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He Wanted to Look Like Kim Kardashian. $190,000 of Plastic Surgery Later, He Looks Like…

Idolizing a celebrity is one thing but attempting to change your face so you can look like your favorite is creepy and there’s a touch of some disorder there. I’m an armchair psychologist so I know this.

Jordan James Larke, a British “makeup artist” (I put that in quotation marks because bet nobody trust him to make THEM look amazing) loves Kim Kardashian so much that he went under the knife repeatedly to capture her look.

According to an Australian news site, “The 23-year-old’s had more than 50 cosmetic procedures to transform himself into a Kim lookalike, including Botox, lip fillers, eyebrow tattoos and laser hair removal.”

BEHOLD THE RESULT!

Jordan-James-Parke-Kim-Kardashian1

NAILED IT!

Jordan PAID a lot of money someone (or some people) to have him looking like Big Ang from “Mob Wives.” That is a mess. And I want to be mad on his behalf. The only way he looks like Kim Kardashian is if Kim had a bad reaction because she didn’t know she had an allergy to shellfish but she went to Red Lobster’s “All you can eat” shrimp fest and stuffed her face. That is the ONLY WAY.

And these eyebrows. What in all that is holy and un-fleek? Why does he have two strong black bars chilling above his face? It’s like he’s an upside down football player. Where are you going with these brows, Jordan?? I tweeted the other day about how I’m so sick of everyone and their “eyebrows on fleek.” FLEEK is officially synonymous with “drawn on and looking like the Count from Sesame Street.” I don’t have the time. Subtlety is so damb busy nowadays.

Again, this is someone who is supposedly a makeup artist. Does he specialize in costume makeup? Cuz if not, then NO THANK YOU! Worry about yourself.

This man got all this plastic surgery so he could look like Kim Kardashian after SHE got all the plastic surgery. It’s like FACE/OFF inception. And it’s a total fail because he’s looking like a muppet and I’m sad about that. How did he get here? Nobody’s ‘posed to be here.

It seems he’s loving his look, doe. Because his selfie game is STRONG, like his resting bitch face pout.

Look. If you’re gonna get plastic surgery, at least go to the best of the best so you don’t spend eternity looking like a blow up doll. Your goal should not be to look like the love child of Donatella Versace and Kermit the Frog.

Kermit none of business gif

NOPE. Bless this utter mess. Looking like the Pinterest fail version of Nori’s mama. He’s the reason why we need 75 different ways to say “Fix It Jesus.” #MendItMoses. #BindItBuddha. #VelcroItVishnu

In the words of Queen RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” AMEN!

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68 Comments

  1. December 17, 2014 at 8:49 pm — Reply

    Let’s put how ridiculous he looks (and what is his mental state?) aside. How in the world does he manage to even drink a glass of water with those mega-lips?

    • Ari
      December 17, 2014 at 9:33 pm — Reply

      *inserts Mama Dee sipping wine through a straw gif!* <— I believe that's how he drinks water. Smh #PlasterItPeter

  2. December 17, 2014 at 8:53 pm — Reply

    I want to see the receipts Luvvie!

  3. Ronnielynn
    December 17, 2014 at 8:55 pm — Reply

    He looks like a kabuki with an allergy to Carmex.

  4. Ayoka
    December 17, 2014 at 8:58 pm — Reply

    His eyebrows are definitely In A fight for Supremacy with his lips. No one is winning (sad face )

    • NikNik
      December 17, 2014 at 9:15 pm — Reply

      You just became my best friend in this and the next life. Hilarious!!

  5. Bump21
    December 17, 2014 at 9:05 pm — Reply

    Because of ITS ridiculousness, I has officially quits the interwebs! Bye! Bye!

  6. a416Bajan
    December 17, 2014 at 9:05 pm — Reply

    #Pinterest fail.

  7. Where'sMyDamnCultJam?
    December 17, 2014 at 9:12 pm — Reply

    What happened to Amber Rose’s face?

  8. TeeNikki
    December 17, 2014 at 9:23 pm — Reply

    I mean, he couldn’t have gotten individual hair definition tattooed on???? Handle bars are for little flickted old men’s moustaches, not eyebrows. His lips look painful, he cain’t even line them right. He needs one of those Bob Ross paintbrushes to put on his lip gloss. He needs one Blistex per lip each day to get full coverage.

    • Ronnielynn
      December 18, 2014 at 10:00 pm — Reply

      You did not say “flicketed.” HA!

  9. Lizz
    December 17, 2014 at 9:23 pm — Reply

    Those LIPS, the LIPS! They look like a swollen, inflamed vagina! Eww!

    • emv1102
      December 18, 2014 at 11:52 am — Reply

      LOL! Maybe that’s what he was going for. 🙂

    • emv1102
      December 18, 2014 at 12:03 pm — Reply

      $190K?? I’m trying to look at the picture and not look at it at the same darn time. He must had $ to thow (not throw) away. Nothing ’bout that look says Kim K to me. In fact I’d bet he looked more like KK before surgery than this mess I’m seeing. Somewhere KK is like oh hell naw, that fool done lost his mind. I will say I see a small resemblance to Kris K..though. ROTFL

  10. Devra
    December 17, 2014 at 9:33 pm — Reply

    It takes A LOT to leave me speechless. I bow to his madness.

  11. kdubs
    December 17, 2014 at 9:34 pm — Reply

    “Jordan PAID a lot of money someone (or some people) to have him looking like Big Ang from “Mob Wives.” ”

    I snorted malbec out my left nostril and it went out the nostril and up over the nosemeat instead of all over my laptop screen/keyboard and stained my glasses. Eff u, Luvvie.

  12. December 17, 2014 at 9:37 pm — Reply

    Lordy bagordy. There are no words. Waste of money, and his face is messed up. I would say get a refund, but what’s the point?!

  13. Marcus Sun
    December 17, 2014 at 9:38 pm — Reply

    Looking at him makes me hope the Avengers actually exist.
    #supervillian

  14. Murielsutton
    December 17, 2014 at 9:38 pm — Reply

    I thought the cartoon character,Aang from “Avatar:The Last Airbender” had come to life.

  15. Annie
    December 17, 2014 at 9:47 pm — Reply

    This is body dysmorphia. He doesn’t see what we see. Same with the real Barbie and all these people like Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson who are plastic surgery addicts. It’s never enough and what they see in the mirror is not what we see.
    I side eye the doctors who still profit from this, a mental illness.

  16. Max
    December 17, 2014 at 9:53 pm — Reply

    So we really gonna go through life looking like we tried to suck honey out of a honeycomb full of live bees. Ok girl. I guess.

    • Rosie
      December 19, 2014 at 12:16 pm — Reply

      First time poster now typing this from beyond the grave. Cuz your comment slayed me.

  17. December 17, 2014 at 9:55 pm — Reply

    His lips look like…. well different kind of lips, but that’s none of my business. *Right Clicks and Saves the Kermit GIF*

  18. Carol Z
    December 17, 2014 at 10:15 pm — Reply

    Not my business, but I’m glad I didn’t do anything permanent in my 20s. I’d be stuck with some weird looks.

  19. Gee
    December 17, 2014 at 10:17 pm — Reply

    Damn. Who let. ..What board certified. . How much money was .. Damn..

  20. December 17, 2014 at 10:18 pm — Reply

    i hope you get refunded. thats all. lmfao

  21. Shak
    December 17, 2014 at 10:43 pm — Reply

    I cannot process the image of a giant horizontal vagina on this dude’s face. Got my stomach flip flopping and earning Olympic medals like Dominique Dawes in the 90s. I need a tums and a good night sleep after seeing this.

  22. Lil Ang
    December 17, 2014 at 10:51 pm — Reply

    This poor baby. He looks like he went to the same surgeon as Renee Zellweger, right before he sat for his boards for( the third time). He must be running a LivingSocial special?!?

  23. Shay
    December 18, 2014 at 12:04 am — Reply

    This mofo paid HOW MUCH to get two Nike Swooshes and two cooked, hot out the water BallPark Franks to perch upon his face??? I could have done this to him for 100 bucks… IJS….

    • Rosie
      December 19, 2014 at 12:18 pm — Reply

      Max up there already kilt me. Why’d you had finish off my ghost?

    • Rosie
      December 19, 2014 at 12:21 pm — Reply

      Max upthread already kilt me. Why’d you have to go and finish off my ghost.

  24. notconvincedgranny
    December 18, 2014 at 12:07 am — Reply

    Now THOSE are some soup coolers! Hell, they might even cool the entire planet. Dude can suck and blow at the same time.

    • Dawn Goldie
      December 18, 2014 at 12:29 am — Reply

      LOL, never would he be the answer to global warming though!

  25. Dawn Goldie
    December 18, 2014 at 12:26 am — Reply

    Shoot I could have done this look for alot less $$$. Shoot, all I need is two sharpie poster board markers and a can of fix a flat! He looks like the love child of Drake and Greta the Gremlin from Gremlins 2!!!

    • lynne
      December 18, 2014 at 7:14 am — Reply

      Cat scaring cackle jus happened. Points for the Greta reference.

  26. JamesLuvsLuvvie
    December 18, 2014 at 1:38 am — Reply

    Oh dude like like Maya Rudolph’s mama…I mean really. Them eyebrows tho!!!

    • RonicaOne
      December 18, 2014 at 3:24 pm — Reply

      u mean Minnie Riperton? Dude!

  27. JamesLuvsLuvvie
    December 18, 2014 at 1:39 am — Reply

    Ole dude look like Maya Rudolph’s mama…I mean really? Them eyebrows tho!!!

  28. December 18, 2014 at 2:33 am — Reply

    Bwahahahahaha wait…. but…. Bwahahahhahahahaha That’s all I have for this atrocity. :~D

  29. […] Via Awesomely Luvvie […]

  30. December 18, 2014 at 3:37 am — Reply

    When you have that much money, you cant afford not to be this stupid. How can a man do this to himself for a woman who does not know him?

    Just like this other guy who spent $16m just to look like justin beiber, but ended up looking like this: http://braintem.org/actions/view/17079/

    Plastic surgery is a medical specialty concerned with the “correction” or restoration of form and function. Though cosmetic or aesthetic surgery is the best-known kind of plastic surgery, plastic surgery is not necessarily cosmetic; and includes many types of reconstructive surgery, Craniofacial surgery, hand surgery, microsurgery, and the treatment of burns. Undergoing a plastic surgery has become a trend in certain classes of society. But there are some serious pointers that have to be considered before going under the knife.

    Treatments for the plastic repair of a broken nose are first mentioned in the Edwin Smith Papyrus,[7] a transcription of an Ancient Egyptian medical text, the oldest known surgical treatise, dated to the Old Kingdom from 3000 to 2500 BC.[8] Reconstructive surgery techniques were being carried out in India by 800 BC.[9] Sushruta was a physician that made important contributions to the field of plastic and cataract surgery in 6th century BC.[10] The medical works of both Sushruta and Charak originally in Sanskrit were translated into the Arabic language during the Abbasid Caliphate in 750 AD.[11] The Arabic translations made their way into Europe via intermediaries.In Italy the Branca family of Sicily and Gaspare Tagliacozzi (Bologna) became familiar with the techniques of Sushruta. British physicians traveled to India to see rhinoplasties being performed by native methods. Reports on Indian rhinoplasty performed by a Kumhar vaidya were published in the Gentleman’s Magazine by 1794. Joseph Constantine Carpue spent 20 years in India studying local plastic surgery methods.Carpue was able to perform the first major surgery in the Western world by 1815.Instruments described in the Sushruta Samhita were further modified in the Western world.

  31. December 18, 2014 at 9:43 am — Reply

    But a wa di rass?! Hehsoos mio! Why him do himself so? He coulda just taken the money and flushed it down the crapper. Kmt! #intergalacticimbecile

  32. Linc123
    December 18, 2014 at 11:05 am — Reply

    So this fool can do all this, but transgender people have to go through hundreds of hoops and get permission from other professionals who are supposed to know more about our lives and bodies than we do.

    No, there’s nothing anti-trans about this dichotomy at all.

  33. me3
    December 18, 2014 at 11:49 am — Reply

    Shoulda just gone to the gay uncles from Mrs. Doubtfire and gotten a latex face. Much less expensive and probably more convincing. My soul is weeping.

  34. PleaseBelieveIt
    December 18, 2014 at 12:31 pm — Reply

    Can someone post the before and after? I don’t care enough to search for it, but would love a side by side meme!

  35. stace
    December 18, 2014 at 12:37 pm — Reply

    All this…….

    ‘This man got all this plastic surgery so he could look like Kim Kardashian after SHE got all the plastic surgery. It’s like FACE/OFF inception. And it’s a total fail because he’s looking like a muppet and I’m sad about that. How did he get here? Nobody’s ‘posed to be here.’

    Made me choke on my peanut M&M’s! Thanks for the gut buster…whew chile.

  36. jean deaux
    December 18, 2014 at 12:41 pm — Reply

    nope

  37. Neka
    December 18, 2014 at 1:01 pm — Reply

    He’s going to on that show “Botched” and they’re filming this month. I can’t wait to see his episode!

  38. rd
    December 18, 2014 at 1:27 pm — Reply

    He would have more bangs for his bucks if it was done in time for Halloween. Oh well, there’s always next Halloween.

  39. Milaxx
    December 18, 2014 at 2:48 pm — Reply

    Dang, he did that on purpose? When my lips look like that it’s time for the epi-pen and a trip to the ER. Where do these folks get the disposable income for this foolishness?

    • Nikki
      December 21, 2014 at 9:46 pm — Reply

      Exactly, where the hell is all of that money coming from, and can he get some of it back to fix what he done did??? Gracious.

  40. December 18, 2014 at 5:21 pm — Reply

    Oh. 😐

  41. Tavi
    December 18, 2014 at 6:32 pm — Reply

    So, he paid $190K to look like this? Looks more like he spent $190.00 if that….Poor child.

    • Nikki
      December 21, 2014 at 9:47 pm — Reply

      $190! LOL

  42. Steve
    December 18, 2014 at 7:26 pm — Reply

    Someone could of used a black sharpy for his brows, then punched him in his mouth. $50 tops. 🙂

  43. April
    December 18, 2014 at 9:33 pm — Reply

    He needs to ask for a refund quickly!!!

  44. December 18, 2014 at 10:33 pm — Reply

    Somewhere there is an empty Sharpie warehouse.

  45. JaiDiva
    December 18, 2014 at 10:56 pm — Reply

    But why are his eyes two completely different shapes?!?

  46. tina
    December 19, 2014 at 3:18 am — Reply

    Well is it me or does he actually look a little like kim K? Like if the lips weren’t SO big they would be spot on. And if you cover the bottom half of his face, his eyebrows do look like hers. And his nose a little bit. The only thing is that Kim K’s face only looks good on Kim K and he needs to love his own face.

  47. December 19, 2014 at 8:10 am — Reply

    His inspiration seemed more like Janice the Muppet: http://cdn.gunaxin.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Janice-MuppetsTV.png

    He was a pretty dude, too. Shame. Now every time he speaks, it’s gonna be the Vagina Monologues.

  48. kevwaters
    December 19, 2014 at 10:19 am — Reply

    Almost there! Just a few more appointments…

  49. Renon
    December 19, 2014 at 11:36 am — Reply

    I skipped every post about this dude…until I came to your’s. LOL I KNEW it’d be sooooo worth it! “How did he get here? Nobody s’ posed to be here!” I’m done!

    #RepairItRuth

  50. Ann
    December 19, 2014 at 4:27 pm — Reply

    LOL… Wow, can’t believe so many people actually care what he is doing to HIS face with HIS money.

  51. TJ
    December 20, 2014 at 7:47 am — Reply

    Luvvie,

    I read the Australian article you linked to the post and it says this gentleman watched “an episode” of Keeping Up with the Kardashians when he “fell in love” with Kim. An episode = one (1) episode?!! Sir Imma need you to talk to Sweet Baby Jesus and a therapist IMMEDIATELY! You dropped $190k on plastic surgery after watching 1 episode!! I’m beyond done.

  52. CK
    December 22, 2014 at 7:17 pm — Reply

    I’m sorry but that is an insult to Big Ang and THAT is saying something!

  53. Dr.satan
    December 27, 2014 at 11:22 am — Reply

    Omg someone please kill this monster ! Then burnnn it !!

  54. Eddi Zemaye
    October 5, 2015 at 6:09 pm — Reply

    Man waaaaaaaait a minute!!! I just got my entire life reading this piece! I Luuuuuuuuuviiiiiiiiie! (See what I did there!) But nah, for real yo, I love your blog! And, the reeeeads hunnie! Edges snatched and broke-down battle broads slayed all day everyday!

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