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No Country for Yellow Starbursts (aka Disappointment Chews)

Starbursts are candy that I’m passionate about and the creators have clearly created a candy caste system to allow us to rank the people in our lives by the color we give them.

Pink is the starburst you give your best friend to show them your love is real. Yellow is the one you give your mortal enemy because of all the flavors of Starburst original, the yellow is the most pointless and terrible. They call it “Lemon” but I call it “disappointment.”

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT RAGGELLY FLAVOR? Who do we need to call to destroy them all? What Change.org petition do we need to create for the ‪#‎NoYellowStarbursts‬ Movement to begin?

If you ever meet anyone who says yellow starburst is their favorite, you should know that they cannot be trusted. And they definitely can’t make the potato salad for the potluck.

Yellow Starbursts candy 2

Pink starburst > orange > red >>>>>>> yellow.

I brought this fact up on Facebook and my friends had things to say on the thread.


Wendi: Some of us ENJOY furniture polish candy.

Natasha: Only pink and red need to exist. Orange can stay on stand by.

Amy: We also always end up with a mound of Mr. Goodbars in the Hershey Miniatures bag. Is it something about yellow wrapping?

Wendi: I love Mr. Goodbars! Just now realizing I have some yellow candy issues.

Luvvie: Wendi, how can we help?

Wendi: Hmmm, let me think on that while I suck the hell out of this pile of Lemonheads. OK, that sounded gross.

Denitria: I love yellow starbursts. the rest can go to hell.

Luvvie: Denitria, I am currently re-assessing our friendship. Please standby for updates on “where we stand.”

Nakia: Luvvie, please don’t toss Denitria to the curb, as she will get the yellow Starbursts out of your sight and not touch the ones you like. See? This is what friends are for.

Dana: Stop the prejudice against yellow starburst. All starbursts are equal. #YesAllStarbursts

Jackie: Agree. I will sign the petition. Yellow starbursts are horrid.

Nicole: Ermmmm…..y’all better back up offa them ernge and yella Starburst…. bite the lemon in half and you can do strawberry lemonade and cherry lemonade with the others. What NEEDS to go away are the sour and tropical flavors. #stopmessingwiththeclassics

Mallori: I can deal with yellow. It’s ORANGE that has to go. Ugh.

Dupe: Yellow starbusts serve a purpose. What else would you give people when they ask for one? Yellow is the “see, I’m not stingy. Just don’t ask for anymore” flavor.

Pink starburst

Alicia: Dupe, fo sho. if you ain’t my friend friend you getting yellow or orange and bets not ask to exchange it.

Najwa: No! That’s my favorite! Get rid of pink and orange.

Luvvie: GET RID OF PINK??? Never in the history of EVER has anyone said get rid of pink. I can never trust your judgment again.

Grace: Get rid of the pink starburst?! THE DEVIL IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL and I send the Orange ones back to his lair through my prayers!

Luvvie: I have never known disrespect of this level. GET RID OF PINK???? I can’t even. My heart!

Meagan: I like the yaller ones when you eat’em with orange or pink!!!

Luvvie: The silver lining is there is no grape starburst. Let us thank them for that because you know that will taste like hate and the tears of broken hearted babies.

LC: There are SOOO MANY PEOPLE that prefer the yellow and orange ones! And we actually do have grape ones, they’re just not in the traditional package…

Luvvie: THERE ARE GRAPE ONES?!?!?!?! WHY DO THEY HATE US??

Marissa: *has had the grape Starbursts* The berry set was in a candy bouquet I bought my best friend the day her son was born…her son is six-months. That candy is still in the kitchen.

Nakia: Did I just read that GRAPE Starbursts exist? What do we have Amnesty International for, then, if not to protect us from atrocities like this? We didn’t defeat the Nazis for grape Starbursts, people. I may need the President to address this soon.

Kirsten: I can deal with yellow, but that damn orange tastes like degradation and despair. They probably give orange starbursts as dessert in prison to remind you of what you’ve done. I can’t and I won’t.

Scott: Eating a lemon yellow Starburst is like licking your coffee table after you just cleaned it with Lemon Pledge.

Rene: Yellow Starburst are made of clown pee & the tears of orphans

Danielle: Clown pee??? I didn’t know I was into that but I guess

Kasey: If you want to diss someone, call them a yellow starburst. They’ll know what’s up

Yellow Starburst Pink Starburst

#LOOKATGAWD

We all have very strong opinions about Starbursts. All I know is you bet not offer me yellow starburst. I’d take that as the ultimate shade.

I almost quit my friend Jazzy when I was standing around and she showed me the yellow starburst in her hand. I scowled and told her to get it away from me. 30 minutes later, I put my hand in my jean pocket and there was a yellow starburst waiting for me. I cackled so loudly. She got me, man.

But yeah. No country for disappointment chews. PINK ALWAYS. YELLOW NEVER. Who amongst you do I need to disown today??

P.S. Kale is the enemy. Never forget.

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49 Comments

  1. December 8, 2014 at 11:31 am

    I thought the Fave-Red Starburst packages were proof that God loved me special, but then I found out they snuck the dayum WATERMELON flavor in there and nothing is worse than some artificial watermelon yuck which does not taste anything like a real watermelon, thankyouverymuch. It’s like grape-flavored things only taste like grapeflavor, not like grapes.

    But these are still pretty great, because you only have to toss out the watermelon ones and keep the rest.

    • A. Pendragyn
      December 9, 2014 at 2:13 am

      It’s not watermelon, it’s ass-melon. Same with “watermelon” gum. It’s one of my friend’s favorite flavors and I can smell it a mile away. “Just say no to ass-melon!”

  2. Nikko Chicon
    December 8, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Lemon Starburst are the best flavor! I am so hurt by this. I LOVE yellow Starburst. My heart is broken because people have no love for this heavenly candy. I am also devastated that Skittles changed the green Skittle from lime to green apple. I am boycotting. I haven’t had a pack of Skittles since they made the change. Back to topic, I thought everybody loved yellow Starburst.

    • RandomChick
      December 8, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      I too am sitting here scratching my head!! I LOVE YELLOW!!! I couldn’t even finish the article I am so faklemp!!

    • Gloria
      December 8, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      I love orange & lemon Starbursts! I don’t understand why people hate them? Cherry & strawberry are alright, but I’d buy bags of citrus flavored Starbursts. They have the Fave Reds, so why not?

    • RaeJ
      December 8, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      Yeah…that green skittle thing pissed my groove to the highest levels of pisstivity!

    • Tara
      March 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      Citrus sisters, I also love lemon Starbursts the most!! Luvvie, I think you are fantastic, but I hate the pink ones–when I saw that they were selling bags of pink, I thought “No thanks!” and wondered why they weren’t selling bags of lemon ones. Real truth? I steal the lemon ones from my kids’ Halloween candy. I love lemon. And yes, I know there is nothing natural about Starburst, but the heart wants what it wants. LEMON!

  3. Shay DeShade
    December 8, 2014 at 11:39 am

    The only thing worse than yellow Starbursts would be KALE flavored Starbursts.

    #truth

    • April N.
      December 8, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      *DEAD*

  4. NikiF
    December 8, 2014 at 11:42 am

    “What do we have Amnesty International for, then, if not to protect us from atrocities like this?”
    “What else would you give people when they ask for one?”

    I burst out laughing OUT LOUD at my desk at these two lines here. Luvvie, you gon get me fired for cackling like I have no damb sense in here!!!

  5. December 8, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    I assume that my ardent love for ORANGE starburst is frowned upon but tolerated.

    • MissTish
      December 8, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      I love orange Starbursts, but any lemon candy that’s not Lemon Heads is a B-613 conspiracy…Hollis owns the plant that produces them.

  6. December 8, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Here’s my world: Red starburst > yellow > orange > pink.

    That said, I’ll happily accept all your excess yellow and red Starburst and you can have the weird orange and floral-tasting pink ones.

  7. ucity88
    December 8, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    I only eat the lemon and orange starburst. I hate pink and red. They are of the debil.

  8. RJ888
    December 8, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Funny that THIS would be the topic of my first comment, but I digress. Perhaps this is a regional debate, like spaghetti and salad vs. fish and spaghetti, or sugar and butter vs. salt and pepper your grits. Around my way, (Dallas), we think red is KANG! Then goes pink, orange, and yellow. All you lovers of pink over red, where are you from?

    • ShadyGrove
      December 8, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      Long time reader, first time commenter..Maybe it IS regional! I’m from Louisiana and my order is Red, Pink, Orange & Yellow too! Red reigns supreme!

    • Eve Tey
      December 8, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      Coming from Houston…yes, red is KING and yellow is just the court jester!!

    • MissTish
      December 8, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      I’m pink/orange/red from NYC. Yellow is the color that slept with someone to get the job. Yellow Skittles are equally useless.

    • RaeJ
      December 8, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      I’m out that H-townnnnnn…coming down! Okay seriously…hubby is from Dallas (Go Cowboys) and he loves red Starburst…me…all about that pink!

  9. kenzi
    December 8, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    yeahhhh.. nope not for me…i actually detest any candy flavored orange or grape, they taste like old lady bottom of the purse candy and i hate them so for me yellow is 3rd, pink is 2, red is 1

  10. lamar
    December 8, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    I don’t even eat starbursts but thank you ALL for this damn giggle. whew!

  11. December 8, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    The correct order is
    Red>pink >orange>yellow

    #thatisall

  12. Ayana
    December 8, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    “Yellow starbusts serve a purpose. What else would you give people when they ask for one? Yellow is the “see, I’m not stingy. Just don’t ask for anymore” flavor” I SOOOOO cosign this!! And your friends are hilarious!

  13. December 8, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    I can.not. stop laughing at that bottom picture. The hashtag #lookatgawd has me howling to the blue corn moon. Pink is everythang! I would like to taste a grape starbursts tho, because grape flavor anything is my spirit animal.

  14. JBright
    December 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Sooo Taco Bell has a Pink starburst flavored slushie that had me at the bank trying to get a small business loan so I can have my own store. #PinkisLife

  15. Gigi
    December 8, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    orange is the worst. i give them to my dogs. i co-sign with others on the taste of candy and soda in the flavors of orange and grape. to use my 14 yrs old cuzzin’s phrase “grape is ghetto.” the only exception for orange soda’s is orangina. #thatisall

  16. KayMee
    December 8, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Starburst is gross. It is sugary candle wax with zero respect for dental work. #Nofankyou

  17. December 8, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    I am at work.
    I can’t get fired over y’all.
    The weakness that came upon me when my eyes settled on the pink Starburst in yellow paper…
    A Ram in the Bush, Father….
    so….weak……

  18. Jabria
    December 8, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    You know what? I can actually tolerate yellow Starbursts. It’s the heathen orange ones that can be banished to the depths of Hell.

  19. Kels
    December 8, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Yellow Starbursts are the Drake or all candies.

  20. QueenDee
    December 8, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Luvvie,
    Thanks for the grins and cackles. NYC reps red>>pink>>orange>>>aaannndd…yellow-so-far-down-the-list-it-almost-fell-off. Now…if you disrespect kale one more ‘gain…I will quit you. I mean it; I will NOT stand for the Kale smack down no mo’! i will quit you right away…until the next post!!! LOL!

  21. December 9, 2014 at 8:21 am

    I experience Starburst in this order:

    Pink: Great friend to have around. Y’all go back since before Now-and-Laters were haters. Sweet but has character, and you can take them anywhere. They’re welcome in your company anytime! And oh, the fond memories and good times you’ve shared!

    Red: The part time lover, the juicy burst of passion that’s too much for you, but you keep on coming back for seconds, thirds, and entire sessions of glutinous desire. Just when you get sick of them and try to leave them alone, you remember the flavor. Oh, do you remember.

    Orange: That friend you call when pink is studying and red is out of town. That’s the one you call usually when you’re ready to get beside yourself, turn up and handle you a somebody. But you can’t take them everywhere. They don’t always have behavior.

    Yellow: The last resort. You don’t know why you’re still friends. You just are, but barely. They’re nice, but something about them and their overly sunny disposition doesn’t curl all the way over, because it might be chemically induced.

    • RaeJ
      December 9, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      I think I love you!!!

      • December 10, 2014 at 10:34 am

        Pink starbursts for you, then!

        Pink starbursts for everyone! *throws candy in the air*

  22. TippyJ
    December 12, 2014 at 11:40 am

    I know this is late but FYI, Taco Bell now sells a Strawberry Starburst Freeze Drink!!! Go try it, yumyum!!
    Y’welcome

  23. Jaz
    December 15, 2014 at 12:22 am

    I have to say I hate the orange ones.

  24. Melissa
    December 18, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    My boyfriend likes the lemon and orange Starburst. Which makes him great to share the package with because we both can eat our favorites.

  25. Rebekah
    May 13, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    Pink and Yellow Starbursts are my favorite! They’re the ONLY yummy Starbursts!

    Red and Orange are the worst. I usually just throw them in the trash bleh.

  26. 1
    July 16, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    I’ve always loved yellow starburst. They’ve always been my favourite…. My brother and I used to fight over who got lemon starburst, skittles, etc. I used to hate the pink ones and force my brother to eat them!
    Pink ones are okay now, though. Orange is my least favourite. Red is okay. But yellow is still the best 🙂

    (don’t kill me)

  27. Mercy
    August 10, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    I’m too old for starburst, I’m old school Now and Laters, Green Apple first, then Grape, then Cherry, then throw all the rest of them out. Vilest is again, the yellow, which is banana flavored. Ewww.

  28. Mo Mo
    August 13, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    Brace yourself, Luvvie…. we don’t have pink starburst in the UK, but we do have a green one, and it’s LIME flavoured!!!

    • Janis
      March 16, 2017 at 8:36 am

      OMG MARGARITA FLAVORED STARBURSTS. Why am I not living in the UK right now?!

  29. […] (source) […]

  30. Nisha
    February 10, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Pink>Red….gives rest to husband.

  31. […] candy around these parts. There have been many conversations about candy here. Like the fact that yellow starbursts are the ones you give your archnemesis. And how candy corn is the […]

  32. […] candy around these parts. There have been many conversations about candy here. Like the fact that yellow starbursts are the ones you give your archnemesis. And how candy corn is the […]

  33. Jaqueta
    March 7, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    I agree with you almost everything you said until you made the grave error in placing orange above red. Luvvie, you are highly intelligent and you have a wit that is unmatched. But you spewing alternative facts like orange is better than red needs to be rectified! Red is the best in the pack!

  34. fuschia
    March 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

    Red Starbursts until the end of time!! They are the best hands down. I found a yellow Starburst in one of my church handbags I hadn’t used in over a year, and my mouth was so dry, but …Nope! That’s how much I hate the yellow ones. Don’t even get me started on Now and Laters…I would definitely say much, much later for any of those….colored plastic straws melted down and molded into a little block. ewww…..!!

  35. Katie Jo
    March 8, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Yellow yuck
    I have a theory about orange though
    Goes like this
    Hey honey, want a starburst?
    Sure, I’ll take orange.
    Really? Are you a middle child?
    Or the popsicles, really you want the orange over the red? Middle child.
    I LOVE My middle child husband cause I get the front seat always cause I’m driving, red popsicles, red skittles (no green or yellow or orange ) no heel bread, no burnt bacon that he says “tastes fine”, too crispy tiny fries, he’ll take those too. I’mma stay married to him forever.