing a part here. That buttcrack area is….an odd shade. Did he shart?

  23. Laurie says:

    Was rope busy? Rope made other plans immediately as soon as those came out of the…drawer? Hope chest? Fresh off the crochet hook? I don’t know about this garment.

  24. misstish says:

    The only series of unfortunate events that could have produced…this…is liquor, drugs, and Baduizm.

  25. Christie says:

    I bet his nanna is pissed he used all her doilies to make these shorts.

  26. Ronnielynn says:

    That HAS to feel like wearing a diaper!

  27. Marcelo N says:

    Luvvie, I came across your post a couple of days ago (I can’t even remember how or why now -does that matter?). I have to tell you and your nutty readers/followers/commenters have made my day. Nah, my year. Or, to paraphrase y’all, “you’ve gave me life”.
    Oh, I must explain myself: I am a white Latino (that is, not a native speaker of English nor living anywhere near an En-speaking country), so perhaps this should not appeal to me; but OMG I can’t begin to tell you the loads of stuff I’ve been learning. And what I read here is not even the variety of English I’ve studied! You’re all doing me a lot of harm… I’m not supposed to be learning this for my own sake, AND I have no-one to share it with.
    Simply thanks :)

  28. mz.niecy says:

    I just wanna know how I missed this post??? Smh, I bet his bawls are sweating some fierce

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