No Country for Yellow Starbursts (aka Disappointment Chews)
Starbursts are candy that I’m passionate about and the creators have clearly created a candy caste system to allow us to rank the people in our lives by the color we give them.
Pink is the starburst you give your best friend to show them your love is real. Yellow is the one you give your mortal enemy because of all the flavors of Starburst original, the yellow is the most pointless and terrible. They call it “Lemon” but I call it “disappointment.”
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT RAGGELLY FLAVOR? Who do we need to call to destroy them all? What Change.org petition do we need to create for the #NoYellowStarbursts Movement to begin?
If you ever meet anyone who says yellow starburst is their favorite, you should know that they cannot be trusted. And they definitely can’t make the potato salad for the potluck.
Pink starburst > orange > red >>>>>>> yellow.
I brought this fact up on Facebook and my friends had things to say on the thread.
Wendi: Some of us ENJOY furniture polish candy.
Natasha: Only pink and red need to exist. Orange can stay on stand by.
Amy: We also always end up with a mound of Mr. Goodbars in the Hershey Miniatures bag. Is it something about yellow wrapping?
Wendi: I love Mr. Goodbars! Just now realizing I have some yellow candy issues.
Luvvie: Wendi, how can we help?
Wendi: Hmmm, let me think on that while I suck the hell out of this pile of Lemonheads. OK, that sounded gross.
Denitria: I love yellow starbursts. the rest can go to hell.
Luvvie: Denitria, I am currently re-assessing our friendship. Please standby for updates on “where we stand.”
Nakia: Luvvie, please don’t toss Denitria to the curb, as she will get the yellow Starbursts out of your sight and not touch the ones you like. See? This is what friends are for.
Dana: Stop the prejudice against yellow starburst. All starbursts are equal. #YesAllStarbursts
Jackie: Agree. I will sign the petition. Yellow starbursts are horrid.
Nicole: Ermmmm…..y’all better back up offa them ernge and yella Starburst…. bite the lemon in half and you can do strawberry lemonade and cherry lemonade with the others. What NEEDS to go away are the sour and tropical flavors. #stopmessingwiththeclassics
Mallori: I can deal with yellow. It’s ORANGE that has to go. Ugh.
Dupe: Yellow starbusts serve a purpose. What else would you give people when they ask for one? Yellow is the “see, I’m not stingy. Just don’t ask for anymore” flavor.
Alicia: Dupe, fo sho. if you ain’t my friend friend you getting yellow or orange and bets not ask to exchange it.
Najwa: No! That’s my favorite! Get rid of pink and orange.
Luvvie: GET RID OF PINK??? Never in the history of EVER has anyone said get rid of pink. I can never trust your judgment again.
Grace: Get rid of the pink starburst?! THE DEVIL IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL and I send the Orange ones back to his lair through my prayers!
Luvvie: I have never known disrespect of this level. GET RID OF PINK???? I can’t even. My heart!
Meagan: I like the yaller ones when you eat’em with orange or pink!!!
Luvvie: The silver lining is there is no grape starburst. Let us thank them for that because you know that will taste like hate and the tears of broken hearted babies.
LC: There are SOOO MANY PEOPLE that prefer the yellow and orange ones! And we actually do have grape ones, they’re just not in the traditional package…
Luvvie: THERE ARE GRAPE ONES?!?!?!?! WHY DO THEY HATE US??
Marissa: *has had the grape Starbursts* The berry set was in a candy bouquet I bought my best friend the day her son was born…her son is six-months. That candy is still in the kitchen.
Nakia: Did I just read that GRAPE Starbursts exist? What do we have Amnesty International for, then, if not to protect us from atrocities like this? We didn’t defeat the Nazis for grape Starbursts, people. I may need the President to address this soon.
Kirsten: I can deal with yellow, but that damn orange tastes like degradation and despair. They probably give orange starbursts as dessert in prison to remind you of what you’ve done. I can’t and I won’t.
Scott: Eating a lemon yellow Starburst is like licking your coffee table after you just cleaned it with Lemon Pledge.
Rene: Yellow Starburst are made of clown pee & the tears of orphans
Danielle: Clown pee??? I didn’t know I was into that but I guess
Kasey: If you want to diss someone, call them a yellow starburst. They’ll know what’s up
We all have very strong opinions about Starbursts. All I know is you bet not offer me yellow starburst. I’d take that as the ultimate shade.
I almost quit my friend Jazzy when I was standing around and she showed me the yellow starburst in her hand. I scowled and told her to get it away from me. 30 minutes later, I put my hand in my jean pocket and there was a yellow starburst waiting for me. I cackled so loudly. She got me, man.
But yeah. No country for disappointment chews. PINK ALWAYS. YELLOW NEVER. Who amongst you do I need to disown today??
P.S. Kale is the enemy. Never forget.